Anyone told their wife this way?

[Sally2005]

My wife knows I dress up on halloween and she has seen what I look like enfem and has never been negative, but I think she considers it a game or something odd that I do for fun once a year. She has made some comments that she doesn't care if a guy wears panties, but also has said "good" when I was asked if I shaved my arms and the answer was no... I want to tell her I'm in to CDing a bit more than she knows or would admit. So I plan to stock up on clothes "for halloween" and little by little hint that I'm going to dress up yet again. So if I shave all my body hair do you think she would freakout? I'm thinking, I'll just say I always wanted to try it, so I did... and I'm thinking I'll do the theme halloween costume, then later tell her that I want to try looking 100% natural since I'm already most of the way there... and see if she will go on an adventure/date out with me. Anyone else done it this way?

[Sandra]

Sorry but I think you'd do a lot better by just coming clean with her, and not use halloween as an excuse.

[Sheila]

Sally2005 try reading that thread it may help

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=90231

[ggtracy]

I would definately tell her before you decide to shave your body. if she notices changes in your appearance which you haven't discussed she may begin to wonder all kinds of crazy things.

if you have only dressed in femme around her on halloween then it is understandable why she may think its just a game.

[MJ]

just tell her the truth

[jennCD]

Sorry but I think you'd do a lot better by just coming clean with her, and not use halloween as an excuse.

Hiya Sally,
Well, I did tell my wife and it appeared to go quite well for the first year, but then, in her eyes, I overstepped her comfort level by shaving my legs one day.... took her 3 days to notice of course, but that kinda set me back a few paces in feeling positive about having told her about it all.

Still, I do agree that it is much better to put it all out there and tell our partners instead of keeping it "secret" and then worrying about when it will come out.

As far as Halloween goes, it was never something I'd considered doing since I feel that's projecting the act of dressing as more like an "act" or costume and less of an expression of who I am in my head...

:)
jenn

[Alice B]

I have to agree with Sandra and if you have been dressing at all there is a good chance that your wife suspects or may even know. Just sit down and have a honest discussion. The end result will be far better.

[Shelly Preston]

Read the link in my signature on telling your partner

It has a lot of good advice

[Sasha Anne Meadows]

I started shaving my whole bod except my head about a year starting to dress everyday. My wife didn't mind my shaved bod. It looks so much cleaner anyway.

[Ruth]

Here in UK, Halloween is a rather tasteless event that involves children in 'scary' costumes. There is virtually no large scale dressing up by adults, cross-dressed or otherwise. So it's hard for me to see the significance of Halloween in this whole thing.
And what you're actually wanting to tell your wife has nothing to do with Halloween either. Best just come clean about the CDing.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

I have to go with a Alice's response. Just sit down and have an honest discussion with her. She might be a little squimish at first but then she down the road she might come to just accept it. Remember,when it comes to your wife or SO, honesty is the best policy.


Felicity :)

[PamelaTX]

Let me echo what everyone else has said here.

Just sit down and tell her.

[jennylogan]

If I had to do it all over again I would have been truthful from the start and would advise others to do the same. It's difficult but in the end honesty, especially with an SO, is always the best way to go.

[Sally2005]

Ya I'm a chicken...year after year the desire comes and goes and so does my desire to tell her. It seems like when I decide to tell her, my desire hits a low and my mental state is telling me I'm not a CDer anymore so why say anything?...but I know it comes back and then I feel I should have told her so this time I'm going to do it...it is the how to do it that I need to figure out.

Lots a good advice. Thanks! I think I'll hold off on the shaving...maybe if I do a great job on everything else she will insist that I shave to complete the look. :-)

My challenge at this point is the ice breaker... If I just blurt it out, I fear it becomes a major issue with her (and the time is never right). However if we are doing it together and she is having fun with it, talking to her would be easier. I could ask her if she enjoys it and ask her if she wants to do it more often. The idea I had was to buy the "making faces" book and bring it home and tell her this year I'm going for the extreme makeover.

[Kayla_CD]

Tell her that you enjoy it so much at Halloween that you want to try it more often, and that you have done it outside of Halloween. If she understands the joy you get on that day it'll be easier for her to understand why you want to do it more.

[charlie]

You had better do your Halloween thing and then try and come clean with her. Tell her it just woke you up to CD. Tell her you have loved the dressing up on Halloween and would like to try more! Doing things and just having her find out that way is bad. I speak from experience. Telling her gently what is going on in your head is far better. She may be more accepting of the changes then just finding out by seeing them.

[Jenn2716]

Go have fun on Halloween and then sit and chat with her a few days afterward. But either way, don't shave your body hair without talking to her first. You don't have to get permission, but just don't spring it on her.
I know from experience. That is not the way to get her on your side. :)

[Angie G]

Kinda I gave her the it not fair gus can't wear skirts on hot day. She gave me one and it went from there.:hugs:
Angie

[Inachis]

No, but I did get caught by my wife in mid-dress. She delivered the best line I've heard on the subject. "A different color eyeshadow, and some better mascara would really bring out your eyes".

It was a long talk afterwards, but I know she'll support my feminine persona. Eventhough i know she doesn't understand it.

[trannie T]

Sometimes it is best to tell the truth. This is one of those times.

[Desiree2bababe]

Sort of........after I'd told my then girlfriend, now wife, about my cd'ing, I dressed as a girl for halloween. I had a mustache then and she helped me get all dolled up. I wanted to shave but she wouldn't let me ( she loves a bearded man ). Well after the wig was donned and the heels stepped into, she said I looked good (see through red dress and all). I said, I should shave and she said ok. I backed out and we went out to a hot club in Atlanta. We danced, I got flirted with by several men and all of a sudden she blurted out...."Let's go get some men." I explained it wasn't about that but to this day, if I'd shaved that night, I bet we would've taken her up on the offer...........

[Amy Lynn3]

Just ask her, I'll be dressing this year for Halloween and I would like to shave my legs too. Is that OK with you dear ? If she says, yes, its OK do it, then its time to tell her you really like this and would like to do it more......then fill in with honest information.

I think if its done stage by stage it does not knock the props out from under them, but by all means do one or the other....stay in the closet or tell her, however, if you tell her think about the results you might get.

["Mary"]

Tell her that you enjoy it so much at Halloween that you want to try it more often, and that you have done it outside of Halloween. If she understands the joy you get on that day it'll be easier for her to understand why you want to do it more.

This seems to be the minority opinion here and I thought I was going to be the only one to take this position, but this has worked for me.

Good luck Sally.

[Sammy777]

1)My wife knows I dress up on halloween and she has seen what I look like enfem and has never been negative,

2)She has made some comments that she doesn't care if a guy wears panties,

3)but also has said "good" when I was asked if I shaved my arms and the answer was no...

4)I want to tell her I'm in to CDing a bit more than she knows or would admit.

5)So I plan to stock up on clothes "for halloween" and little by little hint that I'm going to dress up yet again.

6)So if I shave all my body hair do you think she would freakout?

I have sorta broken out the few comments you made to pick apart each one. Sorry, lol

1) Has she ever seen you dressed ,in any way, outside of Halloween?
Halloween is 1 day a year, how she would feel the other 364 days may be very different.

2) Sounds like a very promising comment.
How and when it was said is important though, she may not mind guys wear panties,
but she may mind Her guy wearing them 365. More info on this please!

3) That comment tells me she would not be to happy with the "oh by the way" no hair thing.

4) Yes, you should, but I would till after Halloween.

5) WHY HINT? You have done it before & she hasn't seemingly cared so just be out with it.
Don't just blurt it out, but tell her that is what you are doing when it comes up again.

6) Yes, see #3 lol.


I would have to say the best thing to do is once she knows how you are planning to dress for Halloween do a trail run of your costume with her.
Once dressed I would slip in a comment on how your arm/leg hair sorta kills the look.
Then ask her "do you think WE should lost the hair & if she wouldn't mind you being like that for a while till it comes back.
Remember, it is not what you ask for, but how you ask for it that can make the difference.
Throwing in a "I want to look my best for my girl" wouldn't hurt either.lol

Lastly, give her the chance & see how far she takes it on her own.
Tell her you would like to go all out & that you trust her & are willing to let her go as far as she wants to with your look.
This should also give you some idea of her comfort levels regarding how much of a women she is OK with you being/looking.

[mykhelee]

My second wife knew I cd'd with my long term SO previous to her, knew I shaved my legs, knew I had a make-up kit. Still said she had no idea I would want to continue to cd after we got together.
A woman who does not want to know her man wants to dress will not know.
Hints, clues and subtle conversation and sly questions will not work.

Come clean...but be prepared for the consquences.
I wish the best for you.
Peace

[marny]

I went the slow break in method, Worked for me!

[Celeste]

I think testing the waters slowly is a good idea,see where she's at with it.Using Halloween is a fabulous ice breaker for you to show her how much it really means to you.Make sure you use the word "share" a lot when talking about dressing as a relationship enhancing endeavor.I think its important to reinforce the fact that it doesn't change the way you feel about her or your attraction to her.And last, be ready and willing to dispel any of the deep down resentments or myths she may have heard pertaining to it.

[JiffyJ]

A woman who does not want to know her man wants to dress will not know.
Hints, clues and subtle conversation and sly questions will not work.

I couldn't agree with this more.

If you're feeling brave and ready for any possible consequences, then open honesty is the way to go.
It may not go the way you want, but hints and sly comments that are not responded to can lead to a lot of frustration on your part.

[Emily Anderson]

I'll have to agree with Sandra on this one. Come clean or don't do it at all.

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that people prefer you to be honest about what you want and how you feel, or not know anything about it at all. That is, playing the half-way mark will only frustrate you and the persons around you.

[Desiree2bababe]

I actually asked if I could shave as my then girlfriend, now wife, did my makeup the 1st Halloween after I'd told her I crossdress. After a couple no's, she finally gave in but I chickened out. I wish I had for during the night, she suggested we go find some men. Not sure, but I think she was trying to see how far I took my being fem. I have often fantasized on how the night would have turned out if I'd shaved.

[karezza]

Sally,

I just read this thread and I sympathize with your dilemma. How did Halloween go? Have you found a way to further the discussion with your wife? I am fortunate to have a very supportive wife, but we came to this point in stages. I wish you the best in your journey.

Kay

[Sally2005]

Oddly, enough... I was just thinking about this topic. Halloween was fun, except her parents came to visit so I missed the opportunity to really have a private heart to heart talk. Now we're back to hum drum routine and she didn't say much at all about halloween. So now I'm stuck for a good way to do it (yet again).

[sherib]

You've gone this far you might as well tell her. Plus after all this time dressing on Halloween she must have thought about or had some idea.

[Alison010274]

In my opinion to come clean is the only option. I know how terifying it can be, I've been there. I came clean in a 10 page letter about 8 years ago. Lucckily it has all worked out incredibly well for me, with a very understanding wife. The honesty has strengthened our relationship enormously.
Good luck.