Are we CD'ers or are we trying to maintain a female side of ourselves?

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Some of us here seem to be interested in those times when they can dress and simply be happy with that...others here and I include myself, seem to be more into the total female thing above the clothes....

We try and shave and keep the bod smooth, paint our toenails, use female products as much as we can and are happy to dress when we can but are happy to take on a more pronounced female side without wanting to become a female 24/7. I know that I am now always aware of some aspect of my female side but I am also comfortable being a male so I am not looking to move much beyond where I am. At this point i feel I'm in balance with myself and both genders that make me, me.

I am perfectly happy simply by walking in pair of heels as being all dressed up. Getting dress is a lot of work at times, but being feminized although it takes effort, brings about as much pleasure as the dressing does, but it gives validation to the acknowledging the female gender within myself when I see the whole package in the mirror, but simply being shaved all over after a shower can be as rewarding. What I'm trying to say here is being "femmed" is probably as rewarding as being totally dressed so dressing for me isn't the end point, but being femmed can get me there just as easily.

How do you stand on this issue or where are you in this issue...

[Jessicaparkson]

I like the whole feminine mystique. Dressing is fun and exciting but I think it is more of the "other side" thing for me. I don't want to 24/7 but it does really help me connect to another part of me that is so often shoved aside.

[Nicole Erin]

This is an interesting thread and one I definately have something to say, unlike my other 2,000 useless posts. :heehee:

I do the shaving, eyebrows, female products and all.

You see, I don't go out dressed totally "en femme" much, maybe once a month.

My "dressing" is more my day to day presentation, feminine tee and shorts. My white tennies have some purple as they are woman shoes. Sometimes I get a little brave and wear my high heel sandals.

I honestly think for me, it is more of a "maintaining the female side". I agree that going totally en femme is a lot of hassle. I enjoy seeing Erin come completely to life but it is work. I guess in a percect world I would dress 100% en femme all the time but I don't need to in order to be happy and let "her" out a bit.

[TGMarla]

I agree, Steph. Like you, wearing some nice heels or putting on a nice snuggy sweater is sometimes just as good as getting all dressed up. And it does take a lot of work. But oh, man, sometimes it's just worth it to go the whole nine yards!

And there is a big part of me that is just more feminine than the other part. I'm aware of the feminine part of my soul, and dressing up gives that par of me a warmth and a glow. So yeah, it is a kind of feminine maintenance.

[docrobbysherry]

then we would know for sure where we all stand.

I don't do anything to look fem, except to spend about 5+ hours getting dressed to the teeth once or twice weekly! And maybe another 5 hours a week prepping my gear. And another 10 hours working on pics. And another--------------------------I think u get the idea!:straightface:

[Kate Simmons]

As Jessica pointed out there is kind of a mystique to it. There is also a lot of energy involved in the whole thing. It's kind of a feed back, feed forward process. For myself it's mostly about the feelings inside and how I express them in an outward way that kind of self validates the feelings. I can be either/or but the lines of demarcation between male and female have diminished somewhat for myself.

Put simply, the feelings are always there whether I openly express them or not but being Arianna definately has it's "perks" as I can express nuances such as looks, feelings and gestures that a female can "get away" with that guys cannot, sort of "artistic license" more or less. This alone makes it worth the effort to me.

In any case, while time consuming as you say, it is time well spent as any artist would say when honing a great work. Most of us do not have the benefit of a lifetime of experience in the art of looking nice like women do, so we have to learn as we go and catch up. I really feel it makes us a better person if we do not get carried with the whole thing. The goal in my mind is to become a more well rounded and tolerant person who appreciates different ways of self expression and lifestyles and who values and accepts others for who they are as people, nothing more or less.

Really, the true lesson here is a lesson in humanity and gender notwithstanding, that makes the whole thing worthwhile to me.:)

[Tasha McIntyre]

Sherry, I think I am unlike most of the girls here in that I love the girly clothes, but don't do the make up or wig or perfume etc. For me its just the incredible sensuous feeling of wearing a gorgeous dress, or wandering around in my denim mini.

I hope that I have helped you with your question. Tash :)

[Emma England]

A few years ago, I would have said that I was a cd'er.

Recently though, I have thought that there is little point in padded hips, breast forms, wigs (I am blessed with hair that is naturally shoulder length, so don't need wig anyway).

I still remove body hair, use makeup, wear female clothes as much as poss.

So, I am confused with myself.

I think most go the whole way as they are too scared to present only as a feminine man.

Whatever clothes I wear, I still feel the same on the inside.

I know many will disagree with what I have said, but it is just my opinion that I am giving.

[Karren H]

I don't know.... but what ever it is........... I'm having fun doing it!!! :)

[erickka]

Sherry S, I agree with you 100%. I feel about the same way as you do about the whole thing. I feel tha being feminine is much more of a state of mind than actually just dressing the part. Yes, the clothe help, but, as you say, just a pair of heels brings about the mindset that lets the femme person inside emulate to the outside.

[morgan51]

I enjoy having nails shaving feeling a satin undergarment all of the above at once or a small amount of femininity is equally enjoyable. I have become totally enamoured by the idea that I can slowly transform myself glasses top whatever skirts womens sandals etc. one piece at a time or all at once I know I'll never be female but I do enjoy being feminized. Morgan

[Sara Jessica]

You need an award Stephanie for posting some of the most thoughtful questions in here. :star:

This is one of the hardest things to explain about my being tg. One might argue that if I'm female to the core of my being, then why would I want or need to dress up in any way, shape or form? A girl is a girl no matter what she is wearing, right? I guess like a lot of you, I feel a tremendous comfort in any feminine expression alows me to simply "be" who I am. This could be anything from the smooth legs, painted nails, my daily skincare routine and/or being able to dress. And when it comes to dressing, I don't need to go all out to feel content. I can wear girl jeans and a cami top and be good to go.

For me it's about coping and striving for happiness while searching for balance in the face of the fact that I am unable to transition.

[valenstein]

I do the shaving, eyebrows, female products and all.

You see, I don't go out dressed totally "en femme" much, maybe once a month.

My "dressing" is more my day to day presentation, feminine tee and shorts. My white tennies have some purple as they are woman shoes. Sometimes I get a little brave and wear my high heel sandals.



I'm a lot like Erin. Most times I'm content when this side of me "trickles" out, but when it gets all bottled up for some reason, I end up in heels and a ball gown.

There are many things unrelated to clothes that make me feel my inner femininity, like consoling my sister, reading a story to my niece. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to do makeup and all, so I'll hang out with my TS friends looking more like a boy, and it doesn't matter to them, they still treat me the same. That makes me feel good.

It's mostly when I'm supposed to behave a certain way based on what my body looks like that drives me nuts. I went to a bachelor party recently (dressed as boyish as I could tolerate) and I felt like I was in a cardboard box the whole time. I felt like I needed to go home and shower.

Sometimes I think I wear these clothes I like to force people to acknowledge my insides, they can laugh or smile, accept or not, but they're going to have to deal with it.

[Ruth]

I sympathize with the point that Emma is making. I would like to blend masculine and feminine clothing and grooming, but I worry about appearing as some sort of in-between freak, whereas if I go all the way and present as a woman, I can go out in public.
And my wife, who is OK but not exactly enthusiastic with the CD thing, prefers me to be one or the other. I could be happy wandering about the house in regular male top but in a skirt and heels, but my wife would find it weird, more weird than if I am in dress, wig and make-up. Go figure.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I like my feminine side but I don't need to fully dress as a woman, sometimes all I need is to wear one item to feel feminine, but as I get older I desire to dress more fully and to look better. Now that I have told my daughter that I Crossdress I feel more comfortable dressing and feel I can dress up more than I usually have in the past. :battingeyelashes:

[Tina B.]

my wife told me years ago, when I would get down because of not having enough time to dress fully that I should just throw enough on to satisfy myself, and not worry about looks, I thought that was just silly how could you just go half about it. But then I ran into a guy running a small shop, that worked in a tee shirt, and a tight skirt, he seemed content to present that way, so I went home and tried it. It worked! Now years latter, sometimes it's just a piece of jewelry, or a splash of scent, and I feel feminine, or maybe a blouse that looks kind of like a man's shirt with my jeans. It's as much in the head as in the closet.
Tina B.

[CharleneT]

For me, I definitely started as just a CD'er. Of late, I have been shifting though. Seems as I get older and more confident of my feminine side I wish to let it out more. These days I wear feminine clothing almost everyday. Not very overt, but if you were observant you would catch it (few do, or at least few comment). I think over time I am accepting more of what has always been there under the surface. Too bad I wasn't more aware when I was young and looked pretty decent !!! Oh well...

C.

[Kimkandy]

I pretty much dress femme all the time at home. I go out shopping sometimes and go to clubs sometimes.

I've been to see movies femme, mostly girly movies and gone on the bus and the tube.

It is still easier to go some places as a guy.

Kim :dom:


ps. I'm a writer so it's easy to work en-femme

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Sherry,


We try and shave and keep the bod smooth, paint our toenails, use female products as much as we can and are happy to dress when we can but are happy to take on a more pronounced female side without wanting to become a female 24/7....... At this point I feel I'm in balance with myself and both genders that make me, me.

What I'm trying to say here is being "femmed" is probably as rewarding as being totally dressed so dressing for me isn't the end point, but being femmed can get me there just as easily.

I agree with almost everything you said. I too like to feel feminine as often as I can and it doesn't always mean dressing fully en femme. I often wear openly feminine clothes in boy mode. There are many things that I do that can trigger those lovely feelings of being different (girly?) and feminine clothes is only one of them.

I don't find dressing "is a lot of work at times" I actually like the whole "getting ready thing". I used to find it less enjoyable when I was less skillful with my makeup as it used to stress me out if I kept screwing up but nowadays dressing fully is always a pleasure picking out my outfit, shoes and deciding what colors my makeup will be. Also, as you rightly said: "it gives validation to the acknowledging the female gender within myself". I totally agree.


My "dressing" is more my day to day presentation, feminine tee and shorts. My white tennies have some purple as they are woman shoes. Sometimes I get a little brave and wear my high heel sandals.
I agree with Erin here. My day to day (non fully dressed) presentations are decidedly girly for a guy.


Whatever clothes I wear, I still feel the same on the inside.
Me too, but for me, dressing fully en femme some how gets me closer to the emotional point on the inside that I like to be at. However, as I also mentioned above, and as Sherry alludes to, just a girly pair of jeans and heels can get you "in the zone" :)

Dressing fully en femme is very important to me and I know could not be happy if I didn't get to do it on a regular basis, however sometimes being fully shaved, wearing feminine underwear, nails painted, a little eye makeup, some perfume, and jewelery, plus women's jeans and a girly tee is all I need :) I don't always have to have dresses, skirts, forms, padding, wig, etc to get there.

[Electra]

I don't have the possibility to go complete en-femme at home and so mostly go in my wife's skirt and blouse, rarely a dress, with my own silk panties and nylon stockings when she is away. It's enough for me to feel feminine. While away travelling alone I try to find a professional make-over service wherever I am and if there's none, then crossdress in my hotel room with lipstick as addition.

[charlie]

Wow! I understand the problem of getting dressed to the nines all the time, but that is when I feel good and at my best. Just wearing a long nightgown and heels is good but not enough.

[Jennifer Cox]

I don't know.... but what ever it is........... I'm having fun doing it!!! :)

Can't argue with that! :D

[Satrana]

Clothes are just an external expression of what you feel about yourself. While someone could have just a pure interest in the clothes themselves, come on this is a taboo we are breaking and many of us go through phases of fear and loathing. It has to be driven by something within us - an expression of our own femininity.

The clothes are used to acknowledge our own femininity and to get us into a feminine mindset. The fact that clothes can also be great fun in themselves is really just an added bonus. As for emulation - this is something which is also fun as it allows us to escape from our male selves and it also gives us permission to circumvent our mental barriers and behave as feminine as we want. However after a while you realize that you don't have to emulate once you become comfortable being transgendered. Only then do you discover it is OK to mix masculine and feminine together.

[Sam44]

I've been wearing women's underclothes for years and using breast enhancements in my bras for almost as long.

I now also almost always wear women's shorts and am transitioning to women's blouses, shirts, shoes, etc.

I have no desire to shave my beard, wear makeup, or otherwise try to pass, but I do try to walk in a more feminine way when I'm wearing a dress, etc.

I don't perceive any feminine vs. masculine side of myself or think I am missing something. I'm just more comfortable in feminine attire.

On the other hand I do have to admit that I care much less about how I'm dressed after I have sex. I'm not sure exactly what that means :) (I refuse to entertain the thought that the ONLY reason I dress up is sexual, but it's obviously a part of it.)

[Carin]

Had a great chat online yesterday on this very subject, in which the expression "Composite Gender" (CG) came to light. It describes me very well. Being myself is being a feminine male. The expression of that is important to me. It helps me to feel whole, not ashamed, not hiding under a rock, just as art is an expression of who you are. It is important to me not to have to hide who I am.

Some days I like to wear a little makeup, no forms. Some days I like the forms and not really bothered with the makeup. Going out I like to look 'nice' as defined by me. And of course every morning starts with "What am I going to wear today?". I do have the luxury of presenting as I please most of the time - for now anyway. I dress to suit my mood, and the tasks at hand. I don't wear skirts and lipstick much, except when I really want to 'step out'. Going out on errands, I don't push it. I am not trying to impress anyone, just be myself.

Yes, I am more than a CD. Yes, I am trying to maintain a feminine side. But not as a woman, or necessarily appearing as a woman. The composite gender concept works really well for me. It is fun to play with too. It's like Dial-a-Gender, and I can move it around during the day.

[Patty]

We try and shave and keep the bod smooth, paint our toenails, use female products as much as we can and are happy to dress when we can but are happy to take on a more pronounced female side without wanting to become a female 24/7. I know that I am now always aware of some aspect of my female side but I am also comfortable being a male so I am not looking to move much beyond where I am. At this point i feel I'm in balance with myself and both genders that make me, me.

Yes --this is me

[Jonianne]

"Are we CD'ers or are we trying to maintain a female side of ourselves?"

I would like to address this question from a different angle than appearance per-se.

When I am around other GG's, the female side of me I most desire to express, is one that they could feel as comfortable with me as they would another woman. I don't like being seen as a male that they have to worry about whether I was a threat to them or not. I guess what I am trying to say is that if there were a group of females on one side and a group of men on the other, I would far rather feel comfortable with the women. Even though I don't identify as a female, I perfer to identify with females.

So in that sense, I do want to maintain a feminine side especially in drab. Not necessarly in physical appearance (although I do some small things) but in attitude and spirit.

Yes, I very much enjoy when I get to crossdress, but my feminine side is so much more than that.