I need someone to help please

[N_luv_w/crossdresser]

I really need some advice please. I am a woman madly in love with a male that likes to dress-up. I have known him for 9 years and I want to marry this man. It should have already been. But you see about four years ago he told me that he liked to dress-up. I was like okay and left it at that never to really talk about it. I did not know what to say. Then he comes to me last night and well I said something that made him want to bring it up. You see he loves to do this and has felt this way since he was 6. {He and I are soul mates I know he is my true love.} But the question that he had for me was not really understood. He wanted to know what I would think of him dressing up during sex. This is the only time he wants to do this. But I told him that I thought it was kinky and would not mind. He did not like the answer i guess. This dressing side of him he wants me to accept and I do . He wants me to be open to it because thats a big part of him. he says he really does not need a woman because there is a woman that lives in him. He also said to help me understand this comment " I have fantisys about being with a man but him wearing womans clotheing. What does that mean. I do not understand. I ask him if he wants me to be domanate or what and if he wanted a man he said no it is a fantasy. The thing is he is the one giving me another shot at us. It was my fault because I was in a bad relationship and i was scared to leave. I have not told anyone that i was scared about it. But anyways I was with another man when I was told by my lover that he was indeed in love with me. so we shared these feelings and this passion and i let him down. I hurt him because i was with the other man and did not feel like it too be fair to my lover so i broke it off...4 times. I need your help on this though I am supose to understant something about this I am not getting. He wants me to be able to think about him dressing up at sex and me get arroused. I have not thought about that before and I could not lie but it did not make me horney as hell. My X like to dress in my panties and bra. I even layed a set out for him under the bed sheets so he could find them when he went to bed to put them on. But still I need to know what answer my Lover needs what is he wanting me to say?


I am in love with a cross dresser...

:strugglin

[suzy cool]

There's a lot going on there.:eek:

Firstly welcome to the forum and I hope you do find your answers.

This is a rather tricky one to answer but I'll give it a shot. But remember it is only one view point though. Most CDs go through a period where their dressing is sexualised. That is, they get turned on by their own image of themselves and the clothing. And sex with someone else is a lot more fun than sex on your own, hence they want their partners to take part in some way when they are dressed up and feeling turned on.

Now the tricky bit.....It sounds like he wants to 'play pretend' that he is the woman and you are the man in bed. It's pretend..a fantasy...a game. And that is why he wants a 'man' that isn't actually a real man....because the idea of a real man doesn't turn him on and would probably scare him to death. The idea of a woman pretending to be one does..because it is safe and just pretend.
I think.

[Sandra Dunn]

Suzy is getting it real close about the fantasy and all. Ask him if he wants you to get a strap-on, I'm willing to say that he would and a couple of times with it maybe all it takes to satify that urge. Then he may find he likes it. Being upfront and open about the whole thing is very heathly and it's best to find out now before you commit to each other in the form of marriage.
You are attracked to men who are Transgender for whatever reasons and you're not alone in that aspect. Many wives find themselves in a situation similar to yours and they find it uncomfortable to act as he has requested.Your boy/girl friend wants to experience a part of being female in which he has confided in you to help him with. Ask him about this aspect of the request he has made about the sexual experience.
For him/her to talk to you and you to be accepting is very, very special. Many girls in the TG community do not have such an open and accepting relationship. You both show a deep trust in each other. What you're feeling at this moment is more about what is he/she really asking and what he/she wants out of it.
HUGS and Welcome sister, Mrs.Sandra Dunn

[N_luv_w/crossdresser]

Yes. I understand what both you both have said. But He has actual womens clothing like skirts, dresses, maybe bras shoes all of it. I asked if it was going to be an all the time thing or just sex. He said sex. He has been with men before so i know it does not bother him like that. I was joking a long time back and was going to use a dildo on him. I think i scared him with how i approched it. I want to be open and honest I love him more than anything. ButThe whole fact of me being with CDs has happened with out me knowing that they were until later on. I guess I have something about me that attracts the type.
Do any of you have sex in a sexie outfit or anything like that. Can you help me with how it makes you feel. I want to understand everything and I know me being new I have jumped right on in with everything but I have to know. I love you all for being yourselves. That is what its about being happy in life with who you are and who your with. I hope that I can give good advice to you all as well. Thank you for being a friend.

[Jess_cd32]

He sounds very complicated.
It almost seems u both have really great comunication, but then again don't.
Maybe he's still trying to sort some things out about himself that he's still not sure of and confused about.
Even though ur very accepting of him and his desires, he may be embarrassed asking or doing what he'd like w/ you and needs to work on that.
Good luck hon, hope all works out for you both, I think the first two posts were great advice.

[Nicole Erin]

Yeah sometimes the things guys fantasize about don't translate into reality very well or just aren't the same.

Plus, for whatever reason, most of us have turn-ons that we are not comfortable discussing with an SO. Kind of like guys will talk about masturbation among themselves without embarrasement but we never talk about it with our wives.

But basically it is the whole fantasy vs reality problem.

[Jess_cd32]

Yeah sometimes the things guys fantasize about don't translate into reality very well or just aren't the same.

Plus, for whatever reason, most of us have turn-ons that we are not comfortable discussing with an SO. Kind of like guys will talk about masturbation among themselves without embarrasement but we never talk about it with our wives.

But basically it is the whole fantasy vs reality problem.

Like Bill Marr just said in a commedy skit I saw recently, "most mens fantasies are most womens worst nightmares", funny but all to often true.

[Nicki B]

Umm... What's the significance of the poll? :strugglin

[N_luv_w/crossdresser]

I was just wondering what color was a prefered. I also am new and this was my first post on here and thought i had to do it. I didnt know what to put. Can I say I had a blond moment.

LOL

[Edyta_C]

I can't quite get a handle on your situation, but the key to handling this is communication. I am a CDer so seeing the GG's mental position is not quite straight forward. But my wife is accepting of the dressing, but we have set some limits of stuff. You'll need to talk about what you are comfortable with and what is not. Similarly, your SO needs to gauge his/her position on what you both want. He shouldn't force something that you're not comfortable with. You need to accommodate him just so far. Compromise and communication are the keys.
I always need to reassure my wife that I love her and that she loves both parts of me. I need to respect her views just as she need to respect mine. This is where the compromises come in.

I hope that that helps. You are a great gal for loving both parts of him/her. He should realize that if he reads this or other CD forums. Good Luck and talk and listen.

Hugs Edyta

[RhondaJean]

I just saw this post,,, I think the responses so far have been right on. The coomunication is there,, but needs to go a little further. Find some quiet time when both of you can sit down over coffee and have an open and honest discussion about the fears and hopes that you both are feeling. I think that from this the two of you can come to some understandings and boundries. Obviously, not every woman is going to be turned on to seeing her man as a woman at all times,, but explore the options,, maybe you find a dear girlfriend in there somewhere.

[gennee]

I like both colors but pink is my femme color. I love to wear it in the summertime. I have a pullover and button down blouse. I looking for a nice sweater and possibly a pink suit.

Gennee

[Alice Torn]

As a 54 year old man, who has always wanted a romance with a woman, and marriage, I will try to help you see where he is at, though, everyone of us is different. Like others said, many of us get turned on by a certain type of women's styles, the feel, look, and the "lady" in the mirror, tailored to our specific looks, is a big turn on. Some of us single men, starved, and deprived, of a woman's touch, and affections, for so many years, or a lifetime, do this out of longtime, unmet legitimate needs, a coping mechanism. The problem for some of is, if we do actually find a girlfriend, and get serious, few, can abstain from cding, though, for a true love, some can, and will. If not, admitting the situation, and some kind of compromise, is necessary. It is sad, for some of the men, because so many have been so starved, for a dating life, and a love in their lives, that they are terrified of risking losing, what has been so very hard to find- a woman who really likes, loves, and desires them!!! All I can say, is communicate, with compassion, and caution, counsel with others, ask him to counsel with others. Maybe a compromise, can be achieved, but both will have to give and take, and if gut feelings say, this woon't work in the long run, just be friends, maybe.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

You say he is a CD but he only like to dress up during sex did I get that right,
and he has fantasy's about being with a man but him wearing woman cloths but he says it is only a fantasy and to top it off he feels that he really dose not need a woman because there is a woman that lives in him.

I should say what is on my mind........... but feel there is something we are not getting but it is good that you accept him because he is very complicated about who he is and what he wants from you.

As for you are you sure got the strength to deal with a cross dresser because it takes a lot more then just love, I feel that you need to take charge in making your relationship work you seam to be trying to please him and he is not to sure what he wants so you need to work on what you want out of this relationship and that my just help him.

LA CINDY LOVE

[Fab Karen]

Basically it's an issue of communication- you already accept his crossdressing, it's partly about the sex life & what you both need from the relationship. If you two can't figure these things out by sitting down & talking frankly, then I'd suggest going to a couples therapist.

[Roberta Llyan]

I voted RED but it is really a hard choice. For pink is right up there at the top also. I think it depends on the mood I'm in that day and how I want to present myself. Today, I wore all black except my shoes, scarf, and belt--which were red. I got my nails done and the lady did them in bright red again with sparkles. So it just depends for me.

[Cathytg]

He has presented an odd situation. If I understand you correctly, he wants to dress, but only during sex and he has clothes. Is that correct?

If that's the case, one wonders why he has the wardrobe. Does he sleep with other women and dress at those times? If so, then you might have yet another issue to think about. But it does make me wonder about the occasions of his cross dressing.

A second issue involves the clothes and sex. If he really only wants the clothes during sex, it might well be that he is not really a cross dresser but actually a fetishist. While I would not pass judgment on that, it does put the whole thing into a different realm than the nominal confines of this forum. It is one thing to be aroused by wearing a skirt and heels and quite another to associate dressing exclusively with sexual activity. It is isn't necessarily bad; it is just not really cross dressing.

Perhaps you need to examine this in a different light or at least more closely.

[N_luv_w/crossdresser]

you know i really do not know if he dresses while he is at home or what. I need to ask him. I have gave you ladies/gents what I have to go on for now. I had a really long conversation on the phone { 4 hours } last night and I kinda said something that made him want to bring it up. I love this man with all my heart and soul. I want to be able to talk to him about his desire in CD and hope that with me being the SO he will be able to trust that I am accepting to the way he is. He has been my lover and best friend for a very long time and I want more. I want to marry him wanted to have another child with him { I have 4 now that are not his } and be the on that he can love and want forever. In the past I had made desicions that put a great strain on what I want now like chooseing to be in a bad relationship because I did not want to go from a bad one to another bad one. I did not give him his whole chance. I was not fair. Maybe when we talk more about his CD and get past how i hurt him it will be easier on the both of us until then I have to earn his trust back and then maybe he will be for sure that I am just fine with the man/woman that he wants to be...

[sissystephanie]

As a 76 y/o CD, I have experienced lots of things in my life. Thanks to my beloved late wife I have, on many occasions, experienced sex while dressed (at least partially!).

My wife knew of my CD activities before our marriage (I told her!) and not only accepted it but also fully supported me. As a result, I was not only her husband and best friend, but also her girl friend. We even went out together as two girls on occasion. And we were married for 49 1/2 years!!:love:

If you truly love this man, talk to him! Find out what it is that he wants. That doesn't mean that you have to submit to his wishes on everything, but at least try to work with him. CD'ing does become almost an addiction, but if he just wants to be a woman for you, as others have suggested, that is not all bad. I was a woman completely for my wife on numerous occasions. We both enjoyed it! Who knows, you might like it too!

Remember, communicate, communicate!! Many problems can be solved this way!

Stephanie

Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

[docrobbysherry]

But, I'm only speaking for myself here!
Here's something u should know about his ladies clothes;

If he's like me, he may dress and have sex by himself! And I do that every time I dress. I would have a VERY hard time telling a woman about that! Maybe he has that problem with u, too!

Lastly, he may have a LOT of work to do, before he works out who/what he is, and who/what he really wants! Especially if he's Bi!

[LilSissyStevie]

In our relationship my wife is sexually dominant and I'm submissive. Her sex drive is higher than mine and that used to cause some problems in the marriage. We solved that problem by my decision to always submit to her sexually. Oddly enough, my sex drive increased once I gave up control of it. In return, she graciously indulges me, as long as she is in charge, in my silly sexual rituals which often include crossdressing and, for lack of a better term, "role reversal." However, I never fantasize about her being a man. It's more of a butch/femme thing than man/woman. In fact, these days my crossdressing is mostly a shared experience and not something I normally do just by myself.

I think it's unrealistic for your BF to expect you to enjoy his fantasy as much as he does. The fact that you are willing to indulge him at all makes you pretty rare. My advice is to take it slow and easy. He may not even understand himself or his desires or his sexuality. It's hard to discuss this stuff with someone else when you don't understand it yourself. If you try to press him to explain himself it could scare him away. It took me a long, long time to overcome confusion, shame and denial and become comfortable with my quirks. Good luck!

[N_luv_w/crossdresser]

I came here looking for ways to help me talk about his desire and that is what I have gotten. I want to thank everyone that has tried there best to help me on this because it is very important for me to understand him.

Alot of you ladies were right on it by saying there needed to be more communication. Yes we do need that alot and by me joining your forum it has helped me to understand a little more so I can talk to him about it. The right questions were not there because I have not ever thought about this. He wanted me to put myself in his shoes. I have done that. I know what he wants now.

The thing is what I have understood thus far is that it is something that he has been almost burdened by kind of family influanced when he was a child by them telling him he should have been a girl. Not a great move on there part I would say, but he has felt like this since he was 6 he says and he has had the make-up, lashes, wig, about all of it except shoes { I do not know how he left the shoes out. He gives me a hard time because I have a lot of shoes. But honey the shoes I love. I need to find him some sexy heels I guess. } He does not dress but for himself and it is somewhat sexual for him I think I am getting. I put myself in his place in thinking I want to get very sexy for him. I want to put on a very pretty nightie and fix my hair and maybe a little make-up and a sweet fragrance. I then in my mind imagined what I wanted from all of what I had done and of course it was to feel beautiful. I then took myself in my mind to think now what if he really does not acknowledge how much effort I have put in this not really just for myself but for him to and act like it did not really matter. I have had that happen and I was very hurt by that. So I understand how he would feel on that matter. As for me telling you ladies about he wanted to do this for sex I found that out too. He wants to be able to feel like I want to feel. Touched how I want to be touched. Treated like a woman. With me being the dominant partner. Oh how I can do that. You see I have been with women and I did exactly that and I got a pretty good reaction from that so I think, I know I could please him how he really wants in that matter. It will take time for us and I think that when it is said and done we will be better than ever. He is very good to me and I want to be what he needs. We have been talking more about it. I bring it up and ask my questions and it feels goods to be able to know what to ask now. I did not want to talk before because I did not understand it fully. I let him know that I joined a forum and that I had some posts to help me. He I believe really like the fact that I am really wanting to understand him and I just felt what was the best way to understand was to be able to get help from people that did. And that could look at it from an outsiders point of view.

[Joanne f]

The only way to make a relationship work is if you talk to your partner about what you like and do not like and they do the same with you and then you work out what is happy for both of you even if it a compromise or just taking in turns of what you each like , no one can really geuss on what some one else would like unless they really know that person .





joanne :fairy2:

[DonnaT]

Well hell, I'm reading through here to see if I might have some sage advice, but it looks like most has been covered. Mainly by the advice to talk to him and see what it is he desires exactly, not what we might think he desires.

Good on you for being open and communicative.

In one post you mentioned:

He has been with men before so i know it does not bother him like that.

Y'all may need to talk about that more. Will he desire to be with men if y'all get married? Some CDers do prefer men to women when they are dressed enfemme. Some can't even perform with a woman when they are enfemme.

I suspect that y'all need to be clear on everything, and open honest communication is the only way to find out what each of you are comfortable with.

As for only desiring to dress for sex, some CDers have changed their outlook on that as they've gotten older. For some it's become less for sex and more for the comfort and relaxation, and as such dress more often. The CDer most likely is unaware that this can occur, so it's something to think about. Note I said "some". There are no set rules.

[Lisa Golightly]

Sounds like you know what you want and he doesn't have a clue what he wants... Yep, that's your average guy... :)

[LA CINDY LOVE]

How were you not fair to him and just how did you hurt him.......did you cheat on him.

LA CINDY LOVE

[Dragster]

I know we're all different N_luv_w, but I get turned on by the thought of my wife wearing sexy lingerie to bed. Unfortunately, she doesn't enjoy it at all, so it doesn't happen. I also get turned on by me wearing the same sort of things (I do, but in my closet), but she's turned off by even thinking of me wearing anything feminine. So my ultimate fantasy of us BOTH wearing sexy lingerie to bed is likely to remain just that, a fantasy, unfortunately. If you feel you could go along with your SO's liking to wear lingerie for sex, then try it. If you find you don't like it, then you have to say so. You probably will get a lot out of it, because you seem to enjoy pleasing him, but don't forget, it's your sex life as well as his. You have a right to get him to do what turns you on, for half the time at least.

Good luck,
Tony

[N_luv_w/crossdresser]

I have know my boyfriend now for 9 years. We met in a chat room on yahoo messenger while I was babysitting for a friend. I ended up with his number that night and we talked for a good long time that night. I spoke with him for the whole year after just on the phone with only a discription of how he looked. He had a picture of me that he got off of my profile. So he knew how I looked. I talked to him every single day pretty much for hours on end and we got to know one another as well as you could over the phone. He finally made arrangements to come where I lived to meet me. Him and his friend came down and boy was I nervious. I know he did not stay long but it was fantastic to finally meet.

I was very, very wild at that time in my life. he said he would try to tell me that he like me like hints and things and I just was not catching on to it. So I really did not know for a long time just how he really felt. He wanted to give me time to grow out of it and become the person that he thought I would become. In that time i did some even more crazy things and even though I was how I was he still always talked to me and became to love me more.


I dated several guys still with out knowing how much he was falling in love with me. And talk to him every once in a while when I could. He would say that I disapperared on him. I have always told him that I would never be gone for good that I would always be around. So we still just stayed friends.


I ended up meeting this guy 9 years my Senior through some friends. I did not like the idea of meeting him but finally did and became involved with him back in 2001. I moved in with that guy bobby and I ended up getting pregnant and thought things were fine but he would not work and pay bills and I was the only one doing anything. I then ended up getting back in touch with my now b/f and we talk and I got my taxes back and we would talk online alot and the phone. One night he was upset and drinking and it finally came out in 2002 that he was in love with me and had been for a very long time. I was very excited to know and even though I was with bobby I wanted so bad to find out if my feelings were the same since we seemed to get along so well.

{ Now let me tell you bobby was never around and I found out very later that he was into drugs}


I went up to his house every chance that i could. We were always together. I ended up taking him with me to my aunts house for a overnight visit with her and we ended up having our first kiss, our first touch, and the first time we made love. After that we got even more envolved and our passion was so wonderful. Our love so strong.

I was his girlfriend while I was with bobby and I broke up with him to stay with bobby because sounds funny but the passion was so intense that i was scared that I would end up getting hurt if he really did not want me in the long run. We ended up on and off like that 3 more times through the past years through 2003-2006. I hurt him because He asked me to marry him and I asked him if he could wait a bit so I could have some time and he asked how long and I told him give me 2 years. that was in 2004 I believe and now it has been 4 years instead of 2. I just finally got bobby out of my life 4 months ago and I have been talking back to my boyfriend of now since April. He is giving me a chance again. I do not want to mess this up for anything. I want to have his trust and love like I use to and hopefully I can understand more about his hidden lifestyle and know him how I should. I want us to be happy and finally have both our dreams come true.

I want us.

I hope that that gave you more insight there are details I left out because this would fill a book if you want to know any thing else just ask.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

From what you are telling me I do not feel this has anything to do with his cross dressing and more about you and and your lack of true commitment, because he is not the first CD you have dated your ex wore panties and bras as you said.

At first I said that that your bf was complicated he is that way because you are some what complicated, you said you were a little wild and at that time he gave you time to become the person he thought you would become.

You dated several guys then meet bobby move in together and got pregnant all while your bf of now was standing on the side line watching and waiting.

Your bf ask you to marry him you ask for some time 2 yrs but went to 4 yrs, you broke up with him 4 times and was dating both bobby and your bf of know at the same time but broke up with your bf to stay with bobby because the passion was so intense that you did not want to get hurt.

After 4 mo you say that you are over bobby (your baby's daddy) and now you say you are ready to marry your bf............are you sure.

Your bf is the way he is because he may not feel that you are truly ready to commit just look at what he has gone thou.

LA CINDY LOVE

[Desiree2bababe]

He should step back and see how lucky he has to have such an understanding girlfriend. Not many out there as accepting as you.

Confusion is a big part of cd'ing. At least at first, was for me. Some fantasize about men, some want to be a woman, while at the same time sticking to our hetrosexuality. Hard to do sometimes. Sounds to me as if he has some maturing left. It may take a while. As far as you and what you'll do for him, sounds like you're willing to give whatever a try. Go for it as he asks and just see.

Good luck.