With or Without you (her?)

[pixitrace]

I just recently had a conversation with my wife about going out en femme for my very first time. We have an open line of communication regarding my crossdressing, and my policy is to be honest with her. I explained to her what a thrill I expected it to be, and that I saw a couple crossdresser nights (weekly events) in the Philadelphia area that I'd looked into.

I threw out a couple scenarios:
1. For the first time I go alone.
2. For the first time, she go with me.

She had in the distant past gone to a cd bar with a cd who she wasn't dating....and so ...she threw it back in my lap and said either way was fine with her.

I know this is pretty general info...but anyone have any thoughts or suggestions? If she came with me...would she feel awkward? Would I be even more awkward?

[MJ]

it's being comfortable with each other. as sooner or later she will go out with you so why not from the get go.
then over time it will be no big deal for both of you.. just another day in the real world :hugs:

[Shelly Preston]

A lot may depend on how comfortable you both are with where you are going

If you know the surrounding area its much easier
Having her with you will be good as you have her support and she can help if your finding things difficult in any way

[Schatten Lupus]

I know for my first time I plan on going out with my girlfriend.

[Jonianne]

My wife (before we were married) took me out for my first time and video taped me. That was an awesome experience. If she is willing to go, go with her. Just find a place to go where you both will feel the most comfortable at.

[SatinSarah]

sounds fantastic. this would be a step far too far for my wife. Simple dressing at home is about as far as I can go but I do dream of going out together to a CD bar. Let us all know how it goes if you get to work this through together.

[Ronni Seymour]

My wife and I went out together a couple years ago and even though I was excited about it, I was also a little uncomfortable. I felt like I couldn't quite kick into girl mode. That might change if we did it more often. I have gone out solo and enjoyed it much more.

[Alice B]

Like Satin Sarah my wife is OK with my dressing, but I have yet to approach the topic of my going out dressed. I know it would be without her because she would never go out with me. I think in your case that you should ask your wife to go out with you. You have a great relationship and sharing the experience would only strengthen it.

[Holly]

Do you like spending time with your wife? If so invite her to accompany you. Is she comfortable being around you when you are en femme? If so ask her to go with you. It the place you are planning to go one in which you will both be comfortable? Go and have a good time!

[Dragster]

If you're not "out" to friends and family, and don't intend to be, then be very careful where you go. On your own, maybe no one who knows you will recognise you in a dress, but if you go with your wife, everyone will recognise her. Go somewhere far enough away to minimise the risk of bumping into someone you know.

I'd go with my wife, somewhere 100 miles away from home, if only I could persuade her to change her mind about the whole CD business.

Tony

[Maria2222]

This thread is not something that would happen to me, but I'd say take her with you. You wouldn't want to ruin the wonderful relationship you have with suspicion about what happened when she wasn't with you.

[AKAMichelle]

You will probably feel awkward for several reasons. One being your first time and the second your wife being with you. I don't think it will be any easier either way.

If I had to choose, I would take the wife. The more comfortable she becomes with you going out, the better it will be for you. So start out with your wife and maybe she will become a big part of your femme side and you will be much happier.

[Ruby John]

Go with your wife and make sure SHE has a great time. Make sure you are in a good mood and be up. You might buy her some flowers on that day . You both will probably have a lot to talk about the next day because of the different people you will meet. Good Luck! Ruby

[bobbi]

If I could dress and tell my wife and she would go out with me, OH what a dream that would be. I would do it in a minute.
bobbi

[Nicole Erin]

Take her with you. One, you will have company and feel more comfy. Two, the wives do want to be part of our lives. If the wife is part of the CD's life of CD'ing, she is more likely to be accepting.

I wish my wife and I could go out as 2 women, thing that stops us - no reliable babysitter.

But anyways do not exclude her from your femme life.

[Inachis]

Do not force her to do something that she wishes against. If she seems flippant on the matter, then simply go alone. Have a wonderful time, and then ask if she would like to go with you next time.

[suchacutie]

My first thought...YES YES YES go together!!!!

my only caveat...

don't do it near home.

I too would adore my wife with me the first time, and every time, frankly (do love her, after all!)...but... if you are anywhere near where you live, your wife will be recognized and that might put you both in an awkward position if you are not generally "out".

Then again, I would not suggest being near home for the first time anyway! If your wife is as supportive as mine, then head out, and please consider not restricting yourselves to any venue. Two girlfriends out should be able to go anywhere, and your avatar looks super so just let her do the talking if it gets sticky :).... and she can pay so there's no credit card issue, etc. :)

Have such a terrific time!!!!

tina

[marny]

Safer and more fun. Take her with you!

[LeslieSD]

You have a wonderful wife. Depend on the roles you play in the normal life, going out dressed with wife or girlfriend can be stressful.

When I am out dress, I am very self conscious and feel vulnerable. I sometimes need a little help (for example, to order stuff or to avoid getting close to a group of people on the sidewalk, etc). My role for my SO in normal life is a protective figure that takes care of her needs. Seeing me showing my vulnerability makes her very uncomfortable and stressed. I had that experience once long time ago when going out dress on Halloween with my girlfriend. So you may want to do some preparation.

You are lucky that your wife agrees to go out with you. I would suggest start with something easy, like first dress at home, then go out to some quiet mall on weekdays.

One side note: most people who do not dress do not realize that crossdressing is such a challenge. It turns seemingly simple daily activities (such as going shopping grocery) into a complete adventures. The friendly world all the sudden is filled with unknowns once you put on a dress. But that is the fun part, isn't it? Isn't that the desire to face challenge what drives Columbus west hundreds of years ago? To sail the Atlantic Ocean instead of the Mediterranean Sea?

It takes balls to crossdress. :-)

[Kathy4ever]

Hey if she is okay with go with her. Wish I could do the same with my wife. Now if you are lookng for a different experience then go with out her, But I think you will enjoy it more with her. Be lesbians in disguise. ENJOY

[stevie b]

It is a personal thing. I love being with my wife and since she has accepted my dressing it's been great. The first time I went to the gay bar my wife came with me and she thoroughly loved the experience and has made some good friends, Cd's and their partners.
Go for it girl.
xx

[Ronni Seymour]

One side note: most people who do not dress do not realize that crossdressing is such a challenge. It turns seemingly simple daily activities (such as going shopping grocery) into a complete adventures. The friendly world all the sudden is filled with unknowns once you put on a dress.

You said it, girl!

[Katy Dee]

I have today been out with my CD partner. We went to a very busy market place away from home. We have done this before but I felt nervous for her and this time I felt much more relaxed. I really enjoyed the experience and found a great pleasure in watching peoples faces. Mostly there was no recognition but those who did were very subtle and no-one made it obvious. In fact one or two people actually smiled. One being the local security guy for the market. I have been telling my partner it was time we went out more but like some of you say, too near home could be awkward and in some cases embarassing. I don't care what people think or say. To me it makes no difference as I love and cherish her in every way. I am proud to be with her at all times.
Keep up the good work and enjoy life. After all, you will not hear the comments!!!!!!!!
Katy Dee (GG)

[pixitrace]

thanks for all of the helpful responses. You all brought up some points I never even considered...and I'll factor it all in. I'll have to tell my wife about some of the responses...or mabye just let her read the thread !

[LisaElizabeth]

pixie trace,
take your wife along!! I took mine on my first time out. It was very reassuring and she helped me keep those giant condors calm in my stomach.
Of course, nothing bad happened and she has been out with me a few more times since. She will be going with me to a CD Halloween party in the Chicago area on Oct 25th!!! I think we will have a great time!
I personally say, TAKE HER WITH YOU!!!!
Lisa E

[Sally24]

I'm best friends with my wife and we went out together for the first year that I was heading out into public. Now we go out together about 1/2-1/3 of the times I go out. She went with me the first time I went to a T-girl social group. She wanted to make sure I would be safe (the little sweetie!).

I don't find her being there is a hinderance to my feeling and acting girly. I do keep my clothing more conservative then, but we're usually going out to family places and not evening clubs so that is understandable.

I say take her along and have a great time!

[BeckiB]

I would say it depends on your comfort level. I have only been out one time without my wife. SHe is also my friend and I enjoy her company. I don't feel as though I have any real reaon not to bring her. She is fun, makes all the girls laugh and is very excepting. I say bring her!

[Sam44]

Be prepared for the times that even tho your wife thinks she'll be comfortable with you in public, that she might change her mind in the moment: especially if you encounter a jerk or two.

Conversely at times when my wife and I've been driving while I'm dressed up and I've been surprised that she asks me to accompany her into a store even tho it's obvious that I'm a guy in women's clothes. Her comfort level is hard to predict in advance.

I've been on both sides: sometimes I'd have been more comfortable and enjoyed myself more if I'd been alone, but that's not the way it worked out and other times I've missed having my wife with me when I was alone. Like everything in life it's best to not obsess over the details but to instead enjoy the special moments as they come.

[Gina's dress-up]

I would love to take my wife with me everywhere,only problem im still in the closet. have fun together

[DanaR]

My wife has gone out with me numerous times, but only when we have been out of town. We always felt that if she were to go out with me near home she would be recognized, and then I might be as well.