Need some input girls

[FlygrlChristy]

I'm having an issue with my inlaws. I have come to an acceptance of myself like no other time in my life in the past couple of weeks. I am accepting of the fact that I'm TG, and the bonus came when my wife realized that this is just a big part of who I am, and I can't control it or suppress it. When I try to do that I get really down, I've discovered that my inner girl needs to come out and play once in awhile, and even I was in denial as to how prevalant that need within me is.

Kayla, who I respect and admire, said it best in another post as to how I feel about this "I knew no other crossdressers,nobody knew I did this and I never felt like me.The way my mind has changed through coming out to DD,coming here,meeting new people and going out…its…there is no other feeling in the world like feeling free and being yourself."

I finally feel free, I'm out to my wife and no longer have to hide, my parents and sister know. I feel free enough to talk to my wife about these feelings that I've had all of my life, and she listens and sees that I'm much happier not having to live in denial, and she benefits from accepting that I was born this way.

Or so I thought, I was talking to my wife about some things related to being TG, and we were having a good conversation, right up to the point where she drops the bomb on me that she had told her parents, after she found out that I was, a CDer, and this was before we knew that these issues were much deeper within me, than we previously thought. I understand that at the time she was terribly hurt, angry, humiliated, and didn't feel she could talk to anyone about this, so she turned to them. Initially I was a little put off because I was finally feeling so good about my self, and that I unrealistically had expected her to keep my secret between us. Then I thought so what, I'm TG, and they will just have to understand, and I was o.k., with that. Then the doubt, and fear, and the OMG, who else have they told doubts started creeping back in, and I started feeling anxious about how they view me.

I should have expected this, and it is unrealistic of me to expect her to not turn to someone about this, but it made my feeling free, go back to the shame and hiding mode. Now I go back and forth.

My inlaws have been to visit us, since they knew and didn't say anything about it to me, I guess what I'm wondering is, should I just bring it out in the open and talk to them about this, or just keep my mouth shut and let sleeping dogs lie? I've got somewhat of a conundrum here girls, and am not quite sure where to go with this, your input would be appreciated, and my apologies for making this so long.

Christy

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Christy

I suggest you ask your wife how they feel about it first
They may not feel comfortable with knowing but be supportive enough to realise as long as your wife is happy then its not a problem

They may also not want to raise the subject even if they are accepting

Once you know how they feel you can then decide if you should raise the topic

[DemonicDaughter]

They already know and its one less hurdle for you to get passed! Though I could understand your point of view about being scared, the fact that they have still come to visit even after knowing, shows they aren't completely repulsed by the idea. That they haven't said anything to you, does show they respect you and their daughter enough to let you have your private life. So in essence, you are already ahead of the game. :)

Should you discuss it with them? Well, it would give your wife an opportunity to vent her emotions more freely with her parents and it would also help re-enforce the idea that this is who you are as a person and you aren't going to continue to hide it.

I wish you the best of luck hun. :love:

P.S. Kayla truly is an amazing person, isn't she?

[Carin]

My father-in-law is a very open accepting person. He knows about me and is not judgemental. However, he can not speak about it. Nor can he speak openly about sex, intimacy and other subjects that were taboo in his environment.

This is your wife's territory. They are her parents. She should be able to tell you where they are with it all. More importantly, her comfort zone in you talking with them about is more important than yours.

As for whom they might have told, they are likely to have the same concerns about telling people as you are, and would prefer to keep it to themselves. Parents-in-Law usually keep discussions about their children and and their relationships to bragging rights.

[susanmichelle]

I went thru a simular situation with my ex wife and her parents. It seems that she used it to demean me to them when we were having problems other than the crossdressing. She knew about me dressing when we met and dated or lived together for a year before getting married. She even told her kids about me and they grew up with it with no problems.

Well at the end of the relationship like i said had nothing to do with the dressing she informed her parents about me. Well all hell broke loose and her dad even came up to the house one night when i was visiting her and the kids and we had been discussing things. Well next thing I know he pulls a gun on me and threatened me. Well I got into my car and started to leave he follows so I just take off and just so be it I turn the corner and heres a police car. I told them what was going on and they said my dressing issue had nothing to do with them and I did nothing wrong. They took his gun and told him to never come there again with a gun or threaten me in any way.

Needless to say I found out that my ex to be was taking her side on the matter so it kind of finished us off for good. Good ridence I say. Haven't been happier. Maybe since your wife told them in the first place she can feel them out and let them know that she loves you no matter what and can live with you dressing and not let sleeping dogs thing put a damper in your alls life.

Just my oppinion and not to be taken badly in any way.

[Nicole Erin]

Well, one of my instructors said it best in talking about a conversation with his -

"You are my inlaws, you mean nothing to me".

Who gives a crap what inlaws think? I cannot give 2 poops what mine think. I am not married to them...

[Kayla Shadows]

Hello Christy.How you feel is deffinately appreciated.

As far the inlaws go,if it came up,I dont think I would have a problem talking about it.For bringing it up,I'd want to know more about what their thoughts are before saying anything.If they are cool about it,getting feelings out and creating more of a understanding isnt a bad thing.For me,if I were you,Id probably talk to my wife first and get her opinion on what is a good idea.

best of luck to ya'
~K~

[emmicd]

It is hard to know how family and relatives perceive issues that require a great deal of understanding and compassion. I really feel for you because it is hard being transgendered to begin with. Not many people understand what your struggles are or how long you lived this way. I think it is important that you seek a professional to talk with who deals with TG issues. You would also need to have your wife accompany you so you both can express your feelings. It's hard to keep it all botteled up inside and it must be hard for your wife as well. If you have children too then it makes it even more complicated. You must also understand that when relatives find out about someone who is TG it is quite a shock to the system. Usually family will not go out of their way to talk about it and for the person going through it also is hard to discuss it. I hope you and your wife can both be strong and you can seek the proper care you need for you and your family. Being TG is not an easy road and their are many obstacles along the way.

I wish you, your wife and your family good luck!

emmi
xoxo

[Schatten Lupus]

When I came out to my girlfriend, she told her mom because she needed someone to talk to. I kinda wasn't ready for that step yet, but it turned out to be ok. Found out that my girlfriends mom even used to date a CDer, and is totally ok with her daughter dating one, and is still ok with me.
It hasn't come up in conversation though.

[Samantha Kelsey]

I think that you are yourself, your wife knows,other family members know and now you kno that your inlaws know. They havn't raised the subject with you so where's the problem. If they have issues with it Im sure you'll soon get to know about it. Maybe they simply think "live & let live".

As for secrets, once you tell someone your secret it's no longer a secret. Everyone, you, me and our closest loved ones are all human and for different reasons at some time will tell if we feel we should.

[Shelly67]

It sounds as if they respect you enough to await youre comments on the situation . Perhaps you need to think a little out of the box , so to speak . Do they really need to know anything more about you ? After all its a very private part of youre life but does it really matter what they think? Will they see you dressed ? I think you should congratulate yourself for coming out totally , accept there may have been troublesome times when you first emerged , but together you,ve bridged the worst part . Youre wife even was upfront and honest enough to tell you of informing her parents . I commend her for that .
Don't worry , I,ll bet youre inlaws are more than aware of their daughters love for you , it couldnt have been easy for her to have such a conversation. It may have been equally hard for them to witness her troubled emotion. But they havent responded to it in a negative manner have they ?
I bet they are both proud as punch in fact .
Seems to me they,ve left theyre daughter and son in law to grow together ..... without poking theyre noses in .

Try to put those fears away , take an honest look at yourself , if you like what you see then the worlds a better place for it .
Good luck.

[FlygrlChristy]

Thanks to all for the input, I needed to hear from some reasonable voices and experience with this in order to clear my unreasonably panicked mind.

My wife and I are seeing a counselor about all of this, and we both need to come to some sort of peace with it. It just seemed at the time I had cleared most of the hurdles I had in front of me, and then one more seemed to pop up out of nowhere. Aaagh!!, but this too shall pass and I just have to remember that I won't have to live a lie anymore:straightface: But by and large all of you are right, this is me, they know, and they'll just have to accept it, and if they need to talk about it with me then I need to be receptive to that too. :hugs: