Stress relief? Still trying to understand x

[Ze xx]

I have noticed a lot of you referring to stress relief when you go en femme. Can you explain why it's a stress reliever please? Surely, especially if you are keeping your cding a secret, it is more stressful? :idontknow:

My SO says he felt the need to cd again after the stress of me having a long stay in hospital. He was hiding it from me at the time, and ok, I wasn't there, so not about to have me walking in on him, but friends were visiting him to help out and of course he was the only one there for our daughter and she could have woken up of an evening and caught him.

And being a GG, going to all the trouble of getting dressed up and putting make up on isn't something I bother with when I'm stressed :D But then I'm lazy!

[Jenna Lynne]

Hmm ... sounds to me like he may have been using your hospital stay both as an opportunity and as an excuse. But then, I may be totally wrong. I'm a well-known expert at understanding the mental processes of people I've never met. :D

I agree that CDing can be stressful -- not only is it time-consuming, but there are the worries about getting caught.

On the other hand, when we're feeling bad, we all want to feel good, and feeling good can be very much a relief from life's ordinary stresses.

***Jenna Lynne***

[Janetmichelle]

I would have to say for myself it s a stress reliever because I have spentsomuch time trying to be your typical guy and I do mean trying. Trying not to walk femme or say something that would sound off character. So getting dresses even without makeup just helps to calm myself and allow me to be who I really am.

It is very stressful to worry you might say or dosomething that would out you if you are still in the closet. So if you add the stress of other factor in our live it can getpretty intense. I am sure that is not the same for everyone but this is part of it for me.

My SO has been very supportive and even though I know she isstill getting use to me dresssing it has made a huge change in my stress level when I don'thaveto worryabout being caught.

Jan

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Ze xx,
I don,t know why crossdressing works to relieve stress, but i know it does!!
During the day i often get stressed out at work, but when i come home and become Debs, i find myself slipping into a very relaxing utopia which i enjoy :)

Sorry i,m not much help....
I don,t know why it works, i just know, for me, it does!!

[Shelly Preston]

Stress relief by being en femme may be due to the fact when enfemme its not something most of the world will see

The femme side of most has no cares in the world because usually they are dressing in a controlled environment which is safe and they can relax

[DonnaT]

It's not a stress reliever for me, nor does it cause me stress, since my wife knows.

The reason I dress is to satisfy some urge that comes from deep within my being.

[Shannen]

I suppose there are many reasons for a feeling of well-being coming over me while dressed. Perhaps even some sort of chemical release of endorphins?

I just feel "right" in relation to the world...

:hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

It can be somewhat of a conundrum not easily understood Ze. On the one hand, most "feel better" when dressing as it tends to relieve them of the everyday pressures associated with being a guy. On the other hand, all of the stuff associated with keeping it a secret tends to be somewhat exciting and while it may seem stressful to someone else, it actually stimulates creativity somewhat, planning and what not and is sometimes an "adventure" from what is otherwise considered hum-drum existance. If one is wise enough one will incorporate this talent into their overall self and use it as an advantage. Unfortunately many miss the point in this respect and sometimes end up leading two separate "lives" and potential problems crop up. The successful person, however, will see it for what it is and control it other than vice versa.:)

[Ze xx]

Thank you for your answers, :)

I may as well have asked how long is a peice of string then :heehee:

Love Ze xx

[deja true]

What's-his-name's stress comes from a sometimes boring, sometimes thrilling job, with moments of utter panic when gotta-have-it-now assignments come out of the blue. What's-his-name's stress comes, like JanetMichelle's, from pretending to be someone I'm not all day in a total tough guy male environment. And what's-his-name's stress comes from knowing, like Arianna says, that there's a deep secret to hide and a need to keep hiding it at almost any cost.

What's-his-name thinks about this stuff all the time, as long as all he can see and feel and experience is what's-his-name...

But when I can see, or think of, or write as, or talk as deja, all that stuff disappears and it's like there is no what's-his-name for a while. His problems are not deja's problems. It's escape pure and simple, but it's escape to a calmer world, a world that still includes me as an individual and a whole lot of others that I can relate to. And that world is just as real as the other, in fact, maybe even more real, because in it I am happy and useful in a way that I want to be.

Some escape into television or model trains in the basement or into painted crowds at football games. Wherever that is, it's outside of oneself. We who escape inside are exploring ourselves in a deeper way, I think, than just using up time in what, ultimately, are rather inconsequential pursuits.

Yup...stress relief and self exploration...:daydreaming:

[charlie]

It is stress relief only because each day I spot women dressed in things that I would like to be wearing. It gets to be a longing to be dressed completely. Finally you get to do it!

[Nicki B]

Thank you for your answers, :)

I may as well have asked how long is a peice of string then :heehee:

Love Ze xx

There's such a wide variety of us, that there will be lots of different answers..

But for many of us, being forced to live out the male role is inherently stressful, because it feels all wrong - that's pretty much the meaning of gender dysphoria, discomfort with one's born gender?

So when you get to play dress up, and look into a mirror and imagine you see a girl, not a man - yes, that 'pressure' of being a square peg in a round hole is suddenly not there?

Personally, I'm lucky to be where Donna is - because I have little limits on when and how I can dress, so it's no big deal - but when something happens that prevents me from being able to express my femininity for any length of time, I get really grouchy (see all my posts from last Nov/Dec/Jan)... :doh:

[MJ]

from a full time point of view when i get stressed i tend to go around in my sweats and no makeup and a pony tail. funny it's way too much work with makeup and hair.

[KimberlyS]

I wish I could explain why it is a stress relief. But I can explain that as well as why I CD. All I know is when I am stressed it helps. But it is not the only time I CD either. And actually when I need some more feminine time my wife usually knows as I get edgy. And then she is asking if I need some femme time. Even though my wife does not like my CDing she is fairly tolerant of it as she knows it is part of me. Part of something I need.

An example that may help you. We are nearing the end of a major home remodel. Of which we are doing a lot of the work ourselves. We have been out of our house for 5 plus months, we have moved to 3 different places, and I am laid off my job in two days with out another job lined up. I have been working on our house almost every extra hour I have had for the past 9 months. I am tired. The other night my wife says to me, "you do not seem overly stressed with the situation". And I wasn't at the moment and a had a feeling of energy. I was the only one working in the house that night so I had on a few femme clothes along with male ones. That night I think I had on male tee, underwear, boots, cap, and tool belt; with androgenyous femme jeans, trouser socks, tank top, bra, forms. Yea I know a strange mix, but most days I mix and match male and femme clothes. I usually just grab what is on top in the drawer or what hits me at the time.

I am not sure why it calms me but it does. It also brings out a more fun loving part of me that seems to have been beaten back by life. I have always been a male person with a mix of masculine and feminine likes , dislikes, personality traits, and physical characteristic. Just the older I get the more I like the feminine to also look more feminine at times.

[Sarah...]

Thank you for your answers, :)

I may as well have asked how long is a peice of string then :heehee:

Love Ze xx

Yeah! I guess so!! :battingeyelashes:

I am "stressed" (if that's the right word) by being male. Always have been. Simple. Presenting as female suits me. And then my outer presentation and inner self fit together properly. When I reach this point all is well with my personality. All I have to do then is fit in with what all the other important people in my life need of me!!!

I suspect that for many in here "stress relief" (in it's simplest meaning) may just be the tip of the iceberg. Who knows? Like you say, how long is a piece of string?:hugs:

Sarah...

[KandisTX]

Think of it this way;

When you want to relax at home do you not put on something "comfy" for yourself? In many cases, that's what crossdressing is for us, we find comfort in the soft fabrics and pretty fashions society says are "female". We enjoy the feel of silk bra and panties against our skin, we enjoy the feel of nylons or stockings against our legs and the way the slip and skirt feels when it rubs against those stocking clad (sometimes shaved) legs. The idea of presenting ourselves as female allows us to leave the stressful male world behind us and become someone who has none of the stress of either our work or home life.

Howver, the best advice I can offer you is to talk to him, and ask these questions for youself to him. Hopefully this will be a way for you to come to understand him, and for him to open up more to you about his crossdressing. We all, crossdressers and spouses, girlfriends, boyfriends can use all the support and understanding we can get. Best of luck to you hon.

Kandis:love::rose2:

[suzy cool]

It's a complicated length of string as you've found out.

It's 'stress relief' if you are that way inclined as explained above and feel a sense of wellbeing from dressing and cast off the worldly worries.
Or it is the very last thing you want to do if you are stressed because it makes you feel even more vulnerable. Hence the threads, "I just lost my job and my wife left me and for some reason I don't feel like CDing anymore".
Or..It is a really neat way of explaining your kink and you don't have to call it a kink because you can sanitise it very nicely "Oh but it makes me feel so relaxed."
Or.....

You get the idea.

[sterling12]

FYI, a "stress reliever" can be anything that works for you! When I was in School they gave us quite a bit of info about stress, because Nursing is a very stressful occupation.

However, all jobs and most situations cause stress. And the amount of stress is related to an individual's perception of it. Inotherwords, your stress isn't necessarily my stress and vise-versa.

To relieve stress people walk, pound nails with a hammer, play the piano, bash each other in the head, AND sometimes dress up in clothing of the opposite sex! "Coping Mechanisms" are infinite, so just maybe he's telling you The Truth! CD's dress for a number of different reasons; usually we don't know the reason(s) ourselves. Stress relief is a plausable answer, there's been a lot of tension with your illness...why not?

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Lee Dee]

Hi Ze, my view, for what it's worth, is that when we as men/crossdressers are stressed. much of the stress comes from the expectation we may feel from others to be a certain way, ie 'be a man' 'be in control' 'men don't cry' 'don't be weak' 'what would your father say' etc etc. The escape, when the time is right for a crossdresser, is to actually make contact with the femine side, the beautiful caring, loving and deeply emotional experience felt when feeling feminine that cannot help but open the doors to the connection between head and heart. If I dress then I am not confined to the expectations of being a man, there is no hiding place, I can just be and give myself permission to experience something of what women feel and are encouraged to nurture. My SO recognises that when I am stressed because of work or whatever. that if I dress. sometimes even to a minimal degree. I will relax and then make more sense of how I am feeling without the conformities and expectations of being the male I am. Hope that makes sense, it does to me. Take care, Lee x

[docrobbysherry]

I dressed yesterday. Wasn't sure I wanted to invest the 3 plus hours it requires. I had so many things on my mind that needed doing! However, once I started the CD process, EVERYTHING ELSE ON MY MIND DISAPPEARED!

I'm often preoccupied with work and personal tasks/problems. When I dress, all I can think about is what I need to put on next!

During the dressing process, I'm NOT relaxed. Actually, the whole thing is stimulating for me! Culminating with Sherry looking back from the mirror. Which is ALWAYS a big rush!

Maybe CDing distracts many of us from our everyday thots. It does that for me!:brolleyes:

[jill s]

O I have put much thought into this issue, and for me and maybe others it's repressing the urge to express some part of us that produces the stress. Much as not eating produces hunger. So the equation is (NOT cross dressing= stress). I hope that makes some sense.

[Always Susan]

I find that the thought of donning all that lacey ,silky underwear exciting and then add to that make-up and dresses. The prolonged thoughts and excitiment waiting for that special night or day turns into stress that can only be relieved by fulfilling my desires. Once dressed Susan is relaxed and content.:)

[Holly]

The stress can build up from being put into the everyday situation of having to wear clothing that you just know is not right for you. Once out of the "dreaded drabwear" and slipping into something more comfortable, the stress melts away. Does that help, Ze xx?

[KellyCD]

Here's my take on it.

I believe that stress relief from crossdressing boils down to doing something you truly enjoy. Doing something you enjoy makes you feel better therefore, stress relief.

It may sound ironic that the thought of someone enjoying putting on all those things that alot of GG's find uncomfortable , but it happends.


Bra's, thongs, corsets (:daydreaming:) high heels etc, all that stuff doesn't bother me at all. For some reason I find (most, not all) of it very comfortable granted you have the right size and type for your body. Which is something I think alot of GG's don't pay much attention too. Too many times have I seen or heard a GG complain about they hate to have to wear (insert item) just to see them wearing that ill-fitted article of clothing anyway.

People enjoy alot of different things, take exercise for example. That is something I DO NOT enjoy. For me especially with the career field i'm in exercise is EXTREMELY boring and painful.

[TGMarla]

For me, it has to do with the state of being while I'm crossdressed. For a short while, I get to "be" a woman, which is a state that I particularly enjoy. I'm calm and contented while dressed, and I feel pretty and demure. This is in great contrast to my state of being in my regular life.

Calm and contented relieves stress, I guess.

[justmetoo]

How long is a piece of string? (good analogy!)

I don't know why either, but I can identify with some of the other comments (like KellyCD'S). I do know, that if I have a headache for example, putting on some comfy girly clothes helps me feel better. And some days I feel good just relaxing around the house in a skirt or whatever. I guess it's all in our heads, but just as real for all that. :daydreaming:

(my girlfriend just laughs when I say sometimes a skirt is more comfortable, but then we come from a generation when girls had to wear skirts to school)

[Jess_cd32]

Stress relievers:
1.Cigarettes
2.Pets
3.Having a private day to yourself and dressed to kill ;-)

[Ze xx]

Thanks, many points there that are helping me to make sense of things.

I don't believe he is lying when he says it's stress relief, he just can't explain it more. I'm quite a logical person and need reasons to get my head round things.

I think I've got to him at the moment with too many questions as he's beginning to answer with a petulant 'I don't know' to a lot of them. I won't appologise for bugging him though. There are things that I both need and want to know. This I'm afraid, is the result of keeping part of himself from me. I have some catching up to do to get back to the balance that I thought we had before if that makes sense. It's nothing to do with not accepting him cding, but it is to do with realising that I didn't fully know him for the last 7 years.

And, please, as far as I'm concerned, everyones opinion is valid. (the couple of 'for what it's worth' type of thing) If I've asked a question I am both prepared and fully expecting views from different angles, even if they are the polar opposite to mine. I may not agree, but that doesn't mean your's doesn't count. :)

[Pattie O]

I had a pedicure for the first time today and that was stress relief.It was wonderful but at the same time I was keeping it from my SO and that is burdensome.I suppose the exhilaration of doing something different that is normally taboo(not illegal) is part of the excitement and anticipation and then it's Oh what a relief when that toe nail polsh goes on(clear for me mind you) .Looking forward to some colours in the future.
:daydreaming:Pattie O

[jill s]

ZE, your trying to understand and bugging him about it are much better that the "head in the sand" or "I don't want to think about it". I think you are doing exactly the right thing even if it makes him uncomfortable at times. He is lucky to have someone push him out of the closet some.

[Holly]

...I think I've got to him at the moment with too many questions as he's beginning to answer with a petulant 'I don't know' to a lot of them...I would respectfully suggest not to assume that you "got to him." It is quite likely, even probable, that he really doesn't know the answer to many of the questions you are asking. There are so many conflicts associated to this way of life and it takes a great deal of time and energy to sort through it all. Your husband is lucky to have you there to help him reach a better understanding of himself. Best wishes.

[MarinaTwelve200]

With those of us that CD for "stress releif" find that in CDing one becomes a "different person" (at least at some mental level) and being a different person ---or more exactly a "NOT ME", all the background concerns, bothers, worries associated with "that guy" melt away. For a few hours, at least, "personal burdens" are lifted.--and the feeling is very 'relaxing" and pressure releasing.

-----But WHY CD?--couldnt one simply dress as another MAN--eg. Abe Lincolin, Sherlock Holmes, etc.? Indeed SOME guys DO--a lot of them are called ACTORS.

CDing has ADDITIONAL benifits though. Not only are you "not me", you are ALSO "Not a man"---that alone has "stress releif" elements. The pressure of " being a man" is also releived, making the session even MORE relaxing.----not to mention the erotic "Bonus" us hetro guys feel by being in ultimate contact with a "woman" and associated things.

I do not think that the average guy who CDs is any more "stressed out" than most other men out there, but CDing seems to releive the "background stresses" we all deal with in everyday life. Something we dont realize we carry until the burden is lifted. Most of us DISCOVERED this on our own as a consequence of a random CD incident most boys may experience early in life.-----We DISCOVER the "good feeling", and want to CD over and over again, as needed to get it. It likely has NOTHING to do with Sexuality, but rather ESCAPE from one's self.--if only for a little while.------Of course when we first CD we might not know WHY we are doing it--other than it feels good, but later on most of us "escapist" CDers realize the "WHY"---and that makes it even better, as we dont have to worry about WHY we CD anymore---(eg. "thank God it isnt a sexuality anomaly or serious psychological problem)

Of course, the above applies only to us "escapist" Cders who dress for 'stress releif"---as there are about 7or 8 other 'motivators' for CDing, it cant apply to ALL CDers as such.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Ze,

You know how when we "want to be nice to ourselves" and so do things that we like because we feel like we've had a hard time and need a break? Well, we do things that make us feel good. Like perhaps being pampered at the spa, having a facial, or maybe a foot massage and pedicure. Or perhaps a glass of champagne and our favorite food. Maybe listen to some calming music. All these things can be a stress busters for a lot of people and different people react different ways.

CDing is a bit like that for a lot of people (me included). I feel different when I dress. I feel nice. I like myself better. I enjoy feeling different. It's weird, but it's like I can "get away from being my regular guy self and become more of something I want to be". What I mean to say is the clothes help me tap into a side of myself that I hide from others in my male life at work.

There is nothing wrong with being happy. There is nothing wrong if it's you that makes yourself happy, and there is nothing wrong if wearing feminine clothes is what makes you feel nice. So what I'm saying is by wearing women's clothes (especially my wife's clothes), it puts me in a different mind-set. A mind-set that influences certain personality traits in me. If it's my wife's clothes it makes me feel closer to her, it also makes me feel feminine and better about myself, whilst also nurturing non manly behavior that I think suits me and also makes me feel happy and contented.

To me, crossdressing is a means of allowing me to tap into and release a side of myself that can benefit me spiritually, emotionally, and ultimately…. enhance my life, and yes ... it's definitely a stress buster! :)

[tall sam]

I have noticed a lot of you referring to stress relief when you go en femme. Can you explain why it's a stress reliever please? Surely, especially if you are keeping your cding a secret, it is more stressful? :idontknow:


Ze - have you even gone scuba diving. It takes hours to get organised, its a pain getting into the water with all the gear and at best you only get about 1 hour of underwater time in --- BUT when you are down there you forget about the world, you feel totally different - your mind is only focused on one activity and not racing around -- this is the closest comparison I can give to the feeling of dressing up and being Sam for a few hours or if luck a day or two.
Yes, it takes time to shave everything and put all the makeup on and get the outfit perfect. But while doing this you dont think about anything else, and what you are thinking about is not stressing, jsut fanatical fun.

Give your CD the support and he will love you more for it.