Taboo Question

[wannabie]

I want to ask a question but Not sure how to approach it.

why do you want to become a boy?

I mean I've lived my life as one but always saw the other side of not being one as better.

other than the peeing standing up thread, whats that special about being male?

I hope this doesn't offend?

[Cai]

First off: http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=89101

Secondly, to reiterate what was said in that thread - it's not about "wanting" anything. I am who I am. Being male is special to me because it lets me express my true self.

I don't believe there's any characteristics that men have that women cannot, or vice versa. There's nothing I can do as a man that I couldn't have done as a woman - except be myself.

[brylram]

I've never wanted to 'become' a boy... I just always was one. The only thing I desired was to become RECOGNIZED as the boy/young man that I was/am. There's nothing special about being male or female... but being yourself, and being recognized accurately as who you really are, IS special, especially when you've been denied that for almost 2 decades (or even more) of your life.

There are pros and cons to being male, and different pros and cons to being female, neither is better. But there are NO pros to being FORCED to live life being seen as the one that you're not.

EDIT:
I was typing this post as Cai made his, and didn't see it until after I posted my own... so I'd like to add a comment about his post to this one.


There's nothing I can do as a man that I couldn't have done as a woman - except be myself.

I don't agree with that. In the future maybe it will be true. But as it stands, there are restrictions on what will be accepted and allowed from males vs. females. A BIG one is attention towards children. If a woman stops on the street, or in a supermarket, or wherever... and makes a fuss over a baby or child... they can act extremely bizarre, and make a scene with their 'cutesy baby talk' behaviour, and while in other circumstances they'd be deemed insane for acting in such a way, it's fully accepted, and often pleases the mother (or ESPECIALLY grandmothers that are present with the child). Whereas if a man smiles at a baby or child, or even tries to make an assisting comment to a child who is confused about something or lost, then he is often viewed as a possible threat and gaurded against. Even mothers who act friendly toward such men almost imperceptably go into protection mode and watch him closely. Personally I'm not bothered by the inability to interact with children because I'm really not fond of them at all, but someone who DID like to interact with them would be able to do so if female, and would run into roadblocks or even cause confrontations as a male.

That's just ONE of the many examples, but there's no denying that life is very different for someone who is male vs. someone who is female... even if the two individuals had almost identical beliefs, ideals, likes/dislikes etc. Everything about our lives depends not only on ourselves but every single person around us as well. Just like you might run in a straight line through an empty field, but be forced to zigzag if there are random cows around.. you also might continue with a behaviour as a female or male, while being stopped or redirected as the other.

[tamarav]

I think I would be listening to these two exceptionally intelligent guys, they articulated it better than anyone else could.

[Cai]

That's very true, Logan - what's considered acceptable for men and women is very different. But I wasn't really talking about what society says I'm allowed to do, I was more talking about what I could do physically and in reality. And in that sense, there's almost no difference, other than physiological tendencies.

[Wren]

I'm amused by how often this question gets asked.

Although from an outsider perspective I can empathize that physically not having is equated to not being, by which rules, to transition appears to be the act of wanting or achieving something which one isn't.

You really can't get caught up in the essentialist view, where nature prescribes what is female and male inherently.

In other words.. sex is between the legs, and gender is between the ears. For whatever reason sometimes those don't match up, and although my body appears to you female the person you are reading the thoughts of is male.

[brylram]

But I wasn't really talking about what society says I'm allowed to do, I was more talking about what I could do physically and in reality.

Yeh, I think ultimately we agree here, but I was thinking of a different kind of 'could' than you were... you were talking about being capable of doing it, and I was thinking of the next step further.. of whether someone ends up really able to do something regardless of whether they're capable or not. So yeh, we agree, just came at it from different angles... if that makes sense.

[xTwo_Of_Heartsx]

why do want to become a boy?


I don't want to become a boy, I am a boy. My body is just out of whack, and I'm taking steps to correct that.


I mean I've lived my life as one but always saw the other side of not being one as better.

Take that statement and flip it around.. and that's kind of how we feel.. however, it's not just a fantasy for us to "not be women", or to "be men".. it's who we are. We are all men, who just happen to have been born into the wrong bodies. Our brains are male, and most of us our whole lives, have been told by our brains that our bodies are wrong. It's not fantasy, it's necessity.


other than the peeing standing up thread, whats that special about being male?

It's not about having the ability to pee standing up, or about any other "perk" that being a male brings..
It's about being ourselves.. about being who we truly are.
Being either gender can have its downfalls.. but for those who are stuck in the wrong body, any negative things about being the gender we are *supposed* to have been born as (or the gender our brains are), are trivial. They don't matter to us as much as being who we truly are does.


I hope this doesn't offend?

Of course it offends.. you kind of insinuated that we "want" to be men, not that we "are" men.. so of course we're going to be a bit offended..
However, you were alot more tactful than some of the other ladies who have asked us that question.. so I have no reason to be belligerent with you.
After all, you are not in our shoes.. so of course you're not going to completely know where we're coming from.
Just please take into consideration what we are all saying.. it's all I ask.

[ZenFrost]

I don't think the question is taboo, because people ask us all the time. You should read the link Cai gave, it's the same question with our same answer, we don't want to be guys, we are guys.

Have you heard the expression, 'the grass is always greener on the other side'? To you perhaps the idea of being a woman is more appealing than being a man but to us the opposite is true. For me the thought of living the rest of my life as a women is sickening, not because I dislike women (quite the contrary, I love women), but because it's not who I am. I would be living a lie if I tried to be a women. It's like wearing a shoe that doesn't fit, I can force my foot into it anyway but it's going to be uncomfortable no matter what I do.

I could care less about peeing standing up, but I could just as easily ask what's that special about being female?

[John]

dejavu anyone?

I don't think I can add much to what the others have said exept to agree.


But as it stands, there are restrictions on what will be accepted and allowed from males vs. females. A BIG one is attention towards children. If a woman stops on the street, or in a supermarket, or wherever... and makes a fuss over a baby or child... they can act extremely bizarre, and make a scene with their 'cutesy baby talk' behaviour, and while in other circumstances they'd be deemed insane for acting in such a way, it's fully accepted, and often pleases the mother (or ESPECIALLY grandmothers that are present with the child). Whereas if a man smiles at a baby or child, or even tries to make an assisting comment to a child who is confused about something or lost, then he is often viewed as a possible threat and gaurded against.

I'll vouch for that!! My mum's a primary school teacher and I've droped in to help out in her school ocasionally in the past several years. Result: most of the kids there recognise me; some of them say hello when they see me in the street. Previously, perants just looked curious as to how their children knew me, but over the last year or so (as I've been passing better) they've been looking a little more... cautious.

[MJ]

if i may be allowed to give my feelings on this the reason the guys want to be boys is because they are boys it's the same reason i want to be a girl because i am.. it's not rocket science and they have the same heartache and pain as i do but we are going in the opposite directions.we are who we are.

[Wren]

Of course it offends.. you kind of insinuated that we "want" to be men, not that we "are" men.. so of course we're going to be a bit offended..


I think the part of the beauty of this forum is that it's a place where people come to ask and understand. I mean, yes you do get your trolls and people who are just not ready to learn or accept, but there's got to be a common denominator for the frequency of this question; an the inability to empathize or understand female to male 'trans-ness'. If I look back to my own struggle, trying to understand why I felt miserable in my prescribed gender, I know I asked myself a few times 'why do I want to be male?' It's the rational thing to ask. (not right. but logical)
I'm glad that people ask the question, at least they are asking versus the option, not opening the doors to a better understanding of the world around them to begin with. Many could and probably do write off anything they don't understand and never seek to do anything about it. It's a pretty hard concept for some people to grasp, ask my mother she'll tell you I'm a creation of satan.

Note, that I do understand how it can be interpreted as an offensive question, and I'm not saying that xTwo_Of_Heartsx was in any way not cordial in his response, I think it was actually a very diplomatic answer, I'm just putting my thoughts out there regarding future approaches to this type of question. We can't assume that the listener does not want to understand, some people just do not have the gift of tact, and others lack the flexibility to accept. The last thing I'd like to do is discourage the curiosity that could lead to cross board harmony, by incorrectly assuming something to be offensive, even if it appears so.

[xTwo_Of_Heartsx]

I didn't say that asking is wrong.. I was just explaining to her why some of us might take offense.. that's all.
There's nothing wrong with asking, or being curious.. but some of us get very offended because of the way a question is worded.. or if the person asking the question ignores our responses and continues making their own assumptions (like what happened in the last thread)

But yeah, this lady did absolutely nothing wrong.
Once again, I was just explaining to her why some of us may take offense.

Did you read the last part of the paragraph you're quoting, by the way?

[Wren]

I didn't say that asking is wrong.. I was just explaining to her why some of us might take offense.. that's all.
There's nothing wrong with asking, or being curious.. but some of us get very offended because of the way a question is worded.. or if the person asking the question ignores our responses and continues making their own assumptions (like what happened in the last thread)

But yeah, this lady did absolutely nothing wrong.
Once again, I was just explaining to her why some of us may take offense.

Did you read the last part of the paragraph you're quoting, by the way?

I did, that's why it wasn't an attack on what you said or a critique of anything that you've written, I agree with your statement, and I did participate in the last thread which was quoted. I pointed out that you were diplomatic and I didn't explicitly make any claim that any part of what you said would be deemed as dissuasive to asking.

I was using that part of your sentence to go off on a segue. It got my brain turning about what is and isn't considered offensive on the forum. And the dichotomy between the mtf side and the ftm. Just showcasing what got me on that tangent more than actually critiquing or arguing with you.

Usually I keep my mouth shut on this forum, not because I really disagree with most of the things being said, but because with text there's a lot of different ways to interpret what is being said. For example, you seem to have misinterpreted why I quoted you. Wording isn't my gift either it seems. Anyway I didn't mean to elicit that type of reaction from you at all, and my intention wasn't to undermine or point out anything that you were saying as being at fault. Hope that clears things up. If not feel free to PM me.

[Wren]

..for the sake of talking.

Now that I think of it, the answer to the 'why do you guys want to be guys' style question is answered in the forum description which you presumably should be reading before clicking on the little "transmasculine" link.