Telling my partner?

[kelly]

Hi girls,

After much thought ( and reading the wonderful threads on this site)I have decided that it would be the best thing for me to tell my GG of my dressing.
We are engaged and I feel that it would be fair to tell her before we are married. I am scared that she will end our relationship.
So, how have others told their partners , and what advice can the GG's on this forum give me?

Love Kelly :confused:

[CharleneCD]

Me and my wife Bunny think it is wonderful you want to tell her. We feel that honesty is the best policy with something this important. You would hate be married and have her find out then feel betrayed because you didnt tell her. Or do you really want to go through the rest of your life hiding your dressing, always worried about getting caught? If she cant handle it, it is best you find out now before you have alot of your life invested in the relationship.

Sit her down and gently tell her, while holding hands, face to face. If she seems even the slightest bit receptive make sure to explain your feelings about dressing and that as a man you still love and desire her. Dont be afraid to show her this site. Show her that many men do it and that there are many supporting GG's. You will want her to accept you and love you for all you are.

This response is a joint and loving colaberation from Charlene and wife Bunny.

[Kimberly]

I feel that telling her BEFORE you get married as a fantastic step... it shows that you trust her enough you can tell her before she makes an actual long term commitment (the marriage ceremony,) and I think she will be more accepting now than, say, 10 years from now.

I hope all goes well for you xx

[HeatherD]

Been married twice. First time didn't tell my love of my interests until near the end, seven years, and that was a big mistake. Always had that secret I was keeping from her, and she knew I was keeping something from her and imagined the worse. Since then I have told all serious lady friends of my interests, and feel it was the best move as I couldn't be more honest with them. With my present wife, it was without question the correct move. It also enabled us to set ground rules via my dressing, allowed my not to be overly concerned about always keeping a major part of my life from her, and has allowed for a more open and honest relationship. There is always that risk that she won't receive the information well, and if that is the case, chances are the relationship won't work anyways in the long run.

Very good question. Best of luck.
Heather

[RachelDenise]

I heartily agree that you should tell her before the wedding. There is no substitute for honesty and sharing this part of your life is so very important for the both of you. I know there is significant anxiety about telling her, but you have to do this. Tell her the truth , be upfront, and be direct. If you are not sure about what you dressing means to you, then you need to think carefully about that before you tell her! Good luck and we all hope it goes well!!!
Hugs,
RD

[Tia]

I only wanted to say that telling her before marriage is a right thing to do (my opinion).

I also thought that if I will tell my SO, it's better to tell her now than after we are married. The biggest reason for me was that she would probably think less "betrayed" if she knows about me before we are "bound togethet also in legal ways".

Good luck, that is the only thing I can say. Telling her is like going to swim... Before going in to water are afraid that it's cold and when dipping your feet it feels cold. But only after you have gone in to water you know if is cold or warm.

[Milla]

First id ask your self which you love more her or cding . Could you part with it? Second, hmm perhaps others could help , but see if you could find a way put out feelers to get a sense how she feels about this sort of thing..

[kathy gg]

Kelly,

Hi Kathy (wife of cd here) !

I think it is great that you are considering this. Hoenstly/trust/love/respect are the foundations of a marriage. if you are missing any one of those thigns you are starting with a shaky foundation and really life and love are hard enough. Why make it even harder?

So you want to tell her. I am going to be blunt. Do your research! There are sevreal good books out that you can order online or get at major booksellers. Peggys Ruud "my husband wears my clothes' or helen boyds "my husband betty'. Read those yourself first and they pass along. Have online or real time support groups lined up. I run one on yahoo. ALl you have to do is either email me for further info or just look a little on their groups.

Also, there are lots of helpful sites: to name a few
http://www.tgfmall.com/couples/index.html

http://www.ren.org/bp.html

http://www.geocities.com/WestHollywood/Stonewall/8505/gifts_fm_gg.html

http://www.myhusbandbetty.com/

http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/menu.htm

some are sites catering to the written word, meaning no pics of actual cd's dressed. Some are for couples and some are artciles.

Read through them first. Take what sounds good and leave what does not.

And just googling the words crossdressing support/wife/ and various combinations will also generate more info as well.

Here are some things I have learned from moderating a support group for 4 years.....

Don't surpirse her by being dressed.
Don't show her pics unless she asks.
Don't freak out if she does not ask you any questions right away.
Don't freak out if she asks you too many quesitons.
Don't expect complete acceptance immeditely.
Don't make promises you know you can't keep.

Do offer her info printed out or bookmarked for her to read in her OWN TIME.
Do expect lots of repepative questions.
Do expect anger.
Do expect confusion.
Do expect to be asked "what other secrets are you hiding?"

Keep in mind you have had 'x' many years to get to where you are right now mentally with your dressing. Most women dont' even know what a crossdresser is when confronted with this information. So give her time to feel this out. It might happen quickly, it might takes days/weeks/months/? really it depends on your relationship, her personal feelings of self and general open mindedness.

It also may be a relief to come clean but know that once you share this with her that instead of being in the closet you have now stuck her in one, so get her either a friend or an online person for her to be able to talk to freely. She needs one person she can talk to (and no that does not mean you) about this. If you share this and then say 'but you can't tell anyone" you are only making the chances of her accepting you slimmer. Most women need one woman friend they can confide in so they don't feel so isolated. The number one thing I hear from women is that they always felt alone once they were told this and that was heartbreaking. ANd you should know yourself what a miserable feeling that is, to think you have no one to be able to share something as big as this with.

Of course everyone hopes for and will keep their fingers crossed that she will still love you the same as before and that you sharing your biggest secret with her only makes her love you more......but we all know the flip side. Not all people have a story book ending. You have to be prepared for the worse case scenario. What if you get an ultamatium? Are you prepared for an outcome which might not be so great?

Like they say hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Also, I have seen women who are straightlaced/teacher types who have had zero exposure to freaky/kinky stuff be totally accepting and calm. I have also seen bi-sexual s&m loving women absolutely have a cow when they found out. So truly you cannot judge a book by its cover. Some women have a capacity to handle this with maturity and compassion and not let it change their love. Some become raving lunatics who use this as a weapon and a tool to wield complicance. Everyday I am amazed by the extremes I have seen in the gg's. I wish it was as easy as saying if she is this way and does this and that then she will accept you. It does not work that way. Each situation is as unique as each crossdresser.

No matter what the outcome know that your reasons are honorable and you are doing the RIGHT THING. Don't let anyone tell you different. Being honest to the person you plan on spending the rest of your natural life with is the way to go. Regardless the outcome!!!!!!!!!!

We are all here hoping for the best.

most sincerely
kathy in canada











Hi girls,

After much thought ( and reading the wonderful threads on this site)I have decided that it would be the best thing for me to tell my GG of my dressing.
We are engaged and I feel that it would be fair to tell her before we are married. I am scared that she will end our relationship.
So, how have others told their partners , and what advice can the GG's on this forum give me?

Love Kelly :confused: