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Stlalice
05-25-2005, 09:21 AM
I wrote this piece some time back for our church newsletter - it tells the story of my first time out in public as Alice - in the middle of a crowd of more than 200 people - all of whom went out of their way to make me feel welcome and safe.

On Finding a Church Home


“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.” When philosopher Henry David Thoreau wrote these words back in the late 1840’s I very much doubt that he had the transgendered person in mind. But he could not have written truer words for or about any other group. For it has been said by many a transgendered person that their coming out was a final act of desperation, a gamble if you will, driven by the knowledge that to not do so was to die. Either in a literal sense or a spiritual one or maybe both.

It is against this background that in the fall of 2002 that I finally had to choose between death and reaching out. After years of declining health due to stress and the effects of depression I knew that I could not live much longer if I were to continue as I had been. So I decided that as I had nothing to lose I would take a chance on coming out to a close friend. She was understanding and supportive when I needed it most and in being so was a lifesaver. She was also a regular at MCCGSL and a few weeks later asked me if I would come to a Sunday service with her and her partner. I had never been out in public as Alice before this and was hesitant to say the least. But deep down something said to me that it would be the right thing to do and I really had very little to lose.

Since my friend had said that she would pick me up at my house on that Sunday I had only to get ready to go and then wait nervously for her to come. Nervous? It would have taken very little indeed to send me back to hiding – a gerbil on speed would have had more composure than I did that day. Couple that with past experience with organized religion that had been largely negative and you can imagine how scared I was. Then in what seemed a rush my friend pulled up and we were on our way.

As we arrived at church for the 11:30 service that morning and went inside the sanctuary I was immediately struck by a sense that I had indeed come home. People were friendly and welcoming and my fears began to subside. Despite my previous experiences with organized religion I felt safe and welcome. As the service progressed I felt a deep sense of peace and knew that I had indeed found something that I had all but given up on. And that was a spiritual home – a place where I could be myself and worship safely and without fear of harassment, ridicule, or rejection. When we left after the service that day I felt as though a great weight had been taken off of me and to this day I feel the same sense of relief any time I come in.

It is not often in this world that you get what amounts to a second chance at life and I have many people here at MCCGSL to thank for it. Perhaps that is why when I see a new face here on a Sunday morning – someone looking nervous, lost, and alone – I try to make them feel welcome and wanted. For I remember all to well what it was like for me and I also remember that the greatest gift that you can give or receive is love. Who knows what the future will bring or the lives that change here will result in. Changed lives isn’t just a vision but can indeed be a reality.

Sharon
05-25-2005, 12:39 PM
I did a Google search on MCCGSL ( http://www.mccgsl.org ) and it looks like a wonderful place to worship.
Congratulations on finding a welcoming home! :)

Like2BAspen
05-25-2005, 06:31 PM
That sounds like areally nice place to go to church. I think church is so necessary and if you find the right one it can make a world of difference in your life. Life is to short to spend it sad

Stlalice
05-26-2005, 07:23 AM
Anyone having read the above post who would like to find an MCC in their area can do so by going to www.mccchurch.org and click on "Find a church" then which region you are in. All MCC's are of the "Open and Affirming" type and many like MCCGSL run on the "Love, Trust and Acceptance" model. You can come in dressed or in drab and be welcome - with no hassles or other BS about who and what you are, how you live, who you love, etc. While some mainstream denominations are heading this way, most notably UCC and Unitarian churches, not all are doing so. Many of us at the average MCC are what we refer to as "refugees" - people who have been told to leave their previuos churches, that god hates them, and worse. Consequently you wil see many individual worship styles - and all at the same time. There is no wrong way to worship. Guess I've said enough for now, maybe we'll see you sometime.

Rachel_740
05-26-2005, 02:42 PM
Hi Girls,

From time to time I go to my local MCC church as well. I haven't been to church for many years, but I met a gay guy back last September and he introduced me to the church and although I don't go there regularly (although it's my local MCC church, it's still nearly 50 miles each way) I feel so at home there, not only because the all people are just accepting of whoever walks through the doors (as I would expect of ANY church - I believe I'm right in saying ALL religions preach 'love thy neighbour', although I know a lot of churches only say that outwardly and will turn you away if they don't like the way you are presented), but also because of the make-up of the service and just going to church to worship does something for me now. I don't know what it does and I'm not in any way religious but I just feel content and at home there.

I'm in South West England and if any on you British girls (or guys on the M2F side - sorry to leave you out) want to find your local MCC church go to MCC UK (http://www.gaychurch.org/Find%20a%20Church/foriegn%20nations/UK.htm) .

Anne

Brittany R Male
05-26-2005, 09:47 PM
Thanks for shafing the information about MCC. I was able to find one about 75 miles away. And learned of the church . I will share this information with a lady friend of mine . She lives about forty miles past the church. So we might meet there sometime. By the way her brother is a minister in her home town. He insisted that we part ways after living together for some time. He and their family know that I crossdress thanks to my x wife . The word is out every where. But my lady still loves me anyway. I feel I will never be welcome in his church.

crispy
05-27-2005, 09:02 AM
.............. just be careful about going PUBIC .............. :rolleyes:

Stlalice
05-27-2005, 09:51 AM
Crispy,

That is why I so highly recomend the choosing of safe destinations when going out initially. Places like an MCC church, a social/support group meeting and the like are excellent places to try you wings in the early stages of learning to deal with going public. Once you have had a successful outing or several, going places like a shopping mall or the supermarket becomes much less scary. The truth is that the vast majority of people you see when out will accept you at face value - they are usually preoccupied with their own affairs and if you are dressed to blend in you will pass without notice or comment. It also becomes much easier to ignore the occasional idiot who just has to say something.

Rachel_740
05-28-2005, 09:23 AM
.............. just be careful about going PUBIC .............. :rolleyes:

Crispy,

Did you mean be careful about going public or be careful about going pubic? ;)

Mandy Salamander
05-28-2005, 12:32 PM
Agreeing with Crispy, going out in public I can deal with, would love to find a local church accepting, but going PUBIC is a bit much for me.

Mandy Salamander
05-28-2005, 12:44 PM
Seriously though, THANKS, found a church at your site listing, will look into it, could certainly use some redemption.

crispy
05-28-2005, 11:03 PM
Crispy,

Did you mean be careful about going public or be careful about going pubic? ;)
going pubic, as in the title of this thread. That's why I read the thread in the first place. Disappointed, no further references to pubic bits :(

suddenly it all turned religious. :rolleyes:

crispy
05-28-2005, 11:04 PM
Crispy,

That is why I so highly recomend the choosing of safe destinations when going out initially. Places like an MCC church, a social/support group meeting and the like are excellent places to try you wings in the early stages of learning to deal with going public. Once you have had a successful outing or several, going places like a shopping mall or the supermarket becomes much less scary. The truth is that the vast majority of people you see when out will accept you at face value - they are usually preoccupied with their own affairs and if you are dressed to blend in you will pass without notice or comment. It also becomes much easier to ignore the occasional idiot who just has to say something.
????????? are you missing something or am I ??????????

Stlalice
05-29-2005, 06:37 AM
Crispy,

Not so much missing something as ignoring it ! Good for a laugh though. :D

JAYNETHOMPSON
06-01-2005, 12:08 PM
I started going to church dressed some time ago. I have not yet told any of the clergy of my secret, I'm afraid they may take a non caring apporach to me. Instead I sit at the side and listen and think. I'd love to speak to some one but this is the Church of England we are talking about. Not the most open minded organisation on the planet. The church is Durham Cathedral. thinking big :)

Any advice would be much appreciated girls.
x
Jayne

Katie Ashe
06-03-2005, 08:28 AM
Everyone has a safe-haven, I glad you finally found yours :thumbsup: In the mean time I'm still looking for mine :o

Katie