How do you explain when you're not sure yourself?

[glitrtoes]

I'm lucky in lots of ways, and one of them is having a generally accepting live in girlfriend. She's completely accepting in private---from the time I conned her into painting my toenails 8 years ago (and I've NEVER quit having them done) to being comfortable not hiding anything from the kids.

I've recently worked up the nerve to confess to her that I really want to live femme....everywhere.

The same wonderful woman who bought me my own makieup kit and lingerie does have problems with that, but I feel like it might change if I can explain the *why* it is important to me. It was hard to tell her I wanted it, full time CD, and I can't explain the why, since I haven't figured that out myself!

Any advice for someone on the edge of possible full time CD living??? I feel she could be convinced if I could just explain why I have the need.




Thanks for all the replies girls! Let me see if I can make better sense this morning.

Sandra, the job thing is important here too, she can't work right now, needing double knee surgery, and I wouldn't risk the job for the satisfaction of dressing at work. The right words to describe what its like inside are what I'm not sure of, they're hard to come up with and I'll for sure look at your site, thanks and hugs back!

Susan, she's secure in her own identity and sexuality, and doesn't feel like she'd be having her man substitued for by a female lover--she's had a close CD friend before, and her concern is personal safety. Shes seen what its like when someone is attacked physically for how they dress, and doesn't think I know the extent of the risk it can involve. You're right that I NEVER need to think and care for the other woman in my life's feelings, she is showing her care and concern for my safety, and its that that worries her.


gagirl1, its that communication I'm having the hard time to find the right words for. Its never easy to explain just how anything makes you feel is it?

ze, she knows her man won't disappear, I think she just wants to know why its important for me to dress in public to see if it is truly worth the real safety risks she knows I'll be taking. I need to come up with the words to explain the feelings and their importance to me before she'll be fully with me on it.

Angie, I do back off, but that doesn't mean I don't push it too....lol. I had to renew my DL today, this time I did it in makeup and a cute top, and some dangly earrings she bought me, so the femme will always be in my wallet dressed or not :)

MJ, I've never considered SRS, do you think full time CD is really just a step on the way???? I don't feel 2 years away from it, just want to live femme as fully as possible in CD

[Sandra Dunn]

The biggest problem I run into is the job thingy, so I'm looking for a job where I can be me. She's not in favor with the SRS idea, she is okay with the full time as long as she can get some boy time like once a week. The why part, only you can answer that one since the reasons are as many as there are of us. The most common theme is it is a part of who I am. Check my personal site, the wedding was her idea. HUGS Sandra

[Always Susan]

I think you are being a bit selfish. Sometimes we as CDs focus all our attention on ourselfs and how we are feeling and thinking about our desires. What about her feelings? She wanted to be with the male that is within you not the female. Maybe she doesn't want the give up that man. She might be willing to share that man with the women in side of you,but just doesn't want to be lovers with another women. We all need to think and care for the other woman in our lives:hugs:

[gagirl1]

Susan makes a good point. You must consider her feelings. You have to realize that by her loving you as a woman, she's going through the motions of sexuality concerns. she loves you as a person, but is scared about what it says about her. living full time with a woman has so many intricacies it's insane. talk to her about it, communication is the most important thing. remember, you both must sacrifice for eachother.

[Ze xx]

From my point of view, I want to be with a man. Now it doesn't bother me that that man wants to go en femme occasionally as he is a man when I need him to be, whether thats sexual or doing the heavy work.

However if he wanted to go full time then that would completely change the balance of our relationship to one where I don't currently want the relationship to be. (I don't know if time will change that pov, I can't say). It's not a question of not being accepting of someones choice, it's a question of what is right for me.

[MJ]

I think you are being a bit selfish. Sometimes we as CDs focus all our attention on our selfs and how we are feeling and thinking about our desires. What about her feelings? She wanted to be with the male that is within you not the female. Maybe she doesn't want the give up that man. She might be willing to share that man with the women in side of you,but just doesn't want to be lovers with another women. We all need to think and care for the other woman in our lives:hugs:

I don't think she is being a selfish at all.


Susan makes a good point. You must consider her feelings. You have to realize that by her loving you as a woman, she's going through the motions of sexuality concerns. she loves you as a person, but is scared about what it says about her. living full time with a woman has so many intricacies it's insane. talk to her about it, communication is the most important thing. remember, you both must sacrifice for each other.

people change over time you know! but i do feel glitrtoes should see therapist so she can understand why she feel this way ..

case in point :- the saying whats the difference between a cross dresser and a transsexual ...
answer
Two years ..
yes people change and in my time here almost 2 years now i know of 5 full-time girls that weren't two years ago ..
glitrtoes you need to start talking express your feelings find the right specialist to talk with . but don't rush in to your choice of full time. it is not as easy as you think

[Angie G]

If you love her and she is not totally down with this then I.d back off. You must give something in this relationship and this idea just may be it hun. She's already giving don't push it. Or you may just lose her It's your call hun.:hugs:
Angie

[curiouslooker]

Perhaps the reason she was okay before is because it was a "naughty" thing you did together and did not define who you are. Maybe she feels she is not enough of a woman for you and now you have to do this. She may even think you are not interested in her any more.

Just some random thoughts.

[Holly]

Beware of the PINK FOG! From what I can gather, you have not yet been out fully en-femme yet and are planning to next month on Halloween. That seems like a big leap to make to living full-time when you have never even experienced what it is like for a full day. It's not all puppies and lollipops. You can't even explain why you want to (your words). Honey, I hope you will slow down a bit. You need to come to terms with yourself. Enlist the help of a professional counselor if you must.

I, nor anyone else here can answer your question as to how to explain yourself... that is totally within you. I hope you will spend some time looking at that. You also need to be prepared to examine what it is that you now have that you are willing to give up, should you choose to become full time. It may require you to give up everything. Can you commit to that?

[Rabina32]

I think i can identify with you glitrtoes, but i agree with what everyone has said so far. I have been dealing with my own TG feelings now for 8 months and have been in therapy the whole time. Through the therapy i have come to terms with myself, and my feelings, but the unsure part is the how. How did this happen, and why me?
Those are the things that trouble me the most. There are theory's on how this happens to us, but no one knows for sure. The other part, the why? for me it was not only why me? but also why now? I'm 35 years old and these feelings seemed to come out of no where, and 2 months after i asked my fiance to marry me.

For me the other problem is will she stay with me after I start my transition. I think most of us can say that at some point in our relationship with our SO's you have the conversation about what if i was disfigured from an accident, like a car crash. If you truly love somebody you would stay with them if they were permanently scared or disfigured. It would be cruel to leave somebody that you love, just because of there outward appearance, especially since they had no control of what happened to them. They didn't chose to be in an accident that would scare them for life. So why would you leave a person that you love for being TG. We don't ask for this to happen to us but it does, so if we change our appearance or gender to match whats inside, how is that any different? I think most people think that this is something we chose and therefor we did it to ourselves. I don't think most people can even begin to understand the pain that we go through emotionally and psychologically in dealing with our TG feelings. I think most people think its a fetish or some sort of perversion. And because others can not see the change that happens deep in our brains, but can only see our desire to change our bodies, or gender, then they will never truly understand.

[MJ]

I have been dealing with my own TG feelings now for 8 months and have been in therapy the whole time. Through the therapy i have come to terms with myself, and my feelings, but the unsure part is the how. How did this happen, and why me?
Those are the things that trouble me the most.

the problems is only you know. you can't change who you are but you can learn to accept this


There are theory's on how this happens to us, but no one knows for sure. The other part, the why? for me it was not only why me? but also why now? I'm 35 years old and these feelings seemed to come out of no where, and 2 months after i asked my fiancé to marry me.

you may never know but this is not a choice.



For me the other problem is will she stay with me after I start my transition. I think most of us can say that at some point in our relationship with our SO's you have the conversation about what if i was disfigured from an accident, like a car crash. If you truly love somebody you would stay with them if they were permanently scared or disfigured. It would be cruel to leave somebody that you love, just because of there outward appearance, especially since they had no control of what happened to them. They didn't chose to be in an accident that would scare them for life. So why would you leave a person that you love for being TG. We don't ask for this to happen to us but it does, so if we change our appearance or gender to match whats inside, how is that any different? I think most people think that this is something we chose and therefor we did it to ourselves. I don't think most people can even begin to understand the pain that we go through emotionally and psychologically in dealing with our TG feelings. I think most people think its a fetish or some sort of perversion. And because others can not see the change that happens deep in our brains, but can only see our desire to change our bodies, or gender, then they will never truly understand.


once again you fail to see the whole picture you did from your point of view but what about the S.O point of view?
what about the woman who Finlay finds her knight in shining Armour the man she loves who through no fault of his own or choice now wishes to become a woman. that must be devastating for her . her world is destroyed gone
some woman are hard wired for men only no girls apply. who are we as ts to try to make them in to something there not ..

how many here live in fear that there secret will get out and what will happen to them.. it's the same for our woman what will our family's think about us we all get tared with the same brush. i don't blame them for leaving

so after the bomb goes off we as tg well most end up with nothing no wife or girlfriend no family or job no hope for surgery nothing. is it worth it ?. but we have no choice so we try to live the best we can with what we got ..and try to find some level of happiness for what time we have left on earth.