The lure and appeal of it all

[Kate Simmons]

I sometimes wonder why I keep doing this. I have balanced and integrated my feelings after all and I'm good either way. There is something about wanting to look like a woman that is rather appealing however and I'm trying to figure out why that is.

At this point, I have a fairly good idea of what being a woman is about, except of course dealing with all of the monthly stuff of which I have no clue. Still, I feel I could fulfill either role other than that without too many problems. I could go 24/7 if I wanted but really have no desire to do that as I feel I'm a more well rounded person being who I am. The point is that if you look a certain way, you are expected to act and react a certain way by society "standards" which a lot of us know is so much BS.

The premise to a lot of folks is that they want to become the polar opposite of who they are when they dress up but I don't see it that way myself. I see it more as being an individual and expressing that in an outward way. Most people who know who I am prefer me being myself anyway and not some kind of caricature.

I see a lot of folks, however, who go down to a gnat's ass to look and act like a lady or a woman and tell others what the "have" to do to accomplish that, to pass and be "invisible". That is okay maybe but I see nothing being accomplished by that though except maybe some kind of personal satisfaction(i.e. "I fooled them.") and if they are really looking for acceptance, it's a tough way to get it. I suppose I could go to conventions like Southern Comfort and IFGE but frankly most of the seminars and talks would be lost on me mostly because I feel it is a subtle way to perpetuate the stereotypes in society. Look like a lady, be a lady, yadda, yadda. Depends on what you are trying to accomplish, I guess.

Ever notice that when someone wants you to comply or conform to something, there is an inner resistance even if we don't want to admit it? What is the sense of being a Borg drone and simply exchanging one set of behaviors for another? The reason for this is that we are born with free will and resent it when others try to tell us what to do, even if it may seem beneficial for what we want to do. To me the most important thing is being an individual and that is the way it should be for everyone, gender notwithstanding.

I guess that is the real appeal of all of this to me. By expressing my feelings in a real way, I can really be all that I can be as a person and that makes me happy. Anything short of that is just a waste of time and effort in my opinion.:)

[DAVIDA]

:clap::clap::clap:

[valenstein]

I did a lot of things early on that I thought would make me more "womanly", but they didn't. Some of those things are pet peeves now, but I won't begrudge anyone from arriving at their inner woman however they see fit.

The more I let my natural self out, the more comfortable I feel about being out. I notice that after I've had a few drinks while in drab, it comes out easily (sometimes not at the best moments).

The one major pet peeve that I have to mention is people confusing feminism with feminization, don't get me started...

[Chari]

What ever road you choose in life, always be comfortable and confident in who you are. That is why we are called individuals!

[harmony]

bravo arianna!!this post hits the nail right on the head!!
our task(humanities)in this age of aquarius is the development of the individual and it shows up everywhere.be it in choosing the gender we wish to project or in politics where there are no true leaders any more because peoples individual concepts dont fit into mass movements!

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

The lure and appeal for me is that I can explore my feminine side. I enjoy being a guy and doing all the guy stuff but its great that I finally accepted this side of myself after years of surpressing it because I was afraid of "labels" if you know what I mean. But now know who I am and God knows who I am am my wife is very loving and supportive in letting me explore my feminie side.

Felicity :)

[Carol A]

I'm not saying I'm an ugly duckling as a man but the truth is I much prefer my fem side. As a teenager I didn't like myself or looks so at 14 I started dressing as a girl and 55 years later I am still doing it. Makeup does wonders for your looks. :love:

[Alice B]

Conforming is something I do not do and never have and I think many of us fit the model by the simple fact that we cross dress. I don't need anyone telling me how I have to dress, etc. I am who I am, Like who I am and am as happy as alice as when I'm not.:hugs:

[Jolene]

What ever road you choose in life, always be comfortable and confident in who you are. That is why we are called individuals!

I agree.
Jolene :)

This thread says some of the things I feel as well. Not all of us want to dress "To The Nines" go out and try to pass. As for myself, Jolene is always a part of me whether I have the clothes on or not. I feel that is true for many others here. As far as some who think they have lost something, there are times I do not feel like dressing either.

[tricia_uktv]

Complex. I just want to be me I think and the way I wish to express myself is by looking feminine. I don't particularly have to pass in either m or f role but now much prefer to express the feminine way.

I am Tricia I am she
I am who I want to be!

[Jaclyn NM]

I don't try to understand it anymore. All I know is that I love the look and feel of female clothing, it gives me such great pleasure. Therefore, I will continue to crossdress, and enjoy it.

[Kayla Shadows]

Very nicely said Arianna.Having your own self identity and useing the power of choice is very important.The only person you have to be like is you.Why be just a carbon copy of a imitation?If thats not you,then you lived your way and thats what counts in the end.

[TGMarla]

I like you better with the long hair, Adrianna.

Umm...good subject. And I think you're spot on regarding most of this. To some greater or lesser extent, all women's mannerisms are a set of learned behaviors and physical responses. Women grew up learning to behave a certain way, and with a hormonal predisposition to act this way anyway, a girl grows up to be a woman in our society. As boys, we never got that input directly. Some of us might have paid closer attention to how our sisters were taught, but we got the boy input.

I often wonder just what my life would be, had I been born a woman. It's easy to imagine that I'd likely be a mom with a family, married....who knows, really? But I was born a guy, and grew up to be a guy who likes to be a girl. Here's the kicker, now: I don't like "being" a woman so I can learn all the behaviors; I like being me, and at the same time, "being" a woman. So whereas I naturally take on many feminine characteristics when I'm dressed, I still don't glue myself to "how to" books, websites, or seminars to study it. I'm not real interested in going to class. Women don't study on how to be themselves, they just are. I'm the same way. I'm just me, and I like "being" a woman. I know these conventions are rife with seminars, but I'd be far more interested in interacting with the girls as a girl. Let's go have a few drinks at the bar. Screw the seminars.

You see, I'm kinda "balanced" about the whole thing, too. Because one day I just kind of accepted it, embraced it, owned it, and thus began having fun, with a whole new outlook on it. I stopped stressing over the prospect of sex changes and the "whole other me" thing. I stopped referring to my "femme self" as "the real me!" I think I'd have really enjoyed life as a woman. But instead, I'm trying to enjoy this one as much as I can without getting all caught up in something that really doesn't need to be a problem at all. I'm a guy. I wear dresses. On a personal level, I'm dealing with it just fine.

So....the lure and appeal for me? I like it, I enjoy it, and I'm comfortable with it. It's sensual to me, and makes me happy. It brings me peace of mind while I'm doing it. Too bad more people don't do it. Everybody would be better off.





Added later: I guess if you're really looking deep for what the "lure and appeal" is, then "I like it, I enjoy it....." don't cut it. It' is very hard to put into words something that we feel and do on such a fundamental level. I can't not crossdress. Why not look for reasons that everyone doesn't? They ought to do brain scans on us CDers, and then they could just watch that ol' hypothalamus thumping away. :D There's your answer!

[Kate Simmons]

Kinda my point Marla. If they scanned my brain, they would find the "masculine" and "feminine" wiring interlaced. Put simply, as you said, I'm just me, I can't be anything else.;):)

[Jilmac]

Arianna, I have always been somewhat of a rule bender. Being one of the first of the baby boomers, I grew up during a time of much protest and civil turmoil. At the same time I was a closet dresser and very much confused about my own gender identity. But as I look back I can say that I was doing my own thing by dressing and bending the rules of society. It took me a long time to realize that I am the same person no matter what clothes I choose to wear.

For me, it's not a matter of trying to fool somebody into thinking I'm a woman, it's me enjoying who I am all the time. I consider myself "passing" when I blend in. Even if I'm read while en femme (and that could be most of the time), I'm happy being me and don't want to change because some rule of society tells me that what I'm doing is wrong. You and I seem to think alike in many ways and I'm glad that I joined this forum because it's a place where I can be me and interact with girls like you. :2c:

[Charlena]

I can still put on my masculine face and be comfortable, confident and enjoy it. But I feel my inner self is pulling the two sides together leaning heavily towards the feminine. And if they ever find that balance, then I'll be who I am.

[bgirl]

I am not sure why. I have also quit trying to answer that question. I just know that I am. I have found that I have started to be the same person, in drag or drab. A little scary for me sometimes, but I wanted to become intergrated, and that is a journey all in itself.
Just trying to be myself, accept myself, evolveing as things change.

[TrekGirl1701]

I have never wanted to "pass". The appeal to me has always just been looking feminine, not acting feminine. Honestly I couldn't even if I tried. I grew up with three older brothers so I was your normal boy. I still do guy things, but there's something about the way female clothes are designed that just appeals to me. I also love long hair styled femininely and even makeup. But I would never give up who I truly am, which is pretty much being a guy.