Afraid to become a girl!

[emmicd]

As much as I enjoy crossdressing and being feminine and as much as I dream of becoming a girl I still am afraid to make such a drastic change in my life.

I feel I am so entrenched in my male life that it is nearly impossible to become a woman.

I trust medical science and feel I would love to be on hormones and see my self develop breasts. I feel I would certainly welcome the feminine changes and am very curious about it.

I would also feel more comfortable in dressing in womens clothes in public.

Despite my desire to be feminine and dressing up I feel it is not going to happen. For me becoming a woman is a far off dream.

Not all is lost as a male. I do enjoy being married to a woman I very much care about and am very happy being a father. I am very loving and caring of my son and also very proud of him!

Do other transgendered crossdressers feel this way too in that they truly wish to be female but will not because they too are entrenched in their male life?

emmi

[jenny_cheerleader]

Emmi,

I am afraid as well, for some of those reasons as well as some of my own. I feel that it probably will not happen not because i am too entrenched in my male life, but then, becoming a woman means finding a significant other far more difficult. the 3 girlfriends that I have had that I told pretty much told me to get lost. Being a man eliminates that challenge. On the otherhand, I very much want it to happen. Then, I would feel much more comfortable...hell, have the bravery enough to go out dressed as I would be a woman. One of my biggest fears is telling my parents that I want to be a girl. My mom recently found out about my crossdressing and she asked me if i wanted to be a girl. I said no. I guess i just wanted to cool things off. everythings fine for now... In the end, everything comes down to who you are and what you want. I personally wold love to begin the process of transition, but i can't a therapist that is near enough, by the way, if anyone knows a TG therapist in tucson, please let me know as phoenix is too far away. Anyway, Follow your heart. I hope I helped a little.

[ChristineRenee]

Being what I call "dual gendered", I think for years I tried to both deny and then hide my internal femininity. I was a child of the 1950's and came of age in the 1960's. I had a very masculine upbringing and my three main role models...my dad, my grandfather, and my older brother...were all what they used to refer to as men's men...and pretty misogynistic on top of that. I grew up watching them and felt that I had to live up to what they, and society in general, expected men to be then. It certainly wasn't the way that I felt inside though, and I can't honestly say that I absolutely wanted to be a girl instead of a boy. I don't think my brain wiring worked that way either. But certainly I had an awful lot of internal femininity that I felt I had to hide from my family, my friends, and the general public as a whole.

I think that with age my true persona has definitely evolved and with more understanding in this day and age of transgendered people, I believe it's been somewhat easier to project outwardly those feminine traits that I tried to first deny and then to hide for so very long.

With the way I am and was raised, had I been born a girl, who's to say that I wouldn't have secretly wanted to be a boy? It's just hard to know the unknown, so to speak. I do know that at 57, this is definitely the happiest time of my life and I do think that my life, as unorthodox as it has been, has definitely gotten better as I have gotten older.

[Sarah...]

As much as I enjoy crossdressing and being feminine and as much as I dream of becoming a girl I still am afraid to make such a drastic change in my life.

I feel I am so entrenched in my male life that it is nearly impossible to become a woman.

I trust medical science and feel I would love to be on hormones and see my self develop breasts. I feel I would certainly welcome the feminine changes and am very curious about it.

I would also feel more comfortable in dressing in womens clothes in public.

Despite my desire to be feminine and dressing up I feel it is not going to happen. For me becoming a woman is a far off dream.

Not all is lost as a male. I do enjoy being married to a woman I very much care about and am very happy being a father. I am very loving and caring of my son and also very proud of him!

Do other transgendered crossdressers feel this way too in that they truly wish to be female but will not because they too are entrenched in their male life?

emmi


Yep! Couldn't have said it better myself. So sometimes I'm ok with this and sometimes definitely not.

Sarah...

[Teresa Amina]

The fear of wanting to Be for myself was all tied up in my fear of others' disapproval, family mostly. So I lived in fear and self denial for decades as grandparents and parents aged and died. At that point I had a wife who out of that same fear I never told of my true desire in life. Guess what happened when she died three years ago? I started to research transition and began Becoming!
Do better than me, OK? Don't wait forever to be true to yourself!

[Sharon]

I would think that if you had any doubts at all, at least from an emotional viewpoint, transitioning is not for you. It is such a huge step that I think you have to feel that there is no alternative other than transitioning. That is how I felt.

Be at peace with yourself and the life you live, however it is you choose to be. It sounds like you have a good life. :)

[Brooke Smith]

As much as I enjoy crossdressing and being feminine and as much as I dream of becoming a girl I still am afraid to make such a drastic change in my life.

I feel I am so entrenched in my male life that it is nearly impossible to become a woman.

I trust medical science and feel I would love to be on hormones and see my self develop breasts. I feel I would certainly welcome the feminine changes and am very curious about it.

I would also feel more comfortable in dressing in womens clothes in public.

Despite my desire to be feminine and dressing up I feel it is not going to happen. For me becoming a woman is a far off dream.

Not all is lost as a male. I do enjoy being married to a woman I very much care about and am very happy being a father. I am very loving and caring of my son and also very proud of him!

Do other transgendered crossdressers feel this way too in that they truly wish to be female but will not because they too are entrenched in their male life?

emmi

Do I feel the same way? You bet! You could have been writing about me. I also am married to a woman who I love and care about very much. I want her to stay my life partner but fear our relationship would not survive my transitioning. This causes me some depression at times because I am pulled in opposite directions,not ready to forgo what I have for what I think I would like to have.

I accept my being transgender but sometimes it feels as much a curse as it does a blessing. This is the most difficult issue we face and I hope you find peace with your answer.

Love, Brooke

[danam]

It is my sincere hope that in 30 years technology will solve this problem. Imagine the perfection!! In 30 years I will have fully experienced my life as a "normal" guy, have reached a ripe old age to "pass on" without regret, and then can renew my life in a beautiful young female body.

Yes, I hope in 30 years technology progresses enough to allow that to happen....

[Deborah Jane]

Hi Emmi, i understand your feelings exactly. I would really love nothing more than to become a girl, but even though i,m now single, something still holds me back.
Could it be a fear of the unknown?
Could it be how we feel we would be received by other people?
Could it just be that, much as the idea of becoming a woman really appeals to us, we just aren,t sure enough within ourselves to commit fully to realising our dreams?

[marie rose]

I don't believe a true transsexual has a choice in the matter. One may think she can choose one way or the other but when the dysphoria rages there is only one option. No point fooling anyone least of all ourselves. How I wish I could turn it all off.

[Nicki B]

I hate the term 'true transsexual' but, IMHO, curiousity is a lousy reason to transition - you will only do it if you absolutely must, it will take a huge toll on you and those around you?

The vast majority of us can find a happy compromise somewhere between living f/t as a woman, or as a man - see if you can find such a place for yourself? :strugglin

It doesn't have to be an 'either/or' choice? :)

[Sally24]

I am attracted to the thought of transitioning but lucky or not, I don't feel I "Must" transition. As it is I can go out when I want, though it's much more work to appear female without any surgical or hormonal help. If I was younger and didn't have a whole life built around me and the ones I love it would be a more attractive option. I think age is one of the big barriers for many. With anywhere from 10 to 30 years left, and not neccesarily the best years, it would be much harder to put all the time, money, pain, and effort into something so drastic. I applaud those that are either strong enough or driven enough to succeed in this.

My hope is with the new generations of trans kids that may be able to transition in their teen years and avoid so much pain and baggage later in life.

[Steph Butterfield]

I hate the term 'true transsexual' but, IMHO, curiousity is a lousy reason to transition - you will only do it if you absolutely must, it will take a huge toll on you and those around you?


Perfectly said Nicki,

People who transition because they want to know what it feels like to have breasts, softer skin and then ultimately a vagina will be dissapointed in the main.

I am transitioning because my body is not right, it conflicts with what is in my head, and has done since I was 3 years old.

If there is the remotest bit of doubt in anyones mind, then transition is not an option.

[LACD]

I have thought about transtioning since my teens. I have dressed as far back as I can remember. My wife fully knows about my dressing and helps me shop and buys things for me. My two sons don't know about my femme half and I don't want them to right now. I can relate to the others about enjoying being a man, but sometimes the urge to be a woman is so strong I can hardly think about it. I guess at this stage in life(58 yrs. young) it is too late. I enjoy the time I spend dressed and look forward to dressing more if I retire.(Thanks Wall St. and other greedy gusses) Any way, you ladies who are transitioning are my heroines, You are so brave. I guess I kind of live a little bit through you all. I know that sounds weird, but I don't know any other way to put it. I am proud to know you all through this board. Good luck on your journeys and I hope everything works out for you. Sorry this is so long but I have had this inside for some time now.

[Jonelle]

sounds about right to me..

the feeling get stronger and stronger every day though..

so who knows.. one day i might just say.. it's time!!

[Avito]

Most people are usually in a rush and don't have the time to stop and think. However you have thought about it and it appears that you are not ready yet for the transition, so please wait a while longer.

It is what you think at the end of the day as we can only give you our views. The point is that it will play on you mind and it will not go away until have accepted the situation.

Sometimes, when you let something as emotional as this go, it will then have the opposite effect and come back into a different light.

I suggest you wait for this to happen, and then ask the question again.

[elusivebeauty]

It's a hard choice to make. While I desperately want to make the transition, the reality of life is true too. I wish I could just pop a pill, step into a machine or some magic, lol, but that isn't going to happen...but I'm open for ideas, lol!

[Kimberley]

I believe that transitioning goes much deeper than wanting; it is more like an inescapable obsession. This is rooted in knowing your gender is wrong and nothing else but full transition is acceptable. At least I speak for my own feelings here. The key is feeling not thinking.

This is not to lessen the transgenderist in any way because most have this "dual role" and the feelings can be just as valid as that of the transitioner. Sometimes that place of duality is needed as a plateau in order to figure things out for yourself and there is no shame or harm in that; none at all. Anyone who says otherwise doesnt have a clue. I often wonder how the TG survives with the constant cycling.

For me, transition is a must have, but the financial realities and emotional support systems are not there to allow me to go forward. The net result is that every single day of my life is hell. That is the only valid description I can offer. I exist in this emotional neverland never quite finding happiness in most things in my life. A moment here or there is all before it is again overshadowed by the drive of dysphoria.

:hugs:
Kimmie

[Zenith]

I believe that transitioning goes much deeper than wanting; it is more like an inescapable obsession...

...emotional support systems are not there to allow me to go forward. The net result is that every single day of my life is hell. That is the only valid description I can offer. I exist in this emotional neverland never quite finding happiness in most things in my life. A moment here or there is all before it is again overshadowed by the drive of dysphoria.

:hugs:
Kimmie

You are not alone on this sister...I feel the same way...:sad:

My work is important and it feels like the only thing giving my life meaning...but I'll lose it if I transition...

So torn right now...

[Kimberley]

Well, I work as a writer/editor for a dot com and my boss is fully aware that I am trans and supportive more than most I have ever heard of. The problem is that the company is new and still not generating enough revenue to pay any of us, but it will come. My other job is as an adjunct at the college. That is a more dicey situation; but also one I am working on.

The family support systems are the real problem in my life. I guess it is just time and perserverance that will rectify that.

[Zenith]

So you have hope...save your pennies in the meantime...money is something you have to deal with but it's got to be the least difficult problem on this tough road...
:)

[emmicd]

I appreciate all the responses! You all have provided tremendous advice and speak from experience and are all sincere in your responses. Thank you for providing me with more insight. I know transitioning for me is not reality and I do feel transgendered so I am at times struggling with my feelings. I do have a family that gives me strength and I am a father and that makes me truly happy!

I crossdress a lot more than I used to to help deal with my feelings. My need to dress is strong and part of my makeup and I do accept that.

I am much happier when I wear my dress and panties.

I guess I am an absolute crossdresser with transgender feelings but not a pre-op transsexual.

My best wishes to you all and thank you!

emmi
xoxo

[raleighbelle]

You have explained some of my sentiments nearly exactly. For me the 'desire' or need is an obsession. But questions still linger, and I agree with those who say if there is any question, it is best not to make the irreversible transition. I also have thought like Chrissie has and wondered if I would feel the opposite had I been born a genetic female.

[Emma26]

I don't know. I guess I kind of feel that way, I mean in that I don't think that I'm ever going to be able to transition.

It's not that I'm content in being biologically male at all, though... It's more that I don't want to lose my family, and I just don't think a sex change would be good enough for me.

[fiona_libby]

I do feel this would be a common feeling amongst those who feel the need to express openly to others whom they think they are whether by actions or mannerism or what they wear. But I also feel that my life up to this point is solidly entrenched in the image of being a male and I feel that those around me, my family and friends would be 100% unable to get their heads around the concept of me being the person I would like to be, Fiona. I feel afraid to tackle the conservatism of those around me not the situation of expressing myself as Fiona.

:hugs:

love and hugs to all.

[Brooke Smith]

I am attracted to the thought of transitioning but lucky or not, I don't feel I "Must" transition. As it is I can go out when I want, though it's much more work to appear female without any surgical or hormonal help. If I was younger and didn't have a whole life built around me and the ones I love it would be a more attractive option. I think age is one of the big barriers for many. With anywhere from 10 to 30 years left, and not neccesarily the best years, it would be much harder to put all the time, money, pain, and effort into something so drastic. I applaud those that are either strong enough or driven enough to succeed in this.

My hope is with the new generations of trans kids that may be able to transition in their teen years and avoid so much pain and baggage later in life.

Oh Sally you hit the nail on the head. Considerations of a life well established and the love of family aside,age is a huge factor. Imagine yourself at age sixty+ fully transitioning, and starting over. Where does the love and support come from? Being totally honest, who wants to be with an old tranny? Even with the resourses to transition,who whats to go it alone?

Luckily for me,I'm in the "might like to" rather than the "must transition to survive" category. It's just that accepting part of who you are will remain unfulilled,that can be so hard to take.

[Empress Lainie]

I don't believe a true transsexual has a choice in the matter. One may think she can choose one way or the other but when the dysphoria rages there is only one option. No point fooling anyone least of all ourselves. How I wish I could turn it all off.

I think you hit it very well. I thought at first I could bi-gender after I learned that I was different because I was trans.
I began 24/7 the next day and my feeling is now I could never live even one day as a man again. I was 72. It cost me my livelihood, I may even be out on the street in a few months.

Someone else in here said something about you KNOW you are the wrong gender, true of me too, but I was just too oblivious to the signs I had for 72 years.

[tgirlinva]

I am sorry, but I don't agree with all of you who say that one only transitions because they "must" and b/c of it, you are on some level more of a transsexual than someone, who for some reason, doesn't transition.

I admire both.

For me, I know I am a transsexual. Why? B/c I feel deep down inside that I think/feel like a woman since I was 7. Why haven't I then transitioned? B/c I think differently, I always put my own happiness in front of mine, and that I'd rather see myself suffer than see others suffer at my account.

I don't know about other people, would I transition if my parents weren't alive? For sure. B/c I don't care about anyone but them. Seeing them work hard and struggle all their lives in order to give me the best is to me, the biggest debt I will ever have to carry/repay. So, in a perfect world, I would transition. Heck, I'd be born a girl. But as I have learned, you don't always get what you bargain for. So, I try to take it day by day, try to find inner peace through meditation and go from there.

I envy those that are lucky enough to go through the transition. Yes, I did say lucky. Meanwhile, I don't think that going through that step makes you any more of a TS than other people who choose different paths. To me, transitioning is like a final step, but we're all traveling on the same road.

[Zenith]

I am sorry, but I don't agree with all of you who say that one only transitions because they "must" and b/c of it, you are on some level more of a transsexual than someone, who for some reason, doesn't transition.

I admire both.

For me, I know I am a transsexual. Why? B/c I feel deep down inside that I think/feel like a woman since I was 7. Why haven't I then transitioned? B/c I think differently, I always put my own happiness in front of mine, and that I'd rather see myself suffer than see others suffer at my account.

I don't know about other people, would I transition if my parents weren't alive? For sure. B/c I don't care about anyone but them. Seeing them work hard and struggle all their lives in order to give me the best is to me, the biggest debt I will ever have to carry/repay. So, in a perfect world, I would transition. Heck, I'd be born a girl. But as I have learned, you don't always get what you bargain for. So, I try to take it day by day, try to find inner peace through meditation and go from there.

I envy those that are lucky enough to go through the transition. Yes, I did say lucky. Meanwhile, I don't think that going through that step makes you any more of a TS than other people who choose different paths. To me, transitioning is like a final step, but we're all traveling on the same road.

You make some good points. None of us can look into others' hearts and quantify how badly they "want/need to"...some may very well be constrained or as you say have things/people at stake that are more important than themselves...still suffering is a bad thing...I feel like you do on this...
:sad:

[Avito]

I have no problem with any culture as long as they are peaceful! What is right for one is not right for another, so it is up to you what do or not take out of the communication and feedback, as I will not necessary agree or disagree. And I wish you all the best for the future.

[sybercom11]

I would have to say that I also have always been afraid to transition because the horror stories I have read about girls who have transitioned far outway the success stories.

You all know about all that you have to sacrifice in order to change gender, so I won't go into that.

That being said, I decided some time ago -- despite the fact I have felt since I was a kid that I should have been a girl -- that I would live both ways and try to be happy doing it. It certainly has not been perfect, but I have been quite happy being transgendered.

[Avito]

This is a problem, because people and culture will not let you be yourself. Most people want to do you down and control you. However in some cases it would be better to move away once you have your new personality so people accept you as you are again.

However there is good and bad in anything we do, so take out the goods points.

[carolinoakland]

For some, they just make the choice and transition, I'm at a place where I'm wearing womens pants appropriate for my work, I'm lucky that the attire for women is almost Identical to mens. I am wearing light make up now full time, even at work when appropriate, and minimal. But I know that I have to re invent my home life, I have to put away that male identity, it just so much work. And more and more I find my self reminding my self " i'm not being just like a girl, I am being a girl." And remember, a lot of the discomfort I feel is that my new personality doesn't feel right because I'm struggling against the habits and expectations of a gender life that I learned out of self preservation. Begginings are such delicate things. Carol.

[MJ]

The fear of wanting to Be for myself was all tied up in my fear of others' disapproval, family mostly. So I lived in fear and self denial for decades as grandparents and parents aged and died. At that point I had a wife who out of that same fear I never told of my true desire in life. Guess what happened when she died three years ago? I started to research transition and began Becoming!
Do better than me, OK? Don't wait forever to be true to yourself!

like Teresa i did transition as i feel i had no choice it's who i am.. be it good or bad

[Liana]

Im scared to, but for different reasons.
Im kind of in the middle, i am a woman yet.. i do not want to totaly change my outside to be a woman, i do not want SRS, just a majority of me to be woman.
I have fears of changing my outside, one is my father, i lived with him, then went to my mothers, but my father needs me, im scared he wont except me if i change.. my mother knows.. goodness.. all of my mothers side of the family knows, they make jokes about it though.
Im about to go back to my father, he needs me.. but im also scared of the people where he lives, they are the backwoods bible thumping type.
Im torn between staying in NC and trying to change and being with my father and where he lives and trying to change there.
I tried to tell my father once about my being a girl... all he could do is blame my mother in different ways.
Im not sure what to do.
Not to mention the therapists where he lives never listen.
v_v

Anyhow, just thought i would share...

[sybercom11]

I know where you are coming from Liana. We had a story in our local paper about a transgendered individual who was harassed at work and then fired because she was dressing and acting like a girl. A jerk judge actually upheld the firing. So the person is appealing to a higher court.

This is why I try to keep a low profile.