Why I CD

[curse within]

I have seen many people ask WHY? I was the same when I first came here needing to find the answers to my long time desires to dress it has been a lot of help better than therapy joining this site. It really makes me think back from some of the threads I read to when I first started and the journey it has continued to be as I continue to read these threads. I have discovered that as a child I did want to be a girl I tried on girls clothes trying to be one and acting as one and yes was caught by my mother. I also discovered that as I got older I no longer wanted to be a female but still enjoyed the feeling and comfort dressing gave me ,it was so many different feelings, not just the clothing feeling good but rebeling doing something that isn't socially accepted, being different stepping over the macho boundry and feeling fem washing the male responseabilitys away for a short time in a stressfull life style. Dressing makes it all go away for a short time some people drink some do drugs to escape I CD .

I am not saying I don't have a natural urge to dress that I do have and yes it is natural. I would also like to fly like a bird but I don't secretly wear feathers. I've learned in here from some wise and long time CDers that the longer you bottle it up and feel quilty about doing it the more you miss out on enjoying it just accept it because it doesn't go away. So are you better off accepting it as who you are and in doing so is it not having to tell the whole world? I enjoy being a male and our socitiy does not accept my favorite past time its a cruel world we live in people can not understand what we go through because they have not experianced the life style. We have such a short time here we should take advantage of it by doing things we would regret not doing as we lay to rest waiting on our maker to take us. On the other hand could it also be regreted by exposing these secrets to loved ones? I'll toe the line for now and take my chances of not being caught and stay a part time closet dresser. But I no longer feel ashamed or quilty .

Thank you all for the great threads

[Jaclyn NM]

I held it in and suffered as a result for many years. The hiding, purging and fear of being caught interspersed with years of denying my deep desires. A few months ago, after 35 years of marriage, three children, and two grandchildren, I finally opened up to my wife and told her of my strong desires for female clothing, my early childhood experiences in crossdressing, and layed bare my soul. She accepted it and said that if that was what I needed to do, that she would accept it, and we would live with it as part of our lives. Since then she has given me clothes, bought me stockings, and we've gone shoe shopping together for her ( I steered her in to some really high heels, which she would never have bought before). In other words, life has become even better than it ever was, and I'm pretty much living my dream. How long will it last? Who knows, but for now it's wonderful, and I'm loving every minute of it. But we all have to choose the right time and place to reveal this to our spouse, if at all. I guess that after 35 years I knew my spouse pretty well, and I was right. That's why we've been married 35 years. My only regret is that I waited so long, but then again, maybe that was the right thing to do.

[Pattie O]

I have just recently told my wife about my desires to crossdress and how it has been part of my life since a child and that it appears,disappears and reappears throughout and especially at times of high stress.It does seem to be my way of coping and I believe that to be better than many other escapisms.At least it wont be doing physical harm to people but I believe my wife is having a hard time accepting the fact that her husband likes to dress up.I am just hoping that in taking small steps she will come to terms with it.I know that its not going to go away ,maybe temporarily at times but the underlying desire is always there so I believe it is part of who I am and I am going to accept myself at least!Que sera sera.

:)Pattie O

[Samantha Kelsey]

I like your comments. Unfortunately we can't change the views of everyone on earth to suit our own. It gets me how we accept seeing people getting their heads blown off in Tv, films & games yet dont accept the simple natural things like the human body and the way it's dressed. If your six year old daughter came in sporting her brothers toy gun, spear, knife and latest cartoon or computer game you probably wouldn't bat an eyelid but if her brother came in wearing some girls clothes Im sure you'd be shocked. As for the big secret, well, I found that after letting it out my life has changed drastically for the better. Maybe Im in the minority. Coming out for some people could be quite frightening with severe consequences. It does seem to get easier with age. Maybe its because we accept more and expect less.

[Deanna2]

Never did ask "WHY?' and never will have to. There are so many more important questions demanding answers.

So just do it and concern yourself with vital and urgent stuff.

[Angie G]

It's a great thing when younger people listen to us older folks. :hugs:
Angie

[crystal99]

I agree totally with Curse within (although i feel she should choose a better login name).

I too have had these urges since an early age. i was about 7. My best friend when i was growing up was the girl next door, she would come over to my house and play with my boy toys and i in turn would go over to hers and we would do girl stuff. I was caught dressed at hers by my parents, at about 11, and this was when i stopped (openly). It seemed it was acceptable for her to come over and play football and climb trees, which carried on but not for me to do the girly stuff (which i was made to feel guilty about).

I dress off and on, In times of stress you are right, i need it more as im sure most of us do but it never goes away, and repressing it only makes things worse. To escape the pressures in this way is more healthy than other ways i have thought about in the past.

About telling loved ones though. I have a partner of about 8 years, she is the best person i have ever met, she is my best friend but also so much more, we have a healthy relationship but i feel i could not tell her. I tested the water recently and was met with quite a bit of discust from her. Others in the room seemed amused as i made it out as a bit of a joke but it told me that it could end what we have. I did in the past tell a previous girlfriend, she was amused at first but then the relationship broke down, maybe a bit to do with this i dont know.

I will however always be me, and feel comfortable in what i do to be me. This forum is the best way for us to realise we are not alone, keep being yourselves girls, even if it has to be away from sight. xx (rant over xx)

[Always Susan]

I was thinking the same thing as Crystal about your name. After reading your thread you seemed to have come to terms with your desires to dress in women clothing. Instead of asking why ,ask why not? If it makes you feel good inside and are not hurting anyone then embrace the girl and give her a name. Turst your female intuition on letting the loved ones in your life in on your secert. This dressing urge we all have is not the most important thing on the planet,it's just something we do.:hugs:
Susan

[ColleenW]

Lots of good discussion and very interesting ideas, but why, for me? I like it!:)

[Karren H]

I just like to shop...... :)

[Inachis]

I had recently posed a question in a thread that asked why. It was while reading everyone's replies that I came to a "Eureeka" moment. It no longer matters for me why I do it. (I have everyone on here to thank for that) I know now that I want to, and that is all that matters.

No one should feel that they have a problem if what they do harms nobody. Crossdressing is no exception to that rule. My only regret on this matter is that I let the guilt keep me from doing what I want to do. I still feel guilty from time to time that I am not being the man that my wife and kids need me to be. But, then I will look at my daughter, and how she'll scream "dah-eeee" when I come through the door. My son when he smiles at me with his newly acquired teeth. My wife who has known since before we were married, and has never loved me any less for it.

No, I don't care why anymore. I am trying to work past my own guilt and confidence issues, but I can work these out. I have the forum to thank for this, and I know that there will be the same kind words of advice for these issues too.

[docrobbysherry]

Or why I started dressing so late in life. But, except for the guilt, it's been mostly just too much fun for me!

I hate to hear that many have suffered so much dealing with their CDing!
Boy, life is CERTAINLY NOT FAIR!:sad:

[CD Susan]

CW, when I started reading your post I remembered your user name. I think it is very obvious that you have changed your feelings about your dressing I am happy to know that you have learned to accept this part of yourself. I distinctly remember how you felt about this two months ago. You sound like you are much happier now and I am glad to see this. Now how about changing that user name to something that relects your new attitude about being a cd? How about 'Gift Within'.

[SherylynJade]

I too am just starting to relalize how much of a gift this really is. Im starting to be more open and accepting with myself than I have before. Funny, most of us want acceptance from others. I had it from the ones who matter most in my life, but just didn't have it from me for the longest time. I now know that this is me, it's who I am and who I was meant to me. Thankfully, I'm understanding this now at age 28, while I'm still somewhat young (working as a firefighter and prison officer can age you mentally, though).
:2c::love:

[Tasha McIntyre]

I don't really know why I crossdress, but i know that i love it and consider it a gift.

Apart from the wife, I am firmly in the closet though.......was a gutsy move for me to put my own pic as my avatar, even if you can't really see my head that well.

[Edyta_C]

I was basically raised from 0 to 5 as a girl. Long hair, girls toys, dolls, and dresses. Then I was forced to change back to a boy when my brother was born. For a long time I hated the switch and wished to be a girl again. But slowly I came to realize that I was neither 100% girl or 100% guy in my head. This forum and several others help me accept who I am and where I'm at. I now like guy time and girl time, although I'd like a lot more girl time. Thanks to all the girls on these forum because you've brought more sense to my head than a lot of therapy. This acceptance of who I am has extinguished my depression of many years. So this understanding is my "gift within".

Hugs Edyta

[epsxyblkm]

It took a lot for you to share the way that you did. Thank you, stay strong, and good luck.

Just remember that you are not alone.

[Patty]

I just like looks and feel of fem clothing and how I do love to shop even if it is only looking.
Also how it makes me feel.

[Electra]

I crossdress for the sheer pleasure of sensuous clothes and the tremendous variety of them in all aspects, materials, styles, colours. The feel and rustle of a silk gown, the twirl of a summer skirt, silken panties, the warmth of a silk shawl wrapped round me on a cool summer evening--I could go on forever with the pleasures of feminine clothing.