Deception to a spouse

[Karen__Starr]

I frequent a dating web site called “SexyAds” and at some point in time I gave my email address out to a man who in turn sent me naked pictures of himself. Fast forward, today his wife sends me a message saying that she found the message her husband sent me with naked pictures and is asking me for help.
Her message came four hours ago and I just replied. My reply stated that I didn’t know he was marred and also that I am not a threat to their marriage and never revealed my actual gender. What I did say in some many words was she needs to have a serious sit down talk with her husband but my guess is he will not go for that. In my mind it was right for me to not reveal my true gender simply because he should be up front with his wife

Here is her original message and have changed the names and email address to protect their privacy.
karen,
My name is Mary Smith , I found a email sent to you by my husband on a random
email account. I found it as download where he had placed some pictures of him
self "nude" to you. He will not give me access to the email account and i am
grasping at straws the account i found it under is [email protected] I am
not trying to harass you with this drama but to me it is very important. We have
been married for 10 years and i dont even know the man i sleep next to every
night is. All i am looking for are answers please help i just need to know i
will not bother you or contact you at all. Please i am just looking for the
truth. please email me as soon as poss. Thank you

Mary

I realize this is difficult to tell a spouse but hoping he does the right thing for her. It's not my business to tell her but his place.

What do you think?

[Maibh]

You did the right thing. You gave the right advice. If she e-mails you again tell her that who she really needs to be talking to is her husband, perhaps with a marriage counselor along to mediate.

[vivianann]

She needs to know the truth about her husband seeking to cheat on her. He is a filthy pig. She also needs to know that he might be seeking males for sex.
married peaple have no business seeking sex outside of their marriage.
My heart goes out for that woman. she does not deserve betrayal like that.

[Shelly Preston]

This raises a lot of questions

1 ) Does her husband know you are not female ?
2 ) Is he looking for sex or just someone who like to play online ?
3 ) Is he just an exhibitionist who like showing his pics ?

Without the answer to those we dont know what this man is like apart from he is decieving his wife

However the fact he wont give her acces to the email suggests he will take it further or at the very least wont answer her questions

You might want to tell her the name of the site where you met her husband this will give her a chance to see for herself

There is no easy answer to this as it may be better to just walk away and not get involved as it may get messy

[Karen__Starr]

In regards to your items below, I think she is attempting to figure this out. Today we had three emails go back and forth between us. She does not know my true gender and I am not telling her but want her to pry this from her husband although he may never tell her. Drama, we don't need this but want to help the wife also.


This raises a lot of questions

1 ) Does her husband know you are not female ?
2 ) Is he looking for sex or just someone who like to play online ?
3 ) Is he just an exhibitionist who like showing his pics ?

Without the answer to those we dont know what this man is like apart from he is decieving his wife

However the fact he wont give her acces to the email suggests he will take it further or at the very least wont answer her questions

You might want to tell her the name of the site where you met her husband this will give her a chance to see for herself

There is no easy answer to this as it may be better to just walk away and not get involved as it may get messy

[MJ]

do you feel it's right to be flirting with guys in the first place.
now you know what married women feel and go through. after 10 years of marriage .. what will happen when she finds out the truth .
i hope your not married ! this could get messy .

[Karen__Starr]

When I go up to this site I am in the Transgender forum and when a man does a private chat with me I check their profile out to see if they are married. If they are married I do little more than chat since I do not want to be the cause of problems with their spouse. This man was listed as single so I chatted with him. I do not remember the conversation that lead me to provide him with my email address but nothing more came of this other than him sending me pictures which I deleted shortly afterwards. In short I didn't flirt with him and never asked him for his email address. I also never considered meeting him and pretty much let him know this too.

I am not married and have not dated a woman since early last year. In the past when dating I stop being Karen although as the years go by I date less and less and have come to the realization that this is not me.

Thanks for your thoughts :)

do you feel it's right to be flirting with guys in the first place.
now you know what married women feel and go through. after 10 years of marriage .. what will happen when she finds out the truth .
i hope your not married ! this could get messy .

[Niya W]

Just say no to married men. I has an SO flip out on me . She freaked out when she found out hubby was a CD thats likes other trans women. I didn't know he was married . I'm not looking for that kind of drama. What pissed me off the most the SO acted like it was my fault.

[Kate Lynn]

Just say no to married men. I has an SO flip out on me . She freaked out when she found out hubby was a CD thats likes other trans women. I didn't know he was married . I'm not looking for that kind of drama. What pissed me off the most the SO acted like it was my fault.
It's always the other womans fault.

:drink:

[Holly]

Okay, I'm going to go a bit against the flow here, but I think you DO need to tell the wife about you. Can you imagine how decieved she is going to feel when it is reveled that you were not honest with her as well? Please don't add any additional drama to this woman's life.

[jennifer24]

She does need to know but, I wouldn`t tell her, Shelly said to give her the web address, good idea. No don`t mess around with married men, nothing good can become of it.:eek:

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

I think she needs to hear it from her husband and does he know that you are a crossdresser or could he be right in suspecting that? If so I would let her know that you are a CD and have no desire to have arelationship with her husband. I also believe that you are not the only person he has contacted so his wife really has bigger issues to deal with than your e-mail from him.

[fluffy_kingston]

Obviously some communication needs to improve in their marriage. But many men enjoy online play without any intent to go any further. I don't think it is fair to call him a pig at this point.

[Jennifer Devine]

It's better that she hears the full truth because otherwise it would hurt her even more if he lied to her about it.
Lies always come back to haunt you eventually.

[trannie T]

I have learned not to mess around with married women. It is best not to mess around with marreid men too. The best thing you could do would be to burn your computer and move to Greenland.