Fraye
10-14-2008, 10:38 AM
Hello,
Last Saturday I went out into public with my fiance and female roommate. It wasn't the first time I've been out dressed, but it was the first extended outing, the first time in the company of others, and the first time I have spoken to and interacted with other people. While overall the experience was very positive and exhilarating, I also found it gave me a lot to think about since then.
My fiance has been basically supportive since telling her; although she has naturally gone through several crises of faith regarding my dressing, she has gone above and beyond to understand and support this new (to her) side of me. She has gone shopping with me, helped pick out my wig, and given extensive makeup and mannerisms feedback. When we moved in with our current roommates, we felt we had to share with them, and luckily, they are good friends who were completely supportive. Indeed, talking about this with our roommates has been constructive and cathartic for both me and my fiance, since sharing our thoughts and feelings and concerns with someone other than each other has given us an expanded opportunity to open up and explore our own unique feelings on the subject.
After several exploratory runs of dressing and just hanging around the house, we decided it was time to go out and see the town. Luckily, we live in a suburb of Seattle, Washington, and getting into a friendly neighborhood in Seattle is pretty easy. We decided to go see a female impersonation show and grab dinner. The neighborhood we went to is not only tolerant of all kinds of folks, but it's practically expected that you'll see all colors of the rainbow hanging out there, especially on a Saturday night.
The experience, as I said, was pretty positive. No stares, no comments, everyone we interacted with was very cool. We were actually in the exact same area the night before, not dressed up, and it was a pretty mundane night, eating, shopping and so on. We went into the same store Saturday, and the exact same sales guy was much more attentive, to the point where he invited us after the show to a private club he was a member of, and then made the extra effort of tracking us down after his shift ended to remind us to come.
The whole experience gave me a lot of food for thought. I was very surprised to discover that my feelings were conflicted about the experience, since, as I read these words, I can see how it all sounds so positive.
My first conflict came with the repeated use of the word "ladies" in our interactions. On Friday, when we were doing our thing, the people addressed us as the usual mundane "How are you tonight?", "Have a great night," and so forth. On Saturday, with me dressed in full, it was "Good evening ladies," "Thank you ladies," and so on. Now, although my friends are very kind and opinions on my look range from "You look decent," "I wouldn't know you were a guy if I saw you out and about" and the classic (from my male roommate) "I don't know what to say, you look hot, but I don't want to say that because that sounds a little gay", I am under no illusion about me passing out in the world. I would like to say I could fool 90% of the people 90% of the time. But especially where we were, where crossdressing is not only generally accepted but actually expected, I'm pretty certain most the people we actually were interacting with saw a crossdresser, not a tall girl out with her friends. So the repeated use of the word "ladies" to me, was not because I was fooling everyone, but because they knew I was a crossdresser, and putting an emphasis on using feminine forms of address are, for lack of a better phrase, a courtesy of acknowledging the situation.
So that brings me to the immersion versus augmentation debate in my head. To me, immersion would be wanting to go out in the world, to pick a feminine name, to want people to be fooled into seeing a girl - to be a girl, and forget my guy self. Augmentation, on the other hand, to me, would be more of just me being a guy who likes to dress as a woman, and present as one, and even be treated as one, but, and this is important - would not mind, and indeed might even prefer that people knew I was a crossdressing man who just (hopefully) looks like a pretty woman.
I feel like I fall on the augmentationalist side of the equation. I mean, I don't even have a feminine name to use when I'm dressed, because I don't have ambitions of hanging myself physically, or living this way all the time, and I don't want to lose myself. I understand there are some practical considerations for doing so, but I suppose I'm still working a lot out, and am proceeding if not with caution, then slow and steady. I love to dress, and feel wonderful when I am dressed, but I love being a guy too. My fiance and I as a couple have determined that incorporating this aspect of my life into our lives means that I will dress, and indeed, will want to go out, and be in the world while dressed. Although we are still working out a lot of details as regards that, I find that my own sense of being at ease hinges largely on how I think people are perceiving me, for better or for worse. When I first started doing this, I was convinced I just wanted to fool people. Now, after having had this experience, I find that, oddly enough, no....I think I would feel better being known as a man who can look attractive as a woman.
If you've made it this far, thanks for bearing with me. This is my first time sharing my feelings out loud with people I don't know, and to me, another step into a larger world.
- Tye
Last Saturday I went out into public with my fiance and female roommate. It wasn't the first time I've been out dressed, but it was the first extended outing, the first time in the company of others, and the first time I have spoken to and interacted with other people. While overall the experience was very positive and exhilarating, I also found it gave me a lot to think about since then.
My fiance has been basically supportive since telling her; although she has naturally gone through several crises of faith regarding my dressing, she has gone above and beyond to understand and support this new (to her) side of me. She has gone shopping with me, helped pick out my wig, and given extensive makeup and mannerisms feedback. When we moved in with our current roommates, we felt we had to share with them, and luckily, they are good friends who were completely supportive. Indeed, talking about this with our roommates has been constructive and cathartic for both me and my fiance, since sharing our thoughts and feelings and concerns with someone other than each other has given us an expanded opportunity to open up and explore our own unique feelings on the subject.
After several exploratory runs of dressing and just hanging around the house, we decided it was time to go out and see the town. Luckily, we live in a suburb of Seattle, Washington, and getting into a friendly neighborhood in Seattle is pretty easy. We decided to go see a female impersonation show and grab dinner. The neighborhood we went to is not only tolerant of all kinds of folks, but it's practically expected that you'll see all colors of the rainbow hanging out there, especially on a Saturday night.
The experience, as I said, was pretty positive. No stares, no comments, everyone we interacted with was very cool. We were actually in the exact same area the night before, not dressed up, and it was a pretty mundane night, eating, shopping and so on. We went into the same store Saturday, and the exact same sales guy was much more attentive, to the point where he invited us after the show to a private club he was a member of, and then made the extra effort of tracking us down after his shift ended to remind us to come.
The whole experience gave me a lot of food for thought. I was very surprised to discover that my feelings were conflicted about the experience, since, as I read these words, I can see how it all sounds so positive.
My first conflict came with the repeated use of the word "ladies" in our interactions. On Friday, when we were doing our thing, the people addressed us as the usual mundane "How are you tonight?", "Have a great night," and so forth. On Saturday, with me dressed in full, it was "Good evening ladies," "Thank you ladies," and so on. Now, although my friends are very kind and opinions on my look range from "You look decent," "I wouldn't know you were a guy if I saw you out and about" and the classic (from my male roommate) "I don't know what to say, you look hot, but I don't want to say that because that sounds a little gay", I am under no illusion about me passing out in the world. I would like to say I could fool 90% of the people 90% of the time. But especially where we were, where crossdressing is not only generally accepted but actually expected, I'm pretty certain most the people we actually were interacting with saw a crossdresser, not a tall girl out with her friends. So the repeated use of the word "ladies" to me, was not because I was fooling everyone, but because they knew I was a crossdresser, and putting an emphasis on using feminine forms of address are, for lack of a better phrase, a courtesy of acknowledging the situation.
So that brings me to the immersion versus augmentation debate in my head. To me, immersion would be wanting to go out in the world, to pick a feminine name, to want people to be fooled into seeing a girl - to be a girl, and forget my guy self. Augmentation, on the other hand, to me, would be more of just me being a guy who likes to dress as a woman, and present as one, and even be treated as one, but, and this is important - would not mind, and indeed might even prefer that people knew I was a crossdressing man who just (hopefully) looks like a pretty woman.
I feel like I fall on the augmentationalist side of the equation. I mean, I don't even have a feminine name to use when I'm dressed, because I don't have ambitions of hanging myself physically, or living this way all the time, and I don't want to lose myself. I understand there are some practical considerations for doing so, but I suppose I'm still working a lot out, and am proceeding if not with caution, then slow and steady. I love to dress, and feel wonderful when I am dressed, but I love being a guy too. My fiance and I as a couple have determined that incorporating this aspect of my life into our lives means that I will dress, and indeed, will want to go out, and be in the world while dressed. Although we are still working out a lot of details as regards that, I find that my own sense of being at ease hinges largely on how I think people are perceiving me, for better or for worse. When I first started doing this, I was convinced I just wanted to fool people. Now, after having had this experience, I find that, oddly enough, no....I think I would feel better being known as a man who can look attractive as a woman.
If you've made it this far, thanks for bearing with me. This is my first time sharing my feelings out loud with people I don't know, and to me, another step into a larger world.
- Tye