How did you learn to accept yourself?

[Christine Andrews]

Hi all;

I don't normally post too often because I 'don't want to ask what's been asked a thousand times and I'm limited in what I can normally contribute other than opinion but I could do with some input.

How do you learn to accept the femme side of yourself? To truly accept it? This is something which I am struggling with. Everytime I come close truly accepting myself - albeit keeping it in the closet - I am overcome by a mix of fear and guilt - and this fear and guilt strips away the positivity that coming close to acceptance brings. For a little a while I beleive I have accepted it and feel positive but after a day or two, I start to feel that mix of guilt and fear and I end up back where I started, which is wanting to but feeling unable to comfortably accept this side of me. This is frustrating as much as anything because when I feel like I have accepted it - it feels like a weight has been lifted, the guilt is gone for a time and I feel much more positive, optimistic, happy in myself and confident - much more like myself before the rain clouds of guilt and fear set in.

I can't decide whether there is a factor I am missing or if I know the reason and I am afraid to acknowledge it. There is more but I don't want to just dump everything without internalising it more. It is something that is always on the back of my mind and I know that it has had a negative effect on my sense of humour and has changed my perception of the world around me in a somewhat negative manner - which is in contrast to who I know I am.

I mean some of it may be that I know I will always stand out as being male/born male and as a result I am afraid to express myself for the risk of bullying, discrimination and the effect it would have on the few relatives I truly care about, that I am not good enough or strong enough - perhaps I am doing what I usually do and reading too much into it and that's what holds me back.

Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice on how to accept one's self for more than a day or two?

Thanks!
Kirsty

[MJ]

it takes time to accept yourself I'm talking years it helps to be out in the real world i have found that the more i am out there the more i accept myself .
if you only dress like once a month for a few hours you may never get to accept yourself like i said it just takes time


risk of bullying, discrimination and the effect it would have on the few relatives I truly care about, that I am not good enough or strong enough

if your relatives truly love you it does not matter the risk of bullying is so remote it's like getting hit by thunder and lighting {can't spell }

[Nicole Erin]

I too struggle somewhat with it. Kind of hard not to after hearing our whole lives how wrong it is...

Anyways, bullying or rude comments is just an occupational hazard of doing this. We can keep it to a minimum by not subjecting ourselves to danger like dark alleys...

But how to accept onesself? After a while, you get tired of living by other peoples' rules. Like me, I am sure I probably look silly when I go out in my 1/2 femme mode but it is more comfy. Yes I get comments from drivers sometimes or weird stares...

I think of it like this - I have little to lose so if I get detected, so what? Endure a little abuse, get upset, and then life goes on...

Also think like this - It is YOUR body, you have the right to dress it as you feel. If you feel guilty for even wanting to dress tht way, why? You didn't ask to be CD. And by acting on those feelings, you are not hurting anyone anyways.

Sometimes you just need to say and feel like "F*** it" and do what you will....

[cemab4y]

Cheryl is part of me. Cheryl is a good person, and I glad that she is a good person. I am friends with Cheryl. I still have some issues to work out, but I am a good person too.

[trisha59]

Foe me reading through these posts helps. I'm a really new member (1 week anniversary Woo Hoo) and on one of the firsts days I logged in I went through the 800 plus pages of this section. Of course I didn't read every one but if a title looked interesting I went through the posts. This confirmed that I was not alone. I also found that responding to peoples questions has helped me too. You see I only dress when I'm alone and when I dress as Trisha there was no one to talk to so I never got the chance to converse as her. Now Trisha can talk to all of her friends just by logging on. Anyway thats all I got.
Trisha

[2b.Lauren]

Foe me reading through these posts helps.

That is the simple beauty of a support group like this one. I know that I will always vacillate between acceptance and denial of the women that lives inside me. I know that I will have days when dressing and being Lauren are so very easy and others are going to be just a living hell. I have worked hard to be able to enjoy the journey that is being Lauren. She may never be more than what I currently allow her to be right now. She may never step out of the very safe confines of closed doors and rooms. However, the possibilities are endless, and the more comfortable I become the easier it is to let her be free. I think finding this community has also served to be a very great way for me to continue to express Lauren and to love and accept her daily!

Good Luck

[monika]

I had a girlfriend that helped me accept it, she was so cool with it and we remain close friends still.
Before that I was really ashamed to be dressing.
I am in the closet but the guilt is gone, and now I think of it as a little unusual hobby:)

[ChristineRenee]

You have the God given RIGHT on this planet to be the person that you truly are. Basically...that's it in a nutshell. No one can make you feel either less of a man (or woman, in the case of F to M)...or a human being...just because you are a CDer, TG, or TS...unless you GIVE them that right.

Be who you are...and be PROUD of who you are...ALWAYS!

[Alice B]

I would have to say that this forum has played a major role in my self acceptance. Learning just how many like myself there are in the world and learning from what they have to say has been great. I now fully accept my female side, look forward to expressing Alice and have even been able to get my wife to accept her. Thank you forum members.:love:

[RitaCD]

Good post, Kirsty. I guess for me I became totally accepting of my CDing after my SO left. We divorced after 25 years marriage. When she first discovered my CDing she was accepting, even somewhat encouraging. Later it was " I don't want to see it." Finally it was "stop now or I am leaving".

I loved her dearly but knew that I could not and did not want to give up my feminine side. After she left I accepted me for what I am and what I will always be. We are still friends and talk frequently mostly about kids and grandkids.

I live alone and really enjoy being as feminine as possible. Though I don't plan to fully transition, I do go out dressed as Rita often. I guess the desire could change at some time in the future, but until then I am really enjoying being Rita.:daydreaming:

[Joanne f]

I accept myself , i expect that has happened over time, but what i find hard to accept is why other people cannot accept the way i am .
When you think about it what is there not to accept about your self just because you feel different from the main stream .




joanne :fairy2:

[charlie]

Hello Kirsty!
Accepting my feminine self is easy, I have always had it. I have been expressing it differently though this last year. The complete dressing and going out and being Charlie has evolved. The acceptance there started with leaving my house and closet and interacting with others. Getting positive comments on my outlook, self and looks produced acceptance in myself by myself. I'm no longer guilty of anything. I no longer wish to stop what i am doing because I need to be manly. I'm just me.

[Toni_Lynn]

As strange as it may sound, I learned to accept myself by being an alcoholic and via my strong faith. As a teenager, I recognised the girl within, and oh how I loved her. The hatred, at times in the name of religion, shown toward her lead to guilt and a hatred of my boy self. This in turn lead to booze. It wasn't until I went to AA and got sober that I learned to truly accept and love the girl within. I will also say, possibly to the chagrin of some, that my strong Catholic faith, coupled with the belief that those who hate in God's name are wrong, has also helped in ways beyond measure to stop hurting and hating, not only myself, but others, and realise that God don't make junk and He made me and loves me for the girl that I am. In turn, I thank Him for the great gift of being, shall we say, gender-gifted, that I have been blessed with.

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Holly]

Kristy, let me accproach this from a different perspective and ask you, "How do you reject a part of yourself, those feminine qualites that you know are ingrained into your makeup? How do reject the comfort you feel when you allow yourself to express the full range of who YOU really are? How do you reject the peace that comes from experiencing life as your true self?" Learn to stop rejecting these things and you HAVE ACCEPTED YOURSELF.

[Jonianne]

Holly said it but in an opposite way than I was going to. First, self acceptance comes when we know that our femme self is a part of who we are and is not going to go away. Second, finding someone who we trust, who accepts us just as we are, helps build that self acceptance in our selves that we never got as children. It will take a while, but it is there and you will find it in time.

[Christine Andrews]

Thank you all for the kind responses.

You are right that reading through the topics is very helpful Trisha59,
2b.Lauren & Alice B, they have played a significant role in the progress I have made upto this point and this forum provides the one outlet for this aspect of me - an I am truly greatful to the forum and all of it's members for that.

Also Holly, when you put it like that, it puts acceptance into a new perspective for me since many of the positive traits of my personality and my approach generally to people I believe comes from the feminine side of my personality. Also, Toni_Lynn your experience is also thought provoking and a positive outlook.

Chrissie Renee & MlleErin you are both correct in your attitudes and I believe that in time I may be able to progress to this. MJ, I do only get very limited time so you are right it may take more time and I do express more of this aspect of myself than when I first joined this forum and I am closer to acceptance than when I first joined as a result.

Although I haven't picked out every reply to comment upon, I am truly greatful to all of you for sharing your advice and experiences, you have given me much to think about.

Thank you!
Kirsty

[Virginnia]

accepting what I am inside was very easy. the hard thing for me is keeping it in when sometimes it is screaming to be let out. I suppose I am lucky that my nearest and dearest know so I can be the real me at home when I have permission. the few people I have told have been so accepting and i wonder why it took so long to build up the courage to come out. I do admit that there is still more people to tell and i still have a certain ammount of fear but i can not let that get in the way of the progress i think i am making. love peace and serenity to you. x

[Mydia]

I've always accepted and embraced myself. I've known that I'm trans since I was 7 years old.

[DonnaT]

I have always accepted myself.

Question for you Kirsty. If ALL of society had no problem with anyone's crossdressing, would you still feel guilty?

If not, then your guilt lies with with what others may think, and all you need do is learn to not care what others think. You were born this way, most likely, and shouldn't be ashamed of something you were born with.

[Celeste]

I agree ,others who cast judgment can hurt the way you perceive yourself,so I like to not let them rent space in my head,acceptance for me is understanding that most will never understand the way I feel and That doesn't have to be a bad thing.

[Crystal Galadriel]

I have a problem similar to yours, Kirsty. I started CD when I was a teenager, using my mom and sister's clothes. My parents found out I was doing it and tried to analyze it and wanted to send me a psychologist, so I stopped, at least for a while. For several years, I didn't even have the urge to dress anymore, except for an occasional little bit that I could ignore.

In the past year or so, though, I started wanting to again, and I just couldn't say no. I mostly just dress under my drab, especially since I only own a few pairs of panties and a couple of bras right now. I sleep in them at night, and it's very liberating. It's part of who I am and how I think, and some of my best qualities come from Crystal: I feel like she gives me my sympathy, forgiveness, sensitivity, and how much I care for everyone around me. I couldn't even be the same boy-self as I am without the girl-self too. I've pretty much accepted Crystal, she's a wonderful girl, but I know I could never really introduce her to the world, just let her express herself through me. Hopefully I can introduce her to my SO, I feel like she really needs to know, but that's going to be a hard one. Crystal is very shy, this great community is really the only place where she can peek out a little. I'm really glad this place is here and full of such wonderful ladies.

[jennifer41356]

it has always been a part of me, but after a heartbreaking end to a relationship with a girl i had dated , i missed the femininity and started experimenting with wearing undies and skirts...I one day decided to shave my legs and body hair and really enjoyed the feeling...I had a heavy beard and hated trying to hide it and decided if I was going to have it removed I better think about really getting more involved with my female side and I never have looked backed or regretted a thing

I consider myself lucky to be able to wear womens clothes and go out in the world and be female..i cherish every second and would not trade it for the world:love:

[Kelly Greene]

After first trying to rid myself of cross dressing and realizing that I could not.
I came to the conclusion that I had to do something I had to give myself permission to explore this thing called cross dressing, and let it take me where it may.

[maid phylis]

i have always known that from the beginning that i liked to put on feminine clothing.and from that time i always was trying to deny what i was doing.well since i came out to my wife i have been dressing and going out as my feminine self.now every new year of the jewish callendar ,thay means the high holy days i have to talk to g-d and explain who i am and why i do what i do.i always bare my soul on these days and let him know that i am a good person but this is the way i am and i hope he understands,:love:phylisanne

[Inachis]

In the end, I think it was the support of my wife that helped me finally learn to accept it.

[bimini1]

Wow I could have written this same post word for word, and probably have already. For me I think self-acceptance is not a one time deal or occurence. I have to give it some maintenance. It is something I have to put in work on a daily basis.

There have been some fleeting glimpses of it down thru the years and as I look back on those times I had a totally different mindset. I had to realize that all people are entitled to their feelings and opinions about something.
Someone's judgement says more about them than it does you. It defines them not you. But it hurts all the same when you think all of society is against you. You are hoping to see the world as how you want to see it and not as how it really is. It takes some work. Reading these comments is good but no one will do it for you. The answers come from within not outside of you.

My advice, meditate. Get really quiet and listen to the universe. I seem to know what it takes still it eludes me. You'll have it, and then see or hear something negative that takes you back to square one, I know.
Its not easy. For me as a child I was this person who did what I did, and it did not bother me. I didn't really know what it was deifined as, or what it meant. Then all of a sudden you get older and realize, hey this is not right. I wish I had the acceptance I had of it when I was like 10 years old. But as I aged and got wise to how the world looked at people like me is when I lost it.

It's not fair but is the way the world is towards men who display feminine. It is not going to change anytime soon, it is you who is going to have to change to gain any measure of peace.
People always say well it is you, you were born to be who you are. Society dumps us in the same hellhole as the child molester. Well from what I have seen and read about that, that person is likely not to change either. They say that is the way they were born and these impulses will stay with them whether or not they act on until the day they leave here. They did not ask to be that way either nor can they change it.

I believe in a way it is similar to CD. Only thing is we are not bothering anyone and they are violating the civil rights of another human being, and a child at that. In the psych community both are looked at as paraphilia. This also makes me depressed.

In a weird way I wish I did not know so much intellectual stuff about CD. Just go back to that innocent time when I thought I was the only one in the world who liked to do this, seemed so much more simple. Sometimes I will come on this board and remember some of hte bad things I've heard or said to me and go, wow, how can I be one of these folks, but I am. It seems like I am too good, have too much going for me to be saddled with this madness. Like it makes me less of a person. Society's dirt.

But then there are days when I am on top of the world, proud to be who I am. Those are the days I have created my own little world inside my own head.
I'm rambling.

[harmony]

the mirror is one dimensional.for me it was a mentor-living in england at the time it was a member of the beaumont society(cd support organisation)who let me dress at her house and gently took my hand and led me out in to the world for every one to see and i found acceptance from society at large supplementing the mirror to this day(40 years and some later).

[carhill2mn]

Unfortunately, this is very difficult for many people, especially if you are reciving negative feed back from loved ones, friends, etc. It may take years of praying, educating yourself, examining your real feelings, deciding that despite all of the negative feedback that you are really a good, kind, loving person that just doesn't fit the mold that others want to put you in. You will need to build up your self-esteem. There will be set backs but, you must keep on believing in yourself.
People here can help if you let them.
Good luck!
Hugs, Carole

[Delila]

I am not able to fully accept my fem side otherwise I would be heading toward SRS. I think that one huge part of being comfortable and avoiding the ugly purges is to have someone around you that knows and supports you. This person does not need to be your spouse if you are afraid to come out but even a friend that you could speak with on the phone just to discuss your feelings helps. I personally am completely open with my wife and I am lucky enough that my best friend just happens to be a crossdresser too (pure chance) these people have helped me through some of the harder times. I would recommend finding someone near you that you are comfortable sharing with good times or bad it will make your life much easier.

[Jess_cd32]

Accepting it to yourself doesn't nessesarily mean you have to come out and tell everyone about your being a cd. If you overwhelmingly feel you have to then make an informed choice about what others may percieve and can you live w/ that afterwards.

I accept it fully w/ no guilt, even though I'm staying for now as a closet cd, thats my choice, I don't want to live full time cd-ed.

I accepted it because I simply realized thats how I was born, thats my educated opinion on it, it wasn't a choice thing so why fight it especially when I actually love cd-ing. Good luck on comming to terms w/ it, the sooner, the better you'll feel overall whether you come out or not. Your the main one that has to be pleased w/ it.

[Angie G]

Kirsty first you must realize you doing nothing wrong by dressing it hurts no one. It is who you are a part of you A beautiful part of you I have never not accepted myself ans I;ve been dressing for almost 50 years. It's not durty or perverted if you don't make it be. your doing no harm. just keep being the beautiful person you are, and that is a good person if in male or female mode. Just keep being you.:hugs:
Angie

[PrettyFlowingGown]

I spent years and years in the closet at my Dads home. I was outside in my bungalow, and had to hide all my lingerie/dresses. I went through fear, guilt, etc. It drove me to depression. I had no outlet at all.
Then I met a lady on the internet, who fully accepted me. We are not sexually with each other, but shes darn accepting, and does'nt judge me. I went to visit her on holiday in 2005 in queensland, and 4 months later, I moved up to be with her, and be myself. She is my best friend, and she has a transexual friend too, who is very close to me.
A good caring circle of friends did me wonders. I'm very happy. I accepted myself 3 years ago. My mum comes up once a year, and she does'nt mind me wearing my nightgowns/sleepwear in front of her. Theres no preasure, stress at all. This is my little unit I'm in and I'm comfy. I do as I please. I have'nt been out dressed up here yet, but theres always a first time waiting around the corner.

[Cathytg]

I will answer your question but I will give two bits of advice first:

1.) There are many versions of who or what our feminity is; some say just a side of you; some say a distinct person... Read it all and think about it but remember that you a unique person and nobody can tell you who you are.

2.) Learn to distinguish between shame and embarrassment. Does shame return or are you embarrassed about being dressed? Shame is not good because it suggests that you feel that you are wrong, sick, poorly adjusted or whatever. Embarrassment is pretty normal and deals with what you think others would say. That is not such a big deal.

OK, so for me.... It took 50 years for me to get past the shame part. My Catholic background and blue-collar family upbringing put me into a pretty tight box. But I learned that I was not the only crossdresser in the Western Hemisphere (as you have already learned) and my old attitudes took a huge hit with that realization. Then I began to know that simply being a certain way is not, of itself, either right or wrong; it simply is what it is. If judgment is to be passed by me upon me, it must be based upon what I do about it; not upon who I am. It took years to actually reach a point of peace even though my brain worked it all out a while earlier. But peace did come to me as it will to you. Just let it happen.

As one of the ladies here said: "God don't make junk."

Keep smiling.

[fluffy_kingston]

Realizing there is nothing wrong with it was the first step for me.

The second step was realizing that religion was wrong about it.

Step three? Freedom.

[bgirl]

Once I got past the denial stage, It was all uphill from there! Seriously!
It is a lot of work, and for this girl, worth every minute of it. Its still a struggle. Its not all by itself anymore. It has become just one of the struggles I face in my everyday life. Non of them are easy either. I hate being two people, I am working working on just one. If I ever make it up this hill, I am going to be one strong personm.

[Deborah Jane]

I,m still working towards accepting myself fully, but i,m getting there slowly :)

Being here, making friends and discovering i,m not alone has helped a lot.

[Emma England]

The first thing is to realise that the desire to be feminine is never going to go away, so I might as well embrace it.

Second is not to care about what anyone else thinks (I know this hard and you have to have a strong character).

The third (and most significant) is that others will moan anyway regardless of what I do. When I had my hair short, people were complaining. Now that I have grown it to shoulder length, some people do not like it. If I wear jeans, some would say that I look scruffy - yet if I wore a smart skirt, some do not accept. By not shaving my face, some would say that I am too lazy - yet if I wear makeup, people have trouble with this.

What I realise is that there are many who have a different opinion to mine. Not wrong but different. If I can not please everyone all of the time, then I might as well please myself by doing what I feel like.

When someone answers the question of "why not?", then I may consider stopping dressing in a feminine way. So far, no one in the western world has answered questions such as why cant boys wear skirts, makeup, long hair - why cant girls like football and baseball.

When you know that you are doing nothing wrong, and just being yourself, then acceptance will follow more easily.

[Valerie]

It may be curious, but the one I find difficult to accept is my masculine self. Valerie, I embrace.

Valerie

[Glenda]

As some of the other girls have said, you're not doing anything wrong. I didn't discover I was a crossdresser until I was 45. Not like so many here who have known their whole lives. When I dressed the first time, I knew that this was an integral part of me and always had been. It crystalized so many things that I knew about myself but hadn't ever let myself see. I don't have to worry about years of guilt for doing what I do. I accept myself because I know this is a huge and natural part of me.

That being said, there really is no substitute for having others accept you as well. I am so lucky that I have such a wonderful group of family and friends who are supportive and encouraging for me.

[SexyLatexSamantha]

At first, I had thought I was accepting of my dressing. Then I met my g/f and she showed me that I wasn't truely accepting myself. So, I would have to give credit to her for helping me achieve my total acceptance. She now dresses me and picks clothes out for me when we go shopping. She has totally changed my whole outlook on dressing and who I am.

[Scotty]

I'll actually say that a vast majority of my confidence came from not olnly experience but being up here and being able to share my own experiences with you all :)

[KimberlyS]

How did you learn to accept yourself?

Most of us struggle with this. For me the first step was finding others and knowing I was not the only one. The second big step for me was to no long continuously be asking myself why.

Self acceptance is truly a mental game within your head. Information helps some people. While for others it is mostly just a battle from within.

You must be the first one to fully accept who you are. It really is that simple.

[sterling12]

A big part of accepting myself involved a bit of analysis and logic. I weighed up all the negatives for not accepting whom I am, such as; depression, anxiety, feelings of guilt, pointless purges, a feeling of "phoniness," sleepless nights, restless days, bitterness, envy, and on and on.

But if I just accepted my reality, I could then get on with the rest of my life. I could explore both of our psyche's and do it guilt-=free. I was free to find others like myself, and to make a new life. I didn't have to fear discovery anymore, and on and on.

Inotherwords, "Accepting yourself wins...handsdown!" You may not "feel" like accepting yourself, but if you let your logical mind take over it gets a lot easier, at least it did for me.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[emmicd]

Kirsty,

I like your name and was quite impressed with your writing and would certainly welcome more threads written by you.

In answer to your well written question I had struggled like you for so many years and thought I would always feel ashamed and never accept my crossdressing. However as I matured and married and had a child with my beautiful wife I attempted to stop crossdressing altogether by purging all my feminine clothes for like the 15th time. I was good for 5 years into my marriage but with my son's special needs with his medical condition I got stressed out and worried and fell back into my crossdressing for comfort and escape. Then I realized that my crossdressing helped me and made me feel better and took away the stress. My son is doing better and I love my wife and son very much. I also have come to terms with my crossdressing even though it is in the closet. I will never purge again and welcome the times in private when I do dress. I love expressing the girl from within and I really love girly clothes. I am a crossdresser and I am ok!

Thank you!

emmi
xoxo

[NatalieBliss]

though the task is not.

the desire to accept yourself + time = happiness

at least that is my experiance.

best wishes in your quest :hugs:

[lori m crawford]

i thank they older we as a cd-ts we dont care as much at 20thr40 i was scard to go out dressed but at 55 i dont care no more i have live my life for all they rong pople i am me get over it when i dress it for me not them

[Christine Andrews]

Thank you for the responses.

This forum has helped me immensely as this is the only I can express the whole of myself and communicate with other's who feel the same or similar to me.

Cathytg, your second point is something I may have overlooked, as I might be associating shame and embarrassment to be the the same thing - viewing embarrassment to be a source of shame perhaps?

Emma England & bgirl you are both correct. For a while I've viewed the aspects, masculine and feminine as being seperate and as a result I have been conflicted - which usually occurs at the point where I would achieve what I consider to be self-acceptance - I need to view myself holistically and embrace that these are two integral componants of me - that come together to make me who I am and I believe that the femine side is the source of what I perceive to be my best personality traits. Also, generally I'm usually a headstrong stubborn person and I'm not usually concerned with what others think of but again for some reason I find it difficult to integrate this into my acceptance of the feminine aspect.

KimberlyS, when you said "Self acceptance is truly a mental game within your head. Information helps some people. While for others it is mostly just a battle from within" - this is something that resonates with me and how I have veiwed crossdressing. Also sterling12, your logical approach is the reason I'm working hard on self acceptance and clearing the final hurdle. I think that as many of have stated time will be a helper.

Also thank you emmicd, I can relate to some of what you have said with regards to stopping purging and returning after feeling worry and stress, although I can only imagine the worry and stress you must have felt. Your reply has certainly made me think.

This thread has been really helpful to me and all of your feedback has put alot into perspective about how I defined acceptance - how I associated self-acceptance with coming-out and expressing who I am to the world - and is really helping me to look deeper into myself. Thank you all again for your feedback and experience.

Regards
Kirsty

[Monica Santos]

I learned to accept myself after I purged for the "um'th time".

Monica

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I won't be much help here....because I got into CDing last March and I was fortunate....

I didn't go though the guilt or questioning my feminine side...just felt I wanted to try it and did. I also spoke to my wife first with the idea before trying it because we're upfront with each other on everything and I also wanted and needed her help to do all of this....

But getting back to this whole thing about "accepting yourself"...you have to be able to do that and reach that point on the total package of you and not just on the dressing issue....once you reach the acceptance point of self then the dressing issue should not be a problem or much of one....it will be more of a learning process to bring out your full and best female side....looks style etc....

How do you get to that point of accepting yourself???? Now that's the "toughfy"....

First of all you have ot go inside yourself....examine what you are...who you are why you are and how you are...and not neccessairily in that order...each question will raise 10 fold in additional questions and these questions all have to be examined and identified..almsot like re-programming a computer....with each question being byte of information...now once you get it all programmmed you'll be g0od to go....

Once you become aware of all of these points/bytes then you have to give yourself permission to be who you are and all of that....

Then it becomes a life long (or at least from that point on) process to be true to yourself....and only when you become true to yourself can you be true to others....

Simply said but hard to acheive....it takes work honesty and the ability to realize what you are and who you are is what makes you you and each of us is unique to this world and this thing we call life....

Good luck....

[Jocelyn Renee]

Christy, I believe your answer is in your own question. When you accept yourself, however briefly, you become optimistic, happy with yourself, and confident. When you don't accept, you become paralyzed with guilt and fear. Which mode of living is the sane, rational choice? I may not know WHY we are here, but I'm confident that it was NOT so we could spend our brief time on earth hating ourselves.

[TGMarla]

I'm not really sure that I've completely accepted it myself. But I also feel that I'm at a comfortable level of self-acceptance. It took me my whole life (so far) to get to the point that I am at right now. (Duh!) I came to realize that this is not going to go away. It's not a phase, or a hobby. It's a manifestation of a part of me that is always going to be with me. If I don't crossdress, I don't feel complete. I get a little sad, and have a longing to dress. It's always been this way to me, and I have every reason to believe that it's not going to change much.

So I accept those things. And so I accept myself for who I am, and how it is for me in this regard. And since I came to this acceptance, much of which happened since I became a member here, dressing up has been a whole lot more fun and enjoyable.

[unclejoann]

For me, I realized that I never will get acceptance from my wife, so it is up to me to either accept who I am or to live in denial or depression. I decided that I want to look at the sky and hear the birds singing, I am not going to stare at my shoes.

[mykhelee]

I have purged my collection several times over the years..the last timewas in March when I began to drive otr-long haul. I now realize that this is part of who I am and have admitted it to a few friends, some chose to become former friends...live and learn:o. Looking for any sort of employment that I can afford another place of my own. Even to be home every few weeks so I can let Khelli come out. So I guess it took me 25 years to admit it to myself.
Have only went public once...I PASSED. Such a lot of work, had the help of some of my more understanding gf's. I do not know any others aside from my sisters here who cd. Can only go over to a very few friends dressed, usually after I arrive. I live in a very scary redneck area of MI.
Sometimes you have to decide who you are, I am Me and Khelli.
Peace:battingeyelashes:

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I just simply got tired of trying to fight this part of me for my entire life, and all of the stress, anxiety, it caused. In the end trying to fight this part of me litterly "blew up" in my face.

Even though I accept this side of me I still consider it an ongoing process with how far I want to go with it. Also having a supportive wife, and this forum have helped greatly with my acceptance.

[Stephanie Scott]

1. Acknowledging it as being part of who God made me

2. Reconciling it w/my Christian faith rather than trying to hide from God

3. Telling my wife and kids

4. Giving the girl side of myself to Jesus also

[Carly D.]

"I can accept myself, can you accept me as..." I don't know if I have accepted myself as a cross dresser because I am so secret about it, still in the closet, still afraid what my family/friends will say... I want to tell but as I've said before "once the genie is out of the bottle.." you can't go back from that point.. there is no redo or clock turn back option on life.. so I think long and hard about could they (my family/anybody) accept me.. would they?? can I?? have I?? the answer as I see it is a big resounding NO!! am I emberassed about it?? I think for whatever the reason that I am emberassed about it.. why? I don't know.. everytime I think I'll just leave this or that out a bit just to see if a family member will see it and ask what's that doing there?? but then chicken out... I do these evaluations on my myspace every month or so and write my thoughts on who might could possibly be told in the family and would they be alright with the information and every month it seems I feel like I could tell either my older brother or my mom but I think that has changed to nobody now.. I don't feel comfortable with anyone knowing..

[Hali]

I couldnt accept myself being a CD for long time, i benefited imensely from being a guy, am a role model for GODs sakes, am nt that a hunk of a guy but a got a fair share of the finest chicks i've known, actually i thot women were kind of "nuts" for trying to confuse men and themselves by being indecisive/demanding too much attention/worrying about how they look/being fussy/too emotional ............etc

.......but i gradually became obsessed with nice nails, then how women are so nice and gentle, so caring............as i started listening i realised that all my life i have been fighting not have nice nails, not to be gentle, not to care, so i said i wont fight those things .........then the whole CD thing started piling up...........from nails it graduated to wanting to wear nail polish, then lipstick (it really started as a joke even though a have a short history of CDing i.e my sister was dressing me up), then wearing a dress, then wanting a nice figure, then getting slimmer, then buying a wig, then goin out en femme, then posting my photos on some Tg websites......................

then thinking about men oops am i?

My most important boost in accepting myself came after joinin Crossdressers.com (Male-to-Female) i became "unplugged". I started posting photos immediately after joining this forum.

[2B Natasha]

TG Marla and Carly D have said how I feel. Do I accept myself? Yes. Will others? I think the better question is, will they ever get a chance to? I don't know. I am happy for now with who I am and what I am about. Maybe someday, and maybe soon, I will go beyond this point. I have to say I am just beginning to come out of my shell with myself and I don't know what quality strand of pearls I will be.

[Schatten Lupus]

I guess after years of acceptance, purging, denial, and then accepting a little more, purging, denial, and repeating, I just got worn out of all denial.