DanielMacBride
09-23-2008, 01:34 PM
Just once, I would like to wake up and not have to worry about putting on my game face for the benefit of the world, not have to worry about whether I pass well enough today or whether I have made enough of an effort with my appearance to look like who I am for your benefit.
Just once, I would like to plan my day without worrying about who I am going to encounter and making sure I have a full arsenal of witty comebacks and information for people who have no idea what it really means to be trans.
Just once, I would like to be able to talk to you without cringing because you insist on addressing me with the word "she" that is a knife to the heart of my validity as a human being, a blow to the core of my identity that shakes my world to its very foundations and that you will never understand the true impact of.
Just once, I would like to hear you actually USE the name I chose for myself instead of the one I was lumped with at birth, because that female name does not reflect who I am and it would be nice if you would acknowledge that I am HIM, not HER. I don't care if you like it or not, but it would be nice if you would grant me the same right as everyone else to be known by whatever name they choose and to choose how they identify themselves.
Just once, I would like to get up and NOT have to worry about being the f***ing poster boy for transmen and having to educate every idiot who thinks it's funny to throw insults or stupid comments or be just plain disrespectful, or tell me I am delusional or don't know my own identity or that I am a "mistake", or worse, that I don't deserve basic human rights because of who I am.
Just once, I would like to wake up and look at my body and not shudder with distaste at what I see - just once, I would like to wake up and know that what YOU see matches who I am, and that the options I have for surgery might actually resemble the bits they are supposed to instead of being a crude joke that would brand me for life for anyone who does the research as to what the scars are from.
Just once, I would like to wake up without the horrible surreal feeling of dysphoria that comes with the realisation that I am still in this awkward female body that does not fit.
Just once, I would like you to respect that I have told you I am male, and not question my identity based on how I look or sound or whatever other stupid criteria you put on it; and just once I would like you to accept that I am doing what I need to do in order to make my body match my brain, rather than continually questioning whether I am sure I'm doing the right thing when it's obvious that the only reason you're asking is because YOU don't think I am, and that YOU are the one who has issues with my gender.
Just once, I would like to have the right to be who I am without you putting stupid and judgemental labels on it like calling it "outrageous" behaviour (what is so outrageous about a man having a short hair cut and wearing men's clothes, anyway?) and denying me my identity by doing so.
Just once, I would like to be allowed to be me and not to have to be twice as masculine as any other man in order to "prove" that I am who I say I am.
Just once, I would like to get up, go out, be who I am and not have to hear you belittle me or tell me I am "not masculine enough" because I do things that YOU don't think are stereotypically male (even though most of your cisgendered friends cross those boundaries too, but you don't notice that because they aren't trans).
Just once, I would like the right to be ME and not be put under a microscope and dissected for it, and told that I am not "enough" of whatever the f**k you think I should be.
Just once I would like the right to make the necessary changes to my body to reflect my true gender, without having to jump through all your stupid hoops and prove that I fit YOUR definition of "male" and meet YOUR standards (who the f**k died and made YOU God, anyway?)
I don't ask for much - I am a human being, regardless of your opinion, and just once I would like the right to be treated as such and given the same respect that you whose gender matches your body don't have to ask for, don't have to fight for every minute that you breathe...
Just once, I would like to see you walk a mile in MY shoes before you judge me and tell me what I am or am not, and see how YOU cope with it - with the lack of respect; with the lack of basic human rights that you take for granted like protection under the law, easily accessible medical treatment, no discrimination by medical staff, no problems because your gender presentation does not match the gender marker on your documentation, no risking being attacked either verbally or physically every time you set foot outside your door based purely on who you are, and no hoops to jump through or ridiculous "standards" to meet to prove that you are the gender you say you are. Just once I would like to see how YOU cope with waking up and realising every single day that you are in the wrong body, wondering if it's a cruel cosmic joke that some twisted Gods want to play on you because you are stuck in this body without easily accessible means to correct it or even have it RECOGNISED that you are in this position....and even when you are medically diagnosed as a transsexual, you still face constant questioning and ridicule and denigration purely because of who you are; you still face YEARS of jumping through medical and psychiatric hoops and require a LOT of money to be able to alter your body to match your mind, even though it is recognised that to NOT be able to do so often results in suicide...welcome to the world of the second-class citizen called the transsexual - and you tell me that I somehow *deserve* this treatment, that I SHOULD have no reproductive or other rights if I want to "become" a man (never mind that I have always BEEN one)? And yet you would be the first to cry foul if cisgendered folks were denied the same rights that I have to fight for on a daily basis....and you wonder why I am always so tired...
And you think I CHOSE this path, that it's just a "phase" that I will grow out of or some silly mid-life aberration or *something* that will go away eventually when I get sick of it? Even when you have scientific information in front of you that proves that transsexualism is a physiological condition over which I have no control, you still insist that it is a CHOICE that I have made, that I can go back to being that "girl" at any time I choose, and tell me that I should do this because it would be easier? Easier for WHOM?
Oh but of course, it would be *easier* for "everyone" if I would just f**k off and crawl back under whatever rock it is that you think I came out from under, wouldn't it? That way you wouldn't have to deal with the fact that the world doesn't fit into the neat little boxes you want it to, and that there are more of us "freaks" than you want to admit (Gods forbid that there might be enough of us around to constitute a variation on "normal" - funny how you are so threatened by anything that isn't like you, isn't it?)
You'd love that, wouldn't you, if I just crawled back under that rock and died quietly because you denied me the right to be who I am without being discriminated against in a million ways every single day? Well keep wishing, because I will NOT be beaten - I will NOT lie down and let you walk all over me or others like me because it makes you feel more comfortable or superior or morally righteous or whatever the f**k it does for you.
I didn't choose this path - but I am bound to walk it no matter what, and I will NOT walk it quietly with my head bowed.
I will march all over your prejudice and your ignorance.
I will stand on your bigotry and hold my head high as I shout my triumph to the skies when you are forced to see me for who I am and face up to your discrimination and false standards.
I will stand firm when you try to shove me into a dark corner or a box that I do not fit, and I WILL prevail.
You may beat me up for being who I am, but you will never beat me down. I am stronger than you will ever be BECAUSE I am who I am, and no amount of tyranny on your part will ever change that fact.
And when I walk down the street and you insult me for being me, I will laugh at you for so openly displaying your fear and your ignorance. I may even throw a smart response back at you for putting your weakness so readily on show.
But I will NOT back down - I will fight you to the death for those rights you have denied me and all my trans brothers and sisters, because you have no right to deny us. Many of my brothers keep their heads down to avoid the battle - I, however, will not hide. I will stand out in the open and I will BE who I am, regardless of what YOU think or what your expectations are around it.
And for as long as you treat my mere existence as something offensive and "wrong", I will fight you every step of the way until you give the rights and respect that is due to me and every other trans person.
I am declaring WAR...I will FIGHT for the rights that I should have as a human being, that every trans person should have, and I will NOT back down or be denied. Whether or not I have others who stand with me is irrelevant - I will still fight regardless, because I know it is right and I cannot let such a violation of rights slide.
Just once, I would like to plan my day without worrying about who I am going to encounter and making sure I have a full arsenal of witty comebacks and information for people who have no idea what it really means to be trans.
Just once, I would like to be able to talk to you without cringing because you insist on addressing me with the word "she" that is a knife to the heart of my validity as a human being, a blow to the core of my identity that shakes my world to its very foundations and that you will never understand the true impact of.
Just once, I would like to hear you actually USE the name I chose for myself instead of the one I was lumped with at birth, because that female name does not reflect who I am and it would be nice if you would acknowledge that I am HIM, not HER. I don't care if you like it or not, but it would be nice if you would grant me the same right as everyone else to be known by whatever name they choose and to choose how they identify themselves.
Just once, I would like to get up and NOT have to worry about being the f***ing poster boy for transmen and having to educate every idiot who thinks it's funny to throw insults or stupid comments or be just plain disrespectful, or tell me I am delusional or don't know my own identity or that I am a "mistake", or worse, that I don't deserve basic human rights because of who I am.
Just once, I would like to wake up and look at my body and not shudder with distaste at what I see - just once, I would like to wake up and know that what YOU see matches who I am, and that the options I have for surgery might actually resemble the bits they are supposed to instead of being a crude joke that would brand me for life for anyone who does the research as to what the scars are from.
Just once, I would like to wake up without the horrible surreal feeling of dysphoria that comes with the realisation that I am still in this awkward female body that does not fit.
Just once, I would like you to respect that I have told you I am male, and not question my identity based on how I look or sound or whatever other stupid criteria you put on it; and just once I would like you to accept that I am doing what I need to do in order to make my body match my brain, rather than continually questioning whether I am sure I'm doing the right thing when it's obvious that the only reason you're asking is because YOU don't think I am, and that YOU are the one who has issues with my gender.
Just once, I would like to have the right to be who I am without you putting stupid and judgemental labels on it like calling it "outrageous" behaviour (what is so outrageous about a man having a short hair cut and wearing men's clothes, anyway?) and denying me my identity by doing so.
Just once, I would like to be allowed to be me and not to have to be twice as masculine as any other man in order to "prove" that I am who I say I am.
Just once, I would like to get up, go out, be who I am and not have to hear you belittle me or tell me I am "not masculine enough" because I do things that YOU don't think are stereotypically male (even though most of your cisgendered friends cross those boundaries too, but you don't notice that because they aren't trans).
Just once, I would like the right to be ME and not be put under a microscope and dissected for it, and told that I am not "enough" of whatever the f**k you think I should be.
Just once I would like the right to make the necessary changes to my body to reflect my true gender, without having to jump through all your stupid hoops and prove that I fit YOUR definition of "male" and meet YOUR standards (who the f**k died and made YOU God, anyway?)
I don't ask for much - I am a human being, regardless of your opinion, and just once I would like the right to be treated as such and given the same respect that you whose gender matches your body don't have to ask for, don't have to fight for every minute that you breathe...
Just once, I would like to see you walk a mile in MY shoes before you judge me and tell me what I am or am not, and see how YOU cope with it - with the lack of respect; with the lack of basic human rights that you take for granted like protection under the law, easily accessible medical treatment, no discrimination by medical staff, no problems because your gender presentation does not match the gender marker on your documentation, no risking being attacked either verbally or physically every time you set foot outside your door based purely on who you are, and no hoops to jump through or ridiculous "standards" to meet to prove that you are the gender you say you are. Just once I would like to see how YOU cope with waking up and realising every single day that you are in the wrong body, wondering if it's a cruel cosmic joke that some twisted Gods want to play on you because you are stuck in this body without easily accessible means to correct it or even have it RECOGNISED that you are in this position....and even when you are medically diagnosed as a transsexual, you still face constant questioning and ridicule and denigration purely because of who you are; you still face YEARS of jumping through medical and psychiatric hoops and require a LOT of money to be able to alter your body to match your mind, even though it is recognised that to NOT be able to do so often results in suicide...welcome to the world of the second-class citizen called the transsexual - and you tell me that I somehow *deserve* this treatment, that I SHOULD have no reproductive or other rights if I want to "become" a man (never mind that I have always BEEN one)? And yet you would be the first to cry foul if cisgendered folks were denied the same rights that I have to fight for on a daily basis....and you wonder why I am always so tired...
And you think I CHOSE this path, that it's just a "phase" that I will grow out of or some silly mid-life aberration or *something* that will go away eventually when I get sick of it? Even when you have scientific information in front of you that proves that transsexualism is a physiological condition over which I have no control, you still insist that it is a CHOICE that I have made, that I can go back to being that "girl" at any time I choose, and tell me that I should do this because it would be easier? Easier for WHOM?
Oh but of course, it would be *easier* for "everyone" if I would just f**k off and crawl back under whatever rock it is that you think I came out from under, wouldn't it? That way you wouldn't have to deal with the fact that the world doesn't fit into the neat little boxes you want it to, and that there are more of us "freaks" than you want to admit (Gods forbid that there might be enough of us around to constitute a variation on "normal" - funny how you are so threatened by anything that isn't like you, isn't it?)
You'd love that, wouldn't you, if I just crawled back under that rock and died quietly because you denied me the right to be who I am without being discriminated against in a million ways every single day? Well keep wishing, because I will NOT be beaten - I will NOT lie down and let you walk all over me or others like me because it makes you feel more comfortable or superior or morally righteous or whatever the f**k it does for you.
I didn't choose this path - but I am bound to walk it no matter what, and I will NOT walk it quietly with my head bowed.
I will march all over your prejudice and your ignorance.
I will stand on your bigotry and hold my head high as I shout my triumph to the skies when you are forced to see me for who I am and face up to your discrimination and false standards.
I will stand firm when you try to shove me into a dark corner or a box that I do not fit, and I WILL prevail.
You may beat me up for being who I am, but you will never beat me down. I am stronger than you will ever be BECAUSE I am who I am, and no amount of tyranny on your part will ever change that fact.
And when I walk down the street and you insult me for being me, I will laugh at you for so openly displaying your fear and your ignorance. I may even throw a smart response back at you for putting your weakness so readily on show.
But I will NOT back down - I will fight you to the death for those rights you have denied me and all my trans brothers and sisters, because you have no right to deny us. Many of my brothers keep their heads down to avoid the battle - I, however, will not hide. I will stand out in the open and I will BE who I am, regardless of what YOU think or what your expectations are around it.
And for as long as you treat my mere existence as something offensive and "wrong", I will fight you every step of the way until you give the rights and respect that is due to me and every other trans person.
I am declaring WAR...I will FIGHT for the rights that I should have as a human being, that every trans person should have, and I will NOT back down or be denied. Whether or not I have others who stand with me is irrelevant - I will still fight regardless, because I know it is right and I cannot let such a violation of rights slide.