um, hello? i could use the help...

[BananaFish]

hey um, i've been crossdressing since i was 13 (and new to these forums), anyways, it's hard for me and i have billions of questions...

I crossdress, but i don't have really a reason(for some reason i love to put on bras and stuff them, then just put on a shirt and pants and just read in my room...i dunno whats up with me), i've had MANY of my open-minded friends say that it's probably because i want a companion (single, yeah, it's hard)

another is that my father is like SUPER CATHOLIC, i'm afraid if i'm out to him about my Crossdressing, then he might whoop me or think i'm gay...and since i lost my apartment and having a hard time finding a job...i live with my folks

I feel as though i can't go public with this, i'm not really an attractive guy, and i don't think going out would be beneficial, i'm not a fighter...and people already stare at me (being a nerd i'm used to it,but i CD in the privacy of my own room, and have yet been caught)

i just don't know what to do...i feel like if i do this i'm gay, but i LOOOOOOVE women as much as the next guy does...i dunno how my friends and family would handle it...most of the women i know are all cool with me...but i'm more fearful of the guys...i mean yes i dress like a guy sometimes because hey i do admit, i need to feel manly once in a while, but please, i could use the help, perhaps someone could give me clarity.:sad:

[TommiTN]

You're going through what nine tenths of us went through at some time. You don't really need a reason to CD other than your own enjoyment of it. As for the gay thing, most CDers aren't gay. And if you happen to actually be gay or bi, so what? As long as you're not an axe murderer or something like that then no harm, no foul. You have friends on this forum who will support you as much as possible and get you through this. BTW, welcome!

[suzy cool]

Welcome.
The first thing to do is understand that sexuality is not directly related to being a crossdresser any more than it has to do with someone being a golfer or a football fan. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean they all secretly wear women's clothing does it? Well it works the other way too. You might be gay, you might not, it doesn't matter, but one does not automatically go hand in hand with the other. It's only public ignorance of the subject that leads people to think that a CD must be gay.

[Deborah Jane]

Hi, welcome to the forum :)
Like Tammi said, most of us have been through what you,re going through now without ever finding a reason for it.
Not all c/ders are gay, it,s probably the same percentage as the rest of the population, so don,t worry about it.

Read through the threads, make a few new friends here, you,ll probably find we,re all very similar, while at the same time totally differant!

[docrobbysherry]

I think there may be some truth to what say about CDing and being alone. The more alone, private time I have, the more I dwell on dressing up, and related thots.

I believe if I had a girlfriend, I would take a step back from my CDing. However, it's just a theory. But it makes sense. If u have a lot of idle time on your hands-----? I figure CDing is equal or better to watching TV, anyway!? Rite? :heehee:

[Bethany38]

Hey Bananafish,

What you are going through are the normal feelings and conflicts I would dare say about 90% of all cd'ers have gone through at one time or another. As for the gay thing I would'nt worry too much about that. If you're not than you're not and vise-versa. As for being in the closet. Stay there until you are comfortable. As for your father, well, My father never knew about my crossdressing. I have not told my mother either. I have told my wife and that's the only person I have ever told. She is very supportive and helpful. Basically if you're happy cd'ing than go ahead and do it. You are not hurting anyone, and from my own experience it has helped me to grow as a person. I am able to understand a whole lot more about me than I ever have in my whole life. I hope this has helped somewhat and have a great day.

[Alice B]

You are not gay and you are not abnormal. Reading this forum will make that clear. Just enjoy what you do when you can and leave the worry for more important matters.

[trisha59]

Your quite normal. As you read through the pages of this forum you will fin many of us are just or were just like you. My dad caught me once when I was about six so maybe he knew but I never told my parents about my cd. And I have no guilt about that.
Trisha

[Tasha McIntyre]

Hey banana.

I agree with the other posts, and believe me, we have all been in your situation to some degree.

Neither of my parents know / knew about my crossdressing - or i should say I didn't tell them. My mother probably pickup up on some clues but didn't mention anything.

I would be very careful about who you come out to. One false move, and you're outed to the world which could be an uncomfortable place for you.

My wife is the only one who knows about me, and I remain firmly in the closet for the time being (except for the wonderful girls on this site of course).

My advice is for you to keep reading the threads on this site, and to become more at ease and understanding of yourself. The best thing is that if you need advice or just want to share your thoughts, we are always only a mouse click away.

Have fun :) .....Tash

[_Cecilie_]

It's not so long ago I was in your shoes. I was a nerd and was not popular among the girls. I asked myself the gay question a million times, everytime coming up with straight. I then grew older. Finally got a girlfriend or two, and then I got together with my now wife and she's the only one who knows about my cding and my life is great. It's a process that's hard to go through, but in my case it's been rewarding. Now I'm 28 and it keeps getting better.

[Jennifer Brooks]

Those are all natural feelings at the beginning and during this great ride. I found that this forum is a great start as far as connecting with people. When I get confused about stuff I find myself here and go through the archives to answer my questions or just reply to topics that I can lend a hand on. Hang in there and connect with as many of us as you can. The ladies here will guide you along just fine.

[Hinata]

I still question why. But I don't get hung up on it. Be who you are. And if you have questions that aren't answerd by the older posts, then ask them. A closet is a comfortable place to be, if the world scares you. I should know, the world scares the hell out of me. But please be at peace with yourself, it takes time to adjust. As there are as many fish in the sea, there are as many differant people in the world. Be who you are, and not what they want you to be. It will be hard don't get me wrong. The whole gay thing is in your court, if your not than your not. The purpose of acting straight male is fitting in with the group so you don't give away the truth. Be the male that others see you as. The female that you want to be is something that you will have to come to terms with.Be who you are in the bedroom, or the closet, it makes no differance. As long as you are happy with yourself, be damned what others may think. :2c:
Just a p.m away
Hinata :hugs:

[charlie]

Hello Bannanafish!
Almost everyone on this forum has worn our feminine clothes, taken them off, felt guilty..unmanly..gay..etc and tossed out our clothes saying that we will never wear ladies clothes again. time passes and we just repurchase the things that we tossed out! You are not abnormal here. Society and your Father may not understand, but you are not clinically abnormal. You are a cross dresser, period. Welcome to the club and welcome to the forum. Glad you found us here!

[Inachis]

Oh sweetie I feel your pain. It sounds like you are in a very bad place. Please know that you are not gay. These feelings that you have are completely natural. I used to have many questions like yourself, but eventually you will answer all of these questions in due time. I cannot blame you for not wanting to out yourself, but you have to know that you will get caught at some point it is inevitable.

You have a large bastion of friends here who completely understand. The first thing that you have to do is be accepting of yourself. It is only then that you will know what to do next. If you have anything that you wish to talk about you can always send me a message, or ask the more veteran persons on this site.:hugs:

[Marissa Mae]

I can relate! All of us can at some time or another. What really helped me take the first step and realize that I was OK was when I realized that "dressing doesn't hurt ANYONE!" Not you, not your family, no one! Sometimes you need to think about numero uno: you! Don't worry about what others think, just go with it, relax :) If you have to keep it secret, then do it (aka being in the closet) until you have the freedom. Be careful, but NEVER feel guilty about what you do, because there are worst things out there!

Hope that helps a little bit :o

Marissa

[Tracii G]

Well said by everybody.Its not wrong or illegal so what the deal?Just do what makes you feel good and take your time to sort out YOU.
You can ask anything here I mean anything.
We are like you only different CDing won't make you gay so don't worry.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Hey banana fish, I looked at your picture and you sell yourself too short, you look OK and not "nerdy". As for the crossdressing, welcome to the forum. My parents don't know nor would they ever suspect it from me. You need to do what works for you. I know that if I had it to do over I would have been out in the open for the last 30 plus years, just love it so much and wish I could have lived the life of a full time Cd. Oh to be 22 again!!!!

[Tracii G]

Nothing wrong with the way you look, think of it as a blank canvas to create a beautiful woman.
I like nerds they fix my pc with I break it.LOL
Just go for it and see what happens.

[BananaFish]

thats cool, thanks for the help ya'll, i just know that one of my favorite comedians, Eddie Izzard, does it, so hey i'm ok with it now, just that i just don't want to make my dad angry, i mean i know i shouldn't let people get me down, but this is the guy who brought me into the world, who cared for me when i was younger...i want to make him happy

Being an amatuer stand-up comedian myself, i know how important it is for people to see your image, to keep a type of name...Carlos mencia, Dane Cook, and a few other comedians have to keep an image about themselves.

I know i might make a pretty smexy girl, but again, the public awareness is the one thing i wish i could do, i'm only CDing from the neck down...so i don't do the wig and make-up, i dunno how to apply it properly anyways (no sisters or any other siblings, so yeah) but i'm glad that i am "normal" in some standards...i've always strived to be weird and different, i'm a silly kind of guy, and i understand now. :D

[fluffy_kingston]

Stop beating yourself up and just enjoy it. The first step is to realize there is nothing wrong with it.

[Ria]

Enjoy yourself, god played a little practical joke on you. Tell your dad that if he found out. Then tell him its a deep rooted compulsion that can't be turned off. There is tons of proof of this online.

I wouldn't "go public" with this hobby. It's your secret and until your living arrangment allows you dress away from your parents, keep it under wraps. You need shelter and food 1st, then comes crossdressing.

As far as other guys hasling you, don't give them the opportunity. Why subject yourself to possible harm over clothing. You need stratagy. Pick a time and place to go out dressed up. Halloween is so great for this very reason!

Freedom of expression is a wonderful thing, but what price are you willing to pay for it? Getting beat up, divorced, fired or kicked out of your house is not worth the pay-off. Keep your life in perspective.

Good luck

[Roberta Marie]

You have gotten some great responses. I wish that I had resources like this group when I was your age. It took me 45 years of living in the closet, thinking that I was a freakish perv, before I found out that gender identity is different from sexual oientation is different from biological sex.

As a father with kids that are probably close to your age, I commend you for wanting to honor your father. I too, have had and still have fears about my father finding out. But as a father, I know that there is not much that any of my kids could tell me that would make me love them any less. I might be angry for a while, or disapointed, but I would still love them. And knowing in my heart that my father feels the same way, the thought of him finding out scares the crap out of me.

As for the Catholic thing, I have come to the understanding, after considerable prayer and research, that crossdressing is not a sin. What you do with crossdressing may be, or may not be a sin. I have come to see my being transgendered as a gift, and looking back at my life, I can see where it has benifited me, usually without my realizing it at the time.

I'm sure that, like me, you did not just wake up one morning and decide that you are a crossdresser. We are "wired" this way. While physiology has yet to be figured out, it is widely accepted that we are born this way.

Hope this helps.

Grace,
Bobbi

[BananaFish]

I'm quite surprised about all this...i never knew...i felt like a scarecrow in a field...like no matter what i did, i was alone...it's great to know that i'm nt a freak or a pervert...though being a man it's kind of hard hehe

One thing that has been bothering me though, my strive for a female companionship...i love my mom to death, as any man should, but it's just, not enough ya know? i don't like wandering this world alone, to feel so alone in a world were everyone looks at you like your a plagued monster...trust me, i'm a geek, i know what it's like to be invisible...

but something comes to me, and being smart i wish i had answers...

Perhaps, being in touch with my feminine side helps me with my Chivalry...i see through different eyes when i CD...it's quite intriguing to know as an intellectual

But the women i talk to, it's odd really, none of the local girls here in Aurora (Colorado, not Illioinis) don't seem to like me, what is with all the out-of-state girls that tend to be all crazy about me...it's quite uncomfortable...

i know you all: "But Bananafish, they like you!"

it's hard to understand i know...but look...i'm used to being invisible, i'm used to being pushed aside...i've grown bitter in the fact that no matter what i do, i'm not good enough...

I think that is the biggest reason i CD most of the time...i feel as though i'm a different person...that understands...i know women have been through alot...but i've always imagined my "dream girl"...in hopes that one day i could find the one that cares for me so...even if i do CD...just afraid to freak out the wrong girl...she outs me, and i get shunned by everyone i know...i'm a social butterfly...

Any advice ya'll can grab for me? :Pullhair:

[Jess_cd32]

Just sort thru one thing at a time BF, alot here have similar problems like your having. I think telling your Catholic Dad would go over like a lead balloon, any reason he really should know anyway about your cd-ing? Would you really want to know all about his personal life?, see were I'm going w/ this, some things are better left alone.

Good luck on finding the answers your looking for, you should learn alot here, welcome to the forum BF.

[Tracii G]

Well BF you seem cool to me. Having a sense of humor is a good thing plus it helps you look at the world in a different light.Being able to see humor everywhere is a gift.
I'm a goofy guy too so don't feel alone.I always make people laugh.Take my wife ....please.

[mykhelee]

Hey there BF, you have the right tude and a good outlook. As far your dad, fuggetaboudit. When I came out 4 yrs ago, most of my catholic friends said I was a lost soul and have not spoken to me since.
As far as dressing from the neck down, I dress from the mind out. Because of my current living arrangements, panties and hose are as far as I can usually go. It's all in the head.
As far as being outed by an ex...sucks been there, b&d, not cd. Funny what people can accept sometimes...just be oh so very careful about who you let know. This site has helped me keep it all together a few times, many very cool people here.