Telling my wife

[Pattie O]

I have recently come across an invitation to a Stepping Out event for cds and trans and I would love to attend.I know that the only way would be to tell my wife that this is something I would love us both to do.What do you girls (GGs and CDs)think? Would this be too large a step for someone who is not really accepted for the Cding at this stage or could it be an opportunity for me to approach the subject with forethought and care and allow us a way forward.

desperate to go to the ball!

Pattie O:daydreaming:

[Mollyanne]

Hi Patty, To be totally honest here, I have read and re-read your thread and have to say that if shes not TOTALLY accepting of your cd'ing I would not "exactly" come out and show this invitation and expect her to embrace it. I would go slow at this point and let her digest what you have already told her about your "other life style". this is my :2c: Good luck to you whatever you decide!!!!

:love: Mollyanne

[Shelly Preston]

As much as you want to go to the Ball

Think carefully,, if she is strugglling to accept where you are now she may consider this a step to far and it could ruin your relationship

I am sure there will be other opportunities in the future for you to attend an event

It is a good opportunity for discussion and you may decide to tell her you want to attend an event some day

[Sheila]

if she is struggling to come to terms with cding and what it means for your relationship, I would advise you to give this one a miss, as Shelly says there will be other events in the future you may be able to attend with your wife, or at least have her acceptance for you to attend even if not with her. good luck with your decision:hugs:

[Pamela Julie]

If when dressed enfemme, your wife does not go with you in public, then the ball may be a bit too much. If she is an enthusiastic spouse, then by all means go to the ball. It is one thing to accept your crossdressing, and another to embrace it.

Pamela:)

[Roberta Marie]

Pattie,

I'm a bit confused. Does your wife know about your crossdressing and is not accepting, or does she not know, and you are asking if this might be a good way to approach the subject with her?

If it's the former, all I can recommend is that you talk to her. Communication is the key to any relationship.

If on the other hand she does not know, only you can know if this is a good time to tell her. All I can tell you is that after I told my wife and she accepted me, she said that if I had told her earlier in our relationship, she doesn't think she would have been able to handle it.

In either case, you know your wife and the relationship that the two of you have better than any of us. Sorry not to be of more help.

Grace,
Bobbi

[Pattie O]

She knows and says she does not want any part of it.She has not said straight out to me that she wants me to stop but I suppose that is what she wants.Im too afraid to ask that question as I know I cant (not forever anyway) and then I would be lying again just to suit her requirements.Im trying to tell her that this is a part of me that needs to be expressed (at least in some fashion(hopefully chic and modern!!?):heehee:

Pattie O

[Bridged]

hmm.....I wish that I could give you the advice that you probably want to hear, that it's a good idea, but alas, I have to agree with the others, it's probably not quite the right time yet. I AM an accepting wife, and I long for my cd husband to share a bit more of this side of him with me, however, not being completely "in the know", not being totally aware of his motivations etc.. I think that I would be a bit weary about going to this type of event. It's a bit overwhelming of a thought. Over time, she may come around, if you continue to be honest with her and you will have your opportunity.
Good luck

[charles1]

about 2 years ago i told my wife about my crossdressing desires and interest. she allowed me to dress in privatebut didn't want to know anything. i thought she would accept it over time so i bought my own lingere. what a great feeling to finally own bras and panties the fit properly. the bad new this whole activity put such a strain on our marriage that i had to stop and purge my small but persoally exciting wardrobe. the sader thing is although we love each other our intimate life together has changed and not for the better. keep and enjoy your great decret. i wish i had:sad:

[NatashaCD]

I agree with the others as for me i have been wanting to go to the stepping out ball but time and money will not permit oh well maybe next year

[charles1]

i should have read my reply more closely it's full of spelling and typing errors but i hope my message is worthwhile. fondly, charles

[Sandra]

Sorry Pattie but I have to agree with what the others have said. If she doesn't want any part of it then asking her to go with you would IMO make matters worse.

Have you thought about asking her it would help if she joined here and chatted with other wives/partners?


Im trying to tell her that this is a part of me that needs to be expressed

I really think that you do need to try and get her to understand this and then go on from there.



about 2 years ago i told my wife about my crossdressing desires and interest. she allowed me to dress in privatebut didn't want to know anything. i thought she would accept it over time so i bought my own lingere. what a great feeling to finally own bras and panties the fit properly. the bad new this whole activity put such a strain on our marriage that i had to stop and purge my small but persoally exciting wardrobe. the sader thing is although we love each other our intimate life together has changed and not for the better. keep and enjoy your great decret. i wish i had:sad:

I'm sorry this happened to you, but just becasue it did does not mean it going to happen to everyone. Keeping it a secret makes it a whole lot worse when it all does come out, with regards to the lying and trust issues.

[Patty]

Sorry Pattie but I have to agree with what the others have said. If she doesn't want any part of it then asking her to go with you would IMO make matters worse.

Have you thought about asking her it would help if she joined here and chatted with other wives/partners?

I agree with Sandra's statement.

[Roberta Marie]

Pattie,

She knows, and she hasn't run screaming to a divorce lawyer. That is good. That means that there is hope. The key to any relationship is honest, open communication.

In my opinion, you need to sit down and talk to your wife. You need to find out how she feels. You need to know what she is objecting to, and why. You need to first ask her a few questions, then you need to listen to the answers. Don't have the attitude that you are going to change her mind, just listen. After she has had her say, you can ask her some questions to make sure that what she wanted to say is what you actually heard, but other than that, just listen.

Listening is the most important, and often the most difficult part of communication. It is difficult to try to get someone to understand your point of view until you have an understanding of their point of view. Listening to her will also show her that you are truly interested in what she is feeling, that she is important to you.

Once you both agree that you understand her point of view, then you can start to express your point of view. Don't necessarily try to convince her that you are right, just tell her how you feel.

Once you both know what each other are feeling, then you can start to reach a middle ground, something that you both can agree on, and build upon.

Communication is the key.

Grace,
Bobbi


about 2 years ago i told my wife about my crossdressing desires and interest. she allowed me to dress in privatebut didn't want to know anything. i thought she would accept it over time so i bought my own lingere. what a great feeling to finally own bras and panties the fit properly. the bad new this whole activity put such a strain on our marriage that i had to stop and purge my small but persoally exciting wardrobe. the sader thing is although we love each other our intimate life together has changed and not for the better. keep and enjoy your great decret. i wish i had:sad:

Charles,

I came out to my wife just a little over a year ago. She has been very understanding and accepting since. I am partially dressed most of the time, now, and we occasionally go out shopping and to lunch while I am dressed. We are looking forward to meeting other crossdressers and spending an en femme vacation together in just a few weeks.

Not knowing much about your situation or the relationship that you have with your wife, I am in no position to say much about it. But I can say that because your wife does not accept now does not mean that she never will, or that any other wife will not accept.

Grace,
Bobbi

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

If she is not accepting of the Cd,ing than she certainly will not want to go out to a dance. Let her know you would like to go and that you understand her position but "can you go by yourself" for a much needed night out en-femme. You will not be the only girl there that does not have a dance partner.