Out of control

[Edika Michelle]

Hello, I have lived with this all my life but kept contained preety much. Although I would make the occasional visit to the hairdresser for a wash and set, sometimes mani and pedi. Now I am having a hard time controling it. Last week I went south to connecticut for make-up, and then the next day had my hair done in a feminene style [ looked pretty good for short hair] . Yesterday I went an tried on heals. Last night I shaved my legs, and the wife is a little upset to say the least. She called me on the cell this morning and said after 35 years she does not want to live alone but does not want to live with a woman. I did not really out myself. Today I think I will go to the Dress Barn and try on a bra, and dresses. She does not know about any of the sneaking around stuff. I just can't control this much anymore. I hope I don't get caught at the Dress Barn by someone we know.

[Angie G]

Be Careful Lisa that Pink Fog will get you Caught hun. :hugs:
Angie

[Edika Michelle]

Thank you Angie. I just can't stop thinking about it. I wish I could try femme. I hope I don't get caught. I called the store, so they know I will be coming, and said they will help me try on things. I hope my wife gets more understanding. Last night after we got it on together, she was watching th shopping channel, they had pumps on and she asked me if I wanted them, I didn't reply, I don't want to scare her with to much info. Then she later asked if I wanted those popers to set my hair and sleep on. She is really confusing me know.

[Sandra]

So instead of going out shopping behind your wifes back, how about you sit down and talk to her more about your cding. Maybe with a little more information she will understand, it's probably not knowing that is scareing her.

[stevie b]

Hi Lisa Marie, I have been in a similar place and also married for over 30 years. My wife said the same as yours.

We need to put ourselves in thier place to see how our lifestyle may be upsetting/confusing. Give her time, don't rush things. You both need to talk plenty.

Two things happened for us, 1 I went for therepy to be cured! didn't work but my wife understood I have no control on on who I am. 2 I purchased a couple of bookes and asked to read them.

These and time has led her to a very accepting place.

I also got mixed messages from her during this time, from totally against it to offering to buy me clothes. I had to remember the confusing place she was in, it was not all about me.

Someone on this site gave me some advise, there are three people in the relationship now, wife , me and the CD, wife to come first, CD last.

Hope this is of some use, good luck, don;'t mind a PM if you want to talk some more.

Xe

[Kate Simmons]

If it is controlling you and not vice versa, it may be high time to talk to someone about it my friend.

[Karren H]

Well lifes about balance... And ya better include you wife in on any discussion on what that means going forward.. Ya never know but you may be able to come to some sort of an agreement... If she's like my wife... She wants a husband and not a girl friend.. And there's nothing wrong with being able to be that husband and be girlie.. Just not at the same time!! In my humble opinion.

[Edika Michelle]

Thank you for all this information. Stevie B it sounds like my situation, I'll just have to try and ease into it. Well I did shave my legs, so I will keep up with it, and see were that takes us. If she offers to buy things, like heals and curlers etc., I'm not sure how to re-act, last night I ignored her offer, like I didn't hear her, but I really wanted to say yes. I also shaved my underarm in June and have kept up wit it, and I don't hide them from her, I wan't her to know it was not a one time thing. I just hope that Lisa gets excepted some day.

[sissystephanie]

Stevie B said it very well. The wife always MUST come first! That is, if you want your marriage to last!!

Of course, those of you who know me know that I advocate telling your intended before the marriage. There should not be any secrets between man and wife!! I did tell my late wife before we were married, and we had a very happy 49 + years together before she passed away. I was her husband first and foremost, but I was also her girl friend. We did many things, and went many places, as two girls!

Take it slow with your wife, and do not push anything on her. As others have counseled, talk to her about your desires and get her reactions. If she knows that you always will be her MAN, she may be more accepting of the CD activities. May I suggest that you introduce her to this Forum, and have read some of the posts concerning your problem! It would be a great way for her to learn what CD'ing is all about.

Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[MJ]

You need to go talk to your wife.. she is scared to death right now and she does not know were to turn. if you love her for gods sake talk to her before it's too late ..
give her something to hold on too

[DemonicDaughter]

Your statement of:


...the wife is a little upset to say the least. She called me on the cell this morning and said after 35 years she does not want to live alone but does not want to live with a woman.

Followed by:



I did not really out myself... She does not know about any of the sneaking around stuff.

How can you say that you didn't "really" out yourself or that she doesn't know about your sneaking around when she calls to tell you she doesn't want to live with a woman?

Even if she doesn't know everything, she's apparently has a damn good idea.

Then you blow off her comment by saying you're off to Dress Barn. It sounds more like you really don't care if she's upset by any of this or not.

Don't torture someone you claim to love by sneaking around and doing things you know are really upsetting her. Either sit down and talk it out, go over what you are comfortable with, come to some sort of compromise or let her find someone she can spend the rest of her life with without feeling like its more than she can handle.

Please.

[Roberta Marie]

I have to agree with what most others have said, you need to communicate with your wife. BUT, just as important as talking to her, or probably more important than talking to her, is listening to her. Listen to know what she is feeling, what her fears and concerns are, what she is comfortable with and what she is not comfortable with. Talk a little, listen a lot. And above all, be honest. All of the talk in the world will be worthless if she cannot trust you. Let her know that you're going to look at a new dress, or better yet, ask if it is OK with her if you get a new dress, or even better still, ask her if whe would like to go with you to shop for new dresses for each of you.

Communicate, and be above board.

Grace,
Bobbi