Separation of She/He with S/O

[CharleneCD]

Ok gals with accepting wives or g/f, I have a question. How often and when does your GG need you to be male for her? How do you work it?

I ask this because as me and Bunny adjust to our new lifestyle some issues are coming up. She definitely wants Ed, no fem clothes, when we are having sex and now it seems she needs him without fem in any kind of romantic moment. Sex or romance while Im in fem is a complete turnoff for Bunny. Sex is easy, nekid. Romance though was a problem last night. When I am fully dressed Charlene is the dominant personality and understands no romance, but when I am only partialy dressed as in pantyhose, lacy panties, and lacy top ankle socks, the pesonalities blend. Ed can come to the top quickly and become physicaly romantic because he loves and worships Bunny so much. She was unable to handle this last night. What boundries and systems have some of you other couples set up? The things you do might help us or others. Or maybe it will just be an issue of time, trial, and error. I just want to make sure that neither of us is giving so much that we feel that we have lost ourselves. Mostly, with as supportive as Bunny is, I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable when I'm dressing.

Help

[Bunny "GG"]

Ok, I'm glad you brought this up in the forum Charlene,,,,
My Side..
Last night when we were dancing around the living room, I was having a wonderful time...Like a lot of girls who dance together, I am willing to touch an dirty dance with Charlene. However, I am not attracked in the least bit to Charlene sexually, I'm not attracked to women sexually at all..period. So when Ed poped up wearing Charlene's clothes, it was a like being dashed with a cold bucket of water in the face :eek: . And disappointed because I knew that I hurt both our feelings because I didn't feel attracted to him/as in her... :(
So I'm at the point of:
1. when sex and romance are involved, pls be Ed only, with no fem...(except lacy boy shorts, they remind me of men's underware but with see through options)
2. when Charlene, pls be my best friends with occational affection, (gentle touches, light kisses on cheeks or lips, and sneaky smiles)
What do you girls think, are my bounderies too much, how do I disassociated the fem clothes from my sexy husband when in the bedroom....
Lolove,
:bunny:
Bunny "GG"

[Stephenie]

Don't want to get in the middle of a "Family thing" but you did both ask.

I think that the boundries are all that restictive. I could live with them in my marrage ( as of now it is only a dream). If you both can agree on limits then you should follow them. You both seem to want to make the other comfortable and happy. So bunny put on something nice and girlly and ed put on a fannel shirt and jeans and kiss and make up. Then after your all done making up, hold each other till you fall asleep. Then tomorrow Charlene can make the bed and wink at Bunny.

just my two cents and a wish that I had what you two have. XXXXX

Stephenie

[Julie York]

This is really interesting because for once I 'get' the female perspective completely. Well, maybe...?


Seems to me , if you read the majority of the GG views and the way they are able to 'accept' an alternative expression from their male SOs is by accepting that there is a need to express a feminine side. This includes the clothing and female expressions of emotion. It DOES NOT have ANYTHING to do with sex! They are able to handle the whole crossdressing thing and even enjoy it by sharing aspects of femininity, that are about intimacy, but in a nurturing, sharing sense. In the same way that they would with a trusted and caring female friend who they can relax with and have a laugh with.

The acceptance of allowing a man to express themselves in female form is all about emotions and imagery. But it is all the emotions they would wish to share with a female friend. And that does not have ANYTHING to do with sex at all (usually).

It's the sexual element of crossdressing that usually freaks women, because if they are straight, it is not something they have any desire AT ALL to accomodate and why should they?



How did I do girls?

[Kiera]

I wish I could say that I have the answer to your questions....But I dont. :( Personally, I have never been with my S.O. as Kiera, and am already more submissive than she would like. For some reason I find it difficult to be agressive as my male counterpart and havent ever had the opportunity to see if Kiera is aggresive in the bedroom or not??? I do hope the two of you can find a solution to your problem. If you do please let me know.

[CharleneCD]

First thanks for the advise and support so far. To reassure you all, this is not a knock down drag out for us, just a speedbump. We are working on it but are looking for outside ideas that might work. We are still very very new to this. It may not seem that way because we have been able to just jump right in here at the forums and make ourselves at home, but our cd life is still less than a month old.
yes we have kissed and made up. Actualy a bit more than that ;) .
Charlene and Bunny"GG"

[Katrina]

My GF and I go through that too. She likes me in guy mode because thats what shes attracted to. I respect that when we are feeling romantic and I don't expect her to be turned on seeing me in a skirt. It is tough since I would like to dress more, but she is accepting when we are not being romantic, so I'm happy.

[Ayla GG]

I feel like Julie York described my feelings really well!! You really do understand where some of the GGs are coming from.

I feel relieved that I'm not bad for wanting my SO to remain male when we're intimate. I was feeling all mixed up for a while http://fool.exler.ru/sm/daz.gif

I have only been with O-my SO for 6 months now & have only seen her dressed up once. As much as I love & accept O....as much as I had fun helping her with her makeup or talk about fashion & cding....


The acceptance of allowing a man to express themselves in female form is all about emotions and imagery. But it is all the emotions they would wish to share with a female friend. And that does not have ANYTHING to do with sex at all (usually).

When I saw Ophelia, I thought she was a really cool chica. I thought she was stylish, I love her outfit & makeup---the way I appreciate girls with keen fashion sense. I was rather amazed with the transformation as well & I thought it was cool that I took part with the makeover cause she looks great. But I don't feel like jumping on Ophelia's bones even though I know that underneath those clothes, D is in there. Like Bunny GG, I don't mind hugs/ pecks, or being touched but I don't know how I'd react if it was more than that.

The GG part of me finds D with tall, dark & rugged really appealing. *swoon*http://fool.exler.ru/sm/obm.gif and it makes me feel http://fool.exler.ru/sm/hug.gif because well....I'm straight & when I'm in the lovin' mode, I want to be with a guy...who looks like a guy.

It doesn't mean that I don't love O! because I think the duality of a CD is fun & interesting. One of the advantages: I never ever have to feel bad for wanting to go to Sephora/ Mac counters with an SO tagging along again.

I'm curious....do all CDs want their SOs to be intimate with them while they are dressed up? how important is it? Also, do CDs prefer GGs that are more dominant personally & sexually?

[StephanieCD]

Bunny, I think your boundaries are perfectly reasonable. Charlene, my advise to you would be to take advantage of the fact that she wants you to be able to express two different sides of yourself but see them almost as different people. You can drink a few and watch Ab Fab as Charlene as you try, try, try to behave... if you can't anymore - go change.

I imagine as Bunny becomes more comfortable the two might blend and the line beteen the two might become more of a grey area. For now - appreciate that you can "get away with" frilly boy short panties... it might change - it might not. But I can almost guarantee that if you push.... baby steps to heaven are better than the long jump to hell.

My ex found the guy me very attractive and found the girl me repulsive - but fun in a barbie kinda way. When we had sex while I was dressed she later told me she had to put herself in an almost angry place to be dominant enough to "take" me. She also confessed to secretly swigging vodka in the other room just to make herself about to be with me when dressed... but it was no problem to watch tv and have a smoke. Sex, for her, was supposed to be with the man she originally perceived me to be.

To answer Ayla's question... I love to be intimate when dressed - but sometimes I'd rather not. Sometimes I like to be dominated and other times - no. I'm a switch, I guess. So I'm no help ;)

[Katrina]

...It doesn't mean that I don't love O! because I think the duality of a CD is fun & interesting. One of the advantages: I never ever have to feel bad for wanting to go to Sephora/ Mac counters with an SO tagging along again....

Ayla, my GF said a similar thing. She told me one of the things she really likes about me is the fact that I enjoy shopping with her - something none of her previous boyfriends did. She is a big Sephora and Ulta fan too and I have nooo problem going in there and shopping with her. And don't even get me started on DSW...we both love it!

As far as the last question, although I want to "express my femininity" more often, I really have no interest in being dressed when we are getting romantic.

[CharleneCD]

Well so far it looks like we are not alone in what we are going through. Bunny will just have to smack the Ed/Charlene combo on the hand when they start to get out of line. Time will tell if she will always feel this way or become less restrictive. Either way I know she loves Ed and adores Charlene as a friend, so all will be well.

Yes Stephanie I realy do appreciate Bunny and I make sure she knows it. I dont mind expressing both sides. I have even made sure she understands that if she needs an ed in drab night she just has to ask. She makes me happy so I do my best to make her happy.

Thank you all for your input. We love you all.

[Clare]

Look at the big picture i say!

You were both attracted to each other for many reasons, but the obvious one is your natural genders.

Many crossdressers say they are not gay and don't want to have a 'same sex partner'.

Charlene, what if your GG came to you passing as a man? Would you like to have an intimate and sexual encounter with someone who appeared to be a man? Wouldn't it seem like a gay event?

My guess is that Bunny has that feeling, but from the opposite perspective! She is not gay and does not want to have an intimate relationship with another woman - or a cd passing as one!

Charlene, your GG accepts your cd'ing, so don't push her away by trying to make her accept intimate relationships whilst you're emfemme!

There are so many other cd'ers who would just like for their GG's to know about cd'ing and nothing else, so come to a compromise about how far you want Bunny to go over the extent of your crossdressing.

It all comes down to mutual respect for each other's limitations.

I hope this doesn't sound too pushy, but i'm jealous of the relationship you have with your GG - not mnay GG's are that accepting in general.

[Bunny "GG"]

Girls, you are so wonderful.
I can't beleive how lovely you have all been at reponding to Charlene and I..By now, you'all know that Ed and I have been married 12 years, and Charlene appeared in our lives a month ago...Still very new, and exciting, but scary too when something like last night happens, so unexpectedly..I thinks it's wonderful that he likes herself better now that she can express his fem side all day, anyday...Charlene has always worshipped me with attention, (to the point of almost sickening) but I love it, love it, love it...did I say I love it.. :D
I just wanted to let you know that Ed/Charlene would never and didn't mean to offend me in anyway....I think the moment caught us both by suprise...
PS: Charlene got some new maroon control panties, and I got a lovely Summer Orange dress (which by the way Charlene put on first :rolleyes: ). while we were out today. Shopping is always a healthy cure...
We'll attach a picture soon...
Lolove
:bunny: Bunny "GG"

[sarah]

Do you love each other (yes) are you happy (yes) are you always going to be together .(who knows) When you realise there are so many things you can learn from each other and you pull down the barriers yor lives will be complete and you will live happy ever after.xxxx

[Topaz]

For me, (as a gg) I love it all. Jamie dressed fem or not. I have no problem with her making love to me enfem. In fact I love it.

But it all takes time, When Jamie first told me she was afraid to show me herself dressed, she also didn't have the clothing for it. We started small and built up from nighties at night to her being in full dress. Along with that came the blending of Jamies' personalities. Right now some part of her is Jamie all the time.

I was able to witness a calm in her that wasn't there before, a serenity that washes over our relationship. It's taken 5 years to acheive that point. We talk a lot about how we feel about our relationship and the effects that CD'ing has had in our life. Right now it's all good.

Relationships are an ever changing thing, the boundries set aren't too strict in my opinion. In time, as your relationship grows and changes the boundries may change also. From what I have read in your posts you both have consideration for each others feelings. That's such an important thing as you discover more about yourselves and the effect that CD'ing will have in your lives together.

Keep talking and working together, you'll find a good midpoint that will fit you both.

Hugs,
Topaz