On the "Passing of a Sister"...

[Stlalice]

Yes, you mods can move this if you see fit - but I am posting this here for good reason. That reason is that the leading cause of death in the transgender community is suicide - it is an ugly truth that needs to be seen by as many of us as possible. This "sister" to us all may have been the victim of despair or maybe violence, we don't know which, we don't know her name, but if she is to be remembered as the victim that she is we need to know more. I'll ask my California sisters - do you have or can you get more information? I'll be reading the names of our dead as part of the TDOR service in November at MCCGSL and I'd rather err on the side of including this sister of ours even if it turns out that her death was by "her own hand". Lets see if we can honor a "sister" ...

The Body Ironic: The passing of a sister. From Live Journal by user Tngsquill in the Transgender community

I got the news this morning.
I got it from a friend who
was worried about me.
A person was found
floating in the Sacramento River by the police.


The news that I found said so much,
probably more than was intended by the writer.

The victim was unidentified,
Floating alone, found by people she didn't know.
At first the curves of the body,
Long hair, painted nails and breasts
"Made them believe"
that it was a young woman.

But as the mud was cleaned away
they found...
that she was a...
He?
Me?
One of "Them"
One of Us.

She remains unidentified, unmourned, unknown...
A lonely cypher.
And all of us call each other to ask:
"Do you know her... have you any idea who..."
But really we all know
that she is us.
We don't know her,
but we recognize ourselves in her.

And I mourn...
For her.... or for that piece of me
that was pulled out of the river?
And I celebrate...
That she passed finally
That she remained a woman
for at least a while.
Sometimes dreams come true a bit late.

And there will be vigils
And lots of people will say
that it is a shame, and
that we NEED to do something...
But we all know that we
are more convienient,
are easier to incorporate,
are easier to claim
as brothers or sisters
when our ackwardness is silenced
and we stop being embarrassments
and start being messages.

And so we are claimed,
by those who harm us
and kill us and make us silent
and... by those who
wait with baited breath
for the next one of us
to become convenient.

And for that person who
told me this morning
that he thought it might be me:
It was.

Rest In Peace
My Sister, my reflection in the water.
I mourn your passing.

[Stlalice]

But we still need the basics - name, cause of death etc.

http://www.sacbee.com/101/story/1263856.html

Authorities recovered the body of a 22-year-old transgender woman from the American River on Sunday.

A fisherman spotted the body about 12:45 p.m. floating in the middle of the river less than a mile southeast of the Highway 160 bridge, coroner and police officials said.

Officer Konrad Von Schoech said authorities initially thought the body was female, because of long hair, painted toenails and a smaller frame. The body was also covered in mud so it was hard to tell, he said.

On closer examination, authorities determined it was a male body, Von Schoech said.

Coroner officials have identified the person, whose last known address was in North Highlands, using fingerprints, but have not released the identity pending notification of next-of-kin.

Von Schoech said initial investigation indicates that no foul play was involved, but authorities are awaiting autopsy results to determine a cause of death.

[trannie T]

Many of us have not accepted ourselves. We are ashamed of a thing which we have no control over. Self acceptance can be difficult.
What we are doing is not wrong.
There is nothing wrong with crossdressing.
There is nothing wrong with being a crossdresser.

[Zenith]

That's why we need to keep our support system going if it helps/saves any one of us it's worth it...

[Angie G]

We all morn her passing who ever she is. What a tragic shame. :hugs:
Angie

[battybattybats]

What can we do to help one another and ourselves?

[deja true]

What can we do to help one another and ourselves?


Well, if you believe in the power of prayer, you can pray.

But even if you don't, the very act of treating each other like human beings goes a long way to making folks on the fringes feel a little better about themselves and their lives...

Prayer works for some...Karma works for all!

:<3:

Thank you Alice, for a sad but lovely reminder...

[Stlalice]

Rest in Peace Sister -

The chances are that no matter the circumstances of how you came to be in the river that a serial killer seldom remarked had a hand in it.

And that killers name is despair/depression.

It makes no difference if your death was your own hand or by that of someone else - but if by your own hand I understand why.

For the siren call of depression is hard to fight - I've been there and I know.

And if it was by the hand of another - then I'll read your name in November as one of our honored dead.

And for a brief instant you will have the acknowledgment that you were denied in this life.

But if I had my way there would be no list to read - or the need for one.

Rest in Peace Sister for your journey is over.

[Tootsye]

I lost my closest CD sister two years ago. I still miss her terribly. It was sort of by her own hand. She did not like doctors and did not consult one until it was too late. Her cancer of the eshophogus was too far advanced to save her. We morn for our sisters no matter how they go!
Tootsye

[Stlalice]

Bad enough if a sister died by her own hand but now news reports are now saying that it may have been murder - a hate crime.

If you are in the Sacramento area be careful and watch out for each other. Link to video below...

http://cbs13.com/local/transgender.body.american.2.825151.html

Rest in Peace sister - you will be remembered.

[Dalece]

That is so sad. But that is why we need each other. I know if it wasn't for all my sisters here and help and support. I wouldn't be where I'm at now. I love all of you:love:

[Alice Torn]

A sad reminder we are in a dangerous society, where brutality potential is around us. A week and a half ago, i was super depressed, was considering checking out, wrote a letter, for my brothers 2000 miles away, but, slept on it, and told someone, and got on this site, stopped eating so much ice cream, went to thrift stores, did a job, the next day, and came out of the worst of it. Lifetime depression, bipolar, nervous disorder, shame issues, about more than cding, make it a roller coaster, plus painful lifetime bachelorhood. I manage ok as a loner, most of the time, but now and then, when rejected by single gg's, feeling the same old solitude, and sorrow, get depressed, feel like going to the big sleep, especially, if i don' eat right. Most of the time, i do something, work on car, enjoy my pets. Now that i'm not homeless, i ought to be doing better,but, for me, depression, is hereditary, too, as with anyone, who is lifetime depressed. Meds do help, but, sometimes not enough. We have to face our deep issues, too. I still feel too self conscious to go out dressed, and at six feet six, I better be reallly careful, as i'd be read easily. So many loner men, cd, or not, suffer depression, these days, where men have been devalued, and some are cd's, with low male value, added to being considerred freaks dressed up, by so many. I wonder if that person had any supportive relatives. If it was murder, how disgusting, and I hope the murderer, or murderers, is arrested, gets the big sleep, or life. We really gotta be careful, when meeting men, as a small percentage are violent, sociopaths. Meeting admirers, men, dressed up, is inviting, exciting,,and i have come close. It is a huge risks. Very disturbing news.

[Sarah's lover]

This is why gg's should try to be as supportive as they can. I love my tg husband to the end of the world and back. I couldn't do any thing other than accept, support and encourage. I love the whole of my husband/girlfriend/lover/supportsystem etc.

I can't begin to imagine the distress my so would be going through if I hadn't got my head round the whole issue and decided to go with it.

That said, I would be lying if i didn't admit to finding it difficult at first and having a sense of grieving the disappearance of some aspects of my husband. I have a better person in his place though for which I am exceptionally grateful!

[Nicole Erin]

This is why gg's should try to be as supportive as they can.

It does help when our own family [blood or marriage] is supportive or at least doesn't reject us.

Batty asked what we can do to help each other? About the only thing we can do is be there for each other with emotional and moral support.

Us CDs don't always agree and sometimes pick at each other but ultimately, we should try to stick together. Help a sister out if she is in despair, even if it is one you don't particularly care for.

It really sucks that some people think killing themselves is the only way out of despair.

[cd_britney_426]

The best thing we can do is be there for each other. We don't have to agree or even like each other because after all everybody is different. Part of being a decent human is to consistently demonstrate a basic level of courtesy, respect, and understanding toward others. Suicide is actually the eighth leading cause of death nationwide (for everyone, not just TGs). Studies and statistics continue to show that American society as a whole has an unhealthy level of stress and depression. My theory on why this is the case is due to an unhealthy culture where people are inclined to get caught up in a mindlessly-driven consumer lifestyle where everyone is too busy to notice or care about anything that doesn't directly benefit themselves. We are also promoted by the culture to act as superficial as possible and interact with others on a skin-deep level. The reality is that money, products, and entertainment are not the things that bring true happiness. True happiness comes from full understanding of others, true friendship, love, and empathy that are completely independent of what someone has, where they come from, or what their views are. Britney

[Stlalice]

From the look of things it would appear that the body found in the Sacramento River was indeed a victim of a hate crime - the piece below is by the author of the piece in the original post. To all of you in the Sacramento Ca. area - look out for each other and be careful.


Ruby -- you are remembered.

It has affected me deeply. One of ours died of a violent hate crime in the Sacramento River. She was found naked, floating all alone and forgotten.

I think it affected me so deeply because it was so reminiscent of how we live our lives. Most of my T sisters hide in the shadows, having to be who they are but afraid to be discovered. The dream is to "pass," to be able to blend into society and just dissapear (woodwork). We live lives of fear, of not knowing who to trust and who will not only stand behind us, but will stand up for us.
Ruby met the end that so many of us do, abused, neglected, forgotten, alone and treated like a throwaway sexual oddity. Usually you hear that a killed T was not only killed in an up-close and personal act of brutality, but you also hear that they were stripped and left to be found -- naked. Just a body revealed, with no common dignity, no decency, no respect.

While all that bothers me deeply, what really gets me fired up is how society treats us after we are killed. Invariably we are referred to as our former sex, or our former names used, or we are portrayed as prostitutes or various slurs used to portray us. We are never a human-being who was killed... rather we become a transsexual, or a transgendered, or a transitioning or a trannie or whatever. It is always remarkable and newsworthy, not that we got killed or brutalized, but that we are who we are. Somehow WE become responsible in some way for our murders. It seems that the subtext is always "transsexual gets found out and is killed because they fooled somebody." The trans-panic defense is always right under the surface in the news reports.

Another form of this is how our own community treats us. Last year Satendar Singh was killed in Sacramento. There was a really nice memorial at the Capital Rose Garden that brought us all together. And there were a number of the trans members of the community there. But when Ruby Molina is found, brutally murdered and dumped naked into the Sacramento River... there is nothing.

I called the Sacramento Gay and Lesbian center and the person who answered the phone did not even know what was happening. Finally, after she went and asked for information told me that there is going to be a Day of Rememberance at PFLAG in a couple of weeks. That is it. Ruby is now only going to be a name on a list.

We get snubbed by the Lambda Center changing its name to the "Gay and Lesbian Center,"
We get forgotten and pushed aside when we are alive,
And when we are victims of hate crimes, we are put onto a list
to be read and then forgotten.
In so many ways, so often through our lives and our deaths
We are told that we don't belong,
We don't really fit in,
We aren't one of them,
We don't deserve a service,
We just don't... we just aren't... we just hide away and die forgotten and unmourned.

That is our lot in life and death.

Ruby -- I mourn your passing and I celebrate your courage. Rest in Peace sister.



Another name to be read when we do our TDOR service here at MCCGSL on Nov. 16 (actual date of TDOR is Nov. 20 ). It may not be much and our memorial wall is a virtual one - but at least she will get for a moment the respect that she didn't in life.

Rest in Peace Ruby

[cd_britney_426]

Sad to say the death is suspicious. It is unlikely that someone committing suicide is going to try to drown themselves in a river vs. much easier and reliable methods. Second, had her death been an accident (i.e. drinking and fell in and drowned), someone would have been looking for her long before she was found. It is crucial that we support other transgendered people in two ways. The first is by support as I described in a previous post. This not only includes support of other T-girls but also educating the general public because it is a "small world" and the same people who don't understand transgendered people likely know one but don't know their secret. The second is situational awareness. While not always the case, for a crime to be successful there usually has to be an opportunity. As described in other threads, avoid putting yourself and your friends in compromising situations as much as possible. Each one of these tragedies does bring out awareness toward our issues but it is obviously not stopping the tragedies. For those who are completely out of the closet, we cannot tolerate any nonsense at all against transgedered people. We must set the example by again educating people and showing them the truth. Britney