Questions about being read

[Di]

All the time we see posts such as ...I saw another tgirl when shopping but I did not talk to her ect then today I was reading a blog from a girl who’s from her photos extremely convincing and she’s won two national female impersonation titles—and even she gets read sometimes. But she said part of her enjoys the attention and likes when people approach her.
So I am asking you all what would you like if for the off chance you are read? Would you like someone to talk to you or just leave you alone?
The few times I ran into someone I just made a comment like wow love your boots ect but basically left them alone.

[vikki2020]

I get read all the time, especially dealing with people up close.Lot's of times it's--Ohhhhh,and they are a little surprised.I would have to say 99% of the time, people react with no reaction, and that's all I want.I'd welcome any questions, but that hasn't happened yet.I've been treated very nicely when I get out,which makes it all the easier!I might get a rude comment every now and then, but the clowns only speak up after I'm 20 feet past them, and it really doesn't bother me at all.Love the moments when I interact with others, and it's just a normal slice of life!

[Tracii G]

Got read by an older check out lady at Wal-Mart.This was the first time I went en-femme shopping I had been out en-femme with some GG's to dinner so I blended in and had no problems.The lady said I looked cute in a mini skirt and she tought men should wear them if they wanted to.
The people in line behind me never saw my face until I finished my purchase and walked off.
The reaction suprized me there was not much reaction at all.A young couple in their 20's walked out behind me and told me they would not have known I wasn't female if the check out lady hadn't said something about my skirt.
I thanked them for the compliment and for being very cool.The girl said honey I think you look great and you have nice legs.:D
I have been read in both modes guy and girl and in girl mode is has been a better experience.

[TxKimberly]

I get read all of the time and how I feel about it depends very much on my mood at the time and the attitude of the person that read me. Sometimes it amuses me and I'll wink at 'em. Often when I get read by a woman, she will get a huge grin from ear to ear and smile at me - this I don't mind so much. :)
On the other hand, sometimes it depresses the hell out of me.

[MJ]

i get read a lot but it don't bother me anymore i just smile back at them

[charlie]

I go out, but usually at night to night clubs. On the occasions when I am out and buying things I get read all the time. I'm doing my best, but I guess from a few feet I'm not that passable. At the gas station a guy drove up across from me at the same pump and said "Hey, your a dude aren't you!" I, standing there in nylons, heels, skirt and wig admitted it. The guy said he was "cool with it", we both pumped our gas and I said good bye to him. Fortunately, I have not had any ugly confrontations.

[MsJanessa]

Really depends on what thier reaction to me is---Sometimes I just smile--other times when they tell me how good I look I thank them etc---sometimes its the start of a beautiful relationship---the most thrilling line I've had when I was read was"Are you really a guy?---you look so feminine-" Made my day

[Rosaliy Lynne]

I get read all of the time and how I feel about it depends very much on my mood at the time and the attitude of the person that read me. Sometimes it amuses me and I'll wink at 'em. Often when I get read by a woman, she will get a huge grin from ear to ear and smile at me - this I don't mind so much. :)
On the other hand, sometimes it depresses the hell out of me.

I probably get read more than I think I do but MOST people see what they expect to see and treat me well IF they even notice me. I get easily amused by those who look with disapproval and to disarm them I simply smile and pass as if they were not even there.


i get read a lot but it don't bother me anymore i just smile back at them

Right on. Sometimes I have to laugh out loud and luckily I have had no problems so far.

When I am out I belong where I am, however I am. I like to think I blend in ok. Passing is not even in speaking distance of me. They key to me is that I do my best to look and act my best. That is really all you can do.

"we are who we are. we become what we must."

[Michelle_NY]

If its from a GG I love it and might get complements too , If some idiot kids or teenagers confront me and try to break my chops it could get a but nasty. Keep your head up gf. Michelle

[Kate Simmons]

Well, being who we are, we do kind of have what I call "CDar" Di. I'm kind of like you though. I usually just say hi or give them some kind of compliment. As far as someone approaching me if I'm "read", no problem but then again, I tend to be a friendly person anyway and love to talk to people.:)

[Sarah...]

I'd like them to talk to me. And then I'd like them to listen properly to my reply.

Sarah...

[Ruth]

I occasionally get read when I'm out and the reaction has usually been just a hard stare. I wish they would speak but then I guess they are not at all comfortable with what they are seeing and they are not about to start a dialog.

[deja true]

My god, ladies! Keep this one going...every post here is pushing me a little bit more to just go out and do what I've always wanted to. We've concentrated too hard on the horror stories and the fear factor. You're teaching me and convincing me that it's no big deal to get read.

While I've been out with groups of sisters quite a bit during BeAll and SCC, I've never been out on my own but once. I think it's time to hit the bricks and live a life without false fear and useless apprehension.

And Di, if it was me out there, I'd appreciate being approached and talked to in a friendly way. If we're read so commonly and no harm comes to us, it seems the best way to spread the message that we're just folks, like everyone else (even if we are better dressed :D)!

Wow! Thanks y'all!

[Nicole Erin]

When or if I get read, it does get me upset if they are rude or act stupid.

However, getting read doesn't bother me in itself...

If someone wanted to be polite and talk to me after reading me, I welcome them with open arms :) At that point, they are acquainted with the REAL me, they have not been "tricked" into thinking I was some woman and they did not see a man who may or may not CD. They know Erin.

I am all for new friends when they accept Erin. :hugs:

[ReineD]

I hope it is OK if I answer this even though I am a GG. I am also exposed to the reactions people have when we are out together, because we are seen as a couple. Or I take it that way.

In your example the female impersonator enjoys the attention she gets when she is read, presumably because people approach her with an open and positive attitude. This has not always been my experience. Not in the midwest. (Sorry, deja :( )

I've noticed people (mostly other GGs - guys just stare) smiling and whispering, and then stopping dead in their tracks if I catch their eye. I usually just smile at them even though their judgment makes me feel uncomfortable. My SO thinks the smiles are not necessarily derision over being read, but I question this.

I hate the thought of being laughed at behind our backs. If it were up to me, I would much rather they ask questions if they do not understand. It would give us an opportunity to dispel a myth, or as deja said, to show them we are regular folks.

But, I do want to add that I have yet to encounter rude comments. And the people whose establishments we frequent (SAs, waitresses, coffee shop attendants, etc) are either professional or they are very nice to us.

[tamarav]

I have a fair amount of experience being out and about but, I always assume that I don't pass. The reason is that I used to get really upset when someone made a remark, but now I realize that if someone is going to say something I had better rise above them and be prepared with a good response. We can't be so "pinked out" that we can't recognize some little thing that makes us stand out from the crowd.

My job allows me a great line, in that I do makeup and hair so why not look like I do? Or, would you rather have some old bald guy give you recommendations on your hair and makeup?

Tami

[Jodi]

We must always remember. Regardless of how good we might look, or think we look, none of us are totally passable. There are little things that will always give us away, expecially when in close contact with people.

I have been going out and about for about 10 years. When out, I try to place enough doubt into the observer's mind that they are not sure. They might stare, but, if not sure, most will never approach. My experience with gg's is--When they are not sure, they will approach and start a conversation, ie, I love your shoes, bag, etc. Where did you get it? GG's can always use this as an opener. They do it with other gg's. When this has occurred, I just smile, thank them, and begin a conversation back. I can tell by her facial expression that I have been made. I had one occasion where I was approached in the lobby of a restaurant by two 20ish gg's. When I knew I was read, I just asked, Well, what do you think? They both laughed and said "cool", we weren't sure. I told them that was the ultimate compliment. Also, any time I am getting the "stare", I just meet the stare and smile back. That generally disarms the person.

I've learned that confidence works for you, and fear works against you.

Jodi

[jennifer24]

I`m sure I get read sometimes but it doesn`t bother me, I just smile and keep walking. The girls seem to be more open about it, would love to start a conversation with them but never have. When I go out I try to pass has much as I can but, if I get read so be it...........:daydreaming:

[gennee]

I pass pretty well but I do get read from time to time. I have spoken more in the past several months. I get comments from men and women-mostly women.

Gennee


:)

[Alice Torn]

The one full day i was out, i stopped in one smaller city, and walked around the downtown. Yells came from one car, read, I think. And a few blocks further, some teens - gals and guys, saw me about 100 feet awat, and I heard, OMG, OMG!! It was kind of fun, but scary my first day out.

[jennifer41356]

I have been going out for about 10yrs now and may have had 2 or 3 times when someone has realized i am not a real girl...maybe I do get read when I am out, I dont know, but I try and act like a lady and I am not afraid to engage in conversation with anyone, so I am treated like a lady.....I guess once I am out of earshot, they may discuss whether I was a gal or not

But all in all, its been fun going out as a girl, i go out in public 3 or 4 times a week..I go grocery shopping, wash my car, go out to eat, shop, just about done it all.....its all in the presentation:love::2c:

[Tricia Lee]

Also, any time I am getting the "stare", I just meet the stare and smile back. That generally disarms the person.

I've learned that confidence works for you, and fear works against you.

Yes! I don't have a ton of experience going out - maybe a half dozen times to different shopping malls. The last time I remember getting the "stare" was from a woman sitting on a bench as I walked by. She was looking at me with a frown. As soon as I caught her eye I just gave her a smile. She gave me a big smile back, and sort of seemed pleased with herself that she was in on the act :)

No bad experiences yet, thankfully.

One thing I did find recently is that it seems more comfortable to go shopping in the morning hours. People are more relaxed. I think if you are out in the middle of the day it's less like you are sneaking around doing something wrong.

[CD Susan]

I'm sure I get read quite often but have recieved a negative comment only once. If someone had a positve comment to make to me I would welcome it although I would not care to engage in a lengthy conversation with someone in a crowded environment. Mostly I guess I prefer to be left alone.

[Ashlie Marie]

I know I get read from time to time. I gt compliments and sometimes 20 questions.. like from waitresses, or clothing store people. I know i pass alot more then anything. even in mall with my hair in a ponytail jeans and a t-shirt no boobs LOL and no makeup guys still open the door for me and my wife and say things "here you go ladies" it makes me feel kinda cool my wife and firends are always like look he doenst even have to try lol but as Ashlie out and about i have been told I still walk to stiff in flats, and my voice is raspy (gotta love new england allergies) I am glad I hae not had any bad occasions I always go out with firends so I am never alone I can see people look and whisper but hey I don't mind the attention. Even last year at halloween cruise my wife and I go on everyyear dressed to kill in my devil fairy dress and knee high boot I did win in the CD catagory becasye the stupid judges had me in the fairy catagory with all the GG's so of course they were way hotter lol.. oh well we will see if I can pull off being prom queen this year

[DemonicDaughter]

And I just smile and nod. What? You don't believe me? Well I can't tell you just how many people have mistaken me for a cder! Why here on forums alone, its a regular occurrence!

Of course, it could be the places I hang out... lol

But seriously, most people are too polite or afraid of confrontation to really say anything to you even if they do read you. And a lot of times, people are just too busy to notice. And nothing disarms them more than when you have fun with it.

While we were at Lips in NYC, several people thought I was one of the staff due to my height and outfit. You know what? I never corrected them! I happily posed for pictures, answered questions and just had fun with it.

When you don't, you leave an opportunity open for someone to tear you down. Don't let them. They can't take anything from you but what you let them.

So whenever I do see someone and recognize them as a cd... I talk to them and treat them like a normal person. Because they are. :)

[Nicole Erin]

Well DD, I imagine those who think you are CD are probably insanely jealous. :heehee: They wonder how the hell you pass so well.

[Diane Elizabeth]

I have only gone out once dressed. Just driving my pickup around. I felt eyes/stares on me at various stops. I have seen some come thru the recycle center and were read. The people there made some dumb, nasty remarks after she had left. Another one was obviously a male despite the clothes and didn't seem to mind. Wish I had that confidence.

[JaytoJillian]

I love going out, especially to TG-friendly places. However, I sometimes find myself at "everyday" places like a drugstore or market because I've forgotten my eyeliner, need new lipstick, etc. I too ALWAYS make the assumption that people who notice me know exactly what I am (or am not). At 6'-3" I know I'm not fooling anyone, nor do I really want to. I just try to look my best and carry myself in such a manner as not to add to the general public's negative opinion of crossdressing. Occasionally, though, a clerk who's not really awake will take me for a GG. I know this because I've seen the look of confusion on their faces when they've run one of my credit cards, which are all in my male name. That's always kind of fun. I do welcome any comments from people on the street as long as they are not inappropriate. Most come from GGs, who usually say very nice things. While out clubbing last week, several guys came up and congratulated me on a "great show." I do not perform, so they totally had me confused with one of the ladies from the drag review. Kinda funny.

Cheers,


Jill

[Samantha Kelsey]

I know I've been read a few times and I know that I've probably been read by many more that I don't know about.
In general I prefer that they don't approach me. It's different if you accidentally bump into some one then strike a conversation. Im not sure if I would say anything to someone I thought was CDing. After all I've seen many GGs who I thought could have been CDmen.

[DemonicDaughter]

Well DD, I imagine those who think you are CD are probably insanely jealous. :heehee: They wonder how the hell you pass so well.

You know who mistakes me the most? GGs! Its an assumption that many make because of my outrageous styles and...well... personality. Only cders on here have asked if I'm a GG or not and I can understand that as this is a forums and photoshop is everyone's best friend here! LOL!

But when you are out in public, to be mistaken for a man in dress based on your height and outfit... well for me, its quite a lot of fun. Its even more confusing when I speak. I have a very sultry voice that almost sounds "practiced" according to some.

I don't find it an insult, I find it a lot of fun and just go with it. :)

[TxKimberly]

. . .

When you don't, you leave an opportunity open for someone to tear you down. Don't let them. They can't take anything from you but what you let them.

So whenever I do see someone and recognize them as a cd... I talk to them and treat them like a normal person. Because they are. :)

DD, I think I'm developing a crush on you! :-)
What a wonderful and kind attitude to take.

[DemonicDaughter]

DD, I think I'm developing a crush on you! :-)
What a wonderful and kind attitude to take.

I live by the golden rule, treat others as you would like to be treated. I would like others to respect who I am even on a very basic level such as passing by someone in public. So I do the same for others.

Now if only it was more contagious! lol

[Holly]

Di, I don't mind it all if someone reads me and wants to strike up a conversation, as long as they are respectful and not rude. If I notice that someone is giving me one of those "inquisitive looks," I try to make sure I smile and make positive eye contact. Hopefully the signal that sends is that I am approachable and open to conversation.

As a sidebar, I think it is amusing that some seem to think that we are the only source interest in the real world. Believe me, just as many (or more) looks and comments are being made about the guy who is dressed like a slob, or the gal who is wearing way too much makeup, or the children who are behaving like little hellions, and so on. As TG's we are nothing more than another diversion in a normal day.

[Joanne f]

It would depend on the reason why i thought they where specking to me , taking into account the tone of vice and comment that was made, if it was a polite comment then i would be OK with that .
But when i had a " that's a man " i must admit it put me off :o



joanne :fairy2:

[MJ]

And I just smile and nod. What? You don't believe me? Well I can't tell you just how many people have mistaken me for a cder! Why here on forums alone, its a regular occurrence!

:)

??? i thought Kayla was the gg :heehee: and i am gulty too

[DemonicDaughter]

??? i thought Kayla was the gg :heehee: and i am gulty too

She is... isn't she? :doh:

[Monica Santos]

I have not been shopping or in crowded places, but when I use to be "nervous" while driving, or just walking, I felt like all eyes were on me and EVERYONE made me. A few years ago, I became more relaxed and just tried to integrate into societies daily routine, I felt like nobody notice. Traffic lights, gas stations, coke machines...nobody noticed. Most guys seemed to look at the boobs first, legs second, face third and then they make a judgement call. I have very limited one on one interaction. I have yet to go out shopping. This would be my next big step.

Monica

[Di]

Thanks everyone for answering "Would you like someone to talk to you or just leave you alone?":love: Alot of good answers and experiences and I thank you:love:

[TommiTN]

"So I am asking you all what would you like if for the off chance you are read? Would you like someone to talk to you or just leave you alone?"

Realistically, knowing that I will be read more often than not (no "off chance" about it), it will depend on the person's intent. If they are friendly, or just curious, I am open to conversation and an opportunity to educate and maybe make a new friend. If they just want to dump on me then I'd rather they didn't bother.

[Mirani]

I am sure I am "read" often, but not often treated differently as a result.
I love compliments - and dont mind where they come from.
I have occasionally been complimented on my outfits - and it feels good.

So, if we ever meet - feel free to boost my ego :)

[trannie T]

As much as I enjoy going out I am well aware that I have no chance of passing. At 6'3" and 300# with poor taste in clothing and very limited makeup skills I am amazed that more people don't clock me. It is amazing how few people make notice when I am out. I almost want to scream,"What's the matter with you people? Are you blind?"

[Deidra Cowen]

I get read all of the time and how I feel about it depends very much on my mood at the time and the attitude of the person that read me. Sometimes it amuses me and I'll wink at 'em. Often when I get read by a woman, she will get a huge grin from ear to ear and smile at me - this I don't mind so much. :)
On the other hand, sometimes it depresses the hell out of me.

Bingo! Generally when I go shopping at the mall or out to normal places like resturants I like to blend in. Have different wigs and outfits for that kind of outting! Get mad when someone spots me, it makes me lose confidence and I get down. Regardless of how good I do my look however my voice always messes me up. But I sure luv it when I think I am blending on appearance.

On the other hand if I am going out to some wild club or party and am dressed up fairly wildly (leather skirt, glammy makeup, etc)...I kinda get into the Tgirl role and it does not bother me to be read since I am not trying to pass. I often on the way to the club stop at my local Starbucks...its funny to see the str8 folk look at me in amazement and shock when they hear my deep voice order that big venti cup of joe!

Guess I am just a mixed up mess! :eek:

[TerriM]

I get read occasionally when I go out. But the nicest time I got read was years ago when I was at a drag restaurant in the city. The place was packed and a show was going on. A lady tourist heard me say something to my friend and said " you look better than the girls in the show ". Needless to say I floated out of the place that night.

[LindaCD63yoNJ]

Younger people are more likely to read us than older ones, at least that is my experience. Even when I am dressed in-between, I sometimes get referred to as mam, until they see my face. Probably because of my petite stature

[Shannen]

Would you like someone to talk to you or just leave you alone?
The few times I ran into someone I just made a comment like wow love your boots ect but basically left them alone.

I think your approach is fine. Every woman enjoys a compliment!

I do think that many of us crave interaction with others, and someone who will engage in conversation on a normal level would be welcome! Starting out with "You're a cd aren't you? How do you fight beard shadow so well, and WHERE did you buy those hips????" would not go over so well... :heehee:

Thanks for asking Di, you have a kind heart and I'm sure you will do the right thing naturally. :)

:hugs:

[ElaineB]

I occasionally get read when I'm out and the reaction has usually been just a hard stare. I wish they would speak but then I guess they are not at all comfortable with what they are seeing and they are not about to start a dialog.

This might very well be a good sign - meaning they are not sure if you are a woman or not.

Think about it.

To most men, the big risk in simply asking "are you a man or a woman?" is probably that the person they are asking might well be a woman, and become tremendously offended with ... umm... very negative consequences.

If they were sure you were a guy in a dress, they probably would not think twice about saying something.

[tricia_uktv]

I get read all of the time and how I feel about it depends very much on my mood at the time and the attitude of the person that read me. Sometimes it amuses me and I'll wink at 'em. Often when I get read by a woman, she will get a huge grin from ear to ear and smile at me - this I don't mind so much. :)
On the other hand, sometimes it depresses the hell out of me.

Yes, we are going to get read. Sometimes I dress provocatively to attract attention and comments, sometimes not. Its all about being who I am and not about passing as a woman. Kimberley is absolutely right though. Winks and smiles are brilliant in almost all circumstances - and I get huge smiles from women who read me. I think its just about being proud of who you are.