Emotional question - FtM Only

[DemonicDaughter]

I'm a bit late on the times regarding what's on television (happens when you don't own one). A few weeks ago, while searching for something new to watch, I came across the show "The L Word".

One of the characters is a transman who was at a meeting. A few of the other transmen stated that the T kept them from crying. Is this true?! I know it doesn't stop anyone from being emotional (from some of what I read it rather increases it but apparently in a more aggressive manner), but I didn't know it actually kept you from crying.

For those of you on T, could you clarify if this is true and how did you handle it?

[DanielMacBride]

Well I don't know about for the other boys, but in my case, the T has made absolutely no difference to how much I do or don't cry (I am not a big crier anyway and never have been, and it hasn't changed on T). Also, in regard to the T increasing emotions but in a more aggressive way - I can categorically state that in my case it has not done this, it has instead levelled out my emotions and made me far more chilled and less neurotic, so that things don't affect me as much as they used to and I am way less stressed. And my aggression (previously a BIG issue) has basically completely disappeared since I have been on T :)

[xTwo_Of_Heartsx]

I was a crybaby before T.. but now I find it difficult to cry unless something really upsets me. I don't really cry over stupid things anymore.. just really serious stuff.. or if my heart is really broken.
So yeah, I will say it has affected me.

[Tristan]

The longer I am on t the less find movies and such get me to cry. Not that I was easy to crack before, but father/son moments in any movie always really got me. Now they don't make me drop a tear I know it's changed.

[DemonicDaughter]

See now... I would never have thought it would do that. Thank you all for replying. :)

You know, this whole question sort of opens up a bit of an "emotional" Pandora's box in my head. Brings back the memories of my father completely unable to stand me crying, even if it was from an injury (I hardly ever cried from emotions in front of him). I always thought he was this iron man, so strong, so in control... now all I think is, its not that he was strong... its just not in his genetics to cry. Kind of changes the perspective of things.

Daniel, sounds like you had a hormonal imbalance to begin with so it its amazing that T helped instead of hindered! That must have seemed like huge blessing.

ToH & Tristan: Does/did it bother you? Do you feel that you are repressing emotions or they are just not there?

[ZenFrost]

I didn't cry much before and I don't now. If anything, I've noticed a big decrease in aggression (which wasn't high to begin with either), I get less angry at things and I'm even quicker to cool down. I was cool-headed before, but now I'm so cool my atoms are virtually stationary.

Okay, sorry, that was a really lame joke. But it's still my point, T has reduced my mood swings and emotional roller coaster to a sensible level, I get to the verge of tears less often, and my aggression has toned down.

[xTwo_Of_Heartsx]

Does/did it bother you? Do you feel that you are repressing emotions or they are just not there?

It bothered me that I cried so much before, yes.
I like not being as much of a baby.. but now there are times I just NEED to cry, and I can't.. so there are negatives AND positives.
It doesn't feel like I'm repressing, per se.. I just literally can't cry sometimes, no matter how sad I am.

[DanielMacBride]

Daniel, sounds like you had a hormonal imbalance to begin with so it its amazing that T helped instead of hindered! That must have seemed like huge blessing.

Well if you go by all the bloodwork I have had done, my girl hormones were at perfectly normal levels for a genetic female (and in the doc's opinion not at a level that would cause any sort of emotional disruption). But I did find it interesting that I was a VERY angry "girl" and now that I am on T, the anger has completely gone and I am (in my son's words) so laidback I am almost horizontal ;) I do still occasionally get angry, but now when I do, it takes a LOT more to make me angry, and then I get a lot LESS angry and for a much shorter time than I ever used to. Like something that would have had me flying off the handle and being in someone's face and threatening to hit them before (and probably ranting for HOURS) would now just make me go "yeah right, WHATEVER!" and I get mildly pissed off by comparison, and I walk away rather than cause a fight. And my mood swings - OMG, before, I would have the wildest mood swings between angry and depressed, and it was only between extremes of these two - I was NEVER happy, and my moods could change several times a day (yeah, it was INSANE). So now I am generally pretty happy most of the time, and only get stressed or down when things get really rough, but I cope a lot better now than before T and I seem to have a lot more inner strength to deal :)

It's not an uncommon thing with T though - I know of several boys who have had the same effects as I have when they go on T, they have had anger and aggression problems for a long time and the T levels them out. My pshrink seems to think that this reaction to T is purely psychological, but personally I think thats ******** because hormones are a chemical thing and there is no getting around the physical effects they cause. So for me, I think the fact that my anger and my almost 25 years of severe clinical depression have basically dissipated to nothing and only since I have been on T says it all - that alone tells me that being on T is ABSOLUTELY the right thing for me to do because it has made such a HUGE impact that no amount of anti-depressants or other psych drugs has managed to have (and believe me I had tried them ALL, only to find that my brain was determined to sabotage my attempts to get well because I am hypersensitive to all forms of pyschotropic drugs and they all do things they are not supposed to!) So I think that was my brain's way of saying no, you don't need brain chemicals, you need T! LOL :D But even my doctor was amazed at the difference the T has made, and agrees that it just proves that what I needed all along was not psych drugs, but hormones ;)

[DemonicDaughter]

Now see, I have a naturally higher level of estrogen and because of this, I don't "spike" hormonally like most other women do. It makes it so I am not an overly emotional person nor do I have any issues during my time of the month. There are some downsides though... Anything that could affect my hormonal level causes some pretty drastic reactions. This means NO estrogen based birth control for me. No foods that can change that level either. And certainly a huge watch on all medications I would ever have to take.

How badly has it affected me? Well, not wanting to go into any grave details, let's just say that at one point in my life I would have had to use my hormone levels as the basis for my defense had a door not gotten in the way. Yes... THAT bad.

I'm happy though that T leveled our your emotions, Daniel, as I know just how difficult life can be when it seems like your emotions are just all over the place and everything seems to set you off.

Thanks for taking the time, all of you, for responding. Its some very interesting stuff! :hugs:

[Tristan]

Tristan: Does/did it bother you? Do you feel that you are repressing emotions or they are just not there?

It bothered me to cry in front of people because it made me feel foolish, but I never really saw it as a weakness. It doesn't bother me now that I don't cry because I am not repressing any emotions by not crying at the movie. And even though I'm on t there are things that can still break me down like tough family situations and stuff.