For those of you that lamated about going out and then....

[Sherry-Stephanie]

finally got the nerve to go out....

How has it turned out?

I guess what I'm asking here is this:

It seems to be that most fret about going out...so much so that some never do. But then there's the group who have gone out (got paas that "fear stage"). So for those who now regulary go out as a way of life(style) to shop, to socialize or just to be out in the big world. Please expalin what and how your fears were and how did it turn out...what was the reality of it all compared to the fears that wear preventing you from going out..taking that first step.... I guess I'm asking....

Is it something that you look back on now and think "that was no big deal".

I'm really not talking about someone who has gone out, walked around the block @ 1AM. Rather I'm talking about those who really had a lot of debate or fear about going out, finally did it and now it's a matter of every day occurence that you go out from once a week to many times over a period of a month....

I'm just curious to see who any of you resolved from the fear, to the experience for the first time to making it routine....

Kind of like the fear of jumping off a cliff to cliff dive to where now it's no big deal and it's a common occurence in your life. Interested is seeing what the process involved for you to get the fear point to the common occurence point.

I ask this question because I see a number here going out and it's like no big deal...then so many here that are strickly @ closet stage.

[Nicole Erin]

I tend to go out sometimes partially en femme. I will wear slightly femme clothes with no makeup.

One just has to accept the fact that there could possibly be some people talking trash if they "read" you or whatever. Yes it hurts but you can't let people stop you from living.

Plus stay within certain safety boundries.

Here are the questions to think about before going out en femme -

- assuming I do not pass, how am I going to feel when the young men yell insults out their car window? [yes they actually do that]
- If my boss or wife or priest or whoever knew, what would I stand to lose?
- If my kids are in grade or high school, do their peers know who I am and will they possibly see me?

So my situation -
CD'ing is not going to cost my job, wife, or welcome in a church, aggrivating as it is, I can deal with insults, BUT since my kid is still in school, I have to kind of watch my step. Especially since he likes getting in trouble and drawing attention.

As far as just flat losing any fear, I have not got to that stage yet. I still have some anxiety when I go out, even to a CD group. It does get easier with going out more. Sometimes the insults are a slight setback to confidence. It just takes getting out there and damn the consequences.

[Tina B.]

I know I don't fit the group you are looking for, but I just had to jump in, some of us go out, and find it not to our liking, and jump back in the closet.
Turns out every fear you have, can come true, between being stalked by teenagers up and down the asles of a store trying to get a better look, spotting someone that looks like someone that you don't want to come out to. It just seemed like a lot of pressure, and not much fun. I shop in drrab with out fear, but choose not to go out in femme, just not comfortable with it.
Tina B.

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

the fear is all in "your" head....
its not as bad out there as it seems...:2c:

[trannie T]

My first time out I was terrified, the only one I spoke to was the bartender. I still had a good time and it gets easier each time I get out. There is still a bit of anxiety as the door closes behind me butr most every moment is fun.

[Cristi]

I think I fall into the group you are wondering about.

My biggest fear was just the general reaction of the public. In my head, I imagined the whole 'public taunts man in dress' nightmare. Once I broke through that barrier and went a few places and was NOT ridiculed, my fear began to subside.

I still face that hurdle every time I got out... but the very first time, it was probably among the most difficult things I've done in my life. Every time I do it, the 'line' becomes easier and easier to cross. Now if I haven't been out in a while there is a small bit of stress, but within 5 minutes it begins to fade away.

Plus, somewhere in there there was a mental shift. Before I started to go out, I wondered how people would react to me as if it were MY problem. Now, I don't see myself as having the problem, the problem is in the heads of those people who can't tolerate differences in others. I think this mental shift helped me deal with things quite a bit.

I still have a ways to go... but I still think any hurdles in my future will be smaller than the initial one I first faced when I stepped out the door.

[Melanie R]

In 1982 I was out on the town enfemme with my wife. It was her idea for us to go to a local restaurant/club where Christine Jorgensen was doing her act. I believe I was the only CD in the club. After the show Christine walked out to meet the audience followed by a local television station recording all of this for the evening news. As Christine, the bright lights and television camera came by our table I thought I was going to die. Nothing happened and we were not on the evening news. After that experience I knew I could go anywhere. Shortly thereafter I did several television interviews enfemme and knew that the world was not going to end.

[vikki2020]

It's been a long time since that first day out, but I don't think I could say there was any fear involved.It was something I wanted to do very,very,much.Now, the excitement needle was off the chart, and I was plenty nervous.Lately though, I have been getting in conversations with people, and that is something I wouldn't do before.I just didn't have the confidence to talk to others, so you could say I was a little scared of that aspect.But now, no problem.

[Bethany_Anne_Fae]

The late night walks was how I started out. I was still reading, researching and practicing. Once you have that "Big night" out with friends at a club or restaurant ... or wherever... you wonder why you waited to long to finally be free of the bonds of your doorway threshold ;)

Its worth it!
*hugs*

Zara

[Kate Simmons]

The first time I went out for an extended time in public I had a purpose. I was going to my first meeting of a TG org. The meeting place was about an hour away and despite being given directions, I really didn't know where I was going. I interacted with people along the way to ask where the place was. I was determined to find out who I was and why I do this. I received no negative reactions and the only comments I did hear were like: "Some woman asking directions." I didn't think I looked that good really but it did encourage me somewhat.

Over the years since then, I have stopped thinking of myself as being some kind of aberation but rather just a person and act accordingly. I think when most people see you are just being yourself and not trying to put on some kind of "act" they pay it very little mind and don't make an issue of it. They maybe just consider it your own particular quirk or whatever and I never try to present myself as something I am not and most people draw their own conclusions.

A lot of it comes down to ourselves really. How we project ourselves and who we are. If we believe in ourselves we will be fine. If, on the other hand, we project uncertainty it is sure to be picked up on and others will question our motives. This is why I always stress being in touch with ourselves and our feelings because if the sincerity is not there it will be evident, not only to ourselves but others as well.:)

[Sam44]

As MlleErin mentioned there are some important considerations. Two additional ones for me are not pushing my wife's boundaries too much and that I wear a beard and will never pass.

I'm somewhere in the middle: I don't push it too far most of the time partly to not embarrass my wife and partly because I "chicken out."

Except for about a day a week where I wear a men's shirt and no breast enhancement (to give my wife a break) I wear women's clothes full time (panties, bras, shoes, blouses, shorts, etc.)

My wife is terrified that a neighbor might see me looking too feminine so I try to not be too obvious outside in the local neighborhood during the day.

Also I only wear a skirt or dress or other very obvious women's outer wear on walks (mostly on public paths or trails), when I get gas, or when I visit the espresso stand and get a drive thru breakfast in the mornings.

If it weren't for my wife's current feelings, I'd probably wear a skirt publically around the house and in the local neighborhood.

As to fear, I have generalized trepidation about wearing a dress in a store or mall and have only done it once (to a 7-11) and not only did everyone treat me completely normally but a fellow who was lost asked for directions without batting an eye. Still I usually "chicken out" when I contemplate shopping with a dress on. Over time I just do a little more at a time and am always treated well. (So far the most negative thing is the rare studious refusal to meet my eye or an occasional glare from some teenage girls.)

When I'm not waring a skirt or dress many people (mostly women) recognize my blouse or shoes as being feminine but they mostly give me knowing, accepting or occasionally bemused smiles.

When I'm walking in public I must be a sight with my beard and a dress but still most women smile and say "Hi!".

Once when encountering a six or seven year old walking with an older women (I presume it was her grandmother), I heard her ask her grandmother "Why is that man wearing a dress?" and the grandmother replied to the girl "Why are you wearing those bunny ears?" I liked that answer.

Back to fear: I'm not worried for my own safety (I do try to be prudent about where and when I'm seen.) I'm also not worried about what people say behind my back (tho that does bother my wife.) I still can't quite put into words why I don't do more things dressed up, but I always have fun when I do.

[yms]

Hi

I go out two or three times each week. Unless I plan to go out I don't crossdress.

In the beginning, and even now, my biggest fear has always been being laughed at. I know that sounds silly, but that would have been the one thing that would have sent me back to the closet.

I don't mind if people quietly don't like me. No matter what you are, there's always someone out there who's not going to like you. I'm not asking for the approval of others.

I actually enjoy the curious stares. Sometimes I'll see someone do a double-take, then whisper something to their friend who then tries to discretely turn to look at me. I don't mind that. It's human nature and to a certain extent, I want people to be aware that there's a crossdresser in the room. Hopefully, they'll go to work the next day and tell people about it and start a conversation about it.

[trisha59]

Mu problem is that despite my best efforts I make a rather ugly looking women. If I was as beautiful as some of you girls are I would go out in a heartbeat. So Jealous.
Trisha

[charlie]

Hello Sherry-Stephine!
I dress and go out about 8 days per month. I always dress as best I can in heels, nylons, dress, wig and makeup. Even though I go out often I always have a slight fear when I arrive at my destination and must get out of the car. It is always...Here we go!

[Nicole Erin]

Like charlie said, there is probably always some level of nervous. The very first time is really hard but once you have done it the first time, you know you can do it again. Some good times some bad. YOu will have the fans and then the haters. I have had my share of both [yet it seems I get plenty of haters lately...]

My gyod Melanie, you probably take the award for "most akward outing en femme" I mean here you are, nervous as it is, and a television crew comes. This is the kind of thing we like to give the new-outers hell about. "Yeah and then the news will come and shine the camera on you". :heehee:

Of course in 1982, I was still too young to even know how to spell "pantyhose" yet. I think I was 7.

Big sis, anything you have to say about life in the CD fast lane, I am all ears.


In 1982 I was out on the town enfemme with my wife. It was her idea for us to go to a local restaurant/club where Christine Jorgensen was doing her act. I believe I was the only CD in the club. After the show Christine walked out to meet the audience followed by a local television station recording all of this for the evening news. As Christine, the bright lights and television camera came by our table I thought I was going to die. Nothing happened and we were not on the evening news. After that experience I knew I could go anywhere. Shortly thereafter I did several television interviews enfemme and knew that the world was not going to end.

[Marissa Mae]

I have no problem going out anywhere, besides my neighborhood! Getting spotted by the people who live around me would be a nightmare, but going to a bar and drinking with complete strangers is nothing... I went out two weekends back for the first time, and the scariest part was walking by my neighbor's doors hoping none of them decided to come outside. When I got to the bar, I was talking and drinking and eating and dancing... funny, huh? :hugs: