update on letter to cd bf

[lynn1969]

OK, so my thread is so old it is closed, but i wanted to thank all of you for your words of advice.

sorry if i come across as angry, but to tell the truth i am. basically, it's over. i've had it. i have realized that my bf is at the very least bi or gay. i know he has personals up on the internet and has expressed interest in other cd'rs and men as well. i realize this is a separate issue from cd'ing, but it is huge nonetheless.

i am so fed up, tired, and upset that i cannot sleep,and have to get up early tomorrow to go to work, so i am basically purging here.

i don't understand, i thought most cd'ers were straaight, how come mine isn't? i can't believe i have to start over at this point in my life. I am overwhelmed w/ the thought that i now have to get a new place to live and actually end this farce of a relaionship and still sleep in the same bed as you until i can find a place to live.

i cringe to think what you are doing behind my back while i am out of town on business. because off your "new" profiles, i no longer trust you. bi-curous, my ass. not that you ever shared that iinfo w/ me, just to your internet friends on URNA and the like.

i could have lived w/ and enjoyed the cd'ing w/ you, but i dont want to be w/ someone who has sex w/ men, cd'ers, t-girls, or anyone else for that matter.

i don't care what you say anymore, i wil never trust you again.

[Jess_cd32]

Sorry things worked out that way for you, keeping the cd-ing from a SO is one thing, that secret can be understood by most reasonable people why its kept private, but cheating on your SO is totally way over the line.

I'm not familiar w/ your old post but got the grasp of it from this thread. Unfortunatly, yes, you only have two choices to make, stay w/ a cheater/liar, or leave and start over, a no win situation it may seem for now.

You may later say it was the best thing that ever happened to you (I'm betting 100% on that one). Most of us have been cheated on one time or another, its happened to me a few times, but I didn't exactly allways make good long term choices on my wild tastes in women.

I know right now its hard to deal with, start moving on as you can, these bad financial times don't help either I know. You'll be OK, just keep your head high, hope I was of some help. Jess

[Amanda Shaft]

Through our lives we change and what we say and believe to be true at one time may no longer be true for us at some future point. The trouble is we try to hold true to something that is no longer true sometimes because it’s easier or because we don’t want to hurt someone else, ultimately though that act in itself causes more pain and anguish. We should be trying to stay true to ourselves and not hurting anyone else along the way, a thing easier said than done.

Try not to be too angry with your bf he probably is as upset as you over your relationship breakdown and will feel the guilt of his transgender issues, but try to remember it’s not his fault its just the way he is.

As upset as you feel and as inconvenient as circumstances have now become it’s time to think of you and to plan your future. Move on to better things.
Best wishes,
Amanda

[Jazzmine]

Lynn I think you have every right to be upset. People don't place ads like "bi-curious' to test the waters. If you post this type of ad you know what you are going to get!
So straight talking is crucial here. If you can't live with a bi/gay person then ditch them. If that person is cheating behind your back, ditch them.
No-one deserves to be cheated on. I've felt this pain myself and I know it cuts as deep as the love you have for the other person. Once the trust is broken it takes a miracle to get it back. I know it's hard, but I would say 'move on' with your life and start afresh. It sounds like your partner already has!
Big Hugs, Jazzmine

[Angie G]

I've been with my wife married 40 years and never once cheated on her. If I had she'd be gone as well And I woulden't Blame her. One should never have to go through this.
Be strong and know we are not all gay or cheaters. :hugs:
Angie

[Jenna Lynne]

i don't understand, i thought most cd'ers were straaight, how come mine isn't?
I agree with what the others have said, Lynn. This guy is not for you.

With respect to the sentence above, however ... statistics don't apply to individuals. You might as well say, "I thought most people never got sprayed by a skunk. How come I just got sprayed by a skunk?" The answer is, a few people DO get sprayed by skunks. This time it happened to be you. It's just the luck of the draw.

***Jenna Lynne***

[Sally2005]

Don't write him a letter. Tell him in person. You will feel better. I would also dump anyone who has cheated on me and it is better to do that than keep hoping it will change because it won't.

[Jess_cd32]

Lynn, keep us posted on what you decide, we'll help you thru this trying time sweetheart. Jess

[brina_cd]

CDing or no CDing, he crossed the line when he started posting personal ads. Not knowing the other thread, I would guess that this was at least "we're not seeing other people" serious. And so...

50 Ways To Leave Your Lover

The problem is all inside your head
She said to me
The answer is easy if you
Take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle
To be free
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover

She said it’s really not my habit
To intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning
Won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself
At the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

CHORUS:
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so
To see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do
To make you smile again
I said I appreciate that
And would you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don’t we both
Just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning
You’ll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me
And I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways
To leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

CHORUS

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=91euERWH2M4

(Man, I love the Internet....)

[DonnaT]

You've every right to be angry, Lynn.

Note that 51 out of 100 is "most", so there's a 49% chance "most" will not apply. In other words, you can't bank on terms such a "most". They mean nothing in reality.

[suchacutie]

The real issue here is openness and honesty. When you try to manipulate a partner, that partnership has ended. This has nothing to do with CDing per se, but with integrity.

Do not pass go, do not collect $200...go directly for the door and watch your back. After you've put some distance between you and this relationship, you might be able to look at it with some calmness. That is the point that you use to make decisions. For now...get that distance.
:2c:

tina

[Tracii G]

Posting personals like that is wrong if you are in a relationship.
I would be mad as hell too.Trust is a very big deal with me.
Writing letters IMO is a cop out tell him face to face.
I told my guy when we started going out how I felt about cheating and web personals and the like and if he had propensities in that direction he could just hit the road right now.Game playing with emotions is hard on both involved and very juvenile.
I say dump him and don't look back and go find you a straight CDer.

[Bootsiegalore]

Sounds like he has his sights on a different direction than you.
That kind of behavior is not very nice. I would not continue either. Sorry to hear about this. Betrayals can be painful.

be well!

Tara

[docrobbysherry]

However, I know there's nothing funny about it rite now! Because u must feel angry, alone, and violated! And yet u must move out, and on with your life!:sad:

Just remember one thing; Not to blame all CDs, or all men, for the way u were treated by just one of them!

There r some very good ones out here. I'm sure
u'll find one that'll treat u properly!:)

[Janet Bern]

Sorry it didnt work out. and Sorry you got one of the 20% of CDs that are bi. If you find another CD, give him a chance but make sure he is only part time.
Janet

[Laura_Stephens]

I am sorry that things didn't work out and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

[jenni_xx]

OK, so my thread is so old it is closed, but i wanted to thank all of you for your words of advice.

sorry if i come across as angry, but to tell the truth i am. basically, it's over. i've had it. i have realized that my bf is at the very least bi or gay. i know he has personals up on the internet and has expressed interest in other cd'rs and men as well. i realize this is a separate issue from cd'ing, but it is huge nonetheless.

i am so fed up, tired, and upset that i cannot sleep,and have to get up early tomorrow to go to work, so i am basically purging here.

i don't understand, i thought most cd'ers were straaight, how come mine isn't? i can't believe i have to start over at this point in my life. I am overwhelmed w/ the thought that i now have to get a new place to live and actually end this farce of a relaionship and still sleep in the same bed as you until i can find a place to live.

i cringe to think what you are doing behind my back while i am out of town on business. because off your "new" profiles, i no longer trust you. bi-curous, my ass. not that you ever shared that iinfo w/ me, just to your internet friends on URNA and the like.

i could have lived w/ and enjoyed the cd'ing w/ you, but i dont want to be w/ someone who has sex w/ men, cd'ers, t-girls, or anyone else for that matter.

i don't care what you say anymore, i wil never trust you again.

I'd like to say one thing above all else.

You thought most cross-dressers were straight. That's probably because most men are straight. Cross-dressing has absolutely nothing to do with sexuality, and as such, you'll most like find that the percentage of crossdressers who are gay equals the percentage of men in general who are gay.

Sorry, but I took offence at this. Your lack of understanding might very well be the reason for this mistake of yours, but that doesn't mean that your mistake shouldn't be pointed out. You're probably asking yourself - is your husband a crossdresser because he's gay (or bi), or is he gay (bi) because he's a crossdresser. The answer is that there is no correlation between the two.

I myself am gay. I myself am also a crossdresser. Both are a part of my life, and one isn't determined by the other.

Now to my main point. Your other half doesn't sound like a very nice person. I would like to stress that he isn't a very nice person BECAUSE he is gay, or because he is a crossdresser. So please, don't formulate an opinion that is negative to either group. There are nice people. There are not nice people. The reason they are not nice is because they ARE NOT NICE - no more or less than that.

Sorry for sounding blunt, harsh, whatever, but us CD's have enough negative reaction without any need for a further "condemnation" of our lifestyle. The same can be said of gay people, but, in this day and age, they are a lot more accept than the transgendered/cd'ing community.

The reason for my post essentially boils down to your need to post your thoughts on a cd'ing website. And it begs the question, have you also posted your thoughts on a gay website? Indeed, have you posted your thoughts on a "men-hating" website?

My guess is that, despite your feelings towards your partner, this won't result in you starting to hate men. All I ask in return is that equally you don't start hating CD's. And you don't start hating gay men.

Like I say, sorry for my rant, but I had to get it off my chest.

[terri7]

some men are dogs
no mater how they dress...

peace out

[curse within]

Lynn,

First I would like to express my deepest regrets to you on your failing relationship with your boyfriend. On the other hand I have no remorse for the boyfriend! What this man has done to you was wrong, no excuse for that type of behavior. Just as in any relationship and unless spoken of prior detitcation should be the top priority . It is not right and shows him to be selfish. This man is not ready to be in a relationship with you how you must feel used or as a cover up for his true desires,has he ever spoke to you about this? I would guess no , I am sure from the anger I detected in your spool he didn't .

Thats just not right and you deserve none of this . Yes he may be a CDer but Cding comes with many different stages the urge to feel female comes with all the desirse a female has including sexual preferances it depends on how strong the CDer has his urges and how often. Straight CDers those who perfer sex with the female counterpart are most of the time raised male and learned to fend off any BI temptations. We have accepted the female part of our life and perfer the straight sexual lifestyle as yes we have strong female feelings sometimes but not enough to cross that line. If your boyfriend is feeling female often, dresses often and more or less lives his life or acts as a female then he has the same sexual desires as a female and is curious to explore those feelings as well. The question is will he react to those feelings and if so will he continue to want to explore those desires afterwards?

Good luck and best wishes to you .

[garyunsure]

if a person is unfaithful and a liar that is what they are . alot of men roam even if they have great gg to be with. when i am with a partner i stay faithfull and do what ever i can to please them . their not only your partner in bed but all so your friend and you never treat them bad yours seems to desrepect your love and friendship leave and find some one to love you we may sometimes wear a dress but we are not all roaming dogs. good luck in finding a soul mate:Peace:

[Sharon B.]

Lynn;
There are bad apples on both sides of the sexes. There are women that say they understand when first told that their husbands or boyfriends tell them that they enjoy the feeling of women's attire.
Some may even help them dress, then they start fooling around behind their husbands or boyfriends back, having affairs but the husbands and/or boyfriends have been faithful except for the fetish of womens attire.
If that is their only fault then I say they have their heart and soul into the woman they find.
I have been in those situations before, where I have told the women in my life that I enjoyed wearing womens clothes.
First and only marriage lasted about nine years, she had asked that I start buying her clothes and makeup, when I did she asked if I was gay, no just doing what you had asked. We would watch different shows or movies and see CD's, TV's in them she would get excited and want me to dress as a woman, after having her fun I had to undress.
All was fine until she started staying out longer at night than what she was working and it fell apart.
Got divorced and have dated other woman off and on until the last one told her when it looked like we were getting serious, she said she was fine with it, that relationship lasted seven years until she starting seeing someone else on the side.
I have been faithful to both women and told them both, for whatever reason they have not been faithful to me.
Do I hold it against women no, if it is meant to be I will find someone who loves the person inside of me and not just what is on the outside.
:2c:

[Jessicaparkson]

I'm sorry to hear this. I really am. As was said before don't hold this against all CDers, 1 bad apple doesn't mean the rest are also rotten. Many of us are perfectly faithful to our SOs (myself included). I've never cheated,nor thought of cheating, on my SO. No, not all CDers are straight, but a good majority are. I'm a CDer and I'm straight and love my SO very much. I know words cannot fill your void right now, just know you have my best wishes and I feel for you.

[kimmy p]

OK, so my thread is so old it is closed, but i wanted to thank all of you for your words of advice.

sorry if i come across as angry, but to tell the truth i am. basically, it's over. i've had it. i have realized that my bf is at the very least bi or gay. i know he has personals up on the internet and has expressed interest in other cd'rs and men as well. i realize this is a separate issue from cd'ing, but it is huge nonetheless.

i am so fed up, tired, and upset that i cannot sleep,and have to get up early tomorrow to go to work, so i am basically purging here.

i don't understand, i thought most cd'ers were straaight, how come mine isn't? i can't believe i have to start over at this point in my life. I am overwhelmed w/ the thought that i now have to get a new place to live and actually end this farce of a relaionship and still sleep in the same bed as you until i can find a place to live.

i cringe to think what you are doing behind my back while i am out of town on business. because off your "new" profiles, i no longer trust you. bi-curous, my ass. not that you ever shared that iinfo w/ me, just to your internet friends on URNA and the like.

i could have lived w/ and enjoyed the cd'ing w/ you, but i dont want to be w/ someone who has sex w/ men, cd'ers, t-girls, or anyone else for that matter.

i don't care what you say anymore, i wil never trust you again.

Ok young lady, lets look at the facts.... First and only important fact, he's looking elsewhere for sex and a relationship. Whether he is straight, gay, bi, trans, cd, or other, if this is unacceptable to you (it would be unacceptable to me) then how he dresses is irrelevant. He's looking to cheat on you. Dump him and find yourself a one woman man. Finally, please don't judge all of us by your soon to be ex. Yes I like ladies clothing, but I have been married 16 years and never strayed. In fact my wife is my only lover ever; of either sex, and I have no desire or temptation to change that.

[Tabby_Kat]

WOW! I am so sorry to hear that! I hope everything works out for you!

[melissacd]

Lynn,

I am so sorry to hear about this. You have every right to feel upset and every justification to leave. His actions do not speak to the way that anyone in any type of lifestyle behaves, rather it speaks to him only. He sounds like he is confused about what he wants in his life and while that is very normal (I can certainly attest to that through personal experience) for many of us in this world we live in, it is unfortunate that he could not communicate directly with you about his feelings.

Many if not most of us walk into relationships without a clear sense of who we are or what we want. We are often in a state of denial about ourselves. If we could only sort that out before getting into a committed relationship then we could bypass so much of this nonsense that we put each other through. The reality is so many of us don't and it comes out later and as such, causes problems.

Do not condemn based on one person's actions. Gain what you can from this experience and move on. Whether or not you find another relationship within this community is not relevant, it is more important to understand what you want and communicate that clearly to any future love interest. In return ask them to do the same.

I wish you all the best and again I am sorry for the difficult time that you are going through.

Huggs
Melissa

[Roberta Marie]

Lynn,

I don't know if you remember me, I posted a time or to in your original thread. I'm sorry that things have worked out the way they did. Just in the past couple of weeks I caught a glimpse into a sub-culture of the transgendered that is quite perverse and pornographic (in my opinion). A CD joined another support group that I belong to, complaining that his SO knew about his CDing but was not supportive and wishing that she was as supportive as many other SOs in the group. Then I was pointed to this persons web site by one of the moderators. The site was full of invites for relations with others, basically looking for sex. The worst part is that he was inviting others on his web site to join him at a retreat for CDs and their wives that our group sponsors. And he wonders why his SO does not trust him. Regretfully, I suspect that your xbf has gotten sucked into this sub-culture. Perhaps some day he'll look back and realize how badly he screwed up what was probably the best thing tho happen in his life.

As was said before, some guys are a-holes, no matter what kind of clothes they wear. Some people, male and female, straight or gay or quere, simply have a problem with honesty and accepting love. Fortunately, those are in the vast minority.

I do have one important question. This guy is the a-hole, he's the one that's been cheating on you, so why are you the one that is looking for a new place to live? I think that if I were you, he'd come home one day to find the locks changed and all of his stuff on the front lawn.

There are lots of men out there that are wishing for and looking for a woman that is as understanding and accepting as you. I'm sure that you'll find the right guy, no matter what kind of clothes he's wearing. You're in my prayers. Please let us know how you are doing.

Grace,
Bobbi

[sterling12]

For what it's worth, I don't think you had much of a choice. Aside from the obvious lying and betrayal; having sex with multiple partners is a very risky business! Your contracting an STD from your philandering partner was probably not part of the bargain.

Anyone who chooses to be promiscuous is putting themselves at risk. Yes, a condom offers a lot of protection, but it's not foolproof. And many people are not diligent about using a condom EVERY time they have sex.

It's not going to make you feel better, but at least you will gain back some control. And, the situation could have been much worse. In addition to a relationship that failed, you could have also ended up with, Syphilis, Gonorrhea, Aids, Hepatitis B or C, or most likely Herpes.

Lost boyfriend sucks! But lost boyfriend and ending up sick or dead....infinately worse!

Peace and Love, Joanie