We all might want to be "passable", but what if.... [Archive] - Crossdressers.com - #1 Community & Forum for Crossdressers, Family and Friends

Sherry-Stephanie

09-01-2008, 01:52 PM

A thought just occured to me...

Very few of us can really nail being totally passable as a female....but what if we were told that "we look very nice dressed/made-up" even though they really knew (or said) we were CDing/TG....wouldn't that make it all worth while....

I was thinking of a situation where say we were in Victoria Secrets in drab (or dressed for that matter...) and looking for some items for us and events evolved to where we showed a picture (or she was seeing us at our best in female dress) to say, SA of oursleves dressed (as many of us here show pictures of ourselves) and the SA looked and genuinly said how great we looked as a female...wouldn't that be validating enough for us???? would we have reached our goal in dressing and achieving "the look"????

Just wondering what your thought would be if this were to happen to you....

Steph

Charlene Ogden

09-01-2008, 02:06 PM

Some Sales Assistants are honest and have even rudely laughed at the mention of a man dressed. This is without even seeing me in clothes. It's just the thought that made them laugh.
Others are turned on by the thought or image. Some SAs will say anything to make a sale.
I've encountered all three, genuine types, from sincere rude to sincere flattery.
My ultimate goal in passing is not to genuinely pass, because I never will without being covered from head to toe in the baggiest clothes. It's rather to look so good or elegant that i don't offend anyone. I want people to look at me and say, "yea it's a guy, but he/she looks good or even hot".
I've had plenty of compliments from men and women while dressed and it's wonderful.
Since there are so many opinions, however, on what looks good, I think all that matters is that YOU are ultimately the one who is happy with the way you look.
If you're happy with the way you look, that happiness will outwardly convey itself and others will see a more beautiful you.

Sherry-Stephanie

09-01-2008, 02:12 PM

I was just looking to see those of us who have been out and have encounted guine comments on their appearence (regular and not like someone who was doing female impersonation of had a theatrical make up about them...)although the person commmenting knew you were't a gg but looked very good anyway...

I think if I got to that point that would make me thrilled with what I've accomplished....

Karren H

09-01-2008, 02:24 PM

I'm just really happy that no one points and yells "Pervert"... lol In my book that's compliment enough.....

TommiTN

09-01-2008, 02:42 PM

"although the person commmenting knew you were't a gg but looked very good anyway...

I think if I got to that point that would make me thrilled with what I've accomplished...."

I think you hit the nail on the head. The one time I've been out so far I know I was read. No one (except the waiter, and he was trolling for a big tip) commented, but I could tell from eye contact with some of the other customers that I was at least accepted in that venue as a well turned out CDer. You don't have to pass, but you need to have class!

tricia_uktv

09-01-2008, 03:00 PM

Sherry,

That exact question opened the door for me. I had to accept that I couldn't 100% pass, particularly at the time I started (I am now getting better at it but will still not pass all the time). If I hadn't accepted that I would still be stuck in the closet. I do get comments but very few derogotory ones and those I can deal with. Its all about being safe so its best staying in crowds. I have not had any problems buying clothes, in fact the SA's and me have a great laugh. That is the other thing you need though, a sense of humour!

Rachel Morley

09-01-2008, 03:07 PM

I was thinking of a situation where ........... the SA looked and genuinly said how great we looked as a female ... wouldn't that be validating enough for us??
Absolutely that would be enough for me! I am not concerned whether they know or not, I am only concerned with how they treat me. Hopefully, I am giving lots of clues as to how I want to be treated (how I'm dressed and mannerisms etc) so please treat me as if I was the gender I am trying to present as. Is this just "playing along with my fantasy" ... or is it recognizing that I have, to a greater or lesser event, some GID? I don't know but I do not have to pass completely to be happy. I just want to be close enough that the other person is "comfortable" addressing me as a woman. I other words it's about their comfort level as well as mine.

jenalex

09-01-2008, 03:25 PM

We all might want to be "passable"

nope. I'm not interested in passing at all

but...

what if we were told that "we look very nice dressed/made-up" even though they really knew (or said) we were CDing/TG....

compliments are always nice :happy:

gerry

09-01-2008, 03:33 PM

RobinScott

09-01-2008, 03:38 PM

Respect and to be treated as the gender I am presenting is all I want. For those who draw strict lines as to Female and Male, I am not close enough to "pass". But I do enjoy being called a lady or miss. (make my day when this happens, and I am not even trying!) Truth be known, I just want to have the freedom to be cute and express my female side.

Love, Robin

BTW: yes, thanks to the River City Gems. Us Sacramento girls have a home.

Ásfríðr

09-01-2008, 04:41 PM

i think i just about pass if i put a little more effort in. first time i was out, was halloween, had on this uber (well slightly) ****ty pink dress. we came across a guy we knew, he was the year above, i knew him fairly well, we used to play music together in school. anyway we were all chatting 'n stuff and he eventually came over to me and said "ello". it took me a second to realise he hadn't reconised me, so i put on my lowest growly voice and said "hi!". took him aback to say the least lol but he still said i looked 'damn fine'. so that was nice, mostly i liked having "stealthed" him up though. i do love being mistaken for a girl proper, even when i was a kid and people would ask my mum questions about her little girl, and i would think like "tell them! tell them about your little girl!"

x

Sally24

09-01-2008, 05:50 PM

I prefer to "pass" but being treated well and complimented is a close second. I've had many people approach me when out with T-girls and comment on how good I looked. (not all of them were drunk! LOL) Usually when out as a GG they won't comment because they don't want me to know that they know, you know.......

Brina Halloween

09-01-2008, 05:59 PM

At all of my Halloween parties, I got lots of compliments. How I looked. Having the nerve to do it. One guy who said it freaked him out, still complimented me that I acted with confidence. I was not trying to pass. Yes, it is nice.

I have been growing my hair. Dressed in absolute drab, polo, dress pants, a friend and I went into a Kroger in Cincinnati last weekend. When I paid for it, the guy wanting to know if I wanted it bagged said "ma'am" several times before realizing his mistake. I even needed a shave. I don't look passable to me but, I am wondering...and I didn't mind his mistake.

Brina

Nicole Erin

09-01-2008, 06:11 PM

Many believe that being accepted is more important than passing.
I wo0uld take either one.

Nicki B

09-01-2008, 06:18 PM

Some Sales Assistants are honest and have even rudely laughed at the mention of a man dressed. This is without even seeing me in clothes. It's just the thought that made them laugh.

They don't tend to do that when confronted with the reality, though - most are very impressed - you should try it, sometime?

Don't we all really just want acceptance for who we are? You'll find it's not that hard.. :)

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=89315

Kate Simmons

09-01-2008, 06:50 PM

Works for me Hon. People know who I am and I always get a lot of nice compliments.:)

Jilmac

09-01-2008, 06:56 PM

Great thread Sherry, and dead on as well. I just posted a reply to Sophie Haworth about being read, but I have also been told by guys and GGs that I present myself well as a female. Some have told me in person and some have told me after seeing pics of Jill. I have to agree with you, even though I know I'm not passable, (meaning, fooling everyone into believing that I was born female), when I receive a compliment about my feminine appearance, It makes it all worthwhile. And that's what I consider as passing. :love:

docrobbysherry

09-01-2008, 07:07 PM

So u can tell whether or not u can pass? Without asking an "SA"?

Since there are so many opinions, however, on what looks good, I think all that matters is that YOU are ultimately the one who is happy with the way you look.
If you're happy with the way you look, that happiness will outwardly convey itself and others will see a more beautiful you.

And after looking, you're happy with your look or not. And u either think u mite pass, or think u won't. And then u can decide to go out dressed or not, rite?

I'm just really happy that no one points and yells "Pervert"... lol In my book that's compliment enough.....

My mirror yells what Karen said, at me whever I look in it. I have no desire to hear that from an "SA", or anyone else, out in public! Thank u very much!:doh:

Jodi

09-01-2008, 07:15 PM

When I am out and about, I go for a presentable, stylish appearance. I fully understand that none of us are totally passable. I don't try for passibility. I find that if I am dressed well, act well, and play the part, I am accepted whether they read me or not.

BTW, I get compliments from gg's most times that I am out. Recently, I took a store manager friend of mine out to lunch while dressed. She told me that I was actually very pretty. I was quite flattered by that comment.

Jodi

tamarav

09-01-2008, 07:23 PM

I am going to stick my finger in the water and makes waves. I think we all are way too critical of the thoughts of others when we can't read their minds. If you get looked at, it could simply be that the person is admiring or saying to themselves that that person looks nice. Not everybody is a Marilyn.

As I keep telling everyone, I work daily dressed in a hair salon. Into the shop walk all types of women, all shapes and sizes, personalities, and ethnicities. Some are as drab as many of the men I know, some I have a tough time really telling until I cut their hair.

My point, and I am having a time articulating it, is that most of us dress very nice compared to the average woman out there. We therefore tend to looked at a bit longer than most "ordinary" women. Throw in high heels and you just went over the 50% line. Now add a skirt of any length and you are the person that is remembered the rest of day. Passing is sorta out the door. Now you are ultra-passing.

I work with a lot of MtF clients and generally in one of the services we walk a mall and shop for a few hours. This is generally the first time the client has been outside the home dressed and here I have them walking with me shopping. Yes, we get looked at. We want to, not for the obvious "clocking" but for the overt admiration that is given to anyone that puts out some effort. Accept it and move on.

A recent comment by two mid 20's guys when looking at my client, I was actually behind them was "See the guy dressed like a woman?" Guy 2 says "yeah, but he really looks nice" and that was it. I relayed this to the client who was bummed yet thrilled that they thought that she looked good.

Go walk a mall and look at every woman over 30. Disregard the kids who all look either stunning or strange and concentrate on the women. Look closely, could it be a guy? You will be the only one in the mall asking that question, everyone else will just be thinking about themselves and totally ignoring you unless you trip them or get in their way.

As I was going through beauty school one of the instructors told all of us, "Learn to get a thick skin because people can be rude". Rude people are rude to everyone, not just because you are dressed. Don't take it personally, you can't or you would never get out again.

If I took it personally I would never cut another head of hair.

Rather than attempting to totally blend with the "average woman" crowd, I go way beyond that and develop "attractors" that actually cause the viewers to look at me. I do my best to make it worth their while to take the time to look at me and draw a conclusion. Some will be good, some won't but it doesn't matter, you are doing what you want to do and that is the important thing. Do you worry when someone tells you the color of your car sucks? Do you quit driving it? Just leave it in the parking lot with a 20 dollar bill on the dash and the keys in the ignition? No, of course not. So don't shrink and run and reflect on the rudeness of others as being reality. It is for only that one person.

Stand up, shift those jewels around (any or all) and do your thing.

Ooops, got carried away again.

Tami

Kayla Shadows

09-01-2008, 07:31 PM

I'm just really happy that no one points and yells "Pervert"... lol In my book that's compliment enough.....

lmao

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sherry-Stephanie
"what if we were told that "we look very nice dressed/made-up" even though they really knew (or said) we were CDing/TG..."

Compliments are wonderful but theres always something I would probably want to change to keep it interesting.Kinda how I hate to feel satisfied or comfortable for fear of things loseing their edge,But in all I would be very happy to reach that point.

wendy68

09-01-2008, 07:36 PM

From the few outings I have had can tell my chances of passing are low to none. I enjoy just being able to be out on then as wendy and dont worry too much about being read. The people I come into contact either just smile back or laugh a bit. I think that enjoying the time is the important part:)

KateSpade83

09-01-2008, 07:43 PM

marie354

09-01-2008, 07:52 PM

To some I pass and to others I do not...
Some compliment, and some giggle...

You can please some of the people all of the time, all of the people some of the time, but never will you please all of them all of the time. (Or something similar.)

Kim_Bitzflick

09-01-2008, 07:59 PM

I like to think I could pass, BUT

I do only care if people treat me as the woman I am presenting. I have had two GG's compliment me (on separate days) on a skirt I was wearing. One told me it looked great on me the other asked me where I bought it.

Sherry-Stephanie

09-01-2008, 08:02 PM

My whole point here with this thread was to say this....

We shouldn't try to achieve passable to others jsut as most gg's aren't going to be able to present themselves as most beautiful of all....but there are ways that we can achieve compliments from others and generally when they do compliment it's because they view something as appealing....so we can be appealing to someone else's eye without being passible and I think if I were able to achieve on a consistant basis that is more important than reaching that ultimate point of passible....

One thing that happened to em the other day was while I was picking up some woman's clothes the woman behind me remarked at my taste of selction the clothes I had...she assumed I was buying them for my wife....that was her peception....but not the reality of "passing" so for me it was saying that I had good taste in woman's clothes...so for the femal in me it was a compliment since I was buying them for me...she just didn't know it...eventually I hope to pull off my "taste" over my passiblilty.....

Chiana

09-01-2008, 08:24 PM

Good thread. And Tamara Ann's post is right on the point, I think. I have a GG friend who is aware of my crossdressing. One halloween I went to her house because she had a very elablorate witches costume and wanted help surprising kids and handing out candy. After a few drinks she suggested that I go get dressed myself. With the help of the alcohol, I did just that. Later on her son and daughter-in-law showed up unexpectadly. The daughter-in-law seemed to be extremely fascinated by my costume. Finally she told me that she thought I was really beautiful. She complimented me on my make-up and wanted to know how I learned how to do it. Ooops. I had to think fast on that one. I told her that I just got a picture of a model and put it up in front of me and tried to duplicated what I saw. But the point is that her compliment seemed to go straight to my soul. It was a fantastic experience which I cherish.

Jonianne

09-01-2008, 09:13 PM

I guess I passed when a gg friend of mine told me when she saw me and didn't know it was me - She thought to herself "Wow, that woman sure has a masculine face!" At least she thought I was a woman! Another gg friend told me ".....uh.....you look.....uh.....nice?"

Oh well, nice try.

Sara Jessica

09-02-2008, 08:39 AM

I have no worries because I'm 95 to 98% passable. Even went to Victorias Secret in full drag and asked to try something on and it seems they never read me. I shop other stores in drag a lot and pass too.

Hmmm, let's see, you took a poll and 95 peeps out of 100 responded, "wow, we had no idea you weren't a gg". Well I'm glad you have no worries but you really have no clue about whether such a bold statement is even remotely accurate. More likely than not, you are ignored which in all fairness could mean you blended well. More than likely you were read and people were polite in not saying anything. And the SA at VS likely does the same thing, politely doesn't bring up the fact you are a CD'er. For you to "pass" in such close quarters, the voice would have to be nearly perfect, not to mention the look, attitude and mannerisms you present.

Using this same fuzzy logic, I can say that the last time I went out, I was 100% passable because no one said anything to me but I'm not kidding myself.

I like to think I could pass, BUT

I do only care if people treat me as the woman I am presenting. I have had two GG's compliment me (on separate days) on a skirt I was wearing. One told me it looked great on me the other asked me where I bought it.

Right on!!! This is my goal every time I go out, to present the best I am able and if I'm read, so be it. It is also validating to receive wonderful compliments such as these.

The entire basis of this thread is right on, most of us may look terrific but can't say with any degree of certainty that we "pass". It may be a goal but can never be accurately measured. The next best thing is alright by me, I'm glad to blend with the crowd and receive nice compliments here and there, yet I can give a hoot about any looks I might receive.

RikkiOfLA

09-02-2008, 10:03 AM

Sincere compliments are wonderful! I eat it up when I'm told things like, "I love your dress, where did you get it?" or "Your hair looks nice today." I've even received wolf whistles, perhaps the ultimate compliment from men.

My wife can be self-conscious about her appearance, so I try to compliment her often. It seems to be helping; she is slowly getting a little less self-conscious.

But the truth about passing is that it makes me nervous. When I'm with people who don't know, I feel I have to be very careful because I fear the truth might offend them. I have to watch my laugh (can give me away) and especially my cough (coughing en femme is hard--try it!). I have to watch self-disclosure statements, too. Do I refer to my wife as my wife, my partner, or my friend? What will offend her? What will offend the newly-met person I'm talking to? My wife is better at that--she has years of experience hanging around the gay community and uses "partner." Women don't seem to mind or seem surprised, which continues to amaze me.

I'm very relieved when someone else breaks the ice first, and makes it clear they understand that I'm not a GG. Of course, most people are afraid of offending, too. And they often don't know the right terminology. I can hardly blame them, after all. They can tell I was born male, but does that make me a CD or a TS? Am I still male? It really helps that I'll accept almost any term at that point, even being called a "*******"--hardly my favorite term!

Blessings,
Rikki

Cathytg

09-02-2008, 10:18 AM

Sally24 said this: I prefer to "pass" but being treated well and complimented is a close second.

That is a most profound and moving comment. I really cannot imagine anything more to say. Of course I would love to pass all the time, but I can't. nevertheless, I will be happy with being treated well and being made to feel that I am pleasing to people.

Thank you, Sally24.

Ellen Ross

09-02-2008, 03:00 PM

I'm just really happy that no one points and yells "Pervert"... lol In my book that's compliment enough.....

Karren, you always have a unique attitude. Simple and to the point.

Brina Halloween

09-02-2008, 08:51 PM

Tamaray really hit it on the head. I know I used more make-up in public the last couple years than most gg. Clothing...mini-skirt in October is usually not seen. I have a pair of Bass 3" wedges that make noise when I walk. I wore them to Walmart and was very self-conscious at first. Then I realized, no one was noticing. After walking awhile, I am a little quieter but, no one noticed anything to stare at. Our worst enemy is fear of being exposed, because it causes us to expose ourselves.

Empress Lainie

09-03-2008, 02:15 AM

I get compliments all the time and I thought it very funny when a guy I was dancing with asked my girlfriend if the gg with us was a real girl.

Julogden

09-03-2008, 03:08 PM

Hi Sherry,

In my younger, thinner days (mainly late 1980's through mid-1990's) I went out a lot, almost entirely to "friendly" places, but some of the night clubs I went to were mixed clientele, so I often rubbed elbows with straight folks.

Being 6'5" tall in my bare feet, needless to say, I rarely passed, especially if I was standing. I met quite a few folks, female mainly, who gave me compliments on my appearance, and it always felt great. One of my favorite encounters was a young woman who was a professional makeup artist who grilled me on my techniques and wanted to know what products I used, we ended up swapping all sorts of makeup tricks. Another great encounter was at a women's bar where I met a girl who was wearing a pair of big hoop earrings that I loved, so I complimented her on them and asked her where she got them, resulting in her giving them to me, what a hoot that was! I still have them and every time I wear them it brings back the most wonderful memories of how good she made me feel that night.

So, yes, it does feel great to be complimented even though the person knows we're not female. It's great to be accepted for who we are and treated with respect, better than passing, in my opinion.

Carol

Angie G

09-06-2008, 06:57 AM

That would work for me hun.:hugs:
Angie

Jennifer Cox

09-06-2008, 04:52 PM

That's easy to say when you look like you do! Others of us have no chance of passing as a GG!

Pattie O

09-30-2008, 02:25 AM

I am often daydreamiing about having a makeover and a GG say -hey beautiful ,would you like to go shopping or go and have dinner out at a fancy restaurant dressed up.My dream would be if my wife would ask me this and then lead on to a romantic evening.

:daydreaming:again
Pattie O

karynspanties

09-30-2008, 05:12 AM

I have had this both ways. I have been pointed at (clocked) and laughed at and I have had both men and women tell me I look very nice. The compliments are definately better. But unfortunately, the negative comments come with the territory.

09-30-2008, 05:54 AM

it's not about passing i gave up on that a long time ago. instead i do the best i can with what i got .

MsJanessa

09-30-2008, 08:27 AM

someone a photo of yourself dressed and you standing in front of them dressed---while many of us have attractive photos they don't show how tall we are or reveal our other flaws---so they are not really a good indication of how "passable" we really are---and speaking of " passable", those of you who have been here a while have heard me say I would rather be a stunning T-Girl and be known as such than a passable GG---the most passable CD I ever met looked like one of my 70 year old maiden aunts I had when I was a kid--about 50 lbs overweight, drab femme clothes, old looking hair style, the works--not very attractive at all---Yet very very PASSABLE--could walk in anywhere and as long as she didn't open her mouth would be accepted as an elderly female. Her secet to passing was that she was only 5'7" and had a light beard and a plump face--- That look, however, is not for me.

Chari

09-30-2008, 09:07 AM

It is always a pleasure to receive positive compliments, regardless of the "packaging", but be comfortable in who you are and present your image the best you can. Passing IMO, will become secondary.

valenstein

09-30-2008, 09:42 AM

It just isn't fair. Often, when my wife and I shopping (I'm in drab), many store clerks will often will say "hello ladies how are you today", or "if you ladies need anything just let me know.": If I seem to be mistaken for a woman while I'm in drab. Why can't it be easier when I dressed more feminine? :daydreaming:

That to me is the ultimate compliment, to be mistaken for a woman when I'm not trying so hard. I saw a GG at the store the other day and she had a great female body and clothes, but so much makeup on (and very night makeup for the middle of the day I might add), that my first thought was "crossdresser", no offense, just memories of my early overdoing things.

Put on some women's jeans, a tee and some androgynous shoes and go out for a day. Give yourself a close shave, but no makeup, or maybe light mascara.

Samantha Kelsey

09-30-2008, 11:11 AM

I was once in a popular Spanish holiday resort with my SO and was en femme. We'd been to a massive market then called in a busy cafe for a drink The waiter brought us our drinks and didn't even blink. When he later brought the bill he said to my SO "gracias Guapa" and to me "hola muy guapo" in other words to my SO "thankyou gorgeous" and to me "hello handsome". I took it as a compelment in that he thought I was a man but treat me like a woman.
Samantha K
:daydreaming:

Jocelyn Renee

09-30-2008, 11:40 AM

Yep, compliments make my day, whether they clock me as male or not. Ultimately, however, I go out dressed to please myself and all I really require to be happy is for folks to treat me with simple respect.

Mitch23

09-30-2008, 11:40 AM

whatever I do, I'm a guy in a frock and I cannot get away from that. I always look good and very sex and I get a great deal of fun out of it. I've had nothing but compliments when I've been out. I'm happy and confident and I don't care ...

Mitch

tricia_uktv

09-30-2008, 03:07 PM

Toni_Lynn

09-30-2008, 04:34 PM

Ah, this is a veritable Pandora's box isn't it! Would that REALLY be enough. As we know with crossdressing, its a slippery slope ..... for example, from the minute you first feel a pair of panties around your hips, you are hooked, left wanting for more .. in for a penny in for a pound as they say.

If I understand this thread correctly, is it akin to person saying 'You look great as a girl, in fact you look better as a girl than a boy'. (Oh how I envy those to whom THIS is said). So if someone even implied that, would it lead to wanting live full time with or without SRS?

It does thrill me to bits whenever I go into a store and get referred to as ma'am or some other female reference. But it still leaves me longing for more.

I am reminded of something I posted a while back .. a bit of poetic drabble, that I call never enough ... it was something that I wrote as I reflected back on my teenage years and the abuse I suffered at the hands of my mum … I shall close with that thought ..

Oh God, if only she'd let me wear nail polish ... on my toenails. No one would know.

But then after several days of thinking about this prayer, I prayed: Oh God, if only she'd let me wear nail polish ... on my toenails. And God ... If she'd let me wear panties too. Oh please God.

But that wasn't enough and after a day, I prayed: Oh God, if only she'd let me wear nail polish ... on my toenails. And God ... If she'd let me wear panties too. Oh please God.... oh, and a training bra like the other girls, please. Oh, God if she would let me ... I'd be the best kid ever.

You see the pattern here? Soon I was praying: Oh God, if only she'd let me wear nail polish ... on my toenails. And God ... If she'd let me wear panties too. Oh please God.... oh, and a training bra like the other girls, please. And if only she'd let me wear a skirt or a dress .. around the house and after school. I would be such a good kid and get straight A's in school Oh, and nail polish on my fingernails too, God.

By the end of two weeks my orations became: Oh God, if only she'd let me wear nail polish ... on my toenails. And God ... If she'd let me wear panties too. Oh please God.... oh, and a training bra like the other girls, please. And if only she'd let me wear a skirt or a dress .. around the house and after school. I would be such a good kid and get straight A's in school Oh, and nail polish on my fingernails too, God. Oh please God, if only she'd let me be a girl.

Each time it was never enough.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

Lisa Golightly

09-30-2008, 04:51 PM

I don't know if they realised it was me or not... I said nothing, and they said nothing... but I used a few of my pics to secure a photographic assignment with an Italian lingerie company... You can blame them for me being missing for so long...

Genifer Teal

09-30-2008, 06:32 PM

I took that same attitude early on due to my height. So what if they know I'm a guy if they also think I look good. It has worked for me, so I'm sticking with that attitude. Maybe some day they will think I'm a woman. Then again maybe not. lol It doesn't matter to me!

Gen

Karen__Starr

09-30-2008, 06:46 PM

For several months while living in Philadelphia I went to a woman who specialized in teaching males how to pass the best they could as woman. Her focus was not on presentation of the entire package, not beauty but being female like. Coupled with attending support groups once a month I think I did fairly well going out to many straight places. I was very happy especially knowing that my face is not that of a female but with her help the persona changed from afraid to go out to now only being concerned more so with my neighbors knowing than anything else. I can never be passable but happy to at least now be a sore thumb and stick out in a crowd.

When I look at pictures of many here I see much more passables than me.

NicoleScott

09-30-2008, 07:56 PM

I have gone out in the past, dressed and made up reasonably modest and passed without any problems. Yes, it was exciting.
The first time I went to a tg-friendly club, I went dressed and made up in the style I much prefer: pretty clothes, nice wig, high heels, and heavy makeup, especially bold eyes with huge eyelashes, and deep red lipstick and long painted nails to match. I love to dress and make up like that. That's how I do when I don't go out. I was greeted warmy, complimented, and made to feel very comfortable there, even though I was an obvious CD. For me, a far more exciting and rewarding experience than successfully passing. I've been back several times.

Rachel Morley

09-30-2008, 09:20 PM

I think there's two levels of passing.

1) People think you are a woman.

2) People think (or know) you could be/are a guy BUT because you are giving them lots of feminine signals they "get" what you are trying to achieve and treat you as the gender you are presenting without telling you that they know. (sometimes when this happens some CDers think #1 has happened when in fact it hasn't).

Me, I think I sometimes pass as #1 but only from a distance (I'm a small person). Most other times I get #2. Only a couple of times have I seen a "double take" and once I've been called "sir" in girl mode at restaurant ... and let me tell you it was a real bummer!

It is what it is ..... I do my best and hope it's good enough.

LeslieSD

09-30-2008, 10:54 PM

This is a great thread and gets right to the heart of things I think. An interesting thing happened to me over the weekend. On Saturday I went shopping dressed in black jeans, blue blouse and black jacket. I tried to melt in with the background and I didn't get any comments at all (I know what I am, I know others know what I am).

I thought about it over night, it worried me. I want to be noticed, I want people to talk to me, I want to help us all get out that is what we wish. So the following day I wore a dead sexy white mini dress. I stood out from everybody else. I'm lucky to have a very slim figure and very long legs. Lots of people talked to me. I got abuse from some young lads but it was pretty tame and a fascinating discussion with two sets of teenage girls, amongst other things. That was fun.

It was something I would never do as a male but it is now like I'm going out of my way to be noticed and love the attention. I'm not sure how healthy that is but it is the complete opposite of when I started. Interesting times.

Sorry for taking so long!

Great thoughts. To be noticed and not to be noticed, that to me is the question. What is it that makes me dressing? I have constantly thought about that.

I can not deny that a big part of it is to look good. And looking good is being attractive, i.e., attracts attention. That's completely opposite of passing. Do you want to be a plain Jane girl who wears drab jeans that is almost indistinguishable from the boys?

To me, I think there is something more to dressing then simply blend in as a girl. On the other hand, being outrageously red-siren is in reality not something I can achieve, nor is something I would like to do. I guess finding a realistic balance point somewhere is what I tried to do.

Carly D.

10-03-2008, 09:49 AM

This is what I've said before.. I would like to just wear pantyhose and skirt and heels and top it off with my favorite shirt and not wear a wig or makeup or ear rings or anything fem like that.. I'd like to just be me and wear what I'm comfortable wearing..

Kyara

11-20-2008, 08:40 AM

Good thread. I can pass on passing.....I guess my masculine face leaves me no other choice. Nevertheless, to me it's all about femminity, about the woman within me; if she's happy, I am happier. Feeling and looking the way I choose does the trick.

Of course compliments are nice; some times I get them when shopping ....but I try to believe half of what is said only, the other half I take is said out of kindness.

Miss Tessa

11-20-2008, 10:14 AM

Sherry, I pass most the time in public, but what I have found is similar to the point I think you're trying to make.

That is the way I look at it. Even though I pass almost everywhere I go, I would be satisfied if people just appreciated that I was a great looking Transwoman.
Even if I let someone know I'm a T-girl, I sometimes get a compliment on how good I look. It is very validating...

I always tell myself that even if I do not pass as a GG, at least I look just fine and very beautiful as a TS.

A couple of my friends are like 6'2" tall and have broad shoulders, but other than that they are gorgeous. They get their T read alot, but the thing about them is they act so friendly and cool and look so good, that people still accept them as a Transgender chick who is a really prettie, cool transgender girl even if they don't really blend in as a GG.

JoAnne Wheeler

11-20-2008, 10:33 AM

My spouse has recently become a lot more supportive and has told me on numerous occasions that I really looked nice and that my clothing and makeup were perfect. I strive every day to become the best looking girl that I can. However, I know that I will always be a "work in progress". I will never stop trying to improve on my image.

JoAnne Wheeler

Sarah Martin

11-20-2008, 11:43 AM

I'm 50 and a size 26. So never mind passing or compliments - it would make my day if no-one ran away screaming :eek:

xxx
Sarah

tanya1976

11-20-2008, 12:07 PM

I remember being out once and guy asked me for directions. When I didn't answer he called me a 'stupid cow'. Similarly I was walking along the main road once and a guy shouted 'Hey girl would you like a lift? Although both examples were slightly disturbing, I should either go out earlier or perhaps dress less provocatively:battingeyelashes:, I suppose I must've passed. It was late, and dark though, I'm not sure I would've gotten the same response during daylight hours...
Anyway for me the object isn't passing as such, just feeling good within myself...I suppose many of us like to look as realistic as possible but, for me, the illusion gets harder to project, the older I get :-c I've just had to accept it...

Apple of Eris

11-20-2008, 12:18 PM

personally, i have a very gender-neutral mindset, so passing as a female isn't my highest priority. but i've gone out in a skirt before, and some girl friends have told me, "oh my god, your legs look better than mine in a skirt. i'm jealous."

and THOSE were probably some of the best compliments i've ever received.

Nancy (PA)

11-20-2008, 01:28 PM

I don't believe that I could pass if the person I was trying to impress was blind. That being said, I try to enjoy my pasttime as much as I can without putting myself into those positions where I can be outed.

Nicki B

11-20-2008, 02:18 PM

I think there's two levels of passing.

1) People think you are a woman.

2) People think (or know) you could be/are a guy BUT because you are giving them lots of feminine signals they "get" what you are trying to achieve and treat you as the gender you are presenting without telling you that they know. (sometimes when this happens some CDers think #1 has happened when in fact it hasn't).

Isn't that the difference between passing as a cis-woman and a trans-woman? :)

I don't think people see you as a 'bloke in a frock', they generally understand, are respecting and sympathetic?

maid phylis

11-20-2008, 04:09 PM

i will just say that for me to pass i have to ride the new york subway system every time i travel into manhattan to be with my girl friends on wednesday .for me this is my test and i have been doing it for several years and the thrill never wears off:love:phylisanne

Rachel B

11-20-2008, 05:18 PM

A few months back I went out shopping in drab with my GF and we started talking about how women were dressed. Then we decided to rate all the women who passed by in terms of how good they were dressed. The results were very interesting, almost all the girls we saw were dressed very poorly (in our opinons :heehee:). Only a handful of women actually looked like they cared about how they looked.

This made me think about something this thread has thrown up. Maybe the reason the drag's get noticed is down to the fact we make an effort to look nice! Might not be about being passable at all! If you put one hundred dots on a piece of paper and circled just one of them, which one would stand out?

I dress the way I dress because I like the look and it seems to like me back......If my GF dressed the way I like to see GG's dressed I wonder if I would feel the need to dress?:idontknow:

Anyway, my feeling on this is why does it matter? Surely all we want is to be able to wear exactly what we want without the fear of being villified?