Do You Feel Like I Do?..

[Willa]

I'm very new here and would like to say hello all of you beautiful people and thank you for such a great place to learn about some of the things I'm feeling these days. Not to waste your time but I have some questions about some feelings I have been experiencing that I would love some insight into from your collective wisdom.

I have to say that I have always been somewhat of a tweener, always between being straight and gay (I'm bi..??), stoic and macho or emotional and effeminate, or between drab dress and walking around in heels all day. Even though I can live in all of these roles with a degree of comfort I feel as though I'm never really comfortable being one or the other to a degree of completeness.

Crossdressing started for me a couple of years ago when of all things I started taking antidepressants which made me quite wacky for a little bit and for whatever reason led me to wanting to wear women’s lingerie. This is something that has always been an interest to me but is also something that has freaked out my GF's whenever I tried their nylons on in the bedroom.

Anyway, long story short, this has also led me to wanting to develop a collection of clothes and shoes (I absolutely love high heels and wear them at every possible moment of every day) and to dress as the femme that I want to be on those special occasions. I cry a little bit inside when I hear your stories and I so much admire you girls for bringing out the woman in you.

So my question, how many of you feel the same way, has it taken you a long time to accept this part of yourself, am I the only one who constantly feels so split?

Thank you for your time and I wish you the best on your journey.

Willa :love:

[Deborah Jane]

So my question, how many of you feel the same way, has it taken you a long time to accept this part of yourself, am I the only one who constantly feels so split?

Willa :love:

Hi Willa, to start off, welcome to the forum :hugs:

In answer to your question.....It,s taken me years to finally accept myself, but i,m glad i,ve finally managed it, it was well worth it in the end :)

When i first came here i was like you seem to be now, constantly split between accepting and not accepting my "femme" side.
Being here and reading of everyone else,s stories and chatting with many of them has helped me finally find what i,m looking for.

Good luck Willa, i hope you also find the path to self acceptance here :hugs:

[Jenna Lynne]

So my question, how many of you feel the same way, has it taken you a long time to accept this part of yourself, am I the only one who constantly feels so split?
From what I've seen, it usually takes years. It took me until I was about 30. Maybe things are a little easier today (that was 30 years ago) on account of changing social attitudes, but I'm sure it's still a struggle.

***Jenna Lynne***

[PamelaTX]

You are so not alone! It's taken me decades to discover the truth about myself, and without the support of the others on this forum, I'd still think I was going crazy. Welcome home.

[Sandra Dunn]

The split is due to the fact that there are 2 personas within us.
Recently I was visiting with a friend at a local resturaunt when a friend of hers came up and joined us. The friend is a lesbian and the guy is straight. During the conversation the subject of anger management come up. I made the comment on my anger issues and how I resolved them. I stated that I simply took off the pants and slipped into the dress and all the anger went away. Yes I was in Sandra mode. I later find out that I was the first TG he had met and handled the situation very well.
HUGS Sandra

Oh about the GG's freaking out, was it due to the fact that you were streaching out their stockings or was it the fact that you have an interest in being in touch with your female side?
HUGS Sandra

[Willa]

Thanks so much for your responses to my questions, I know that you all must have struggled with this just as much or even more than I have and it's comforting to have a place to talk about these concerns.

Thank you all for making me feel welcome and accepted, it means a lot to me, and yes Sandra it's probably not a good idea to stretch out the GF's panty hose if you want harmony in a relationship. It's a damn good thing we have different shoe sizes.

[Tina B.]

Hi Willa, welcome to the club, but the first thing you should learn, is never wear womens clothing, it makes them very mad, buy your own, then at least you don't have that argument. But they may still freak out! Some learn to accept it, some don't ever learn to.
But then as the girls have said, it generally takes us years to accept ourselves, so how can we expect women to accept it all that much faster.
For most of us, there is an unexplainable need we are trying to fill, that is hard for a non TG'ed person to understand. Many of them start out thinking it is just a choice, and we could just give it up if we wanted to. Most of us can't!
You sound like this has been in the back of your head for years, and your drugs just set it free, but once out of the bottle, the genie never wants to go back.
Good luck on your new adventure, hope it goes well for you, but either way it goes, we are always here to listen and share with you.
Tina B.

[Ballerina]

Welcome to the forums, Willa. What you're going through is not a bad thing at all. Find what best suits your interests and keeps you happy.

I pretty much feel the same way as you (though I'm nowhere near bi/gay). I feel the split between both worlds of macho and feminine.

I'm of the younger generation on here (22 yrs old). The only reason why I opened up, was the fact that I had taken a great deal of time to reanalyze my life, and what I would regret in the end. I laugh at myself because I still don't know what I want out of my crossdressing ways (or if it's even something that is still a part of me). I guess time and experimenting will just have to decide for me.

I got a good hoot out of you being on anti-depressants and wanting to dress. Ever since I started mine, my feelings for crossing have flourished a little more than what it used to be. Or maybe it's because I finally opened up to my GF? Who knows?

[Melora]

You sound like you "Might" be kinda young, as well as new to the CDing thing.. Whatever..
A thing about SOs.. That Soo many of us have learned the hard way=
LET THEM KNOW ABOUT IT!! As soon as you can, and dont let it be a surprise and blow up in your face and regret things never let out. If she/he is a new girlfriend/SO that you have some feelings for, then tell him/her early, If she does not like it.. Then she was not for you = More fish in the sea.. Right?
2-cents
Melora

[Willa]

[/QUOTE] I got a good hoot out of you being on anti-depressants and wanting to dress. Ever since I started mine, my feelings for crossing have flourished a little more than what it used to be. Or maybe it's because I finally opened up to my GF? Who knows? [/QUOTE]

It's funny and good to hear you say that Sally, it seems that there is a lot of that going around with people who have taken antidepressants. I'm not sure what exactly those drugs are doing in there but taking them was a good experience in the end.

And thanks Melora I wish I was as young as you think I am, I'm just new to expressing this side of myself. I guess what I'm trying to express in my inarticulate manner is that I'm a very adaptable person but rarely feel comfortable being fully one way or another. So at the end of the day I feel like I'm on the outside looking in on the world around me, and this is why I so admire all of you.

[SuzyZahn]

I too have needed to come to terms of who I am,,,,to this day,,remain confused,,,albeit at times ,,that is,,,but in time you`ll determine yourself I feel,,,,,,Interesting comments about antidepressents???,,,Do you girls feel that taking antis have made or put your dressing in better perspective or contibuted to more dressing and being at ease with it??