Do you want to, or do you have to?

[TGMarla]

I'm curious. For the most part, I'm guessing that we want to dress, therefore, we do. But there's also a huge part of us that now dresses because we have to. There's almost never a time when I don't desire to dress, but since I can't dress all the time, like most of us, I make do and dress as opportunity allows. And when I get thos opportunities, I almost always give into the desire.

Why is this, though? I have many hobbies and amusements. I have numerous interests. Why is it that I choose to crossdress above my other interests nearly all the time when the opportunity comes along?

I think that there are many aspects of crossdressing that border on, or even lend themselves to addiction or obsession. We can't not dress. We dress, to some extent, because we have to. On a sliding scale, where does it fall for you?

[trannie T]

I have chosen my hobbies. I do them because I want to.
I did not choose to be a crossdresser. I dress because I have to.

[Nicole Erin]

I imagine the only gender folks who dress cause they WANT to are the drag queens. Nothing wrong with this.

[AllieSF]

I do not do anything I do not want to do, when I have the choice. Therefore, I dress because I want to dress and do not feel that I have to dress.

edit: I am far from being a drag queen, bless there lovely souls.

[Alana65]

trannie T makes a good point but at the same time, my "need to dress" fluctuates from weak to strong.......but not necessarily at the right times........meaning, when I have the TIME to dress, I don't always have the NEED to dress (and vice versa). :eek:

So, I guess my answer to the poll would be BOTH ?

[Misfire]

I can't answer that officially because for myself, it's both.

[TGMarla]

I really had meant to include other options, like a one to five sliding scale. Sorry 'bout that. I don't often do a poll, and I guess I blew it. Can the admins help fix it perhaps?

[LilSissyStevie]

I want to so it's irrelevant whether I "have to" or not. If it ever gets to the point that I feel I "have to" it would suck and I wouldn't want to do it anymore.

[2b.Lauren]

Great Poll. I do to vacillate back and forth. I also am the same. When I want to dress I can't and when I really could, I am not feeling that way for whatever reason. So sometimes you just can't win.

[Amy07]

I want to dress.
I have to drink, eat, breathe, take care of myself, provide shelter, clothing, get health care, you know.... stay with the living.
I want to dress Femme as an expansion of the regular stuff. And I love it.

[Marjory]

I have to agree with 2b.Lauren. when I want to I can't when I could many times I don't feel like.
Today I did 3 hours worth of plumbing in the house. All I wanted to do after I finished was slip into something comfortable but the wife as home all day... couldn't do it.

Marjory

[stef]

Reading through pages and pages of posts, year after year, you should start to see an obvious pattern: Keeping tormenting secrets for many years; separations, break-ups and divorces; estranged sons and daughters; purges and purges again; lost friends and distanced families; embarrassment; terminated employment; hidden stashes and lots of money spent; the wicked pain of that god damned Epilady; and on and on and on.

Who would ever WANT this?

But many, I think, want that feeling of being whole and complete through dressing; they want to relax and let the worries and cares of male existence slip away; they want to feel comfortable and at ease, or even sexy or sensual; they want to be that other person or persona; they dress because they want the satisfaction that it brings.

Maybe what I'm getting at is that there is a need to dress because we want the varied pleasures that comes with it. For many of us, dressing fits the description of an addiction, a dependency; with all the classic symptoms like withdrawal, compulsion or even abuse. Like every proper addict who likes those wonderful effects of their habit, their need to do it generally outweighs their want to not do it.

Or maybe I can't speak for others. This is just how I feel, I guess. I need to dress because I want to dress.

- Stef

[Mercedes]

I have to but there are times when I want to as well. Does that make sense?

Mercedes XOXOXO

[Raquel June]

The question's actually very vague when you think about it. Maybe it should be:

Want to :)
Don't want to but have to :(

That's a philosophical question. You can ask it about any drive. You could easily argue that it's just semantics, but the reasons behind your answer say a whole lot about you.

Do you have sex because you want to or because you have to?

If it's because you "have" to and you don't want to, do you wish you could stop? If you'e doing something that you don't want to do, you should stop unless there's a positive reason for doing it. If you wish you could stop, are you in serious denial about your motivation?

If you want to stop but you can't, and you don't consider yourself transgendered, you should treat it like any other addiction. You need to get another hobby and seriously consider a 12-step program.

[Kate Simmons]

A lot depends on the person really and their depth of understanding with their feelings. It's mostly about the feelings for myself and who I am as a person. The appearance is merely a reflection of that. Even if the "glitter" is taken away the feelings remain an intrinsic part of myself.:)

[steang]

both, but i guess i didnt want to for periods, but still had to

[Carin]

I have to agree with you Steff. I believe that I need to express my feminine side (by dressing etc) in order to feel whole and complete. I don't see it in the context of an addiction. My want is to feel whole and complete, to be fully present. If I can not express my femininity then there is a big part of me missing from my presence.

That's just me.


Reading through pages and pages of posts, year after year, you should start to see an obvious pattern: Keeping tormenting secrets for many years; separations, break-ups and divorces; estranged sons and daughters; purges and purges again; lost friends and distanced families; embarrassment; terminated employment; hidden stashes and lots of money spent; the wicked pain of that god damned Epilady; and on and on and on.

Who would ever WANT this?

But many, I think, want that feeling of being whole and complete through dressing; they want to relax and let the worries and cares of male existence slip away; they want to feel comfortable and at ease, or even sexy or sensual; they want to be that other person or persona; they dress because they want the satisfaction that it brings.

- Stef

[Rachell]

If I had to dress it would take all the fun out of it for me and the enjoyment would be gone. I have to dress like a man I choose to dress like a sexy women.

[Suzie S.]

Very good thread Marla. :) This is a simple and complicated thread all in one. Simply put, for me, I 'want' to dress but 'need' to find more time to do it, lol. Everyone makes good points here, and I can identify with all the replies. I gave up quite a while ago trying to figure out why I cd, I just do it and enjoy it. All I know is that if it became an overwhelming need, I would have to start rethinking my priorities in life. My answer is as clear as mud, isn't it? :doh:

[Edwina]

Now I am confused.:o "Need to" sounded so right when I voted but now, having read the posts I find that "want to" is equally valid. I give up. Both. :D

:love:

Edwina

[Deborah Jane]

Hard question Marla!!
I used to hate the compulsion to dress, but i had to do it anyway. I never asked to be a crossdresser, but as i am i may as well enjoy it.
I don,t do it because i want to or because i have to. I dress because it,s part of who i am!!

Would i like to be able to stop forever?....YES
If i could stop forever, would i?....NO

This is who i am, removing this now would be like losing a limb!!

I am Debs and Debs is me!!

Sorry, i didn,t know which way to vote, so i didn,t.

[Joanne f]

They say that the easiest way to confuse a cross dresser is to put 2 shovels against the wall and ask them to take their pick (and i did not even think about putting blond cross dresser) and this feels like one of those questions , but then i am a bit short of a penny or two :D.
Want to or have to ,
There are a lot of jobs around the home that i have to do but do not want to so why is cross dressing different , i am wondering if you should add in the desire bit some where because Cding seams to have a dimension of it`s own .
I always seam to have this desire to want to most of the time whatever i am doing , it`s there just hanging around in my head , when can i do it next , then if i do not get a fix in some way it builds up to a" Have to " and oddly enough i do not consider this the best moments as i know it is controlling me because if i do not get that fix i get bad tempered, ( i know i am sad :sad:) for letting it do this but the want to turns into the have to, it does not appear to be something i just like to do it has become something i have to do and maybe that is sad of me to allow this to happen .
From 1-10 want to is around 5+ and have to is 11+

Just curious i know this is about Cding but how would GGs relate the want or have to dress fem question , do they go though a similar cycle.


joanne :fairy2:

[Susan Watersfield]

Maria,

A very interesting question.

I think there must be elements of both answers for most of us.

For me, in the years when opportunities to dress were very rare, I had a very strong desire to do so and so I'd say it was a case of "Have To".

However, these days I can and do dress most days. So the overwhelming need to dress isn't there anymore. As a result all of my dressing is because I "Want To". So that's how I've answered the poll.

Luv

Susan

[Toni Shelton]

I have chosen my hobbies. I do them because I want to.
I did not choose to be a crossdresser. I dress because I have to.

Well Said, Dressing is not my hobby. If it was a hobby, It wouldn't hurt the ones I love and make my wife cry.

[Lora Olivia]

Four years ago now after driving "him" to desperation, despair and deep depression I had to come out. So my answer is easy in this sense. I HAVE to. But darn it I want those new pink bow slides to wear:heehee:

[deja true]

Umm...."C", both of the above.

Rationale? See all of the above posts...they all make sense to me...but I stopped questioning long ago.

[jennylogan]

Not dressing is not an option. When one knows deep down to the very pit of their soul that mother nature (or whatever) got her genetic wires crossed up and gave me a defective y chromosone ( it is the 2nd x missing its leg). This insured a life time of unwanted challenges in terms of gender preference that caused me great anguish until I finally accepted myself for what I am. I could no more not dress than could I flap my arms and fly to the moon. Still, I don't blame any one or any thing, this is just how I am and I wouldn't want it any other way.

[Lilith Moon]

Want to so much that I have to :devil:

[Claire B]

I dress because I have an great desire to. And I thank my wonderful wife for supporting me in this desire.

[Raychel]

I have done alot of think ing on this one. And I guess I will have to answer that "I have to"

If I go to long without getting the chance to dress, then it totally takes over my life, I start getting all anxious inside and my mood changes severly, and not for the better I must say.

So in order for my life to run sumwhat stable, I guess I have to.

[amy michelle]

hi im a new girl in town
i voted have to but i feel ite both i have dressed since the age of 5yrs in the bathroom in my cousins clothes at home in my mums i do want to no love to dress and if i havent dressed in a while then it turns in to i have to to stop goig crazy the urge over whelms me thanx for reading xxamyxx

[MarinaTwelve200]

Yep, it IS something I WANT to do---at least on ocasion. After having a few years where I could not---no oppurtunity AND no clothes, I KNOW I dont HAVE to. I can live without it, but I dont want to be in that situation again.

[Jocelyn Renee]

Stef make a great point: for many CDing follows all the classic symptoms of an addiction. In my case I WANT to dress to satisfy my need to express the whole me. I dress because it's fun, sensual, relaxing, and for a host of other reasons. If circumstances prevent me from dressing for a time I get a bit irritable, but for me CDing falls short of an absolute need. I can be happy presenting only as male and indeed there are many aspects of being male that I prefer.

From time to time the thought of living full-time is powerfully attractive, but ultimately I know that I was born bi-gendered; not transsexual. Fortunately I am blessed with the freedom to indulge my feminine side and maintain a balance that was missing from the first half of my life.

[Karren H]

I'm driven to.. I don't have a choice..

[Samantha Kelsey]

I voted that I want to dress because I never dress if I don't want to. However, If for some reason I've not been able to dress for a while then I get withdrawl symptoms and really need a feminine fix. I don't know! Where does that put me? No I'm not a dumb blond, brunette maybe.

[Angie G]

We all dress because we want to. I think we want to because we need to therefor is the want.:hugs:
Angie

[Dawna Ellen Bays]

I dress because I want to. Whenever faced with the question of trading lives with someone who had no interest in crossdressing, I know in my heart that this is what I WANT To be. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

[Samantha43]

I have to, but at the same time it is something I really enjoy and like doing.

[Raquel June]

Saying "I have to" is such a downer! Some of you are being way too dramatic and need to get over yourselves!

Crossdressing is not like eating or sleeping. If you didn't want to do it you wouldn't! Otherwise it's pure addiction and you should get help from others to stop if you don't want to.

As much as you may think it would kill you, if someone threw away your panties and cut up your Macy's card you'd probably survive!

People who say they don't like it, say they don't want to, probably purge now and then and say they'll never do it again ... they really need to come to terms with their feelings and take responsibility for their actions. It is a want, but how many wants are things that just disappear? I guess maybe that is a fine line between a want and what people would generally call an emotional need.

But whatever! Cheer up and have fun!

[Girdlewoman]

I want to dress most of the time and usually do. I choose to most of the time. However, this has never gone away, even when I wanted it to. I can controll my desires pretty well. However, I know that if I couldn't dress and be this part of me that I would find some way no matter what to do it. I'm at peace with knowing who I am and what it entails. Being a gurl is a lot of work and often times I wish I didn't have to do it but, being a gurl sure makes it worth while. Peace, Charlene


I'm curious. For the most part, I'm guessing that we want to dress, therefore, we do. But there's also a huge part of us that now dresses because we have to. There's almost never a time when I don't desire to dress, but since I can't dress all the time, like most of us, I make do and dress as opportunity allows. And when I get thos opportunities, I almost always give into the desire.

Why is this, though? I have many hobbies and amusements. I have numerous interests. Why is it that I choose to crossdress above my other interests nearly all the time when the opportunity comes along?

I think that there are many aspects of crossdressing that border on, or even lend themselves to addiction or obsession. We can't not dress. We dress, to some extent, because we have to. On a sliding scale, where does it fall for you?

[fluffy_kingston]

Pretty evenly split. I put 'want to' because I could survive without it, but not happily.

[Jaydee]

It seemed like a pretty easy question at first, but then reading the thread, now I am not sure. I put down "Have to" because the desire is not something I chose. I have many interests and hobbies that I could stop and not look back if I wanted to, CDing is not one of them. I could stop but I would still have the desire. I guess I want to, because it satisfies a need.

I am still confused; now where are those new heels?

Jaydee

[Jess_cd32]

Finally, us "have tos" are taking the percentage lead, was getting worried there for a minute, we'll seal this one once all the results are in ;-)

[Veronica 1]

I threw out all my male underwear, socks, and t-shirts and replaced them with thongs, nylons (of various types), and camisoles. So when it comes to underdressing, I have to but I put on dresses, skirts, wigs and makeup, it is because I want to.

[janelle]

I have to because this is me.
Janelle

[docrobbysherry]

To really know if I'm a "have to", I would need to try to quit CDing completely, and fail!

I DID take a 3 week break from ALL THINGS CD this summer. And was OK with that. That may not qualify as a test for, "have to", tho.

Because I knew after that break, I could go back to dressing if I WANTED TO.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

People who do not dress have no ideal how wonderful it is, I can chose who I want to be and how I will live that day.

YES I am the same person but.........they do not know that.....cool


LA CINDY LOVE

[RylieCD]

I chose have too because I know that the desire will never go away. Yes I wanted it to go away but since I know it wont I have have given in and learned to enjoy it to some extent. so want to and like to - yes as well.

[Virginnia]

I'm curious. For the most part, I'm guessing that we want to dress, therefore, we do. But there's also a huge part of us that now dresses because we have to. There's almost never a time when I don't desire to dress, but since I can't dress all the time, like most of us, I make do and dress as opportunity allows. And when I get thos opportunities, I almost always give into the desire.

Why is this, though? I have many hobbies and amusements. I have numerous interests. Why is it that I choose to crossdress above my other interests nearly all the time when the opportunity comes along?

I think that there are many aspects of crossdressing that border on, or even lend themselves to addiction or obsession. We can't not dress. We dress, to some extent, because we have to. On a sliding scale, where does it fall for you?
I feel complete when I dress and like a part of me is missing when I do not. It is so nice when the outside mathes the inside when I am wearing one of my basqes stockings long skirt white blouse and a hat as I adore the conservative/classic look.

[Jennifer Cox]

I think Stef sums it all up pretty well. I often wonder if it's an addiction, as it seems like one. However, nature makes sex a strong desire to ensure that reproduction takes place, thereby ensuring the continuation of the species. Is this a need/want/addiction ? I think we need a psychologist to explain this one!

From my point of view, I don't think it can be considered an addiction, or every living thing would be addicted to sex - on the other hand ... LOL! :D

I think that for many CD's there's a strong sexual connection, so perhaps CDing is related to the sex drive, therefore, more of a need. This was certainly my position until recently, when CDing became more of an end unto itself than sexual. Now I'm more confused than ever over this issue, but conversely more clear in my own mind over my needs.

I've never felt it was an addiction, since I could refrain when necessary, but clearly it has always been a strong desire.

[Jenniferpl]

My wife works nights. I find the only way I can sleep is to wear a bra and forms to bed along with a cami. THere has been more than one night were going to bed has been dreadfull. The sensation of wearing a bra keeps me going.

Do I want to: yes.
Do I have to: yes.

[suzanne]

I voted "Have to" because "both" is not an option in your poll. I want to because I love feeling feminine, but there is the sense of things being "Not quite right" "Off balance" or "Out of kilter" when the situation calls for me to be in boy-only mode. I "need" to wear something feminine in order to feel balanced.

[CD Susan]

This is a rather difficult question to answer. For me it has to be a combination of the two options. I derive a great deal of pleasure from cd'ing and it makes me feel that I am doing what is only natural for me. If there was some magic pill that I could take to make the desire to cd go away I would not take it. I could not imagine living any other way than I do now. This is a part of me that has always been and will always be. This is just the way that I am and I can not explain it in any other way.

[vivianann]

I voted have to, because without crossdressing I get depressed, when I put on a dress, makeup, hose, and wig it completely changes the way I feel.