Courage :(

[Vanessa kitty]

heya girls

I have been in a dillemma lately i get my self full done eager to go out girly for the day and chicken out,(never been out during the day b4) it really annoys me specially when im all dolled up and just stay home nervous as all hell any girls feel like this or have any advice...

Love Vaness kitty

[Ashley Allison]

I totally know what you mean. Perhaps someone has some tips for working up the courage to go out of the house?

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

In any other situation i would tell the one lacking courage to "man up", but I guess that doesn't apply here. :D

I have never gone out out during the day. Not sure where I'd go or why, or even if I could pull off a passable look. I am but a grasshopper in the art of gender deception.

You have to start somewhere though. When I went out driving one night in heels, I was paranoid of people gawking at me, even if they were none the wiser, but nobody really looks that hard on the road. I suggest just going for a ride, maybe find a place to step out and stretch.
Baby steps. Take it slow and gradually ease into more populated areas.

[Vanessa kitty]

well i live in a well populated area in australia and my neighbour upstairs is also a crossdresser(but doesnt know bout me being one yet) goes up the street all the time and i admire her for that, and wonder how she does it i have pulled off a good look the best i can do but its just the courage oh the shame but yes baby steps maybe the key been out once at night bout 2 am for a walk near the water and sat there for bout ten mins and enjoyed, but would love to go out during the day as a woman and do the girly things like underwear shop and clothes shopping you know all that giry stuff...

Love Vanessa

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

Go out and sit on the porch or what have you, wave and say hi to your neighbor.
It's easier for me to wave at cross dressers than g-girls.

I'm scared to death of girls. ._.'''

[Lady Jayne]

For me it's the thought of the neigbours seeing me. What I have done is pack a change of clothes and a "cleanup kit" in the car the night before, then I get dressed really early and leave the house before say 6am. Once your far enough away from home that you're unlikely to bump into people you know it's not so scary to get out of the car and be seen, Who cares what strangers think if you are read they still won't recognise you! Just be sure you know where you can change back and clean up before you set out.

[Ibuki_Warpetal]

I don't talk to any of my neighbors, and I'm sure some of them have seen me prancing around in my birthday suit through the kichen window. Girl clothes isn't a huge deal in this case.

What stops me is the off-chance I could get back with someone waiting for me.

[sarah]

Day light has allways been a problem i love the night because you can allways slip into the shadows...daylight; harsh ..

[Rachel_740]

Vanessa

What I did was started off where you have already - 2am to buy petrol! I gradually got used to going out in the car at night and having a short walk here and there in my nearest city where I wouldn't be known.

Over a period of a few weeks I moved on to going into a supermarket (not my local one) during the evening for some milk or something else small (that I could just walk to and not have to look for), and then gradually increased my activity from there, so at the end of last summer I was fairly happy and confident being out dressed.

At the beginning of this year I transitioned and although I had used the ladies loo's guite a bit by then, they were still my biggest problem. I managed to get over that when I went to see my doctor in London a few weeks after transitioning and instead of using the train loo, I decided that I would use the ones in the station (which would, inevitably, be busy). I went in there and nobody took a blind bit of notice of me and it got me over my issues with using the loo.

Anyway, back to you. Reading your second post here, I would suggest that you have the perfect opertunity to get yourself out. Just befriend your neighbour, and go out with her, using her knowledge and experience.

Good luck,

Anne

[Sophie Haworth]

I know exactly how it feels to wish to go out, but finding the courage difficult.

I did a story of my last outing because it was so thrilling to be out.

But, the key for me is not being read, this would and does prevent me from going out on a regular basis.

I have been working hard on walking like a woman, trying not to over dress and keeping the makeup plain, but I still need a good solid foundation.

This is the story with pictures of my last time out.

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=7617

Also I have not dressed since, but here in the UK we have a Bank Holiday on Monday so I think I will take some more photos of new clothes and a new hair style.

What would you say is your biggest fear of going out?

Sophie.

[Vanessa kitty]

i guess ppl staring and looking at me thinking hey thats a CD/TV or something you know im confident i look good i dont over dress i wear all the latest girly clothes and shoes down to a tee (i think so any way) just pushing my self to get out there hmmmmm

[charise]

Many years ago,my wife and I decided to go for a night walk as girls ( she was sympathetic) on Bondi Beach.As we walked hand in hand along the beach,we were struck by the piercing highbeamed headlights of the cars, parked on the promenade.This illumination was accompanied by shouting and jeering.We ran for the car,jumped in and drove away,only to discover we were being followed by a couple of young hoons.After some some twenty minutes they finaly gave up chaseing us. Since that very frightening night,I have been very wary of going out as her.
Charise

[azure]

As my doctor put it, i we are in a situation where we feel threatend, we give off bodliy cues that trigger responses in people around us, thses responses are parts of the older bits of the brain. But, he explained that if you walk/move/behave/dress like your nothing out of the ordinary, stright forward, appropirate for your environment, then you are less likey to give out these tiny cues and be read. Also, the way that you walk , the eye contact you make, your cadence, how you carry things lie a bag, or eat, etc is very important in terms of naturalness, in otherwords you look to others like your meant to be there and theres nothing to see, nothing to look at, just another woman walking through a street, looking in windows, shopping, very boring, nothing to alert the onlooker.
It is all about attitude, and it does take practise, because the first time, unless youve got friends with you, you'll probably be hyperventilating, sweating, and because your breathing hard, you feel light headed and panicy, also your vision is enhanced because your eyes are wider to let in more light(it gives a surreal look to everything, colours look brighter etc)

never go out in an item of clothing you dont know how to wear or havnt tested, like heels, your hair(is it going to be windy?) have everything you need incase you need to do your makeuup in the move. It is alot to remember, but preperation is relly important. I got read very little I was lucky, but I did loads of research into my look. I admit I dreaded walking past teenage girls or children because they are very alert and will not only read you but run to tell their friends and the world.
My best time ever though was having checked, checked and checked my look again, then walking out the door straight towards a group of girls, my walk was right, my look was great, nice makeup and perfume, hair looking good, walked right up to and past them....not a word...YES!!!!!!!!!!! go azure, go azure!!!!!

[biddy]

Vanessa,
How would you go with confiding in the neighbour that is like minded to yourself, is she out and about in the community, perhaps a word in her ear could prove benificial to you.

[CharleneCD]

Iwould like to say just go out and push aside the fear, but alot of my courage comes from going out with my wife Bunny. Also I need her because I cant see well without my glasses, and I cant wear them out because they are not fem. hopefully soon I will get my eyes fixed or get a pr of fem glasses. So I guess i have to agree its time to meet the neighbor. its easier than you think. last week we were talking about safe places to go out to, so we went over to our neighbors who are a gay couple and asked where the local clubs are. We then explained why, I was a crossdresser and needed a place where I would be accepted. Not only did we get the info but maybe we will become better friends with our neighbors. Just think your neighbor might be more happy if she had some one to go out with.

best of luck

[womantrapped2005]

I have a question for anybody, my parents don't know I'm going to dress and that I like guys, when should I tell them?

[Rachel_740]

As my doctor put it, i we are in a situation where we feel threatend, we give off bodliy cues that trigger responses in people around us, thses responses are parts of the older bits of the brain. But, he explained that if you walk/move/behave/dress like your nothing out of the ordinary, stright forward, appropirate for your environment, then you are less likey to give out these tiny cues and be read. Also, the way that you walk , the eye contact you make, your cadence, how you carry things lie a bag, or eat, etc is very important in terms of naturalness, in otherwords you look to others like your meant to be there and theres nothing to see, nothing to look at, just another woman walking through a street, looking in windows, shopping, very boring, nothing to alert the onlooker.
It is all about attitude, and it does take practise, because the first time, unless youve got friends with you, you'll probably be hyperventilating, sweating, and because your breathing hard, you feel light headed and panicy, also your vision is enhanced because your eyes are wider to let in more light(it gives a surreal look to everything, colours look brighter etc)

never go out in an item of clothing you dont know how to wear or havnt tested, like heels, your hair(is it going to be windy?) have everything you need incase you need to do your makeuup in the move. It is alot to remember, but preperation is relly important. I got read very little I was lucky, but I did loads of research into my look. I admit I dreaded walking past teenage girls or children because they are very alert and will not only read you but run to tell their friends and the world.
My best time ever though was having checked, checked and checked my look again, then walking out the door straight towards a group of girls, my walk was right, my look was great, nice makeup and perfume, hair looking good, walked right up to and past them....not a word...YES!!!!!!!!!!! go azure, go azure!!!!!

I'd agree with every word here. If you look and act confident, you dress in co-ordinating colours etc (look at what GG's your age wear - it's no use me 40+ going out in the lastest teenage gear - find a colour that suits you and just copy). Don't look at people, keep your head up - a woman is proud, look at the roofs not the pavement - and you'll be fine.

I've been there - worn the wrong things, un-coordinating things, wrong colour handbag for my shoes, constantly looking at my feet and it all attracts attention to you. I still struggle sometimes in particular with the looking up bit but it's not very often now that anyone takes any notice of me. That doesn't mean they don't/can't read me, I'm just another person.

One of my most exhilerating experiences - and I'm getting it more frequently now - is when there is a guy serves me in the supermarket and he addresses me as 'love' - if a guy has read you there is no way he is going to call you 'love', the best you'll get then is 'madam', out of respect to how you're presented. (That's my attemp at physicology anyway).

Anne

[womantrapped2005]

hey anne, maybe you could help me, im going to dress when i move out of the house and into my college dorm room this fall, but my parents don't know im going to dress and dont know i like guys, when i should tell them and what to tell them?

[windycissy]

Ordinarily I would advise you to take a hotel room in a big city and strut your stuff where nobody will recognize you - that's how I got started once I felt I was ready to go out. You will know after a few minutes whether you are passable or not...I am against the driving to a gas station routine at 2am, a single woman out alone at night is not safe. Stick to crowded places during normal business hours, and again you will know right away if you are passing.

But you have such a wonderful opportunity to come out with your upstairs neighbor! I would be very honest with her, and ask her if she would take you under her wing sometimes. She certainly won't be judgmental! Ask Windy (http://snurl.com/askwindy)

[eileen1969]

hey girl! I know the feeling of being right decked out and fear walks in!
one time I was so scared I could not even get out of my car! however, my suggestion is try going out at night and perhaps around the block or just to get out the door is a big step girl! little steps add up hun! ;)

[Vanessa kitty]

well ty everyone for your advice and will take it all on board i have spent heaps and heaps to improve a nice and fashionable look i look at other girls and take notice what they wear and how they co-ordinate and so on, im 27 and slim figure so i can pull of most of the latest gear(sigh), and just wanna be a girl for the day and if i go out there i will know i wont stop i will go out everyday lol(thats a good thing) anyway thank you again ladys...

Love Vanessa Kitty

[azure]

one thing that men have that is different to women is their eyes, and the shape, and size of the surrounding areas. Now heres the tricky bit, women it has been shown in psychology studies attend to (that means look at to all you regular bods) the face and more importantly, the eyes of other people most oout of all the visual scrutiny they do. the male face also has the predominant area of the sinuses above the eyes and larger noses. We need to use great attention with make up, and also blur some edges with another great accessory, Shades!, (ok I know its a cop out, but believe me it works, though you will draw attention if you wear them every day, and espcially when its dark!) Wearing the right wig for you is very important, a long wig will make a long face look longer, so try a few, get the salesgirl or guy to help you and dont leave until youve got the right one!. I dont mean to preach, but I learned alot in 8 years, through mistakes and successes,so I'd just like to give friends on here some handy tips to make life alot easier!

[Vanessa kitty]

yes i have girly shades and as you can see in my pic thats my wig i have i think it suits my face well specially when its brushed looks real girly

[windycissy]

another great accessory, Shades

Shades are indispensable for novice crossdressers who are anxious about whether they are able to pass: when you're wearing sunglasses, you can look people right in the eye as you pass them by on the sidewalk, without drawing attention to yourself by letting on that you are staring at them. Once you realize that nobody in particular is staring at you, your confidence will soar. Of course, to do this you have to be outdoors on a sunny day. Ask Windy (http://snurl.com/askwindy)

[DonnaT]

Vanessa, I first went out back in the 70's, in daylight at that. Just pushed all the fear away, opened the door and started walking.

You could get dressed and then go knock on your neighbors door and ask her if she'd like to go for a walk with you.