Would you have transitioned alone?

[tgirlinva]

Hi - I am strongly considering starting to transition and I have yet to tell my family. I think even if I told my family, they would disown me so I can't really expect much support from them. Believe me, i'm Asian and tradition is paramount. And I don't have any friends who know or would be very accepting of it. So, I must embrace myself to going at it alone, and I wonder if I will have the long-term strength to do it on my own... How did it go down for you all?

[Cai]

Even if you lose all your family and current friends (which I doubt will be entirely the case), there will be new people. You won't be alone unless you try to be.

Lots of people here have lost family members and partners over transitioning. It cost me my relationship with my mother before she even knew, because I was lying to her and distancing myself. It does hurt. But then you pick up the pieces and move on. That's the only way to manage in life.

[Kimberley]

I think that a big BIG BIG part of any transition is the accumulation of a support system both internal and external to the trans community. Doing it alone is probably a recipe for your own failure because you wont have others to talk to, gain support, or even just go have a coffee and a giggle with.

I would really encourage you to give this some thought first. Quite frankly if your therapist doesnt insist on it I would be looking for a new therapist.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Katrina]

While I have not transitioned, I have looked into it in depth. I think the unofficial rule is you can transition when you are ready to lose everything. That includes your family, friends, job - anything important to you. Of course, that is the absolute worst case scenario.

[Zenith]

...I think the unofficial rule is you can transition when you are ready to lose everything. That includes your family, friends, job - anything important to you...

You are probably right and this is really tearing me apart when I think about it... :sad:

[charles1]

hi! i haven't been here in a long time and i'm older than most and married 40 yrs. all said and done i dream and fantasize about being a woman kids,job, and friends probably will win over my dream. but i know what i want. thx.

[Steph Butterfield]

I transitioned in April 2006, I lost all my friends, nieghbours and nieghbourhood, but most awfully my entire family, and still to this day nearly 2and a half years later, they still have not reconciled with me.

I know many girls in the same situation. Transitioning on one's own is tough, but if GRS is what you want, you will do whatever you have to do inorder get it.

I wish you well


Stephanie

[Sharon]

Although my family already knew just about everything about me, I didn't tell them that I was transitioning until I had actually started. By that time, I knew who would be there with me and who wouldn't, but either way their reaction wasn't going to determine whether I continued or not. Their almost complete support of me just made it a whole lot easier.

[Dawn D.]

Wow! Such divergent thoughts from everyone on this issue so far. And, I must say that I feel every one of them is valid. So there is probably no real clear answer to this question then is there? To me, I think it comes down to a list of four things really;

1). Wants. You want to be yourself. You want understanding and acceptance (the latter is most illusive).

2). Needs. You need to be yourself. You need support. You need guidance.

3). Time. You need time to be yourself. Others need time to know you.

4). Goal. You reach the goal to be yourself when you have the above and understand that it involves a willingness to sacrifice and be sacrificed (not literally). In other words, it requires give and take on both sides, yours and those you care about. You must also be willing to accept the fact that you may lose some of them in the process.

I also come from a family that has "traditional" values (whatever those are)and deep rooted concepts of what it means to be male and female and the roles of each (read, redneck). I was sure that when I finally put it out there to be sacrificed, I would be tossed to the curb. Yes, there was pain and pleanty of tears and all the misery that exposure can have. In the end though, I haven't lost one family member or friend........................yet. I have a few more to go (family members, friends and time) in this transition process myself and I have no illusions about the possibilities that I may lose some of them. It's just a simple fact that it can happen. However, I continue to move forward. If you give it time and go slow, start by seeking out someone you know that you can confide in; find a therapist that has a known history of gender issues; develop a line of communication that gives your issues a chance to be understood, then you stand a better chance of succeeding in transitioning. And, you will not have to do it alone.

Being alone, I think allows for a more significant chance of entering into a depressive state. That is not a good place to be. Even with open support of others you may still get depressive and that is why you do need a support system. Others that know, understand and maybe accept you for who you are. They will be aware and they can help. So, in a nut shell, transitioning alone is probably possible, but, not likely to be successful. It would be a much tougher road.

tgirlinva, its entirely understandable how you feel in telling your family. It's a huge leap from knowing who you really are inside and then announcing it to the world. Though, surely there is someone in your life that you feel close enough to that you can start into a conversation with about this issue? If you don't feel confident in that then, please seek out a therapist in the mental health profession. You might even just start with your family Doctor. Their conversations with you are confidential and you might get directed to someone that is qualified to talk this over with you. Then at some point bring your family and friends into the equation.

If nothing else, this board is here for the purpose of helping you too! And to give you a specific answer to your question....yes, I would have tried anyway.




Dawn

[Empress Lainie]

I did it alone July 2, 2007. But my tg group was the biggest boost to me. I only lost my ex-wife. Temporarily before my transition because she saw me changing I had lost my gf, but after 8 months she came back and is happy that I am now her girlfriend. She even asked me to show her how to do my walk.

I thought that is something: a gg asking a TS for how to do something feminine better.

My sister and kids were accepting but I doubt if they understand transpeople.

I would have continued anyway. I cannot ever go back, I would rather die.