MichelleBolton
10-01-2008, 08:59 PM
I am certain of one thing, when I am transitioned, that I will be a great dancer. Two steps forward, one step back.
I am wondering this evening of girls who know they are Transgendered, in respect that you have gotten to a point where you accept yourself, that you then find acceptance is a matter of degree?
In my journey, I've found that I over the years once I had finally made a decision to face myself, that it you go forward a few steps, then are pushed back one.. In some cases with myself fear and too much thinking has caused me to stop, and start walking backwards, only to find that with time, realization comes back where I need to start walking forward again.
I find now I am continuing to move forward, yet, my brain tell me that I am not moving fast enough, and at other times fear creeps in and I think I'm moving too fast.
Now, I am past the point of trying to convince myself that I am not Transgendered, at one point in time I would spend so much time trying to convince myself that what is going on with me is could be so many other issues - therefore not facing being transgendered.
For the girls who have gone thru RLT, and have transitioned, I am wondering if you continued to experience the two steps forward one step back thing that I am writing about?
I find that my focus towards myself is one of 'normal' or 'aligned' - and that I am simply seen to the world as I am, female. I tend not to focus towards always being dressed ultra feminine, more of everyday life expectations of self. As comfortable in Jeans and T-shirt, as in a dress all made up.
This chips away at my self conifindence as a woman, I'm worried about passing, yet I'm not worried - and I want to be able to simply go out without makeup on and have other see me as I am female. I wonder about myself when I don't have strong desires for makeup everyday, only for special times.
How many of you have had FFS, and did you make the decision for FFS because you simply wanted to pass, everyday without makeup?
How many of you have had the two steps forward, one step back thing?
How many of you find that fear of change, or concern about creating instability financially, (I have young children and a responsibility), slow you down, or turn you around even when you know you are Transgendered?
How many of you continue to move forward, even when taking into consideration everything in the question above? I am, yet, I find fear creeps in, which slows me down.
How many of you fear for your future if you don't transition? or think that if you don't transition you will have major regrets?
I'm in Therapy, have been for 6 years now.. Simply wanted to reach out to others to see your responses to these question/comments.
Hugs,
Michelle
I am wondering this evening of girls who know they are Transgendered, in respect that you have gotten to a point where you accept yourself, that you then find acceptance is a matter of degree?
In my journey, I've found that I over the years once I had finally made a decision to face myself, that it you go forward a few steps, then are pushed back one.. In some cases with myself fear and too much thinking has caused me to stop, and start walking backwards, only to find that with time, realization comes back where I need to start walking forward again.
I find now I am continuing to move forward, yet, my brain tell me that I am not moving fast enough, and at other times fear creeps in and I think I'm moving too fast.
Now, I am past the point of trying to convince myself that I am not Transgendered, at one point in time I would spend so much time trying to convince myself that what is going on with me is could be so many other issues - therefore not facing being transgendered.
For the girls who have gone thru RLT, and have transitioned, I am wondering if you continued to experience the two steps forward one step back thing that I am writing about?
I find that my focus towards myself is one of 'normal' or 'aligned' - and that I am simply seen to the world as I am, female. I tend not to focus towards always being dressed ultra feminine, more of everyday life expectations of self. As comfortable in Jeans and T-shirt, as in a dress all made up.
This chips away at my self conifindence as a woman, I'm worried about passing, yet I'm not worried - and I want to be able to simply go out without makeup on and have other see me as I am female. I wonder about myself when I don't have strong desires for makeup everyday, only for special times.
How many of you have had FFS, and did you make the decision for FFS because you simply wanted to pass, everyday without makeup?
How many of you have had the two steps forward, one step back thing?
How many of you find that fear of change, or concern about creating instability financially, (I have young children and a responsibility), slow you down, or turn you around even when you know you are Transgendered?
How many of you continue to move forward, even when taking into consideration everything in the question above? I am, yet, I find fear creeps in, which slows me down.
How many of you fear for your future if you don't transition? or think that if you don't transition you will have major regrets?
I'm in Therapy, have been for 6 years now.. Simply wanted to reach out to others to see your responses to these question/comments.
Hugs,
Michelle