Hard time handling the a-holes lately.

[Nicole Erin]

Well I seem to catch a lot of hell lately over being CD. The aggrivation of it plays on my mind almost non stop lately.

Like this morning I was out for my usual walk, wearing capri jeans, a dark green sweatshirt, and my high heel sandals [gyod my feet still hurt] No makeup
Couple punks drove by and I think they just saw a woman but the passenger kindly opened his door and acted like he was puking. I imagine if they had seen a CD things would have gotten stupid. Real great feeling that someone saw an ugly woman. I guess if they had seen a pretty woman walking they would have probably tried to pick her [me] up.

It f-ing sucks sucks being CD. it is always -

- Stupid questions from people who know we CD.

- We get "read" and ridiculed or hurt.

- We get seen as pretty women and nasty men try to pick us up. It ain't ever a good looking polite guy but some f-wad creep.

- We get seen as an ugly woman and a-hole guys feels the need to let us know if we are not pretty.

Except physical harm, I have had all these happen at some point.

You know I try my damnedest to maintain a good outlook and stick with my sisters so I know we are not alone and we do care about each other. It is getting real hard lately. I am getting to where I cannot stand the sight of other people like I hate everyone [except other gender folks]. Maybe I show this too cause people think I look psycho. Friends have told me this was their first impression of me when they saw me. Sales people at the stores won't even look at me.

I just worry about what all this means or where it is going. I have probably made many posts about "don't worry what people think" or "blow it off" for other girls here but I find I myself can't just blow it off. what the hell do I do?
This just really hurts. Got made fun of in school, and now 15 years after HS, it is like it is coming back.

Erin

[Toni_Lynn]

This just really hurts. Got made fun of in school, and now 15 years after HS, it is like it is coming back.
Erin

Erin

Don't know if this makes any difference, but I wish that all of us who CD'ed in high school would have known about each other and could have supported each other in preparation for the world that lay ahead.

If there is anyone you can rely on to understand, its your sisters! Stay strong!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[paulaN]

I hope things start to look up for ya real soon. Maybe you need a little vacation. Some place like Atlanta in the fall. hang in there hun. I'm pullen for ya.

[Kimkandy]

Hmm.. I'm not sure what to say... I'm sitting here typing en-femme with my cat. I would go out more and feel that I could go anywhere en-femme, but I don't.

The way i see it is if you go out presenting as a woman and people see you as a woman you are still going to have to put up with the same stuff women have to put up with.

For the people who see you as a guy in women's clothes, you end up with all their crap. Some people just let you get on with your life if you are not bothering them and some don't.

What can I say, this is probably as good as it gets. I figure I can pass a lot better if I can just lose about 60 lbs...

Kim :dom:

[Tracii G]

I don't see weight as a reason not to pass there are lots of big girls out there that are quite pretty.I like a girl that has a little extra to show.

[Angie G]

Eain A-hols will be A-holes you juce keep being you hun your way better then them.:hugs:
Angie

[Alice Torn]

It has always been tougher, for those of us who are more unusual. I was picked on, in grade, and high school. The only full day I ever went out dressed, a guy, who asked me to give his car a jump, told his kids, not to look! and, someone, in one town I walked around downtown in, shouted OMG! Another guy yelled some cuss words at me. I am all alone,. with just two cats, have lost most of my friends, no relationships with relatives 2000 miles away. None of them know. I am 99.99% in the closet, now. Society is a mixtue of good and bad, kindness and cruelty, just as human nature is. It really hurts, especially, when they don't try to understand, or live and let live, and, when you are going it alone, with little support. As a 54 yo bachelor, i know the lonliness so well, and in the otherwise fine church i attend, its all married "normies", who can' understand old singles, let alone cd's. Like Glen Campbell.s 1970 song said about heartless people like that, "just try a little kindness, and you'll overlook the blindness, of the narrow minded people on the narrow minded street." It isn' easy going out in drab, and tougher going out cd'd. I was pulled over by a cop, the night before that guy asked me for a jump start, both very embarrassing, bu, thogh the man asked me as "sir", and told his kids no to look, I did a good deed, while dressed in a short dress, hose, high heels, and a too small wig. Sorry to ramble on like this. There is support on here.

[Nicole Erin]

Lucille, maybe the guy didn't want his kids staring, as kids have a habit of doing anyways, I don't thin he meant to be rude if he was asking for a jump. I mean I don't know, it is easy for me to say but I probably would have grabbed my cables and took off out of spite.

As for the cops, oh my gyod I can't stand them cause last time I had to deal with them, the guy was making a total ass out of himself cause my 9 year old kid got in a fight.

[Zenith]

Sorry to hear that Erin...you new avatar looks terrific though...much better than a soul eater...
:eek:

Maybe you should "get away" to something like the SCC...might affirm your faith in humanity...as for the frequency lately...do you think it's a small group of these pieces of s*** that are onto you and just take every chance they get? I know the a-holes are only a small part of the population but the way they ruin everyone's day than can seem like they are everywhere at times...

hang in there sis...
:hugs:

[Jessicaparkson]

I haven't gone out fully dressed but once. I have gone out in partial though and have gotten the looks and snickers. It hurts,sure. I just remember I have sisters to back me up.

[Alice Torn]

Erin, I should have said the man needing the jump, was nota jerk. I have no problem with him telling his kids not to look. I am all for parents doing what they feel is best for their kids and right. Sorry I made it sound like he was a jerk. I was just bibtime embarrassed. The cop was good, too, just wanted to know why i was walking around the liitle town late, and driving nervously. The act those jerks did when they saw you, was gutter. I have exploded at some jerks before, and , have gotten counselling, about anger, reacting. As easy as it is to blow up, or tell them off, and sometimes they need to be told off, most of the time it bugs them worse, and baffles them, if we don.t react at all, ignoire the jackasses, and give them no power over us. They want us to react, lose control. Getting their license plate #, reporting them, maybe. Violence, toward us, or our property is another thing.

[sterling12]

Erin, you do realize that YOU are giving these people the power to hurt you! They can't effect you at all, unless you let them.

If you continue to allow them to "get to you," then eventually they will pull you right down into The Vortex of Depression. They win....you lose, and you let them do it!

Are you anywhere near Indy? There's a big social group there and I think it would do you some good to get out and commiserate with your Sista's. I find that a lot of us get a lot of comfort from being around our real peer group, acts kind of like a psyche safety valve. Yes, it is tough to be transgendered...sometimes. But, you may be making it a whole lot worse, and it won't get you a damn thing.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Farrah]

I can relate with you. I was made fun of. However, walk with you head up high. Be who you are. People are going to talk no matter what. If you're looking bad, they're going to talk, on your worst day they're going to talk, on your best day, they're going to talk. So, no matter what you do people are going to have something to say. I feel like we just have to walk tall and know they we are beautiful inside and out.
:love:Love ya girl

[Melora]

Hey..
Chin up and hold strong hun!
Remember.. You are more human in your heart and feelings than those Biggotts! I am sure!!
You go out En-Fem, That is "Something". I still don't after all these years, because of a thing that happend to me, which was far worse than just "Words"..., So I still harbor Fear.
Words are just opinions. Opinions really should not hurt people, unless they become physichal, being a result of an opinion.
Beleive me, I Know.
Remember Safety in numbers.
Melora xx

[bimini1]

I believe in my heart that when this kind of stuff happens it seems to magnify across the board. It's weird. The SCC was this past week in Atlanta and with all of that TG energy concentrated collectively in one place I think it sends some kind of vibration out into the atmosphere that some kind of way starts to reverberate around.

I caught the BS at work Saturday night when out of the blue a co-worker launched into a tirade about gays and TS being freaks. It happened almost as soon as I walked into the room and I am in the closet. It was as if I was meant to hear it. The timing on it was impeccable because all last week it was heavy on my mind. Kind of like some kind of fall-out.
The Universe telling me to take off those rose-colored glasses, this is the reality of it.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I always KNEW this kinda stuff would happen---It's only "common sense" THATS why I keep it secret and only CD at home.

I'm not meaning to offend anyone. Not implying a lack of "common sense", but rather Apparently you "outside" folks must think that the expected troubles are WORTH enduring as a price you pay for the Privilige and pleasure of going out dressed. Everything has a "price"---yes it sucks, but if going out is so rewarding we take the bad along with the good---its all part of the game.

As for ME, it AINT worth it, so I prefer to stay home.

[Farrah]

I always KNEW this kinda stuff would happen---It's only "common sense" THATS why I keep it secret and only CD at home.

I'm not meaning to offend anyone. Not implying a lack of "common sense", but rather Apparently you "outside" folks must think that the expected troubles are WORTH enduring as a price you pay for the Privilige and pleasure of going out dressed. Everything has a "price"---yes it sucks, but if going out is so rewarding we take the bad along with the good---its all part of the game.

As for ME, it AINT worth it, so I prefer to stay home.

I understand where you're coming from, but it gets kinda disappointing knowing you have all these clothes and you've practiced your make up and all you're going to do is parade around the house. I've always wanted go out, even in my early years of dressing. However, I haven't perfected my look well enough to go out yet, but I'm working on it.

[TerriM]

I started going out in 1977. The 1st place I went was a CD party. There I met people just like myself. Over the years I have realized my dreams of going to different places dressed enfemme. I had a couple bad experiences, nothing I couldnt handle but they were upsetting at the time. As far as the "A"holes. There will never be a shortage of them. I have found that over the years that most people really dont care. They are too busy with their own lives. It does make you angry at times when people act so hurtfull. I just think to myself is that I wont lower myself to their level. Being a CD is hard. But overall I have enjoyed the experience.

Terri

[Bethany38]

:) Erin you have more heart than these idiot people who are getting you down. The simple fact that you are willing to live enfemm and go out the way you do shows me you are a far stronger person than I am at the moment. I long for the courage to be able to go out as I really feel, just to come out of the closet to anyone other than my wife and my dogs. I wish I had the moxy you disply by haveing the courage to just be you. As Joanie said do not give these simple mindedd people the power over you. I have only been out dressed once and that was when I was 14 for Holloween. I had a really good time except for whenthese drunk guys started hitting on me. I comend you for who you are. I know this probably does not mean a whole lot to you but it is the best I can offer. Take care and stay strong. With you in spirit. Bethany

[Sarah Doepner]

Erin, in your second post in this thread you seem to look to the motivations of some of the people who you thought were a-holes in the first post and decide they maybe were not that bad. It sounds like you let a lot of things build up before you finally vented. That always seems to make the blow up much worse and the world seem darker.
It may be worth your time to do a couple of things. First find ways to vent a little sooner on the things you find distressing. Don't let it get to the point that every action you see is a slight against you because you are a CD. It could be they have a right to be angry because you actually did park your car on their dog. The second thing has already been suggested and that is get with some others who you can share both the frustrations and fun that come with this blessing/curse we share. Sometimes we need to get outside our own heads for a little in order to stay sane. Good Luck.

[charlie]

Hello Erin!
It is just the way it is. For what it is worth, I think you look good! Society just looks down on us, thinks we are deranged, and are psycho. It gets better when you go to gay accepting nightclubs and get compliments and suggestions though. Try a bit of that.

[kris-alyx]

tell me about it, some times when i'm walking some damned redneck will scream FAG at me or you know the common crap these idiots will spew out like there the one with the problem not me but in my case it's even more noticeable, well i've got girl hips yep i'm telling the truth about this & i'm handicaped so that's even double the problem, i mean i try to not let the comments get to me but i just feel like crying & never leaving my house but i'm not leting these brain dead idiots get the best of me.

[mykhelee]

I only have went dressed when if I have a hostile situation I am in the company of friends. Don't quite have your courage to go out alone. I never go out dressed without full face-on.

People fear that which they don't understand....fear me or accept me, doesn't matter to me.

[trisha59]

Not being one to believe in generalizations but, People Generally Suck.