Have u ever felt "dirty"?

[docrobbysherry]

I haven't wanted to post this topic. But it's really bothering me rite now!
Something happened this afternoon----.

Let me go back a year, before I found this site. I dressed on and off back then. Guilt stopped me from CDing more. Because I always thot it was a perversion! For me, sex and dressing go hand in hand. ( So to speak). Then, I found this site.
I felt so much better about CDing and myself! And my CDing has increased 10 fold in the last year. Then, those old thots suddenly came back today!

You've seen some of Sherry's images. Remember, I'm nearsited. So, when I see those images in the mirror, they look VERY authentic to me! I was dressing today. I found myself looking at a half dressed, buxom Barbi doll, a 20 something hottie. I was having a great time, and took my pics, and I was so turned on when we culminated our union. Like I always do. But afterwards, I started thinking;

" I've got a 22 y/o daughter".
" What the "H" is an old fart like me doing, having sex with a young woman"?
" This isn't even a real woman, it's me, pretending to be one. How sick is that?"

OK, I could say a lot more, but I'm not feeling real great rite now! I don't even want to look at those pics!

Does anyone even understand where I'm coming from? I feel overwhelmed with remorse and guilt. I feel like a dirty old man! Has anyone ever felt what I'm feeling rite now? What the "h" is the matter with me all of a sudden?

If anyone has any words of wisdom, I could REALLY USE THEM RITE NOW!

[Zenith]

You are taking yourself too seriously again Doc...lighten up...
:D

[PamelaTX]

Yes, I feel like that several times a week. Usually I just feel like an idiot. At the superficial level there is something silly about this, after all. Sometimes I can snap myself out of it by reminding myself that the clothes are just the tip of the iceberg and it's the underlying reality of being female inside that's important. Other times I have to sleep on it. I always feel better in the morning.

So what I'm saying is this: Don't worry, it will pass.

[LilSissyStevie]

Who were you hurting?

[erica12b]

yes sometimes the guilt is there , but after finding this site i came to under stand erica is part of me, just like im a dad when i have my son , or im the uncle , or the IT tech , the son to my 70yr old parents, all are me ,at times some need to take over , at times the guilt that comes from not having my son it bad (and i get depresed) same when i dress sometimes, we just half to find balance

hope this helps

[Karren H]

I have felt dirty, ashamed.. Guilty.. but it hasn't been for 4 decades.. Once I accepted that iits not wrong to wear womens clothing then crossdressing became fun!! What it should be!!

[VikkiVixen7188]

*Not a psychologist yet but a very successful student, soon to be published*

Its nothing to feel dirty about. Your just dressing up as a girl you find attractive, and then doing what anyone would do when they see an attractive person. It has no connection with your daughter. 20year old women dont stop being attractive just because your older. The only way I would be concerned is if you are dressing up in a way that strongly resembles your daughter, and even then it is likely just be a coincidence.

[bah-bah-bobbie]

I've felt the guilt thing myself many many times. Self accepting or not the old habits come back to haunt once in a while. So I find myself asking why am I doing this? Then I remember oh yeah, cause I'll go nucking futs if I don't. In addition I found this pair of really sexy Rassoli shoes that are just too pretty to feel guilty about.

[Delila]

I think that many of us have these feelings from time to time. The best thing that you can remember is. Are you hurting anyone? NO! Are you helping anyone? YES! You. Most of life consists of taking care of someone else so what if you spend some time taking care of yourself you arent going out and causing harm to another person. Just remember everyone has the right to their own happiness you most likely spent your life caring for your wife and daughter now you can care for you and that is a great thing.

[GaleWarning]

Hi there doc
Ususally it is I who seeks the advice of a shrink ...
I don't know anything about your situation, so cannot help you.
Why do you crossdress? Answer that one honestly and you will have answered your own question, IMHO.
And I agree with other posters on this thread; if you are not hurting anyone, then what you do is a harmless diversion.
You do not mention having a wife or SO. Is what you do hurting them in some way? If not, stop worrying.
Clayfish

[DawnRodgers]

Dirty? No, never. Probably the emotion mast felt is questioning myself why I do it? The answer is because I just enjoy it too much. The hardest part is when I travelled on business, I always took a small suitcase for Dawn. Never caused a problem at the airport or anything but it seemed strange sometime that I just needed a small carry on and Dawn needed a garment bag and a medium sized case. But a girl needs clothes for the occassion.
Dawn

[Dita_B]

Has anyone ever felt what I'm feeling rite now? What the "h" is the matter with me all of a sudden?

Yes, doc, I did. But guilt is a very negative emotion and I didn't feel guilty very long, because the crossdressing felt way too good...

Words of wisdom? I don't think so, not from this girl. When it feels good, (and it doesn't harm anyone), it must be good, that is my opinion...

So get over it doc... Personally, I don't see anything wrong with getting excited over the girl in the mirror... in the privacy of your own home...

Oh and... enjoy!

:love:Dita.

[Satrana]

I would say you have allowed yourself to be sucked back into the original programming where men are not allowed to be feminine and even worse - that older folks should not be so sexually active!

Give yourself a slap and get out of zombie mode. Your guilt is produced by society wanting you to be a sterile perfect citizen. Because you play along with this idea when in drab you are allowing yourself to be "re-infected" with nonsense ideals. You have to choose between being a true individual or being a lemming.

This is your life, your body, your femininity. Enjoy it!

[Jess_cd32]

Amazing how after sex you felt so different right? hormones I think can play a mojor role in how we feel and can cause all kinds of thoughts good and bad when released into the brain and those neurons start firing.

Before, during and after sex these are releasing etc... along w/ who knows what else in our bodies. It's a tough thing trying to figure out what causes the guilt after, but as Karren stated, accept who you are and enjoy yourself, then most of the guilt may dissapear.

I hated that guilt when I had it but I finally embraced cd-ing and accept it as a part of me and now acctually I'm glad I do it.

Give it (some) thought, work thru it, but don't dwell on it till it drives you crazy. Alot of people have a wild side, don't be ashamed of it, heck look at Hugh Hefner w/ those three hot babes, he's not letting anything stop him from enjoying all life has to offer is he? (and they are all younger than his daughter) They can call him a perv or worse, give me 3 hot babes if I'm ever single again and they can call me anything they wanted to,lol
I didn't read anything that bad you did to feel that guilty.

[Kate Simmons]

A long time ago as explained in Mae's thread. I agree with Satrana, however. Just be yourself and enjoy it my friend. It's all about self exploration. How do we really know who we are and how we feel if we don't experience the feelings?:)

[RikkiOfLA]

Sure, I used to waste a lot of time feeling guilty and ashamed about CDing. And then I had some time to think, recovering from a serious operation. I realized that my life was probably half over, and I'd spent the first half of it, trying to live up to other people's expectations. And trying to be "good" this way hadn't made me a better person. It hadn't made me live longer either--here I was, so sick I could have died. So I decided right then and there that the rest of my life was MINE to live, so I was going to try to have a ball!

And I have!

Rikki

[MJ]

hi doc,
yes i use to feel that way at first and i have two girls that are 23 years old :eek: yes i am an old fart too.. but once i accepted who i am and also i am not hurting anyone .

[Angie G]

By feeling this it shows you have feelings this is a good thing. They some times keep us from doing something stupid. If you by yourself no harm is done. Exept maybe in your head your fine and don't be so hard on yourself Sherry. :hugs:
Angie

[cdmindymi]

Sherry I understand everything you said, and maybe some of what you didn’t say. I think that we tg’s spend a lot time trying to please others in our lives, that we feel selfish when we take some time for ourselves. Combine that with the social expectation, our age, fear that we might be outed and bingo you have everything you need for guilt soup. We all have a slight variance in our ingredients, but I think if we look at each one of them they are not that real. I am working on my own acceptance as a transgender, and I think it is an importance step to bringing my two sides together. The sexual side of it can bring a lot of guilt if I let it, but like everyone here has said “ it don’t hurt anyone” well maybe me if I let it. That is the key, if I let it. I know there is some good side to my cding and I try to keep that in mind, I don’t want to lose that part of my personality. To be honest here, not only do I find my girl in the mirror sexual attractive but other cd’s as well. In fact I stop by you place and look at your pics, and I have to admit if I look that good, my cding would increase 10 folds also. The bottom line here is please don’t let gilt destroy Sherry. She is a good person, and we all would miss her. Please feel free to contact me if you want to talk some more.

[charlie]

Hello Sherry!
Awhile ago I felt not really dirty, but disgusted with myself. How could this intelligent "male" be getting dressed in female undergarments? How could I be putting on makeup, nylons and dresses and going out in public? I must be a sexual deviant! I lost pride in myself. It wasn't until I found this forum that I learned that pride was not the issue. The issue is that this a part of me. It is not deviant because it is just who I am. It does not hurt or harm anyone, in fact it makes me feel good. I am accepted when I go out, even though I am a man in a dress. And I feel good about it now! Work it through Sherry. You probably can't or won't stop anyway. No use feeling badly about it.

[Anna the Dub]

Many times when I was younger I felt disgust with myself. Promised myself that I would never dress up again, it was just so wrong. Now that I have accepted myself for what I am, I most certainly do not feel that way anymore.

[Roberta Llyan]

Stop being so hard on yourself. Life is for happiness and joy. Live it to experience it. Love yourself.

[Deborah Jane]

From a blonde....
Hey, Doc/Sherry
Don,t torture yourself my friend, you are enjoying yourself, you,re not breaking any laws and you know you love what you do, so just be who you are and enjoy your life.
You enjoy taking your pictures and many of us enjoy seeing them, so just keep being you, you,re part of our family and we love you for it! :hugs:

[MargoLE]

That's the way to go Doc, a 22 y/o daughter. Must make you feel so good.

But wait, what do I see but you calm to be an "old fart", now how can a young person like you do that. Just to be sure I went to the memberlist and did a reverse scan on the age column but your name was not at the top of the list. It was not even the next one down.

You know you really should not calm things like this until you work for the title. Bet there are other things that are really positive things you just do not remember how to see them.

We are all here for you. so look for the positive too little time for the negative.

until then
here thinking of you.

[Toni_Lynn]

Hi Doc

Oh yes, many many times I have felt all manner of guilt and dirtiness about crossdressing and the sexual aspect therein.

Certainly my crossdressing as a teen began so very innocently, I recall those wonderful halcyon days of the summer of 1971, the summer after I bought and began wearing my very own first training bra and panties. The memories are so very fond. I recall riding my bike out to the shopping center, buying a new training bra, some panties, or some nail polish, and then riding back and sitting under a tree beside a nearby lake as I admired my new goodies and dreamed of how wonderful it was to be a girl. Sure, there was that anatomical incongruity between legs, but between my ears, I was a girl, and finding out that I was girl was so wonderful.

And then -- it happened -- I was found out by my mum and emotionally abused by her. She called me things that I had no knowledge of, and accused me of sexual acts that I knew nothing of. The fact of the matter was, that I was so innocent that I had no knowledge of anything sexual. I was a good Catholic kid, who went to Mass and the nuns enjoyed having in class, who never swore, and never disobeyed my elders.

When I learned about what I was being accused of, yes, I did feel dirty. I was repulsed by the things I was being accused of. It has literally taken me over 35 years to get over that. During that time I've had ups and downs, times filled with a bad marriage, purges, alcoholism, and some questionable sexual practices (a visit to a pay for play girl). I feel these were all brought about by the self-hatred that I was brainwashed into believing. Granted, through it all, I still loved the girl within. She was my diamond girl, as sung about in the Seal and Crofts song, who always shone, who I could never find another one like, for part of her is deep down inside me. She kept me strong.

The past 20 years, during which I've been sober, have lead me to where I am today, and I will openly admit that it has taken the love and acceptance of my wife to bring closure to the self-loathing. She makes me feel new and clean again.

Plus - and this is most important - even though I am now 51, and no longer the cute young thing that I envisioned and dreamed of being, I have resolved to never again let anyone make me feel dirty, and that includes ME! And, I will seize every moment to live my dreams and make up for lost time.

My wife says to think of it as putting on costume. I can relate to that having done some acting and from time as a disc-jockey (disc-jockette? -- BTW -- I do wish I'd have done at least ONE show dressed!)

Nope -- don't feel guilty or dirty. The girl that you become is you. You can no more not be her than a lion be a carrot!

I'm last person to go around saying 'If it feels good do it' about things, but in the case of crossdressing, there really is good reason to say this.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Vicki65]

I know exactly where you're coming from.

If it involves sexual act, I generally feel pretty bad afterwards. I frequently hate myself, feel dirty and perverse.

However, if I just dress and relax and get on with my day, when I put the clothes away I dont feel bad at all.

Perhaps the feelings of guilt are mainly because of a deeply entrenched 'masturbation = naughty' thing we all grew up with, and is only peripherally because of the cross dressing?

[JaytoJillian]

I have felt dirty, ashamed.. Guilty.. but it hasn't been for 4 decades.. Once I accepted that iits not wrong to wear womens clothing then crossdressing became fun!! What it should be!!


Ditto

[Vivian Best]

Sherry I felt the same way more years than I care to count! It seemed to get worse the older I got. By the time I was in my forties I was beside myself with guilt about what I was, what I was doing, why, and any other question I could ask myself I did. I hated myself, I hated cross dressing, I just hated everything!

I was probably like you, I felt torn in opposite directions. I felt compelled to dress (and liked to do it) and hated myself for doing it. I was in a state of constant emotional turmoil. Something had to change or I was going to go nuts.

I finally sat down and took stock of myself and ask myself every question I could think of about my life. I finally came to the conclusion that either I was going to quit this life or I was going to have to embrase it. You can see which I chose by the fact I'm on this site.

My life has been in tremendously less turmoil since I made that decision. For your own sanity you have to make a decision that is right for you.

[JenniferR771]

I suspect that you are a cd. Can you change that? Can you accept what you can't change?

[Megan70]

Hi Doc

Plus - and this is most important - even though I am now 51, and no longer the cute young thing that I envisioned and dreamed of being, I have resolved to never again let anyone make me feel dirty, and that includes ME! And, I will seize every moment to live my dreams and make up for lost time.


Nope -- don't feel guilty or dirty. The girl that you become is you. You can no more not be her than a lion be a carrot!

I'm last person to go around saying 'If it feels good do it' about things, but in the case of crossdressing, there really is good reason to say this.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

Toni,
Your post is the most beautiful articulately written,sincere post I've ever read.
Say no more... you walked the walk, whether in high heels or sneakers and you are to be greatly admired for your unashamed candidness.
Megan

[Carly D.]

You have to find your place.. your comfort zone.. how much you want what it is you want.. to be crossdressed or not as a perversion.. to me I felt like a pervert in the early days.. when I couldn't understand why I liked to dress in moms clothes and it felt better although also I felt like I was wrong in wearing it.. I don't know if it felt more wrong because it wasn't my clothes or if it was because it was womens clothes.. I'm not sure.. that feeling still exists today in that when someone comes here unexpectedly (like last week) and I'm wearing shoes and have to get out of them without the person knowing.. I'm not ready to be outed.. I thought in a split second that I was caught and to go with the flow.. but my main reaction is to not be found out about, and to keep from being seen that way..if I'm found out about I think I would want my older brother to be the one I tell first and then ask him what he thinks and should I bother telling anyone else..

[Laura_Stephens]

I felt guilty when I was younger and thought that I was the ONLY guy on the planet who enjoyed wearing women's clothes and the sexual pleasure that sometimes goes with it.

When I found that there are possibly millions just like me, thenn much of the guilt went away. Thank God for the Internet and the ability to learn about the human condition.

[deja true]

Oh, golly DRS! Maybe because you started late, you're going through the adolescent guilt thing that we all have, and that some still do.


That you have a daughter the age of Sherry is no big deal. You're a straight man. You've told us that! Straight men are attracted to attractive women of all ages. Atractive women of all ages generally work at making themselves attractive. So does Sherry!

Unless you're actually thinkin' of your daughter during your adventures with Sherry, there's no reason to stress! If you are, well... then that's why the goddess invented therapists!

Hell, most of us started by wearing our mothers or sister's clothes...but I don't remember thinking of my mother (didn't have a sister) when all that stuff was going on. Now girlriends...hmmm..that was a different matter!

You're okay, Doc. From the humor you usually put forth and the fun we know you have , we know you're a level headed (but oh so kinky!) guy!

Dump the funk, hun! And if you can't, then do something about it.

I'm told that males have a twice a month period of heightened testosterone activity. Maybe you're just having one of those!

While you're at it, go back and read Vickyvixen's and Satrana's posts again. They're spot on!

[Raffina]

If anyone has any words of wisdom, I could REALLY USE THEM RITE NOW!

Personally I've never felt any guilt, remorse, or shame at all when dress up. I've always followed the principle that I am my own man, and I do what I like. If it makes me happy I'll do it, regardless of what perception CD'ing is viewed as by 'normal' people (I mean, what hell is 'normal' anyway :rolleyesp:).

I do it in complete privacy - nobody knows and it doesn't harm anyone, so I can't see any problems from it.

I've read what you said docrobbysherry, because you have said you felt 'guilt' and 'dirty' when CD'ing, I have to say that you have let what the general view (or "normal" people :rolleyesp: ) of CD'ing judge you on it.

I saw to hell with them and carry on doing what you enjoy.

[fluffy_kingston]

I felt guilty for many years because of religion. I have been able to overcome it with a little hypnotherapy. I am much happier now.

[Edyta_C]

Yes Sherry, I felt guilty and "dirty" when I had to hide my femme self from others. While I'm not out to the world, sharing this with my wife and not hiding my CDing has rid me of the guilt and dirt.

Hugs Edyta

[Jennifer Cox]

Hi Sherry,

I used to feel that way for many years, mainly in my teens & twenties. I couldn't really understand why I was the way I was. However, over time I came to accept myself, and now I don't feel any guilt.

As others have said, life's too short to worry about it, just enjoy yourself. :)

[tricia_uktv]

Life's about having fun. There are certain places I wouldn't go but pretty much everywhere and everything is available to me. No guilt any more I just do it. It is fun!

[Jess_cd32]

I felt guilty for many years because of religion. I have been able to overcome it with a little hypnotherapy. I am much happier now.

That used to bother me to many years ago alot, now I look at it this way, this is the way I was made, its a part of me, if I'm going to be condemned for that what can I say, it seems unfair to all genders that are outside the box of whats considered the norm.

[gennee]

Doc, the day that I accepted that I love to wear women's clothing was the day that I was liberated. I never felt shame or guilt about what I was doing. It's a part of you and to be enjoyed. I've never been happier.

Gennee

:)

[docrobbysherry]

The experience, knowledge, and empathy found on this site, would be impossible to explain or describe properly to an outsider!

I've had a few days to digest all of your advice, suggestions, thots, and feelings. And still more of your comments r coming!

I've felt your boots up my behind, your slaps in my face, and all of your very sympathic, positive posts!

And I feel much better about the CD/fetish :o complex, I seem to have. I'm easing back into it. And doing some self examination about how and why I dress. U may see a change in Sherry's demeaner soon!:straightface:

And for those of u that were concerned, I've never had any sexual thots about either of my daughters. If I'm sick, I'm not that sick, fortunately!:eek:

I wish to thank each and every one of u for taking the time and energy to try and communicate your thots! You'll never know how much u all mean to me!:hugs:

[Zenith]

De Nada...
:hugs:

Now go have fun...
:D

[geenalynn]

It seems to be totally useless waste of time and energy to feel dirty or bad about it to me anyway. I mean I've tried tens of times to stop but it just can't be done. I don't always stimulate myself but sometimes I do and now I don't waste the time wondering and making what I do even more complex I just enjoy it and love life for what and how long I have it for. But if it does bother me, shopping ALWAYS helps!!!

[Sam-antha]

It is such a waste of good memories of pleasure to become involved with shame or disgust.
It is probably an inevitable feeling at first, especially without knowledge of this family/etc so one "alone" can feel ashamed because of the "differences" toother people.
Do remember, (if it is there,) that Sex is Sex, whether solo or plural. It is perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed etc of, unless one is brought up to believe that it is "bad".
Also, do realise that time/familiarity with yourself will remove the sexual overtones and this "other you" becomes for real and for fun - I mean enjoyment of living fun -.
Just go enjoy the fact that you are two people. Not many have this chance in life.

[Nicole Erin]

Human sexuality is very diverse in many ways.
For getting turned on by CD'ing, that is nothing to be ashamed of. I think more CD's find a sexual side of it than they are willing to admit. I will be the first to admit that it is one of the reasons I CD. I like my legs in heels and hose and a short skirt. I would ravish them if they were attached to some other human being. :o

GMs tend to be turned on by what they see. For those GMs who like a woman's sexuality, any image of that can get our hormones going. It can be real, fake, or whatever.

And it is your body. Dress up and do what you need to. Sherry time is your time, your business, and no one is getting hurt.

People are turned on by almost anything. Most of us are lucky enough that the turn on is practical and harmless. What consenting adults do behind closed doors is their own business.

Worry not sherry. :)

For the shame and guilt, why bother? I know when I was younger I felt horrible about it and after "self pleasure" I promised myself I would never do it again. Well that never lasted.

[trannie T]

One of the most difficult challenges many of us have is being able to accept ourselves. Many of us are hidden in the closet and have not told our closest friends or family members of our crossdressing.

We have nothing to be ashamed of.

There is nothing wrong with crossdressing.
There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser.

[iwearstockings]

Its not important how old you are and whether you have children or if you are fantasising about a young woman. Your sexual urges and impulses are normal and you explore and accommodate them in a way which, though unorthodox, harms absolutely no-one and brings you so much pleasure.
Isaac Newton wrote that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction, yin and yang eh?
take it easy doc :^)

[Ressie]

Yeah, I feel guilt or embarrassment sometimes. Even ridiculous sometimes. I believe it has to do with having those feelings as a child. Like when mom caught me wearing panties and made me feel ashamed. Or when older brother almost caught me and scared the hell out of me. Just realize it's your child within you that brings out these feelings.

OTOH, your emotions may be trying to tell you something.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi, you do sound down.

Here's my theory,
In the early to mid stages of our lives we men tend to get sexually aroused in many different ways. I know that many CD's (me included) would end a CDing session with a really good **** Hmm.. masturbate.
We were taught all our young lives that this was wrong and so we felt guilty as soon as we had done it. Perhaps its that guilt that you're feeling. Try this.
Dress for a while but do nothing sexually then undress and see how you feel. Next, without dressing have a really good masturbation session, when you've finnished see how you feel. I'll bet you feel guilty. As you get older you'll find that you don't need any sexual stimulation when you're dressed, you'll feel satisfied just being dressed and feeling feminine.
Well thats my theory, hope it helps.
Sam K

[docrobbysherry]

Hi, you do sound down.

Here's my theory,
In the early to mid stages of our lives we men tend to get sexually aroused in many different ways. I know that many CD's (me included) would end a CDing session with a really good **** Hmm.. masturbate.
We were taught all our young lives that this was wrong and so we felt guilty as soon as we had done it. Perhaps its that guilt that you're feeling. Try this.
Dress for a while but do nothing sexually then undress and see how you feel. Next, without dressing have a really good masturbation session, when you've finnished see how you feel. I'll bet you feel guilty. As you get older you'll find that you don't need any sexual stimulation when you're dressed, you'll feel satisfied just being dressed and feeling feminine.
Well thats my theory, hope it helps.
Sam K

I have quickies in the shower many mornings. No guilt involved with those, ever! However, my fantasies then, do NOT involve CDing at all. Just women.

I think I will try out your theory, involving CDing one way or another, and see how I feel afterwards.

THANK U!:battingeyelashes:

[wishonastar]

Granted it dressing and fantasizing can be a bit of a turn on. But it is not just about sex for me, that is just the side effect since I have no other outlet, I cannot dress and it does nothing to help when I tried.

So do not feel dirty. What is dirty about being your true self?:hugs: