Outings: Is there more than shopping?

[ReneeT]

I need some advice from some of you more seasoned gals. I love getting out en femme and ( I think) put things together pretty well. I do the usual thing of shopping, which I very much enjoy, but I that is getting a bit routine. What I really would like is some social interaction when out with like-minded individuals. I recently was out of town for several days and was able to dress every night. However, after a couple nights, I was "all dressed up with nowhere to go". I did my homework and tried to find TG-friendly clubs, but they had either closed or had changed their theme. At any rate, I would have been pretty uncomfortable going en femme to a strange club alone. So, my question is, how do you more adventurous gals find places to go out of town, and how do you find companions with similar interests?

Tx

Renee

[tamarav]

This question seems to pop up now and then and I always laugh a bit inside as I used to have the same question, "Now what?" I would be dressed to the nines and do my mall shopping and then ask what else there could be for me to do.

I have gotten over that question now that I dress daily for work, but I do see how you can get into a routine that has less excitment to it if you forget what is happening. You are out dressed, just as half the population is everyday. What an achievement! Now you get to experience life as a woman does and the excitment factor goes to a different level and into a different mode.

If you are looking for places to go and don't want to walk into a club alone for the first time, think about what happens to a woman when she experiences the same thing. If I really have questions about a place, I send my male portion in first to check it out. Sort of a cop-out but safer in my opinion. I have found a few places that Tami should never go and others that she has blossomed in.

Do the routine things that women do daily, shop, get gas, buy groceries, have your nails done, anything you want. In a typical day when I get home I am petty tired from stopping umpteen times to pick up the things of life and my feet are tired. But, oh what a great feeling!

Just go out, be spontaneous, and act natural.

Your sis,

Tami

[Sara Jessica]

I used to have the same feeling, that there must be more to this than going out alone to shop. Here are a couple ideas that changed things for me.

1. Make friends. My outings have become infinately more enjoyable and rewarding by having friends to share the time with. So much so that I am pondering NOT going to my monthly support group meeting because my best TG friend is out of town. It's not that I cannot go to the meeting alone, it's that the event is a two hour drive away and we always put together activities beforehand (a little shopping, Starbucks, whatever) which makes a day of it. And doing the mall thing with a friend is pleasantly distracting so you don't have to worry about whether anyone out there notices that you are TG. Just a little side benefit.

2. Do the mundane. Just as Tamara says, think of what any other GG might do with her day and just do it. Dining out is always fun.

It's not always about shopping, that can get a little old. But as I've said elsewhere, we're not the type of community where we are often able to entertain at home. I know I'm not in a place where I can have my TG friends over for a dinner party, a basic social activity that could easily replace a day of shopping. So we're reduced to having little choice but to go out and about if we wish to be social, thus one reason why most outings you read about have to do with shopping and stuff like that.

How do you find friends? Locate the nearest support group and join up, that's a great place to start. You might make a friend or two here as well. Good luck!!! :)

[valenstein]

One thing I have heard from friends that they often do is visit local art projects, galleries, installations, artwalks, artbars, etc. In my past experience, most of the people that would do an artwalk are pretty open-minded, or at least for that night. Just wear comfortable shoes.

[Di]

I love all the ideas the ladies above gave you and they are exactly what I would say.Everyday outings even picnics are fun:)
The other thing is if you find a club( next town over even)...call and ask about being tg friendly and or go first in guy mode and get the feel. Also our town has a online group site that posts gltb outings and friendly venders/clubs .....so google your town or nearest bigger city for gltb events. Also check for cd/tg groups online that meet monthly. Anyways just some ideas :)Good luck!

[Shannen]

What I really would like is some social interaction when out with like-minded individuals.


As I found out yesterday, that situation can arise just by being "out there"! Like minded individuals are all around you every day, they just don't have a reason to interact with you.

It sounds like you are looking for a tg club/meeting setting. I guess you could post inquiries here about certain cities offerings. (or just search, might be someone else asking already)

Otherwise, I enjoy just doing all the everyday activities a woman would do, from shopping, to dining out, to pumping gas... oh and going to the movies was fun the one time I got up the nerve!

Keep us posted on what you do! The "Out and About" section is always a fun read to find out what kind of adventures people are having!

:hugs:

[sherri]

I do the usual thing of shopping, which I very much enjoy, but I that is getting a bit routine.Anything you do -- shopping, clubs, whatever -- gets old if that's all you do, and if it fails to produce meaningful interaction.


What I really would like is some social interaction when out with like-minded individuals.That's the holy grail, and in my experience, almost as hard to find. What I want is just regular friends doing regular stuff together, except of course that I'm wearing a skirt. Sometimes I think that possibility doesn't exist. Now granted, some people are way better than I am at making new friends, but I've found it to be tough going. It's taken several years of clubbing for people to warm up to me, but that sort of friendliness seems to begin and end at the bar door. The sad fact is that most people can't handle the idea of fraternizing with a CD in more conventional surroundings or including a CD in their close-knit group of personal friends -- in other words, they don't want to be seen with a crossdresser. I know there are bound to be exceptions, but I think this is generally true for most of our situations.

The only "friends" (as opposed to just bar buddies) I've been able to make are other CDs, but even those friendships are plagued with problems. Seems like most of them are either conflicted in some way or their situations are problematic or they're afraid to go anywhere or, like us, they just get bored with hanging out in smoky bars. None of them so far have been able or willing to normalize the relationship or our activities together. I'm not judging, just observing.


I did my homework and tried to find TG-friendly clubs, but they had either closed or had changed their theme. At any rate, I would have been pretty uncomfortable going en femme to a strange club alone.Just about any gay or lesbian club is going to be tolerant of a CD, although "accepting" isn't always guaranteed. As a rule, you'll want to avoid leather bars. When in doubt, I just call ahead and ask them up front, "Do you welcome crossdressers?" I do pretty much the same thing with restaurants and shops if I'm not sure. Usually if you give those kinds of places a heads-up they go out of their way to make you feel welcome.

[Sarasometimes]

I agree about the mundane. Another idea, I find salon visits to be a great way to spend some time. If you check out some shops in person or by phone you can find some inexpensive but friendly places.

[CharleneT]

Go to a movie, walk in the park. As above, go to art galleries or openings for an art show, maybe the museum. Church if you are religious and you think there is a church that would accept you ( try the Unitarians first....). Go to a concert (that was my first outing). Obviously, go out to eat. My local group does this often, lucky for us there is a very CD friendly restaurant. Travel to another place, reasonably close or cheap to get to and do whatever you want.

C.

[Karren H]

I for one Never get tired of shopping... Even if I don't buy anything.. Just going some where and trying on dresses is a treat.. Ask any woman.. Shoping is fun!! Ok any woman except my wife!!

Another fun place I've found to go out when the stores are all closed are Slot Casinos.. They usually have a race track (horses or dogs) too.. But I always have a blast there.. And they could care less what I'm wearing... They still take my money!! Some of the patrons get pretty chatty and fun to talk to.. Plus the girls working the floor are always bringing me free drinks..

[Jenna Lynne]

It sounds like you are looking for a tg club/meeting setting. I guess you could post inquiries here about certain cities offerings. (or just search, might be someone else asking already)
If there isn't a TG meeting in your area, I hope you'll consider starting one! I'm contemplating doing exactly that in a month or two, when I've got my presentation a little more together. The nearest meetings are 30 miles from where I live, and I hate driving. (The freeways in the Bay Area are just awful.) Plus, I want to meet locals, not gals who are driving over to Fremont from Mountain View or something.

The Unitarian/Universalist Church specifically welcomes GLBT (LGTB???) people. It's part of their creed, or whatever they call it. If there's a UU church in your area, I'm sure they'd be more than happy to rent you a meeting hall one or two evenings a month at a very modest cost. Once you've got that set up, you'd want to contact the local therapist community, because they probably have clients already who are desperate to find a place to go! Your local reference librarian may be able to suggest other ways to get the word out. And of course there's the Internet. Publishing an announcement in the local paper might be a bad idea, as it could attract the wrong sort of people.

It's tricky to know how to handle publicizing a group, but I may have some more practical advice on the subject before the end of the year.

***Jenna Lynne***

[Butterfly Bill]

The Unitarian/Universalist Church specifically welcomes GLBT (LGTB???) people. It's part of their creed, or whatever they call it.

So so most Unity and Episcopal churches. There are also Presbyterian and Congregational ones that are GLBT friendly. If there is a gay newspaper in your area, look in there for advertisements.

Go to any place you will find intellectual and liberal people. Classical and folk music concerts, reggae festivals, lectures, arts and craft shows, museums, Renaissance faires, Rainbow Gatherings, SCA events.

[Dita_B]

.. there is shopping with Girl friends...

I had the same problem, although I always like to go and shop, even if it is only to stay on top of picking up the bargains...

However, I started a Yahoo group in my local area. It costs nothing and in a short time I had already more than 80 members. It is easy to do and a source for lasting friendships. Once a month we organize a Girls Night Out and go for dinner and afterwards to a T-Girl friendly club. And... believe it or not, we also have GG participants now...

And don't forget the female friends you make while shopping among the sales associates!

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/viatgirls/

So I still go shopping, but now most of the time in company and that is a whole new experience...

:love:Dita.

[JamieLovesMen]

So all the above suggestions are perfect!

I used to have a list of "Things to do while dressed" and have done everything on that list, go to the movies, groceries, Art galleries, dinner, clubs, car wash and my favorite.. go to see a broadway show! Ive gone solo for so long and am just now finding girls I feel comfortable going out with to do things together. I missed out on a girls trip to vegas this month, darn! And for the wild ones, they went to a gentlemens club and got lap dances! (hey, money is money I suppose, lol)

I have an awesome wig lady that I go to sometimes and get my hair styled before a date or just going out. I also get my toes painted and manicures and pedicures while dressed every two weeks.

I am working on a private social club with some local girls, we are planning a regular sunday night girl night at a new local gay/lesbian bar.

Shared experiences are the best if you can work it out. But solo has its merits as well.

Jamie
// * * \\

[sissystephanie]

As a Senior (agewise) CD, I think I am safe in saying that I have done just about everything over the years. My late wife and I used to go out as two girls frequently.

Now the only places I don't go dressed is to visit any family members. My daughter does know, but does not want to see me looking really "girly!" Is there any other way for a true CD to look? But other then visiting family, I go everywhere wearing feminine clothing. No wig or makeup (sorry, Karren), just a guy wearing panties, bra, skirt, and nice top!

I am who and what I am, and I don't care what other people think. I definitely feel much more comfortable wearing feminine clothing. My dear late wife and I agreed many years ago to keep my CD activities secret from the family. I finally told my daughter after my wife passed away, because she was asking some pointed questions about my clothing choices. I have not told my son because of his wife!

Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[Marjory]

My first wife and I used to go to NYC and do shows, shopping and restaurants. I used to walk the dog every nite in low heels or flats. I just love the feel of women's clothing on my body. Now, If i go for a walk drab or drag, I carry a gun. Things have changed in 40 years
Marjory

[Cindi Johnson]

Luckily, I'm a loner by nature, so I tend to do things on my own whether dressed or not.

I don't own a washer-dryer, so I always do my laundry at a laundrymat while dressed. Ditto for grocery shopping, trips to Home Depot, Target, and Walmart. And of course clothes shopping.

Today was nice so I walked my dog a couple of miles while dressed. Some days I go the public library, nicely dressed, and read the latest Cosmo and Elle. Once and a while I'm off to a movie.

Almost every day I go to a local Starbucks and enjoy a coffee and pastry while reading the newspaper, and I've never once, in hundreds and hundreds of visits, been made to feel the least bit unwelcome, whether I'm clad in culottes, skirt, or even a dress. Does Starbucks provide TG sensitivity training to all their cute baristas?

Fast food restaurants, McDonalds in particular, always welcome my business. Most of the workers at Mickey D's are Latinas, many are young and sexy, and all are nice to me even though my voice tends to give away my secret.

All long auto trips are more enjoyable in a skirt.

What would I like to do dressed, but don't? Work; that is the holy grail. Also bicycling, which I love: I just can't wear a helmet over a wig, no matter how I try. And working out at the gym is not advisable to the crossdressed.

My marriage ended some years back. It surely would be nice to find a GG accepting of a guy who occasionally crossdresses. There's a thousand things to do in this world which really do require a partner. But no. No..., no..., no..., it won't ever happen. And I don't need it. As Joan Baez sang, "love is just a four letter word". Not something to pine for.

Cindi Johnson

[Wendrme]

Simple is sexy and fun and fulfilling.
2 inch Heels, Nylons, Pleated A-Line Silk Skirt, Sheer White Blouse, and Soft Curls, on a quiet walkway atop a breezy hill.
You don't need to shop as a Woman, to be a Woman. The wind up your skirt will tell you what you are.

[ReneeT]

Thanks, girls. These are all great ideas. I guess what I would really like is to meet some other local gals who share my interest. The local Tri Ess chapter is several hours away. I will just keep looking! Anyone close to Chattanooga ??

[Marjory]

Katie, I never discuss my second career, but I'm licensed to carry a concealed weapon in NJ and CA