risks and downsides of running around town as a CD

[jessica wai]

For a CD girl who is not officially known to her family and co-workers, going around town en femme poses certain downsides / risks. I have pondered over them and would like to list them for the feedback of other sisters.

I must first emphasize that I accept my CD totally, enjoy my moments as a girl and hope to be a full time t-girl when the time is ripe. Yet, my current situation with my family, my loved ones, my friends and my job means that if I would be better off if I were not outted.

The downsides/risks are:
(1) Hassled by strangers
I mean malicious verbal or physical hassling and violence. I could try to avoid that by being very careful, avoid quiet or dark places and appear confident. Yet, the risk would still be there. I suppose if I could appear low key and not exotic looking, the risks could be diminished somewhat. Another possible risky time would be after sex with men picked up in the street, even if they know well before hand of our true gender.

(2) Photography
I am wary about people taking my photos in the street, in pubs and in parties. This could be done covertly using any phone. Then, they could post up the pictures in the internet (with maliciously written caption)and sooner or later, friends and co-workers would find out and we'll be object of ridicule. Careers may be affected and for some, relationships with wives and children might be affected too.

(3) Arrest
In some places, it is a taboo to cross dress and hence a CD appearing in a female toilet would be prosecuted for a sex crime. Even if its legal to crossdress, the cops would make up some crime and lay charges or just hassle the girl. Wonder what are the risks in UK or USA for a CD in a female toilet?

(4) Come to haunt you later
I mean, who knows, one might become famous later or will run for the President or become a movie star or something. Just before election night....I am just imagining too much....



Just wonder what the other sisters here feel about the risks and your wise feedback on what to do about them. Also, sharing of your experiences would be welcomed too.

Yeah....

[Parse Leeve]

Jessica I understand how you may feel however, I think you are over analyzing things just a bit. If you feel the need to go out dressed then do so. Don't worry about it.

Go out with your friends to a TG friendly place and enjoy yourself.

[Richelle]

Jessica,

I understand your fears and concerns, but in all my years being out and about I have never had any of the problems that you are concerned about.

I just take the necessary precautions that any GG would take. I stay out of areas and situations that could be dangerous.

If you do not deliberately draw attention to your self, then there is no reason for someone to take a photo of you or hassle you. Most will not even notice, and if they do they will just make comments about you to the people they are with. The worse I have had is being followed by teenagers who are more curious than harmful

Richelle

[Karren H]

Pick your venues carefully..... Stay away from areas where groups of young kids hang out... Friday night at the mall....

I've gotten so many photos out there and moveis... I even have found photos harvested from my sites on other people's site.... and I could care less... personally...

Use a unisex or family restroom if available...

I've chatted with police about crossdressing and know quite a few crossdressers that are policemen.. women.... and they say that unless your doing something illegal or trying to hide you true identity because of something illegal then it's not a problem...

And if you run for president I will vote for you!! lol

[tamarav]

More time spent dressing and practicing and less time thinking about the consequences has always been my solution to this dilema...

Is Sarah Palin a crossdresser?

[Jill]

I think all of these things are very valid. I know that if I could pass and went out dressed, I would feel extremely vulnerable.

I think all those things might have pretty mild consequences when compared to people who may actually try to be violent towards you and threaten your personal safety. Just try to avoid any places where you might run into groups of drunken frat boys.

[Karren H]

More time spent dressing and practicing and less time thinking about the consequences has always been my solution to this dilema...

Is Sarah Palin a crossdresser?

If she is she is not very good at it... though i do love her shoes!! :)

[Alice B]

I don't really consider those things you have listed as a problem. It is just a matter of being selective as to where you are, when you you are there and who you are with. For me the only concern is that my car and it's license plate are well known, thus the windows must be up at all times in traffic or in areas where the chance is strong that someone I know might be.
I have no desire to be more than who I am at this time and do not intend to become a full time TG.

[Sharon]

Although I am transsexual and not a crossdresser, I feel okay answering this because a stranger wouldn't know which I was just seeing me out and about.

Although bad things happen to many transgendered people, I really don't think it is very common if you just use common sense. Personally, I have not had any sort of negative reaction in years but, then again, I don't go anywhere I wouldn't feel comfortable having any woman go. Otherwise, I just do and go wherever I want and behave just as any other woman does, which means I am comfortable in my skin and in how I appear and, in fact, no longer even give it a minute's thought.


Is Sarah Palin a crossdresser?

If she is, she should be drummed out of the corps. :)

[MJ]

More time spent dressing and practicing and less time thinking about the consequences has always been my solution to this dilema...

Is Sarah Palin a crossdresser?

As I am transsexual and not a cross dresser. there comes a time were i could no longer live a lie. i too have read horror story's of what happened to my wonderful amazing sisters. bad thing happen to good people and in the end i could take my own life or lose it at the hands of another for me it was better to die trying to become the real me than to have never tried at all. yes i got the crappy end of the stick from the get go but i found it's not that bad at all. so far in 4 years nothing bad has happened in fact it just gets better over time . stop living in fear you have one shot in live why worry about the consequences. Wayne Gretzky said it best you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.so you lose friends and family ...well you make new friends and build a new family who accept the real you.

[Raquel June]

I've been hassled, photographed, and arrested in a dress. It ain't that bad! OK, getting arrested sucked.

But what's the downside of anybody finding anything out? They know more about you and you know more about them. It actually kinda helps you straighten out who your friends are.

That said, I'm not telling my parents what I do on the weekend anytime soon.

[Nicole Erin]

(1) Hassled by strangers
I mean malicious verbal or physical hassling and violence.
(2) Photography
I am wary about people taking my photos in the street, in pubs and in parties. This could be done covertly using any phone. Then, they could post up the pictures in the internet (with maliciously written caption)and sooner or later, friends and co-workers would find out and we'll be object of ridicule.
(3) Arrest
Even if its legal to crossdress, the cops would make up some crime and lay charges or just hassle the girl.
(4) Come to haunt you later
Also, sharing of your experiences would be welcomed too.



1) Many people who are not CDs get hassled by strangers. Racial hassling. A pretty girl getting cat calls. A tough looking guy just because some other guys feel threatened for no real reason. A handicap person....

2) Anything you do out ofr your home is subject to be photographed. Thing is there is so much crap on the Internet that you are 1,000 more likely to be caught in person than because some jokester did something...

3) If cops are bored they will find any reason to razz someone. Thing is, most cops have seen it all and a CD is probably the least of the different things they have come across.

4) If you are out and about, then people already know. Is anything worth not being yourself for anyways?

My experience?
Once in a whil I get harassed by morons yelling out a car window. I stay in safe areas no matter how I am dressed. Only once has some a-hole taken a photo of me that I know of, someone who is probably gay himself.

Cops? I got pulled over once while en femme and I did not get harassed over that. I got pulled over cause I went the wrong way down a one way street. Nothin was said about me being en femme. He was completely professional.

Regret later? I have not reached that point. Even if it came up, "Mr Mike Hunt*, we found some photos of you dressed differently and cannot hire you..." So what? It still would not be worth staying in the closet. I am who I am, take it or leave it.

*Mike Hunt is not my real name.

[serinalynn]

I have been out dressed in broad daylight crossdressed and never had a problem even when my bra was showing in a very low neckline top. One lady came over and in calm voice stated my bra was showing while at the mall, I made an adjustment with my top and she said everything was fine and she went on her way. I've been out dressed at malls in San Diego, Las Vegas, and in the Los Angeles area and never had a problem being out dressed.

[Deidra Cowen]

1) Just be smart but you can go to a ton of places enfemme and have no troubles at all. I have gotten some verbal hassling three times. Twice at a late night diner chain called Waffle House. Drunk straight guys at 1am in the morning at diners are trouble!!! The other time I went to a kinda of redneck/rocker bar...simular to Coyote Ugly. A guy playing on stage made comments about me and my friend. I finished my drink and just hauled bootie. But those three out of the hundreds of times I went out are all...those were my fault because a girl has to know where not to go!

2) I just never see that many people taking pics...most of us put a lot more of our own pics on the net. I have never had anyone connect my girl pics with me that did not know I was a CD.

3) In the US the cops are not going to bother you. Most of them have seen a lot of CD/Trans folk and are trained to deal with us. Some weird execeptions can happen like that cop in Memphis that beat up the Trans Hooker...but that could have and probably has happened to GG hookers. Heck even just regular folk get caught up by a rouge cop. But its rare...and if it happens the police depts are scared to death of lawsuits. If you are abused by the police and it is witnessed or caught on video...you basically just won the lottery. Big bucks!

4) Thats the rub...I do hear of a lot of PT Cds that get in trouble. Mainly their family finding out. In rare cases it costs them trouble at work but surprisingly that is rare too. But it could happen...luckily society is getting more liberal towards us and a lot of girls work FT now for example in Atlanta. If the Dems win this election that issue will get even better for us.

[Jonianne]

.......who knows, one might become famous later or will run for the President or become a movie star or something. Just before election night....I am just imagining too much....


.......And if you run for president I will vote for you!! lol

Hey Mayor Rudy was running for President and his CD only came up a few times by extremists (that I saw). He was still very much respected even by most conservatives.

[suzypier]

I would like so much going around town en femme but I am still too shy to brake the ice and maybe to scare to be away from home and get stuck with only wearing women clothes in the middle of a crowd.

[trannie T]

The more I go out the more my chances of getting busted increase. Big deal. I doubt it would change my life very much. I am not ashamed to be a crossdresser and do not believe it is necessary to conceal my behavior.

[Marjory]

Actually I think most cops are accepting of CDers and if you're straight with them they will not hassle you. I was pulled over once wearing flats(obvious women's) and didn't even get the ticket. As far as other things, I always lifted weights, studied martial arts and boxing. I'm not big but if you bother me you're in trouble. I no longer know what the photography laws are. I've always been a photographer and have asked permission before taking someone's picture. If you published a picture without permission you were in trouble... doesn't seem to be that way anymore.

Marjory

[docrobbysherry]

(Wrote the guy who hides his face and lives in his closet!):doh:

[Raquel June]

Actually I think most cops are accepting of CDers and if you're straight with them they will not hassle you.

That's probably true in SoCal. In the Midwest not so much.

I was pulled over for speeding en femme coming home from a bar, although I was nowhere near drunk. I was forced to stand next to the highway being recorded on the dash cam doing sobriety tests for 20 minutes, which I passed, then I was forced to repeat the breath test 3 times until one said I was 0.006% over the legal limit and I was arrested. The cop's report claimed the sobriety tests were not recorded, that I in fact failed the tests, and that I was given a single breath test. I was then given the max license suspension for a first offense. The report did, however, say what I was wearing, and the judge and even my lawyer had a good chuckle saying it's a shame there was no picture included in the report. Most of my time in court, the judge was chatting about the McCain rally in town.

And this isn't a total backwater town. The Dayton area has 1 million people. And the people are great, but Ohio cops are totally corrupt.

I contacted several gay/TG friendly lawyers and they all told me the same thing. In most situations I would have an easy countersuit for harrassment, but even if I could prove anything (which I couldn't), the state police is virtually immune to lawsuits.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

Your family dose not know about you and your workers do not know about you as a cross dresser so your town dose not know but I feel that they all know what car you drive, so you run around town dress someone is going to put 2 and 2 together and your secret is out and I do not think that is what you want at this time.

LA CINDY LOVE

[Molly Wells]

More time spent dressing and practicing and less time thinking about the consequences has always been my solution to this dilema...

Is Sarah Palin a crossdresser?

Help me to understand where Sarah Palin fits into the discussion?

[Kate Simmons]

I suppose there is always a risk or downside. There is a difference, however, with throwing caution to the wind and having a plan in mind. I do know if I never took the opportunity to just go out and do it, I never would have gotten in touch with myself and my feelings nor would I have gone ahead and developed this part of myself. Each person has to decide for themself if the potential risks outweigh the potential benefits.:)

[sherri]

For a CD girl who is not officially known to her family and co-workers, going around town en femme poses certain downsides / risks ... my current situation with my family, my loved ones, my friends and my job means that if I would be better off if I were not outted.Seems to me that at the moment, this is your greatest potential problem. Being outed in your hometown can have grave consequences, especially if you're not prepared for them.


The downsides/risks are:
(1) Hassled by strangers

(2) Photography

(3) Arrest

(4) Come to haunt you laterMy take on these concerns are:


Not likely if you exercise good judgment. Sure, there is always a certain amount of risk, but the reality is that 98% of the people out there aren't interested in hassling you, even if they disapprove. But, that does not mean your hometown citizens won't ostracize you, because they probably will. I guess it depends on how you define harassment.
Yep, this is a legitimate concern if you're trying to keep your dressing a secret or at least low-key. But then again, if you're parading around town anyway, are you really concerned with secrecy or discretion?
Again, arrest is highly unlikely unless you're breaking some law while dressed. Yes, time was when your dress could have made you the object of police harassment, but not likely anymore.
This is another bona fide concern, something I've thought about more than once. I don't anticipate any appearances at the podium at the next national political convention, but the limelight can come for other reasons and put you in situations where you would rather not have your CDing open for public scrutiny -- unless, of course, you've already outed yourself some other way.

I strongly suspect that you are speaking only hypothetically, rather than from personal experience, but still, many of us are susceptible to the pink fog, so our fantasies do warrant more sober consideration in light of potential consequences.

[CharleneT]

Hi Jessica,

Welcome to CD ! You'll find that we will help you in any way that we can :)

Now, you do have some legit concerns and all of us who are not completely out of the closet need to think carefully about those times when we go out. My experiences in the last year have been almost all positive, and I do not "pass". I come close though :daydreaming:

All of the advice given is spot on, the basic thing to remember is that if you want to go out, and you think there is a risk of being "outed" - don't go out in your town. I do not go out fully dressed in my own town, but nearby places, heck all the time. As I get more comfortable I will probably start finding places here where I feel I could go out - such as a TG/Gay bar. Chances are if you see a co-worker there, the surprise is going to be on both sides and you will just have to accept each other for whatever you are ;)

Cops are going to leave you alone unless you are doing something that is illegal or troublesome. MOST people who "read" you will just ignore you - especially in Gay bars. Occasionally you'll get a surprised reaction from a guy, I just did Sat. night in a club in Illinios. His girl friend had read me pretty quickly, he did not (he was drunk). She smiled very brightly at me, whispered to him and then he looked shocked. He then acted like he had just seen something very surprising - but - smiled pretty broadly. Made some comment that I could not hear. By then my beer was ready and I walked away. Be confident, it will disarm almost any male who is not sure what to do. Almost all women will leave you be, maybe a double take, but they generally do not care what you are doing ( unless you look better than they do ....)

The hardest thing, you will find out, is just relaxing and being yourself. Once you get past that, the rest becomes much easier.

Charlene



For a CD girl who is not officially known to her family and co-workers, going around town en femme poses certain downsides / risks. I have pondered over them and would like to list them for the feedback of other sisters.

I must first emphasize that I accept my CD totally, enjoy my moments as a girl and hope to be a full time t-girl when the time is ripe. Yet, my current situation with my family, my loved ones, my friends and my job means that if I would be better off if I were not outted.

The downsides/risks are:
(1) Hassled by strangers
I mean malicious verbal or physical hassling and violence. I could try to avoid that by being very careful, avoid quiet or dark places and appear confident. Yet, the risk would still be there. I suppose if I could appear low key and not exotic looking, the risks could be diminished somewhat. Another possible risky time would be after sex with men picked up in the street, even if they know well before hand of our true gender.

(2) Photography
I am wary about people taking my photos in the street, in pubs and in parties. This could be done covertly using any phone. Then, they could post up the pictures in the internet (with maliciously written caption)and sooner or later, friends and co-workers would find out and we'll be object of ridicule. Careers may be affected and for some, relationships with wives and children might be affected too.

(3) Arrest
In some places, it is a taboo to cross dress and hence a CD appearing in a female toilet would be prosecuted for a sex crime. Even if its legal to crossdress, the cops would make up some crime and lay charges or just hassle the girl. Wonder what are the risks in UK or USA for a CD in a female toilet?

(4) Come to haunt you later
I mean, who knows, one might become famous later or will run for the President or become a movie star or something. Just before election night....I am just imagining too much....



Just wonder what the other sisters here feel about the risks and your wise feedback on what to do about them. Also, sharing of your experiences would be welcomed too.

Yeah....

[Hali]

Hi all, its not easy being a CD.....
Hi Jessica, all the above 4 points/fears are legitimate, in my own experience pple usually have those fears in the early stages of "coming out" i posted a thread along time ago tittled some thing like "possibility of beign recognised crossdressed from the photos posted on the internet" after the replies i got, i was able to get my act together and post my pictures on flickr.com and went out dressed more frequently, up till now there are no nasty incidents, i always get lovely comments, whistles etc, i became happier than ever........

worst days might come which i dont pray for (one of those days was wen my male friends recognise me, cos i was wearing no makeup)...................... jessica it has almost reach the stages of me saying to myself "Damn the consequences" cos the joy i got is worth almost everything may be the presidential post or governor post.......mind u am from Africa if cought as a CD the punishment can be unthinkable. Chaw.