Has Anyone Ever Been Asked...?

[Lisa Maren]

Hi Everyone

Forgive me for talking a bit about religion (and for the length of this post), but I have a genuine question for anyone who has advice to offer. :confused:

This afternoon, at my brother and his wife's house, my brother's wife told me that they'd like me to be the godfather of their three-month-old baby girl. I'm thrilled about that. I spend time with her (including a couple of hours today just feeding/burping/letting her fall asleep in my arms) and we're all close, my whole family and theirs. The baby girl is just so adorable!

On the way home, in the car, it occurred to me that they do not know I'm a crossdresser (and possibly transgendered to some extent). Welllll my mother "knows" but the last she heard was several years ago when I told her I'd made the decision to stop crossdressing. Pffffffff! Yyyyyyyeah, apparently that wasn't the right decision! ::Puts on his dress:: lol

Anyhoo!

For those who aren't Catholic or don't know, the purpose of being a godfather is that should the child be orphaned, you would then care for the child (it's also, traditionally, to ensure that the child's religious education continue, but these days it's mostly about caring for the child).

Now, I know that this must technically be documented and specified through legal means (i.e. their wills) and that the little girl's mother tells me it's "just a title" and they're not really making a big thing about it. They're not baptising the child through a Catholic ceremony but rather through what's called "baptism by desire" which just means, in simplest terms, that if you look up to God and tell Him you want His baptism then you have it. I'm not sure of their reason for doing it that way but I do know the Catholic church would not allow me to be a godfather (even crossdressing aside) simply on the grounds that I'm Episcopalian, not Catholic.

Do you think the parents should know I'm a crossdresser? I rather feel they should. That is, if they're at all serious about the concept of me looking after their daughter should she be orphaned, then I feel they should know. I'm pretty scared of telling them, though. I guess I'm just worried (has any of us not been?) about how various members of my family might react if they found out). It's also possible that my parents (the little girl's grandparents) would take over raising her -- especially since I'm still single.

Has anyone else been asked to be a godfather? What did you do? Did you find out what is specified in their will first? Thanks for any advice!

Hugs
Lisa

[azure]

nothing!!! stay friendly, nice old uncle______ (I know your auntie, but just grit you teeth) People make catasrophic assumptions and attributions, and you'll probably be very hurt, by the over protective relative syndrome.

[kathy gg]

Hi Lisa,

I think you shoudl frankly ask them that if something happen (Gof forbid) you need to know exactly what their wishes are. Yes indeed you may be Godfather in name and in feelings, but they may wish like you 'think' that she be raised by grandparents. You need to only confirm this assumption. If they want you her Godfather in name and in action (to raise her) you need to clarify this.

I have to say I am surpirsed that they have not clarified this. In our familys case we named close friends of ours her Godparents and also asked them that if they would in fact raise her if something did happen to both of us. They agreed to both terms. I am an only child and my folks are too old, my hubbys side has a sister that does not approve of the dressing. I did not want our kid (if per chance we died) to grow up not knowing 'all' of who we are. So that is why we wanted to name people who know us fully and will explain our life in a positive manner.

I know this does not have alot to do with your situation. But I think most people who name godparents have to explain what exactly their inentions are. If you will not have any financial responsiblity to raise their child if something happens, honeslty they dont' need to know (about thecd stuff) . If it turns out they do want you to raise her, then you can re-evaluate what is more imporant. your privacy or the title of godfather.

hugs
kathy in canada

[Stephanie]

I'd probably NOT tell them. There just seem to be too many misperceptions and needless anxieties about crossdressing to make the disclosure easy (or comfortable) for everybody, especially in a situation like this. If you are planning on transitioning (TS), then you should definitely discuss THAT with them (as well as your parents) but if you just crossdress occasionally and discreetly and your relationship with your relatives won't be negatively affected by not telling them, then I wouldn't worry about it. I only disclose my crossdressing to those people whom I feel NEED to know about it and very few people fit into this category (at least for me). Congratulations on being named as god(father/mother) to your brother's child! :D

[Sweet Jeanette]

Im not sure why religion is even entering the forum, but I guess most everything goes here.-----I am Catholic, and I had a Godfather, but he is long dead, and I don't even remember much about it!----He was my Uncle Jim. -----That was back in the 60s.------I forget.

[Cissy Suzie]

I am Godfather to my sister's twin boys, she didn't know about my little "habit" and until recently I saw no reason to tell her, but recently I did tell her everything.

Actually, I was on the phone with her, I had told her months ago that we needed to have a talk. She lives far from me, but we talk almost daily. She asked me what we needed to talk about, since we wouldn't be together for a while, and I just told her to go sit at her computer and wait for an email. I sent her a pic of Suzie. We had a long talk about Suzie :eek:

Three days later I got a card in the mail, the cover had a pug dog, ugly as could be with a little flowered hat on. Inside my sister wrote "Sometimes you just need to feel pretty! I love you!"

Nothing has changed, she is still my sister, I am still her children's Godfather, and I am a lot happier. So is she so she tells me, she said it was just sad that I had hidden this for 46 years.

I don't know your family, or you, but ... I kind of went out on that limb and it was a good thing for me. I hope if you do it will be as good for you. :)

[Mandy Salamander]

Doubt that this will help but might as well throw it out, something to consider, I guess, I was godfather many years ago, sometime later parents found out I was TG, haven't spoken to me since, don't know what would have happened if....but do miss all my little nieces.

[Andrea]

Whilst I am not a Catholic may I suggest that if you are worried by this that you speak to someone from your church (priest ?) you could do this in confidence and know that the parents would not get to know should your worries be unfounded.

Andrea

[Lisa Maren]

Hi Everyone

Thanx for your good answers! I think I'm going to try to find out more and then decide. I'm not necessarily sure I'll need to say anything about my CDing. She did say it was "just a title" after all.

Hugs
Lisa

[Sharon]

I'm a godfather four times now, LisaMeaghan, and it's just an honorary thing for me.

[Cheree]

Lisa....................Some things are BETTER left unsaid! I'm catholic and absolutely sure God is forgiving towards me. Thats all I have to say about that! Huggz and may God bless and keep you safe.

[Rachel Morley]

Hi Cissy Suzie,

What a lovely post. I love the image of the pug dog and the hat.
Just wanted to let you know it made me smile. :)

As to Lisa's post.....I wouldn't say anything if I was you. I'm a Godfather too....way too scary for me to mention anything.

Angel