How Should I Tell My Partner My Secret

[LIVNHOSE]

I've Been Transforming Myself Into A Woman For Many Many Years Now And I've Become Some What A Custom To What I Call "feminine Time". Now I'm With This Woman And She Means The World To Me But I'd Love To Share My Secret With Her, But I'm Affraid That When I Do She'll Freak Out And Leave. But My Fears Go Even Deeper Than That, I'm Also Affraid That She Will Let My Secret Out Because She's Mad. I'd Love To Tell Her That I Have A Nylon Fetish And My Fantasy Is To Have Sex While Both Of Us Are Wearing Silky Sheer Pantyhose, How Should I Approach Her With This Desire Of Mine?

I've Never Seen Her Wear A Dress Or Pantyhose, She Does Once And Awhile Wear A Pair Of Knee Hi Nylons. My Closet Has More Dresses, Blouses, High Heels, And Pantyhose-stockings-nylons Than She Has In All Her Clothes Combind. I Feel That I'm More Of A Woman Than She Is Sometimes, And As For Femininity, I Feel As If I Am More The Woman Than She Is...

I Could Really Use Some Advice Here, Any Ideas Girls........

[Holly]

...I Feel That I'm More Of A Woman Than She Is Sometimes, And As For Femininity, I Feel As If I Am More The Woman Than She Is...With that kind of an attitude, I'm afraid your chances of success are slim and none.

[Karren H]

If your that affraid of the outcome, I vote don't tell her... We did get to vote didn't we? :)

[jackie_p]

I agree with Holly, you're not likely to get very far. I think
you should just forget telling her, at least until you can
start seeing each of you as individuals with you own gifts
to bring to the relationship.

Jackie:2c:

[TSchapes]

You will need to adjust your attitude first, like Holly said. The "I'm more feminine" is really a competitive guy trait I'm afraid.

But having said that, to approach the subject, you should be well versed on how a SO may view your news. To that end I would suggest you buy a book like "My Husband Betty". That's a real down to earth book from a gal that loves her CD hubby. But, she will also introduce you to many other SO's that have a different take on it. And she gives advice on how to approach and if you should.

This is nothing that you should take lightly, because once you tell someone, it's 1) not a secret anymore, & 2) your relationship will change, guaranteed! How you approach telling someone can make all the difference. I've had many wonderful and stronger relationships with friends and family once I came out. But there are still some I would not tell. You have to understand that person well before you do.

Best of luck!

Love, Tracy :hugs:

[Sara Jessica]

I Feel As If I Am More The Woman Than She Is...

No, you're not, and I'm sorry to burst your bubble but you'll never be. That's as crazy as suggesting that gg's can actually be jealous of us. They will always have scoreboard where it counts.

That said, I agree, your attitude is not conducive to a successful meeting of the minds. And with all due respect to the suggestion that you introduce your SO to "My Husband Betty" (not that it is not a terrific book), you present this thread as if you want to share a fetish with your wife and MHB is sooooo much deeper than that.

Bottom line, remember that when you let whatever genie you have out of the bottle, she ain't going back.

[kathtx]

I I Feel That I'm More Of A Woman Than She Is Sometimes, And As For Femininity, I Feel As If I Am More The Woman Than She Is...


Being "more of a woman" has zero, zip, zilch to do with a comparison of how often you wear dresses. Reducing her femininity (and yours) to whether she wears skirts and heels is pretty insulting to her.

I'm all for full disclosure in relationships, and the sooner, the better. However, before talking to her you probably want to take some time to work out in your own mind your view of what it means to be feminine. As others here have said, if you say your think you're "more of a woman" than she is I will take very good odds it will fly like the proverbial lead balloon.

Sorry if I sound critical... but the best way to be honestly supportive is to tell it like it is, even if it's probably not what you wanted to hear.

Some other random bits of advice:
(1) Follow the advice of Tracy and find some books for her to read.
(2) If she's playful, why not just suggest "hey, let's try having me wear the lingerie this time?" Her reaction will give you a good clue about how she might respond if you tell her you've got a fetish and want to wear nylons often.
(3) If you're honestly worried that she might be vindictive and out you to everyone, is this someone you really want to be in a relationship with?
Vindictive tendencies should be a big bright red warning flag for you that you're going to have problems in the future, regardless of gender issues.

Good luck!

Kath

[docrobbysherry]

"You're more fem than she is." U know that's nonsense, but I think everyone here knows what u mean! She's just not a girlie girl. But, she IS female, and you're not!

From your post, I DO agree with most here that u should NOT tell her now! You'll know when the time is rite. If it NEVER feels like the rite time, well, that's when u should tell her! Never! My 2 cents worth.

[carnut62]

My Closet Has More Dresses, Blouses, High Heels, And Pantyhose-stockings-nylons Than She Has In All Her Clothes Combind. I Feel That I'm More Of A Woman Than She Is Sometimes, And As For Femininity, I Feel As If I Am More The Woman Than She Is...


I am working on wanting to talk to my wife. I have to say I would never ever think I am more of a woman than she is, far from it. If you get down to the bare minimum you are a man she is a woman. My wife gave me two great kids and for that I am truly grateful, something I could never do and I am pretty sure you couldn't do for your girlfriend. You probably feel that you present more femmine than she does and that could be possible but unlikely I think.

Tabitha.

[Tasha McIntyre]

I came clean with my wife only a short time ago (she already knew I dabbled). After admitting the whole deal, I asked her to read a few very good websites on the subject of crossdressing in her own time by herself.

Without being ecstatic (that's too much to hope for) she is understanding, and even accepts me in girly clothing when we are alone in the house as long as I don't alert the neighbors.

My message to you is that communication is the key, use help where you can get it - from educational webstes and the advice from the girls on this site. Most of all take it very very slowly.

Good luck....Tash

[ReineD]

Hose, I don't mean to be dismissive, but it is not uncommon, even among men who do not CD, to get off on wearing female items in the bedroom: hose, panties, or boots, you get the idea.

If you approach her with the idea of engaging in bedroom play by wearing nylons as you stated in your post, you will know how open she is without having to tell her everything just now. Her reaction will indicate whether you should tell her the rest, or move on to another relationship.

If the two of you have not been together for very long, I can't imagine why she would be angry with you for sharing that part of yourself. If the lifestyle is not for her, she can opt to move on, and I think most GGs would do so while still respecting your privacy.

As to being "more feminine", I've seen this sentiment posted here many times, and I wonder if you and others who feel as you do are confusing wearing dressier clothing with being feminine. Although it is true there are women who are more feminine than others (just as there are men who are more macho than others), femininity has nothing to do with the clothes. It has everything to do with a person's demeanor, comportment, and nature. I know many women that I consider to be very feminine who prefer to wear more casual clothing for a variety of reasons.

Good luck! :hugs:

[LIVNHOSE]

if any body can tell me where to get the book "my husband betty" . i'm sorry my words typed wrong

[DonnaT]

You can buy it directly from her web site at http://www.helenboydbooks.com/?page_id=21.

Or from amazon.com, but she doesn't get the same royalties then.

Note that many CDs have had the same worries as you about disclosing to an SO. So many never do. Some get caught and, as a worst case, end up divored. Some get caught and are accepted. Some have never been caught.

The choice is yours. But I advocate disclosure.

You might try renting a movie with CDs in it to see how she reacts. http://www.boxofficemojo.com/genres/chart/?id=crossdressing.htm

Who knows, she may have a secret as well and like girly guys. You'll never know until you talk to her.

[melissacd]

I agree that disclosure is the best course of action. It may not give you the result that you hoped for, but better to get the matter out in the open with her than to live a lie. I lived a lie for 25 years and the disclosure destroyed the marriage. I tried patience and every resource that I could bring to the table but in the end it was not something that she could accept.

It was sad and it was painful (still is), however, it was the best and right thing to do. We have to be true to ourselves and if our partner cannot accept who we are then we have to respectfully and gracefully bow out. It really is best for all concerned.

That being said, find all the resources you can that will help to present this in a positive light, be prepared to answer all of her questions honestly and be patient with her. If after all your efforts to gain acceptance she cannot wrap her mind around this then she probably never will. That is the brutal reality of this life we live, many women cannot accept this.

[Ruth]

Livnhose, everything about your original post points to the fact that you are a fetish crossdresser. Nothing wrong with that but you should understand that fetishism is a very masculine trait and you are fooling yourself if you believe in any shape or form that you are more feminine than your SO.
I'm not trying to be critical, but you need to get your head sorted out, and realise where you are coming from: you want to be emphatically the man in a sexual encounter but you want to be wearing certain specific feminine garments. By all means explain this to your SO, and you will quite possibly get a better result than if you go in claiming you are more of a woman than she is.

[Marjory]

Break it her over a year or so. I lived with a girl, i slowly started with women's sneakers the used her flats to take the dog for walk the used her panties after mine were all in the wash wore pantyhose in the winter for warmth(rescue worker) then didn't take them off then teamed them with the flats.
Soon we had "walking contests" in heels and I wore heels at night. The word crossdresser was never brought up. More things were accepted over time. She never once thought i was a crossdresser just liked women's clothes. My present wife hates crossdressers??

Marjory