I'm Lost... Please HELP

[Vicky8411]

I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....

What should I do???

Should I stop it definatelly???

Please HELP! :sad:

[Angie G]

Marcus what have you against Gay people. Live and let live hun. to many people cant except others for who thy are. Get past that hun. :hugs:
Angie

[southernbelle]

I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....

What should I do???

Should I stop it definatelly???

Please HELP! :sad:

very hipocritical if you ask me. Your judging someone else cause they like the same sex, and then your doing something that is actually more taboo in todays society and want to judge them and have others not judge you?

Again, why hate? There is enough hate in the world today as it is.

[unclejoann]

Don't complain about not being supported for who you are if you are not capable of supporting others.

[Deborah Jane]

Don't complain about not being supported for who you are if you are not capable of supporting others.

Thats about it!!

How can you expect tolerance and understanding from other people if you aren,t willing to tolerate and try to understand other people yourself?

[tamarav]

First of all welcome to the group!

Now I believe that you need to sit back and really think about what you say and your CD activities. They are no different than any other activity any other person has. Then realize that this CD activity is not going to go away, it is with you for life and may at some point, attempt to take over your life causing you to see nothing but a pink fog.

We are not here to criticize anyone but it sounds like you simply are unaware of the depth of the statement you make about being intolerant. I think you really are very tolerant, just uninformed. Everybody is entitled to their differences, my God, look at us...

Your sis,

Tami

[Holly]

What should I do??? ...First thing you need to do is learn to love and accept yourself. Without that, you will have a hard time loving and accepting others.

[WildLotus29]

Why stop?

Do what you enjoy and if you want people to accept it then maybe you should be more accepting of others as well.

[Karren H]

People in wearing glass dresses shouldn't throw pruses ya know....

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Sorry honey,,,, if you can't accept others, don't expect people to accept you and unitl you can accept you, you can't accept others....see it's a cycle of life and living....

[Nicole Erin]

If you don't accept a certain group, wouldn't it be easiest just to not talk to them?
Just go about your business and let other go about theirs. That is how I handle things when I don't care for someone.

[Hinata]

I understand that you are havin' a rough time right now, just try to work on one thing at a time. There are many of us hear that haven't told our families and loved ones. That doesn't mean that we aren't loved. True my fam would not like what I do, but I feel that there are certain kin that would. I think right now , you need to focus on YOU.:) Find out who YOU are, and don't worry about how other people choose to live, I have great hope that in doing this you will become a more accepting person and not judge others for there lifestyle choice. Sorry luv, there is no cure, be happy that you have found an outlet to your innerself. Rather than let it fester in your mind, not knowing what it is that's missing. (I went through that a few years back, and yes it was a great relief to find Hinata tucked in the back of my head just waiting to come and say hi!) You are not alone.

We all love each other here, and support is just a click away. :hugs:

Hinata

[Kate Lynn]

I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....

What should I do???

Should I stop it definatelly???

Please HELP! :sad:

judge not,lest thee be judged.

[CD Susan]

I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....

What should I do???

Should I stop it definatelly???

Please HELP! :sad:

It sounds to me like you have not fully accepted who you are. You say that you enjoy crossdressing but yet do not approve of another lifestyle that is looked at in the same light as the one that you enjoy. I do not understand how you can feel this way! How can you expect to be accepted when obviously you cannot accept others that are different from yourself. You need to take a good long look at who you are and how you feel about it. I hope that you will do this and come to the conclusion that we all seek acceptance and that it first has to come from ourselves before the rest of society will do it.

[RikkiOfLA]

If you want to stop crossdressing, and you can stop it, I believe you should stop it.

Problem is, none of us know how to stop it. Oh, many of us have tried. We did something called "purging" which means throwing away all our feminine finery. We made promises never to crossdress again, only to discover, when we saw a girl wearing something cute, that we couldn't keep the promise we had so sincerely made. We were in an agony of desire until we bought something like what she was wearing, and in an agony of guilt, shame, and fear of being caught until we purged once again. We spent thousands of dollars this way, only to throw it all away. What a waste!

Then we discovered that for us, we were SUPPOSED to live this way! We were supposed to crossdress. Why were we supposed to? Because by living this way, comfortably, and to whatever extent we're comfortable, openly, we carry the message to others who are suffering guilt, shame, fear, and purging, for being the way they are. We carry the message of hope, acceptance, and freedom. Come and join us!

Now if this sounds like I've been reading literature from some self-help group, well, I admit that I'm familiar with a lot of them. But there's no "program" of steps to follow here. The only abstinence required for us is abstinence from purging, from guilt, shame, and fear. Crossdressing isn't a self-destructive compulsion. There's nothing harmful about it. It's rather fun, in fact. That's almost all there is to it.

But there's one more thing. You see, everything that I wrote about crossdressing, a gay person could have written about being gay. They were born that way, just as we were born this way. Trying to fight it doesn't work for most of them, any more than it works for most of us. I've had plenty of gay people tell me this. They don't choose to be the way they are, any more than we do. Their only choice is the same one we have--accept how we are, or be miserable and fight it. Not much of a choice for them, any more than it is for us.

So, I say, live and let live. Celebrate who you are, and who others are, too. Be yourself, and enjoy the diversity of being human!

Sincerely,
Rikki

[Jonianne]

"Truly accepting yourself, as you exist today, at this very moment, is one of the greatest acts of love and courage on the planet. Once you've done that, you can extend that acceptance to others, as a gift, that can be treasured for life......"

To see the rest of this quote from Dr. Joy Browne, click on the link below.

[trannie T]

You may be having problems accepting yourself as a crossdresser. If you wish to be accepted by others first you must accept yourself for what you are. After you learn to accept yourself you may become more tolerant of others.

[Celeste]

Seek answers to why you are not a tolerant person,maybe its the fear of what you cant understand in others or in yourself.I know our creator wants us to be tolerant in all aspects of life so we can be at peace.People who are unaccepting need not know,so let us not be influenced by intolerant people.

[Roberta Marie]

Marcus,

It can be terribly disorienting, finding yourself in a strange place and not knowing how to get back to someplace familiar. We can give you advice, but when it comes down to it, the only one that can find you where you're at is you.

Not too terribly long ago, I was lost, too. I thought I was alone, the only one like me. But then I found a few others, then a few more. When you just look at the number of folks that belong to this forum, you see that there are literally thousands of us. After a lot of prayer and a lot of reading, I started to undestand that being tansgendered is not a curse, not something evil, but rather a gift that can be used for either good or evil. That choice is mine. Once I started to undestand myself, I started to understand others, and become more tolerrant, and even supportive, of who they are.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. It might still be so far off that you don't see it yet, and you might have to feel your way along. But keep your eyes and your heart open, and you'll get there.

Grace,
Bobbi

[DemonicDaughter]

Why did you feel the need to say you don't support gay people?

I mean, it has nothing to do with your crossdressing so why bother stating it?

[kathtx]

Marcus,

A question for you: you ask if you should stop crossdressing, but never really give any clear reasons why you feel you should stop. What makes you feel you should stop?

Is it because you associate crossdressing with being gay, which you disapprove of?

Is it because you worry about your family's reaction?

Is it because you feel that crossdressing is morally wrong for some reason?

Is it because you feel you can't control your desire to dress?

After thinking about those questions, move on to the follow-ups:

If it's because you associate crossdressing with being gay, ask yourself why you disapprove of homosexuality, and ask if that disapproval is rational or a result of unfounded prejudice. Are you aware of any gay friends or family, and if so, do they seem like upstanding folks to you?
If you don't actually know any gay people, on what basis are you disapproving? Are you reacting to the prejudices of your family and community? If you do know some gay people and disapprove because they happen to be jerks, ask yourself if it's fair to judge a whole population on the basis of a few rotten apples.

If it's because you worry about your family's disapproval, ask yourself
if your family really would disapprove if they knew. Reactions of other people are hard to predict, and even if your family did disapprove initially they may come to accept you with time. Ask yourself whether you'd let your family's disapproval be a barrier in other areas of life. How would you react if your family didn't approve of your choice of spouse, or your career?

If you feel that crossdressing is morally wrong, ask yourself about the foundations of that belief? Is that belief rational? Does your
crossdressing harm anyone?

If you're uneasy about being unable to control a desire that won't go away no matter how hard you try to banish the thought, ask yourself if you can find a way to integrate crossdressing into your life in a balanced way. You also have desires for food, drink, sex, friendship, money, and plenty of other things, but they only become problems if you let them take over your life. If you had a problem with overeating, the source of the problem wouldn't be your enjoyment of food, it would be
your difficulty in keeping your desire for food in healthy balance with other considerations.

In case you've not figured it out, my attitude about crossdressing is very positive: I don't think there's any reason at all you should stop, and the only way it could be a problem would be if you let it become a compulsive behavior like overeating or addiction or greed. I'm also very positive about people who are gay, bisexual, or straight; I believe good people come in all shapes, sizes, genders, sexual orientations, colors, and creeds. I've met people from all over the world who are gay, bi, or straight, MTF, FTM, manly men and effeminate guys, girly girls and tomboys, and have found that when you get to know them most people are pretty good folks.

You may not agree with me in these beliefs, and indeed you may never come to agree with me. Nonetheless, I hope you find a way to accept others for who they are, your family for who they are, and most importantly, yourself for who you are.

Kath

[Jenna Lynne]

Why did you feel the need to say you don't support gay people?

I mean, it has nothing to do with your crossdressing so why bother stating it?
I think maybe I can guess where Marcus is coming from. And while I agree with everything that others have said in response to his question, I wouldn't be surprised if he's feeling a little ganged-up on, right about now. :sad: So let's see if we can ratchet things back down a step.

When I was 20 years old, I was horribly ashamed of my crossdressing. I was also afraid that I was homosexual. I didn't have a clear view of the similarities and differences between CDing and being gay. I was frightened of gay men, didn't want to be around them -- basically I was a raging homophobe.

It sounds to me like Marcus may be in a similar place, and just not expressing himself fully or completely enough to avoid causing people to react negatively.

If I'm understanding him correctly, I would say this to him:

Don't worry about the whole gay thing for a while. Wearing a dress doesn't make you gay: The two activities are somewhat different. As you learn more about who you are and what crossdressing is all about, you'll find it easier to sort out your feelings. You'll probably find yourself becoming more tolerant of people who have a variety of different sexual expressions. But there's no need to hurry it.

Right now you're in a Web forum where you can explore crossdressing, and we can help you do that. Many of the people here are heterosexual. Some are homosexual. Some are bisexual. Some are asexual. Some are all over the map. If you stick around long enough, you'll find a zone that's comfortable for you. :hugs:

***Jenna Lynne***

[DemonicDaughter]

I think maybe I can guess where Marcus is coming from. ...

I just find the choice of "support" to be odd and wanted to know what exactly made the OP use that specific terminology. I think the words we use, mistakenly or subconsciously, answer a lot more about how we are truly feeling than any reflection another can have upon them.

[Angela-Russell]

It sounds to me like you've got that age old assumption that all crossdressers are gay, & nothing could be further from the truth. I don't know about you Marcus, but most of us are heterosexual, & a lot of us are happily married with kids. You don't have to "support" gay people, ie, go out with a banner saying "come on you gays", or go to every Pride meeting you can find, but you should learn to be tolerant & let people with a different lifestyle from your own get on with their lives. If you do a bit more reading, on this & other forums, you'll learn that gay people are very tolerant of crossdressers, as a lot of gay venues are used by crossdressers as places to go out & meet. You need to learn & live by the old saying, "live & let live".

[ilovelingerie]

I live everyday as a male. I love the feel of lingerie. I walk a tightline. Job and Private life must never collide. I have loved dressing all my life. I am a pretty masculine guy in life and work. I know there is a feminine side of me. I want to be feminized. Passible, NO, but I still want to connect with my feminine side, I like it, I want to explore her/me/us/others/share.

Do You Like to Dress? What would you like to do while dressed, remember, be honest with You because this is you. Just be honest with Yourself. I Like to Dress in lingerie, I have thoughts...........but Intolerance is not one of them. The only person you have to make happy is the one inside you. I struggled a long time with that inside me/us/her, but I made it. I am open minded about all things until proven Wrong, I ain't doin nothin wrong, I Am Honest With Myself, All Else Follows.............Honest With Thyself, Honest With Others........

Enough of that bloviating...........

Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged, from the bible somewhere, but still true.

Bye for now all, I have been much too loud tonight. I am about to change clothes for the evening, I'll let you all guess what I am slipping into..........Let Me Know Your Guesses, The Winner Gets A ___________ Fill in The Blank, and we shall see what we shall see........

LoveTo All, Ladies, Gentlemen, and remember, send your guesses to here:devil::D:daydreaming::love::2c:

[bah-bah-bobbie]

Marcus, let me ask you, in case you haven't asked yourself, why do you like crossdressing? What is it about wearing womens clothing that makes you do it? I ask this knowing you might not have an answer as many on this forum have asked the same. Eventually an answer will come. Not the answer your looking for, but an answer nonetheless. The one answer we have all agreed upon is "because we like it". Many keyboards have been wore out discussing the root cause of why and when to no avail. But the one thing we all agree on is "because we like it". I suggest saving yourself some time and fustration, as well as the expense of a new keyboard, and accept the fact that you like it. Like you, I am in the closet. The members of this forum are the only ones who know about this side of me. I don't want others knowing about me except the other members of this forum. I'm happy that way. I applaud those that go out and about dressed. All the money spent on clothes, and the time spent to get made up should be put to use and shown off. Because some of you guys are absolutely gorgeous, the rest of you are upper levels of beautiful. I almost wish I was gay so I wouldnt be heartbroken about the beauty I don't wanna touch. Sorry Marcus, I got side tracked. Again. Where was I? Oh yeah, unlike the majority of people on this board I do not have a fem side. I just like the clothes. I like the way they look on women and I like the way they feel on me. Does that kinda describe how you feel? Just lounging around the house enjoying the way panty hose feel on your skin? Walking or driving around in high heels? If so, welcome to my world. If not, then think about where you are now and where you want your crossdressing future to go. I, if not we, will help you as much as I/we can here. But there is some effort due on your part to truly want to come to terms with yourself and your desires, as well as make plans of how to deal with this and not treat it as some oddball illness that web MD can help you get rid of. Many have tried. All have failed.

[Vicky8411]

Thank you for all your responses. I have read all of them.

First of all I did not mean to offend anyone. If I did I sincerely apologize.

I am just confused and just had to let my thoughts out somehow. I am not the greatest in expressing my feelings thus I don’t do that too often.

The problem is I think I don’t want to be that way but I guess I am (?), as some of you wrote I did try to stop but it ended up coming back to more intensified (advanced) crossdressing.

Does it mean I have no choice??

It is like an addiction. Gives a lot of pleasure while doing it, but also a hangover after….

[Jennifer Devine]

I think you may be in denial about your true feelings.
See a counsellor or somebody because they can really help you.
They can help you discover what it is that makes you want to dress like a woman.
For all of us it is a long road of discovery.
My counsellor helped me get started with my crossdressing 2 years ago and i don't know what i would have done if i hadn't because i was so alone in my feelings about it.
Now i'm more confident in myself, my parents and sister know and still love me but wished i didn't do it, my friends know and accept me and i'm open about it if anyone wants to know about it.

If you can't accept others for who they are then how are you going to accept yourself?

Good luck in whatever you do =)

Jen xxxx

[Kieroney]

That comment to a point sounds familiar, just dress when you feel right with it, nothing to stress over. Its supposed to relieve some stress, at least in my case.

[Maria2222]

I'm not gay, but sympathize with them as being in the same boat as CD's as far as societal acceptance goes. Frankly, the gay effort probably does more to help CD's be accepted than vice versa.
My feeling is we need to support each other.

[TerriM]

I started going out dressed in 1977. I was almost 29 yrs old. At that time I really didnt know any gay people and my attitude towards them was a lot different that it is now. As the years went on my attitude changed and saw the plight of gay people much like my own.

[Karren H]

Thank you for all your responses. I have read all of them.

First of all I did not mean to offend anyone. If I did I sincerely apologize.

I am just confused and just had to let my thoughts out somehow. I am not the greatest in expressing my feelings thus I don’t do that too often.

The problem is I think I don’t want to be that way but I guess I am (?), as some of you wrote I did try to stop but it ended up coming back to more intensified (advanced) crossdressing.

Does it mean I have no choice??

It is like an addiction. Gives a lot of pleasure while doing it, but also a hangover after….

You always have a choice..... Crossdressing is not an addiction like a drug problem.... and it has nothing to do with your sexual preference or your life in general... It's just something you like to do... And once you accept the fact that it's not a bad thing... then it becomes fun!! Something to be cherished and celebrated....

At least it sure has for me!!!!

[Jonianne]

Does it mean I have no choice??

It is like an addiction. Gives a lot of pleasure while doing it, but also a hangover after….


You always have a choice..... Crossdressing is not an addiction like a drug problem.... and it has nothing to do with your sexual preference or your life in general... It's just something you like to do... And once you accept the fact that it's not a bad thing... then it becomes fun!! Something to be cherished and celebrated.......

I like how Karren said it.

Of course you have a choice, but for me, I found that fighting against something that is such a wonderful part of who I am, was so much more harmful and far more of a struggle than just accepting myself and working at keeping a balance, in order to maintain a healthy relationship with my loved ones.

People, if left alone, will gravitate to where they get their needs met. That is how I see crossdressing. Certainly anything can go beyond fulfilling a need and go so far as to be a detriment to one's self and others. But unless you are doing that, and once you have accepted yourself, then there is no longer a "hangover".

[suspender]

Its been said in nearly every post in one way or another. Tolerance of others and acceptance of yourself. Enjoy what you have and dont stress about how you are perceived by others, life is way too short to worry about that stuff and for some reason time slips by a whole lot quicker as you get older so relish the moment.

[valenstein]

At that time I really didnt know any gay people and my attitude towards them was a lot different that it is now. As the years went on my attitude changed and saw the plight of gay people much like my own.

Growing up, my neighborhood was very vanilla. I had never seen two guys kiss in public until I moved to a bigger city and at first, I didn't know how to process it. I then remember a busload of partying CD's and drag queens driving past me waving out the window and having a good time. I did my best to ignore them, even though I probably went home and put on a nightgown.

I DIDN'T understand it. Not long after, one of my best friends from high school told me he was gay and something just locked into place. Here was this person I really enjoyed hanging out with who always treated me like a good friend. The day he told me, all kinds of things went through my mind, but a couple days later, he was just back to being "Jim" to me. He wasn't my "gay friend" Jim, he was just Jim. If I had questions, it was easy to ask him. Those questions turned into understanding.

He never knew I CD'ed, but I know it wouldn't have mattered. I let him down once, and never got the chance to make it up to him before he passed away. It kills me to this day because I know we would be best friends now.

I try to think of that before I judge anyone on how they look, what music they like, what their gender is or what their beliefs are, and even what their first impressions of me might be. It works for me.

[Kate Lynn]

marcus gay is a sexual orientation,not a fashion trend,there is no correlation between men wearing womens clothes and their sexual preference.first of all men who crossdress on a regular basis are almost 100% straight,hetro sexual,sometimes married,and are not gay or bisexual.
I hope the crew in here can help you see crossdressing does not make you gay.

[Edyta_C]

Marcus take all the advice with a grain of salt! Really this an several other forums helped me understand where I was coming from and going to. A counselor helped but most of the journey of self discovery came from me and reading about the other girls struggles on these forums. I am heterosexual and married. But the spectrum of those you find on this and other forums runs the complete gamut. You'll find the kindest most helpful ones right here. So look inside yourself. If you have these feelings (CDing) you can control it or let it help develop a suppressed part of you. I did and letting the girl part of me outside, has nearly eliminated some problems with depression I was having from hiding those female characteristics. So please take the criticism in the way its intended and use it to broaden yourself (in the mind not in the waist):o !! http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/images/smilies/happy.gif

Way too long but a big hug away Edyta

[KandisTX]

marcus,

To start, let me say: I am a heterosexual male, crossdresser married to a wonderful woman, we have a monogomous relationship and she accepts and supports my crossdressing 100%.

I read your post and I see myself years before I accepted myself for who and what I am. I am a crossdresser, and there is nothing I can do that will change that aspect of myself. I am going to make a suggestion to you that I took for my own years ago and it has helped me immensely.

Take a deep look into your own heart and psyche and see what you truly are and ask yourself "How can I expect anyone to accept me for ME, if I am not willing to accept others for who and what they are?" Your answer to this question when you ask yourself should be "I cannot". This should give you the direction you need to open your eyes and see that homosexuals, either male or female, are still homo-sapiens like yourself and therefore deserve the same respect you feel you deserve from others.

How can I say this? ((Here comes the confession))To be honest, in my past I was just like you. Possibly worse, I was one of those people I cannot stand to breath the same air with today, I was a bigot, I was bigotted toward homosexuals, so much so that (and I am very ashamed to say this), that I was even a party to some gay-bashing activities. (Yes, I know how wrong that is and I regret it all the time). I had no right to be that way because the only differance between them and me was the fact that they liked having sex with other men, and I "only" wore women's clothing. Guess what? In the eyes of society, and many family members of Crossdressers, there is NO differance between being a CD and being a homosexual, there are many people that feel being one means you are the other.

I say this with the utmost hope for you that you look deep within yourself and you find the truth there and realize that there is no differance between you and a homosexual and not have to endure the years of anguish that I have had to endure because of the stupidity of my actions in my youth.

Kandis:love::rose2:

P.S. WOW, that felt really good to type that out like that, I know I can never change what I did in my past, but I hope that none of you will hold that against me as I truly did see the error of my ways many years go (before I turned 18), and changed my ways.

[Bev06 GG]

I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....

What should I do???

Should I stop it definatelly???

Please HELP! :sad:

Hi Marcus,
Yes this really does sound like a cry for help. Atleast you have been honest in admitting that you are not a tolerant person and that is probably why you have assumed that your family would never accept or support it because you feel in your heart of hearts that you wouldn't do if the boot were on the other foot. Intolerant people rarely pluck up the courage to admit their shortfall, indeed some do not even think that they are. Whether we realise it or not we do all have our prejudices even if theyre not that obvious, they are born out of our upbringing, social class, culture, even life experiences. Intolerence is usually born out of ignorance, lack of understanding or fear, sometimes all of those. What you are basically saying is that you aren't tolerant and you dont even approve of what you enjoy doing and you are feeling a tad confused.

The world Marcus is full of people struggling to find their niche and accept who they are, its nothing new its part of the human condition. You have to learn to accept yourself, even to like who you are. Doesn't sound like you have a particularly high opinion of yourself at the moment. Hang around here a bit longer and I am sure you will find support and understanding which will all help in your coming to terms with something you obviously feel uncomfortable about. You will meet allsorts of different people on here, some you will like and others you might find stretch it abit. However, what it will do as you get to know different individuals is to help you to see where people are coming from abit better and hopefully develop your understanding of their situation.

I too used to be quite judgemental as a youngster because basically I led a pretty sheltered life. It is only really in adult hood with a few life experiences behind me and bags of mistakes that I have come to accept others for who they are and not who I think that they should be.

Take care
Bev

[Jaclyn NM]

If you can't support someone with a different lifestyle, like being gay, then how could you expect someone to support you different lifestyle of crossdressing. That the problem with this world, there are too many hypocrites. Let it go and be yourself, and let everyone else be theirselves. Heck, we all know that J. Edger hoover was a crossdresser, which means we've reached some pretty high levels, as have gays. Life is too short too spend time on this sort of nonsense.

[Jilmac]

I have been crossdressing most of my life. I'm straight, two marriages, six kids, widowed now but have a wonderful supportive SO. I also have gay friends who are very tg friendly and love it when I dress. You may not be tolerant of gay people but did you ever think they may not be tolerant of you? You can't knock them for their sexual preference and expect others to accept your lifestyle. Just try to be a little more understanding, we all share the world we live in.

[Tracii G]

Free will is a wonderful thing.I think you may need to climb inside yourself and knock out the stereotypical cobwebs.
Gay people are people just like you and I.Let them live their lives the way they want.People seem so afraid of gay men for some reason.
Crossdressing is fun it won't make you gay if thats what your afraid of.

[HerMajestytheQueen]

I'm not intolerant with you on account of your said intolerance, nor am I willing to make any careless assumptions about you or your capabilities...

First of all concerning the "big picture", I have to agree, seems the only way we will advance as a group is to do it together, but before one can do that, taking care of business at home is a prerequisite.

I wish it were possible for one to be able to just snap their fingers and everything would be "right as rain". From reading many of the posts here, it doesn't appear that that's the way it is. For me, it was a love/hate cycle that I was certain would never end, and I thought "coming to terms" meant only an acceptable way to deal with what couldn't/would never change. I was mistaken about that. Eventually the love/hate cycle became a love/love cycle and the only problem is finding enough time to do everything. CDing was once an obsession, now it's in proportion with everything else.

There are people here who have "come to terms" (a phrase I use interchangeably with knowing/being yourself), but I don't believe there are many who can honestly say they achieved a balanced/healthy/happy self acceptance without paying some dues along the way. (Are there?)

I think there is a process that precedes the point where everything can just "click". Once that happens, there is no possibility of backsliding. That's something worth going after... that's just my opinion, how it is for me.

Everyone who has "made it" has had to start sometime, somewhere and I read your post as you taking a step in becoming well. IMO, nothing is better than meeting and talking with people, face to face, who have been through it successfully, but that may be a difficult proposition for you depending on where you live. Connecting with Tri-Ess or a similar organization would speed up the process and provide some relief. Some orgs. have telephone hotlines if there is an emergency. You have this forum.

I believe that if you don't give up on yourself and can find a way through the difficulties, in time, you will see yourself and others differently than the way you do today, and you may be able to support people out there who are on the front lines fighting for our common interests. Heck, you may even end up doing that yourself some day. (careless assumption? lol)

Good Luck, dd(optimist)
____________________________________________
"Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet" R. Miller

"... I'm biding my time , hoping you, will come through too". R. Zimmerman

My dear friend,

When I read this I could not just respond to any one part, but this whole article is a very kind, intellegent and supportive...Over the years you have helped me so many times...I know dd and I trust this will help you just a little bit Marcus...HMQ

[marny]

you break in slowly hon. this is not an over night experience

[Jess_cd32]

When you can't accept people for how they were genetically created, like the others said, you can't expect to have your cake and eat it to. Give up the cd-ing, I don't think it's really for you from your post.

After all, it was a "choice" you made to cd right, a simple choice like making a decision to say, buy that shirt you just happened to see in the store?

[marso2584]

I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....

What should I do???

Should I stop it definatelly???

Please HELP! :sad:
hi....
please do try to accept different kind of people...


i am CD,
but i m not gay
however i do know some friends who r gay
and i have never have trouble being friends with them
they just like other ordinary friends to me.
same with les, i never have any problem with them...

if we could accept all kinds of people..
we can live in harmony

[Inachis]

Marcus,

Something that I think you need to understand is that being yourself is never wrong. You would probably be surprised to find that most gays do not understand why one would dress in womens clothes. The difference in this matter is that they do not care. They have learned to accept that people come in a variety of flavors, and colors. This is what makes life interesting.

You need to CD, but think there is something wrong with that. The only thing that is wrong is to not be yourself. This will eat you up inside if you do not deal with it. You need to come to terms with what you want out of life, not what others want out of your life.

[trisha59]

Marcus,
I think that you should not be so frustrated with cross dressing. I do not think that you would have the urge if some part of you did not enJoy it. I think most of us have an ebb and flow with cross dressing. We will dress full time for a spell and than not for maybe months at a time. If you would indulge your dressing you may also find the urge goes away for a spell. There is no harm in it, unless you trip on your heels.

[Raquel June]

It's good that you were able to get your feelings out, even if it made you sound a little hypocritical ... you didn't actually say anything mean.



The problem is I think I don’t want to be that way but I guess I am (?), as some of you wrote I did try to stop but it ended up coming back to more intensified (advanced) crossdressing.

Does it mean I have no choice??

It is like an addiction. Gives a lot of pleasure while doing it, but also a hangover after….


Crossdressing definitely is an addiction! I honestly think that the people who don't want to do it would have more luck stopping if they went to a 12-step program. Because honestly, let's think about this. No matter how feminine you are, the real you is on the inside, so crossdressing is a pretty narcissistic/bizarre behavior, even if you think you're a woman trapped in a man's body.

But the "hangover after"? That has nothing to do with addiction. That's guilt. If you're feeling guilty over crossdressing, you really need to work out your feelings. Therapy might help. Because you need to get to a place where you can be comfortable in your own skin! Either you need to get serious about getting help to stop, or you need to get serious about accepting your feelings and not being guilt-ridden.

Many crossdressers have guilt, and I feel bad for them. It makes me remember when I was between 12 and 15 years old. I masturbated pretty much constantly, and I felt very guilty about it. It's not like I was ever going to stop, though. Finally in high school I began to realize that everybody did it (it also helped that I stopped going to a Christian school) and started to feel better about myself (feel better about feeling myself?). A lot of crossdressers are like that for years -- maybe even their whole life!

Almost the only time I even dress is on the weekend to go to clubs and various CD/TV/TS functions. I meet a lot of crossdressers -- definitely in the hundreds. There are several that I refer to as "flaky," but their actual problem is guilt. I'll see them, and they'll be really cool regular people, and they'll be soooo happy about being dressed up, and I'll think that it's someone I'll see out a lot. And then the next day they feel guilty about it and I don't see them again for months. Eventually they'll show up and it'll be the same thing. They'll be so nice, they'll ask me for my email address (again), they'll say they want to come out a lot more ... and then they'll disappear again. They would be so much happier if they dealt their feelings! But they just ignore it, try to quit, then eventually it builds up to the point that they've gotta put on a skirt.

Also, let me talk about homosexuality for a bit. I don't go around asking people their sexual preference, but when they ask me (and it always seems a little rude when they do ask), I tell them that I'm a quasi-celibate bisexual just because I think it's ridiculous for a man in a dress to say he's 100% straight.

But a lot of people HAVE come up to me and said they were 100% hetero. Just out of nowhere! People I've never met before, and within the first 5 minutes they're talking about their sexual preference. It's so weird. They seem like they're trying to make an excuse. They seem pretty homophobic. And do you want to know an amazing statistic? Crossdressers who tell me that they're totally straight are the only people who have ever acted totally inappropriately towards me when I was out at a club en femme.

(I did have some gory details but decided to go ahead and remove them)

I've had straight-acting guys try to pick me up. I've had some totally gay guys try to pick me up. I've had straight girls try to pick me up. I've even had a couple lesbians act a whole hell of a lot like they were trying to pick me up. But nobody has been totally rude like the "straight" crossdressers making overt advances about what they wanted to do, and even grabbing my ass and trying to kiss me after a couple drinks.

Anyway, you'll find that gay bars are the best place you can hang out if you want to dress up and have people be nice to you, but if you're totally anti-social people might not just come up to you and say hi, and there probably won't be too many people looking to talk about the NFL if that's all you're into.

[Nicki B]

marcus gay is a sexual orientation,not a fashion trend,

Err.. I think you'll find for the vast majority here, crossdressing is definitely NOT a fashion trend. :rofl:



Anyway, you'll find that gay bars are the best place you can hang out if you want to dress up and have people be nice to you,

Raquel's beat me to it, try going and meeting some gay people - find out where they hang out and talk to some? Intolerance like you profess is usually due to ignorance and conditioning - you may find they can help you develop your tolerance, particularly with yourself?

We have free will, in this world - you can choose to change the way you see things. But it's a gradual process, not overnight.

[flatlander_48]

I like crossdressing, but noone knows I'm doing that. My faimly would NOT support that.
I like crossdressing but i dont support gay people... I am really not a tolerant person....
I do not know what to do.....

What should I do???

Should I stop it definatelly???

Please HELP! :sad:

How can you expect tolerance when you don't allow it? You have to understand that we (gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgenders, transvestites, crossdressers, etc.) are ALL outside of the usual sexual and/or gender definitions expected by society at large. They have a hard time seeing us as individuals and you're not helping...

[Roberta Marie]

I don't think the question should be "How do you expect others to accept you if you don't accept others?" but rather, "How do you expect others to accept you or you to accept others when you do not yet accept yourself?" I think self acceptance is the primary issue here. That needs to happen before acceptance by others or for others can happen.

Grrace,
Bobbi

[LA CINDY LOVE]

I did not feel that you are trying to hurt any one and it is good that you share your feelings with us and by doing so you may get the answers you need to move on.

From what I have found out most people who cross dress are NOT GAY, most of the people who cross dress are STRAIGHT and a lot are married and have family's or have GF.

You say you do not support gay rights but gay rights supports you and your cross dressing, but you have people out side of our community who do not support you or the rest of us and just like you do they do not tolerant what we do.

What do you know about gay people........do you know any......have you meet any......and what do you know about cross dressing.....it is a lot more then just putting on a dress.


LA CINDY LOVE