Theory: Crossdressing to fill a relationship void

[Katrina82]

I was thinking that perhaps a part of the reason some of us CD is loneliness. We're single and trying to fill the void of a woman being in our life by becoming that woman. Just a theory though...

So lets see.

[Beth-Lock]

It was rejection which was part of what drove me to take the big step towards trying to do it more seriously, frequently and even overtly.

[Nadia-Maria]

Of course one can find such cases : either crossdressing makes loneliness, or loneliness makes crossdressing.

I observe that, in most cases, it's not crossdressing that makes loneliness, or loneliness that makes crossdressing.

I believe loneliness makes basically crossdressing easier ; hence it may often enhance crossdressing.

Hugs

Nadia

[Kate Simmons]

It's possible I guess. I believe it's just in the nature of most of us to explore that part of ourselves. Just being XY does not necessarily make a person a man just as being XX does not necessarily make a person a woman.:)

[Sammy777]

I was thinking that perhaps a part of the reason some of us CD is loneliness. We're single and trying to fill the void of a woman being in our life by becoming that woman.

That is like trying to prove false positive or a double negative.

A] When you are with someone [and don't dress around them] you tend to dress less.
B] When you are alone you tend to dress more.

Using either statement [A or B] they both appear to prove your point.
Using both statements [A & B] they appear to draw conclusions to your statement and give it merit.

However, neither statement takes into account the amount of time allocated to one or both tasks in a given week.
So if you allocate all of your free time, say, 10hrs a week to dressing.
It is then impossible to use all 10hrs a week for dressing if, say, 5hrs of that time is needed for your GF.

You can say that you now dress half as much as you did when you were single, 5hrs compared to 10hrs.
That in it self would be a positive statement.

You can also say that you still use 100% of your free time [the 5 remaining hrs] to dress.
That in it self would also be a positive statement.

Each statement on it's own is a positive statement, but when you use them together they conflict.

So to answer your question:
Do I dress less when I have a GF: Yes
Do I dress more when I am single: Yes

So is the reason I dress more when I am single because I am single,
or is it because I do not have a GF at that given time.

Neither statement above can either prove or disprove the other.

*************** DISCLAIMER ***************
I wrote this more out of boredom then anything else.
It is in no way meant to harm you or otherwise belittle the answers you set out to find.
It's just an example of what happens when you drink way to much coffee at 4:30AM LOL

[vivianann]

I am single however I am lonely no matter how I am dressed

[Nicki B]

Of course one can find such cases : either crossdressing makes loneliness, or loneliness makes crossdressing.

I observe that, in most cases, it's not crossdressing that makes loneliness, or loneliness that makes crossdressing.

I believe loneliness makes basically crossdressing easier ; hence it may often enhance crossdressing.

Hugs

Nadia

Absolutely.. :yt:


Being trans usually makes us dislike ourselves and feel guilty - not the best self view to be able to build happy and successful relationships with other people?

[Deborah Jane]

I don,t crossdress because i,m single and lonely.
I crossdress because its part of who i am and staying single makes it,s easier to be myself!

I,ve been married [same woman 27 years] and i,ve had relationships with women since and i always end up feeling i,m having to be something i,m not to keep everyone else happy. Unfortunately it means i end up unable to express my "true" self, which ends up making me unhappy!

[Lawren]

For a long time when I was still single my excuse was, "If I have to play both male and female roles in my household, then I will dress for both parts". I never connected it with being lonely, though.

[RachelDenise]

Crossdressing for me has led to my my lonliness. The wife doesn't accept it and it has ruined our relationship. No intamcy and no real understanding. She has in effect rejected me because of my femme side.

[garyunsure]

just to say when i was with gg dressing was less but still went femme when ever i could idont think is being lonely that makes you do it just is. in fact it can make you more lonley if you dont come to terms with it and hide it that is why i joined this forum and now imvu it makes us stronger and to those that go full their the strogest of us all thanx :)gina

[Samantha43]

The last time I was lonely was before I was married, over 20 years ago. I lived alone in an apartment and dressed frequently. I think that was an act of bordom more than an increased need to dress. I have a supportive wife who knew about my crossdressing before we were married. I did dress less after marriage, but I think that is because I had someone to share my life with. I didn't think about crossdressing as much. There have been times in my life when crossdressing was very important, and I did it frequently and other times when I have gone for years without dressing and didn't really miss it.

[Teri Jean]

The loneliness I felt has not been because of dressing but the loss of ones wife. CDing has really been a blessing and the freedom to express that has opened a door I held shut for to long. If and when I find an SO it will have to be with the understanding I love this side of my life and hopes she can too. Hugs:-) Keli

[Sam44]

Conversely it was dating my now wife that caused my crossdressing to flourish. I used to have a few "granny panties" and generic playtex bras but talking to my wife and feeling her acceptance of me as I am encouraged me to crossdress more and more. We enjoy shopping for underwear for each other and now and then she even gets me some women's outerwear.

I don't mean to imply that things are perfect, but it certainly wasn't loneliness that caused me to dress more.

On the other hand when work was more stressful I did note that I liked being "bundled" up a little more, say in shapewear or multiple bras...

[AliciaWeb]

That is like trying to prove false positive or a double negative.

A] When you are with someone [and don't dress around them] you tend to dress less.
B] When you are alone you tend to dress more.

Using either statement [A or B] they both appear to prove your point.
Using both statements [A & B] they appear to draw conclusions to your statement and give it merit.

However, neither statement takes into account the amount of time allocated to one or both tasks in a given week.
So if you allocate all of your free time, say, 10hrs a week to dressing.
It is then impossible to use all 10hrs a week for dressing if, say, 5hrs of that time is needed for your GF.

You can say that you now dress half as much as you did when you were single, 5hrs compared to 10hrs.
That in it self would be a positive statement.

You can also say that you still use 100% of your free time [the 5 remaining hrs] to dress.
That in it self would also be a positive statement.

Each statement on it's own is a positive statement, but when you use them together they conflict.

So to answer your question:
Do I dress less when I have a GF: Yes
Do I dress more when I am single: Yes

So is the reason I dress more when I am single because I am single,
or is it because I do not have a GF at that given time.

Neither statement above can either prove or disprove the other.

*************** DISCLAIMER ***************
I wrote this more out of boredom then anything else.
It is in no way meant to harm you or otherwise belittle the answers you set out to find.
It's just an example of what happens when you drink way to much coffee at 4:30AM LOL

Hey Samantha, go get your philosophy degree or, perhaps we could work this up into the basis for a PhD research topic.
Sorry too much gin and couldn't resist anything at the moment.

[katrinacd]

I will have to say that my crossdressing desires seemed to spike after my married sex life took a tumble and my wife stopped dressing as feminine as she used to. Then again, maybe I had just repressed myself for so long and it was time for my feelings to come out. An excellent question you pose.

[mykhelee]

Until recently I had my own home out in the country. After the dissolution of my marriage I began to dress on the weekends..Friday evening through Sunday night. As I was in the boonies, company was rare and usually pre-planned. Any guests non accepting were relegated to weeknight visits. Lonely..not really, will continue to hold out for an SO that can accept me for me.

I cross dress because it is part of who I am, I have done it since 12 years of age. :daydreaming:

[docrobbysherry]

As Samamtha says? I'm sure there's some truth to that for me.
And there's certainly some truth that being single, I dress more than I would if I had an SO.

Katrina, maybe your poll should have asked if,
" Single folks DESIRE to dress more than those with an SO?" :)

[MWCMDarlene]

Katrina,

I voted that I am currently in a relationship (happily married for over 22 years at least for me, now the wife may say somewhat less:laughing:). When I dress, I don't domit because I am lonely, I dress because that's what I want to do, for i enjoy dressing in women's clothes, whether it is just panties, or a bra and boobs, or the whole garb.

[Rachel Morley]

I only developed and embraced my CDing and became a more "serious crossdresser" after I met my wife so I guess your theory doesn't really apply to me (?). In fact, had I of not met my wife I would have probably gone further away from it. I was already contemplating going into therapy for it and was about to purge. Before I met her all I wanted was for it to go away. Now look at "what she's done" to/for me. :D

[Carin]

My loneliness is not related to my dressing.

My transgendered makes it easier to be alone. At least I have my whole self to keep me company.

[suzy cool]

I'm not sure. If she wore exactly what I like, I'd either dress less because I was stimulated enough, or want to join in. so...I don't know.

[Vicki65]

I wouldn't say I'm lonely. I have a good circle of friends, a wonderful wife, kids (those small creatures who live upstairs) etc.

I dont think it was loneliness that made me do it either, though obviously its easier to dress when alone.

I dont equate being alone with loneliness though...

I am what I am, and whilst there are probably plenty of deepset psychological / medical reasons which can be pointed to to explain why crossdressers crossdress, I dont think loneliness would be high on the list.

I'm convinced one of the more obvious reasons for me is the aesthetics of womens clothes / women. Women's bodies are so much more aesthetically pleasing than mens, as are their clothes. The shape of a well cut pair of tight fitting womens jeans against the dull straight leg of mens, the sweep of a curvy stiletto heel, and the sensual point of a toe compared to a blocky shapeless mens shoe... I could go on - and usually do!:D

[Dr.Susan]

That is exactly why I started many years ago.

[Jennifer Brooks]

My CDing and sexual exploring really exploded onto the scene in 2004 when my wife and I really didn't get along. We still don't but I won't cheat to fill the void so I feel at times my CDing has filled the void because of being lonely and just wanting to be with a woman. But it's not the entire reason I've been a CD for 33 years. I just love wearing woman's clothing and such. :heehee:

[Karren H]

Trying real hard to remember what big relationship void I had when I was 7? Lol

[Toni_Lynn]

My mum used to throw this at me when I was teen -- that if I had a girlfriend I wouldn't crossdress. Then in my 20s, when I was still at it and out-ed to my entire family by a cousin, I was told that I couldn't be a CDer because I'd, 'been with a girl', in other words, wasn't a virgin. BTW -- I won't go into how she knew this, but rest assured it wasn't a bad reason like I got someone pregnant, but rather questions at the end of an engagement.

In any event, I've proved her wrong in all cases -- cause now that I'm married and in a relationship with a woman who accepts me 100% - I crossdress more than ever.

It just wasn't that much fun doing it alone!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Valerie]

I am sure you could ask all sorts of questions in which one could establish a relation between loneliness and anything. Most people feel lonely some of the time. (Do you collect stamps because you are lonely?) On the other hand, cross dressing is not precisely a social activity, but not because of its nature, but because of the prejudices of society. I suspect that a party of cross dressers (I would love to attend one) would be a blast.

Valerie

[DeeInGeorgia]

I thought it was related partly to loneliness, and loneliness does drive the need sometimes, but my first time I tried on my sister's petticoat, it was not due to loneliness and rejection.

I had a pillow that dressed in women's clothes nearly as much as I did (just kidding, but it did get dressed a bunch) for me to cuddle in bed at night.

CDing was a comfort for many years as I was single, but after getting married, I found that dressing went deeper than I thought.

Dee

[Raquel June]

Whether or not they're single the majority of CDs I've met are suffering from emotional abandonment. Sometimes they're single and lonely. More often they have seriously cold wives or went through a bad divorce. I also know three CDs whose wives died, and that's when they went from rarely putting on a pair of panties to going out en femme several times a week.

Most of us CDd when we were very young. I did. And I really really wanted to be a girl, too, but I probably did crossdressing-like things under 50 times in the course of 30 years. We're talking silly stuff like trying on my SO's new top when she wasn't around.

I like to tell myself that I dress up a lot now because it makes me happy and I'm single and I have that freedom since I live alone, but there's more to it than that. The truth is that it helped me deal with things when the love of my life broke my heart and I was suicidal.

[battybattybats]

I thought that my CDing was compensation for loneliness.

When i started getting serious I told them about the occassional CDing in the past in case that wasn't the case but told them i thought it'd go away as i had someone else in my life.

It seemed true...

For about 6 months. Then it started coming back.
Only she was having depression difficulties and when I started to try and gradually ease her into the idea she outright told me that if I did a bunch of things, watch porn (and her definition of porn was extreme! a lot of classical art at the time counted) and Cding being the main ones then our relationship would end and if the relationship ended she'd have nothing to live for and would kill herself.

So I restrained myself under protest, trying to get her to some help for her sake. And I realised that my CDing was a much more important part of me than I'd ever admitted to myself.

Well I struggled with that relationship for nearly 6 years with little progress and I couldn't take it any more and ended it almost a year ago. She still wants to get back together but i'm far from convinced enough progress has been made on the many issues to consider it.

But I have realised i'd been hiding from my CDing, from my feminine side for years, trying to just be a bit androgynous with my long nails and hair and a few hours of cding a few times a year was never enough. I'd been tryig to put those parts of me out of my mind but it didn't work.

So now I'm working on embracing my femininity and while I'm still having issues now and then as old repression and avoidance habits can come up unconciously I'm feeling a lot better than I used to.

And yep I'm lonely at the moment but that is due to being closeted a little bit but due a lot to being disabled which restricts my ability to socialise a lot.

[marny]

When my wife went through menopause she lost most of her interest in sex.Timing is right. I suppose the cd ing is a form of compensation.

[Sakura Rini]

im single, its hard to find people that want a real relationship with me. it hard to find a woman, and it hard to find a man that just does want you for a sex toy. well that what i find.

[battybattybats]

im single, its hard to find people that want a real relationship with me. it hard to find a woman, and it hard to find a man that just does want you for a sex toy. well that what i find.

I guess its the trouble with the closet. The whole world is in the closet about us. Until enough of us are out, until we become an everyday thing in peoples lives then people will not think of us as desirable partners but instead still find us attractive but be far too worried that the neighbours and their families would never accept such a relationship.

People have been in this rut before.

Mixed faith relationships, mixed race relationships, cross-cultural relationships and plenty of other examples.

And if we want to change this the way they did we must do what they did.

[Jonianne]

I don't believe my crossdressing comes entirely from being lonely, but there is very likely some connection. I also started around 7 and crossdressing very much fits my personality. Now that being said, I do admit that loneliness has also been very much a part of my life. My high school time was very much characterized by loneliness. My saying under my picture in my school annual was "It's better to be quiet and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and prove it." How wrong I was. I wish now I had been much more open and had taken much more risks, especially in relationships.

As a young child, I was very close to my mother, but there was also definate lack of close emotional contact. She was a very private person and could not show love by hugging and that sort of stuff, although I knew she loved me. It was definatly her cloths I started wearing when I was 7. BTW I was the oldest and the next child, my sister, was born when I was 7. (Connection?)

So do I believe there is a connection between crossdressing and a relationship void? I don't know, but there could very well be some sort of a link in my life. I am very happy with my very supportive wife and do not feel lonely at all now, but my desire to crossdress sure has not gone away.

[Schatten Lupus]

Myself, I've felt urges to dress long before I had any thoughts or interest in a relationship.
However though, since I'm in a relationship, I've dressed more. Kinda just how the situation is though.

[Jennifer Cox]

When I started CDing it had nothing to do with loneliness. Not saying that at times I wasn't lonely, but never felt the two were connected. In fact, when my CDing first started I probably was at my least lonely.

I was just drawn to it, regardless of the relationships I had. :raisedeyebrow:

[CharlotteSomers]

I have been having these same feelings latley... that my crossdressing is somehow helping to fill a void in my life when I'm not in a relationship.

I used to believe that it was only part of of who I was but I started realizing something about myself. Anytime I am in a happy relationship...even if it's not really serious...I no longer feel like I want to dress up. In fact, I get the exact opposite feeling of wanted to dress up. When I'm in a relationship, I find myself wanting to be more of a man. I start working out more, I don't feel the desire to shave anything (lol), etc.

Then, when the relationship ends... BAM.. I want to dress up again. I have gone several months in a relationship sometimes without ever even remotely wanting to dress up. During those times, I don't even miss it at all.

Obviously this isn't the case for everybody but I'm sure I can't be the only one who has these feelings. Boy, if I ever went to a therapist they could have a field day with me. lol

[jessica_jmt]

for as long as i can remember i have dressed in some way or another. i don't think i i had any relationships when i was 5 or 6
when i started dressing? At that time it just felt right to me then. I have never really felt right about my self my whole life.
i hope i can change that some day soon,it doe's help having a supportive wife though! i can not express how good my wife make me feel about myself when she text's me in middle of the day "hey gorgeous i love you" " smile beautiful" simple little things like that, things i thought i would never hear said to me

[unclejoann]

I have always crossdressed more when married than when single.

I have always felt more lonely when married than when single.

I believe the loneliness just tells me to be my self.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

To be honest I am lonely, but I think that the relationship she is in now is far more lonely for her. Eventhough I am lonely, not having someone living with me is far easier, than going out and trying to start a new relationship. I struggle with finances and maintaining my home on one salary, so developing a new relationship is not in my financial future. If one happens I won't stop it.

My crossdressing has increased since my divorce, but I think its not due to loneliness but just a desire to dress and the opportunity to dress more. Dressing nice relaxes me. My kids also say that between their mom and me, that I'm the more compassionate and more understanding parent. Thats why I crossdress, it makes me a better person. I would be lonely whether I crossdress or not, but my personality enjoys solitude as well. :battingeyelashes:

[Alice Torn]

I had an adnersarial, frictionic relationship with my dad. He was even thinking of having me adapted by an uncle. My mom was rather smothering. My dad was morose and shut down , until drunk. At 14 or so, i started sneaking my mom's and sister,s clothes on, then started my first masturbating. I suffered hundreds of rejections by girls, women, did not know how to be relaxed and at ease, with them, intead, drew pictures of what I wanted a woman to look like. Finally dated widely, in my 30's, ealy 40's, but was too poor, to keep a lady, except as platonic, non romantic friends. Lonliness has been a factor, and, I have very little beleif that I can really have a serious relationship, with an attractive woman. I think it is a combination, of 1) Emotional abuse, and abandonment, 2) Isolation too much, lack of connecting, communications. 3) Lonliness. 4) The look, feel, sexual thrill of being a lady,in their clothes---one of those lovely beings, so seemingly impossible, to please, and keep. I am sure lonliness has a part, but, not fully. When I go somewhere like church, stores, etc, i feel a deep SORROW, when i am around so many couples, and families- something i can only dream, grieve about.

[nikitataylor0210]

I have crossdressed only:-
1. when I was single
2. when my S.O. was away / out of town.

Whenever my SO was in town, even though there were possibilities of dressing up, I never felt the need, there have been times months go by and I don't even think about it! I am so happy with her, its hard to want anything else.

funny part is, sometimes when we get into a fight and she goes off to sleep, the sudden crave comes back... so even I'm confused :doh:

[linnea]

I think that there is some element of this in some girls. I'm lucky to have a wonderful relationship with my spouse, good friends and work-mates, and many ways to avoid loneliness. Nonetheless, this theory seems plausibly applicable to some CDs.

[Melinda G]

There may be something to it. I generally lose interst in CDing, when I am interested in someone new. But even when I get involved, the CDing interest comes right back, as soon as the newness and excitement of the relationship begin to wear off.

[Marjory]

I feel more at ease in women's clothes. I don't crossdress much now but am happily married. When I was unhappily married I CDed often. Living by myself I'm just lonely and didn't crossdress all that much or do much shopping. I would get dressed and go out every so often(once a month)but: I always wore women's shoes and pantyhose(fetish I guess).

Marjory