What do ya'll like/dislike about yourselfs???

[Dakotaa Xyler]

What I hate about myself:
Hate hidding who I am. Hate not telling. It so sux. I hate everything. My fat, this 'girls' breasts, the 'bleeding' Everything. Hate being this 'girl' they claim me to be. Hate not being the person Im suppossed to be. Hate feeling weird inside. Hate that people don’t understand me or whats happining. Hate being stuck this way, because I know Im supposed to be someone else. Hate that people think Im a freak and that my family doesn’t undersand me.
Hate that I hate myself.
What Im afraid of:
That people wont like me. Afraid that I wont be loved. Afraid they wont let me in when Dakotaa completely takes over me. Afraid that the pain wont stop. Will it ever truly end? Afraid that I don’t want the pain to end, if it does. I want to feel alive. Afraid that the evil will consume me, that if I do this my family will completely disowm me.

All these thoughts cross my mind. What will happen? Will I still be loved? Will they accept this or will they copletly shut me out? IDK… All I can do is accept myself. And let them work it out on their own.
I can only choose for myslf, not them.

Whats wrong with me:
Im stuck in this form forever trapped within’. Cant help but breakdown. These tears that I cry are not my lovly tears I like. These tears I hate. Makes me want to scream.

In the words of Van Montgomry- No body knows what Im going through.
Well, no one I know does.

Feel so lost in this world. So, udderly alone. Want to feel the vacent spot, want to feel the void. How do I do that? How do I start?

:straightface:

[ZenFrost]

I'm sorry you're in such turmoil. :hugs: I hope you can find some relation here, you may be surprised to find that a lot of us have gone through a lot of the same issues. While I can't pretend to say we've all been/are in your shoes, just relating to things as a FtM TG gives us something big in common that we can't find in other parts of our lives.

I hope you can find a family here and get the support you need to feel better.

[xTwo_Of_Heartsx]

I hate not passing in gay bars, or any other bar for that matter..
And I hate being fat.

[4serrus]

today?

I hate that the only time I can look in the mirror and not hate myself is when I'm "pretending". I hate that I don't have the conviction to stop calling it "pretending". And I hate having to choose, always always always, between keeping my family and being true to myself.

[xTwo_Of_Heartsx]

today?

I hate that the only time I can look in the mirror and not hate myself is when I'm "pretending". I hate that I don't have the conviction to stop calling it "pretending". And I hate having to choose, always always always, between keeping my family and being true to myself.


That's really hard..
And I know what it's like. I feel for you, man.