Raquel June
09-15-2008, 05:23 PM
I almost never remember my dreams, and I certainly haven't had many emotionally overwhelming dreams. I had a few recurring dreams when I was younger. One was when I was about 4 to 8, I would always dream that I was on a beach or in a race (a race where I ended up in the water), and I would start being chased by jeweled skulls, then I would find myself in the middle of the dark ocean without land in sight, unable to swim anymore, the sun having set, and these two gleaming skulls bobbing towards me with a pissed-off look in their eyes. Then I would wake up.
I had another dream when I was about 10 to 12 that I had to get on a plane at an airport, but instead of a jet bridge, there was just a big white tube going from the ground onto the plane. The tube snaked back and forth a little, so you couldn't see the end once you were inside it, and it was barely wide enough for your shoulders, so you could really only wiggle a little once you were in it. That really doesn't seem like a very logical way to board an airplane at all, but it was a fairly upsetting dream.
Anyway...
I had a dream last night where I was en femme, and I was happy and I thought I looked really nice, but I've never thought of myself as being passable, so things got uncomfortable pretty fast.
I was in a huge modern church -- more like an amusement park, with all kinds of hallways attached and little libraries and daycare areas and people walking all around between services. I was a little uncomfortable being in the church, and I was wandering around in a fairly plain blue cotton dress that hung really nicely on me and flowed really well for being such a plain dress. It was a little purple-ish. But I was looking for something or someone, looking all around. And the church might have been an airport, or a school. I was trying to get to Florida for something? I couldn't find my flight. I ended up peeing myself, and then I had a big wet spot right in front of my nice dress. And then it was definitely a church, not an airport anymore. I wasn't panicked, but I just didn't know where to go. There wasn't any place for me to go. I found some folders to hold in front of myself so people couldn't tell. I was wandering around looking for restrooms, but every time I came to a restroom I would look at the men's room and think, "No, I can't go in there wearing this at a church," then I would look at the women's room and think, "No, they'll know what I am and I'll terrify some nice little girl." I just kept wandering around, up and down stairs, in and out of rooms. It wasn't really stressful, just very hopeless feeling. It went on forever. I didn't have anywhere to go. I couldn't even find an empty room just to go sit and wait for everyone to leave. My alarm didn't go off, but I woke up at 9:00 feeling very strange, almost hung over (but I didn't drink anything last night). It wasn't like you'd think a dream would be where you ended up peeing yourself in public. It was just a sense of happiness that turned into total hopelessness. I'm not depressed about it, but it's put me in a weird quiet mood all day.
I had another dream when I was about 10 to 12 that I had to get on a plane at an airport, but instead of a jet bridge, there was just a big white tube going from the ground onto the plane. The tube snaked back and forth a little, so you couldn't see the end once you were inside it, and it was barely wide enough for your shoulders, so you could really only wiggle a little once you were in it. That really doesn't seem like a very logical way to board an airplane at all, but it was a fairly upsetting dream.
Anyway...
I had a dream last night where I was en femme, and I was happy and I thought I looked really nice, but I've never thought of myself as being passable, so things got uncomfortable pretty fast.
I was in a huge modern church -- more like an amusement park, with all kinds of hallways attached and little libraries and daycare areas and people walking all around between services. I was a little uncomfortable being in the church, and I was wandering around in a fairly plain blue cotton dress that hung really nicely on me and flowed really well for being such a plain dress. It was a little purple-ish. But I was looking for something or someone, looking all around. And the church might have been an airport, or a school. I was trying to get to Florida for something? I couldn't find my flight. I ended up peeing myself, and then I had a big wet spot right in front of my nice dress. And then it was definitely a church, not an airport anymore. I wasn't panicked, but I just didn't know where to go. There wasn't any place for me to go. I found some folders to hold in front of myself so people couldn't tell. I was wandering around looking for restrooms, but every time I came to a restroom I would look at the men's room and think, "No, I can't go in there wearing this at a church," then I would look at the women's room and think, "No, they'll know what I am and I'll terrify some nice little girl." I just kept wandering around, up and down stairs, in and out of rooms. It wasn't really stressful, just very hopeless feeling. It went on forever. I didn't have anywhere to go. I couldn't even find an empty room just to go sit and wait for everyone to leave. My alarm didn't go off, but I woke up at 9:00 feeling very strange, almost hung over (but I didn't drink anything last night). It wasn't like you'd think a dream would be where you ended up peeing yourself in public. It was just a sense of happiness that turned into total hopelessness. I'm not depressed about it, but it's put me in a weird quiet mood all day.