What should I do???

[Vickii*]

Lately I've been chatting with this fellow CD who lives not far away and is the same age as me. I've been looking for friends for a while, and I've finally found someone that's perfect. He wants to get together one day soon to shop, hang out and dress up. Needless to say, I'm thrilled about this, this is a huge opportunity that not a lot of CD's get a chance to do. There's only one problem. I'm completely torn. My girlfriend would indefinitely not be happy about this, and if she found out, she would break up with me on the spot, and probably tell all of our friends and end up outing me and ruining my life. I love her so much and I do everything I can to make her happy. I'm sure I could get away with it, but I know that if I did end up going, I would feel massively guilty about it. But I want to go so bad! I have no idea what to do. I'm torn. What would you do?

[Rachel Welsley]

from what I'm reading, you're assuming that she'll be angry. Have you thought about telling her about it & seeing if she's OK with it? If she's not OK with it, you're back at square one but if she is then there ya go. Pleasant surprise.:D

[Vickii*]

Well, I told my girlfriend a while ago about my crossdressing, and she got really upset. She told me that she didn't want to hear me talk about it anymore and that I should get help from a psychiatrist. She said though, that she would stay with me because she didn't want to let something that I couldn't control break our relationship up, because our relationship is really good. I'm 100% sure she wouldn't condone me going and dressing up with someone else. There would be no point in asking her.

[Rachel Welsley]

Ouch! bummer. this can make it a bit more difficult. but if you explain it like it's more of a support issue, two people with the same issue helping each other out.... you never know, ya know

[Daintre]

Vickii, I think you already know the answer, your girlfriend has put a limit on what she can handle, sounds like she is not happy about it but willing to try and work with it.

What you are talking about here is a real deal breaker, there are two directions you can take....meet the other CD and start wearing the guilt from not being able to be honest with your girlfriend...or...forget the outing, and stay truthful with your girlfriend.

The qualifier here is...how serious is your relationship with your girlfriend? I think if it is a serious one then you must be truthful. You need to have an open discussion on this and keep the lines of communication open.

[KymM]

Jenni is right, you havent said how long you have been with your girlfriend, perhaps you should let her get more used to the CD side of you and then try to gain her support,
good luck Vickii

[MJ]

you can't even dump her because she can out you. all i can say is do what you feel is right. and you do need to have another talk with your girl friend. because this will never go away.

[trisha59]

Just a few days ago you reported that you worked up the nerve to go into a halloween store to buy a wig. Now you're considering the prospect of upsetting your girlfriend to meet another CD. Your progress has been remarkable, but don't you think that it might be a good idea to take a breath and let things catch up to you. I know its hard to believe at a young age but you have your whole life time ahead of you. You do not need to cram everything about crossdressing into one week.
Trisha

[Vickii*]

Our relationship is pretty serious. We've been seeing each other for more than a year and a half. Everything about our relationship is perfect except for the fact that she doesn't want to talk about the crossdressing stuff. I even asked her if I could talk about it with her sometimes if I got upset about it, and she said no and that she couldn't handle even that. Oh well. I can't ever seem to catch a break when it comes to this stuff.

[Electra]

Vickii, I think you already know the answer, your girlfriend has put a limit on what she can handle, sounds like she is not happy about it but willing to try and work with it.



Jenni, I can't understand how you draw the conclusion in the last part of the red quotation above. On the contrary, it is quite clear that she is against his crossdressing and adamant about it. But I am open to correction from Vickii.

[Vickii*]

I don't know if she's against my crossdressing, I just know that she doesn't want to ever hear about it or be a part of it. I'm not allowed to talk about it with her. I'm under the impression that its a "don't ask, don't tell", but for all I know, she doesn't want me doing it. I don't know, and I can't clarify it with her either.

[mykhelee]

I hid my cross dressing from my second wife for the first seven years of our marriage. She knew, I didn't flaunt it, don't ask don't tell. She demanded that I purge my collection and never dress again while I was with her. She had to spend a weekend to find herself, as if I didn't know what that meant. She allowed me to wear panties and hose, nothing else, and she did not want to know. I played by her rules with a continuing litany of,"I don't think I can be married to a man who enoys wearing womens clothes". As the years went by my cd'ing became her favorite subject to bring up and throw at me.
She was aghast when I told our dughters about the cd thing when we divorced. Still living in don't ask don't tell I guess.
My point, sorry it took so long to get to: if it is a dealbreaker, it always wilbe

[Shari]

Vickii
There's only one thing I can say.
It's easier to ask for her permission instead of her forgiveness.
Shari

[Cynthia_0101]

Vickii
There's only one thing I can say.
It's easier to ask for her permission instead of her forgiveness.
Shari

Simple, direct and to the point, I agree.

Cynthia

[Alice B]

I think you may have answered your own question in the post.

[Dragster]

I was in a similar situation a couple of months ago. I'd exchanged several PMs with a guy on this forum, who lived only 10 miles away. I'd suggested spending a few hours over a drink or two, just to talk to another CD, exchange experiences, aspirations, etc., and I wasn't going to do that in secret from my wife. She put every obstacle in the way, and is so paranoid about anyone else knowing about me, that taking CDing out of our house would be a deal breaker for her. I still hope I can break the ice with her attitude a little, but after 40 years of marriage (I first told her 20 years ago), I'm not too hopeful.

If I did meet this guy, it would be purely for the companionship of a fellow traveller, we're both 100% hetero, and faithful to our wives, and intend to stay that way, but with my wife's attitude, it made me wonder how to meet him without her finding out!

I can't offer any advice other than what others have offered.
Tony

[Sara Jessica]

You talk about meeting up to "shop, hang out and dress up". I think you should narrow the scope of what you are looking to do and then spring it on your gf. Seems that "playing dress up" could imply intimacy, not so much as in immediate contact per se but putting yourself in a close situation with another person where I doubt you can say right now with any certainty that nothing would or could happen (or at least that's what she might think...the worse). I think you'd be better off in finding a local support group, getting her approval to go, and then meeting your friend there. It'd be public, decidedly non-intimate, and you might be able to make a good friend and keep your gf in good graces.

[trannie T]

If you are in a serious relationship with someone you can not talk with something may be wrong.

[Sophia de la luz]

Maybe your relationship isn't so great after all. If she has such a hard time with your choice of clothing, what will happen when significant issues come along like, "who your friends are." To each there own, but I prefer relationships with room for me to be me, to be accepted and cherished for who I am, and to return this sort of love to my partner. There's a lot of fish in the sea.

[Elizabeth2-]

The real answer to your silent question is that you do not have a 100% relationship. It is a relationship on her terms with you doing all or most of the pleasing. There is the threat of "outing" if you do not continue to "do everything to make her happy". This is not a love relationship. It would be better to end the relationship and find someone who loves you unconditionally.

Please do not live in a relationship that operates in guilt and subterfuge. There are alot of sweet understanding people out there like the girls on this site.

LOL

Liz

[dancinginthedark]

Gawd that is a harsh hurtful way to live a life. Sounds like the bigger question may be if you should be in the relationship. :sad:

I don't believe I would stay in a relationship if I couldn't even discus such an important part of my life with my S/O. Even if my S/O didn't' want to share in it I would need and expect some support at the least. We don't ask for all the little quirks God tosses our way and to be punished by someone claiming to love us because they don't want to deal with it? I think not. That isn't a compromise that is a dictatorship.


dancin

[ReineD]

We don't ask for all the little quirks God tosses our way and to be punished by someone claiming to love us because they don't want to deal with it? I think not. That isn't a compromise that is a dictatorship.

I agree with Dancing. Your girlfriend is behaving as if you have a choice in the matter. We all know here that you do not. It is unfortunate, but the reality is that the general public has no clue what CDing is about. They have been exposed to little else than parodies - the stereotypical transvestites, and unless they become educated, they will continue to think that CDing is a "weird" kink that is a matter of choice.

It is crucial you let your gf know that Cding is a fundamental, inherent aspect of your being, and though she may not be ready to participate in it, you are asking her to take the time to try to understand what it is all about before she makes a judgment about it. In return, you will give her the time to educate herself, you will answer any questions she has, and you will not go faster than she feels comfortable.

Baby steps is the key here, Vickii, if you are at all interested in giving your relationship a chance.



You talk about meeting up to "shop, hang out and dress up". I think you should narrow the scope of what you are looking to do and then spring it on your gf. Seems that "playing dress up" could imply intimacy, not so much as in immediate contact per se but putting yourself in a close situation with another person where I doubt you can say right now with any certainty that nothing would or could happen (or at least that's what she might think...the worse). I think you'd be better off in finding a local support group, getting her approval to go, and then meeting your friend there. It'd be public, decidedly non-intimate, and you might be able to make a good friend and keep your gf in good graces.

I also agree with Sara Jessica. Meeting with another CDer for dressup at this stage of your relationship with a non-accepting girlfriend is a sure way to destroy trust and eventually the relationship. Your gf has no clue what a CDer's mindset is, and she would imagine the worst. Again, take baby steps, help her to learn more about this, and work on dressing for her first before you go off playing with others. Hopefully, as her understanding of it grows, she will not feel so threatened and she will be willing to join you in attending support groups where there are other SOs present. Baby steps.

If you are serious about your relationship, you owe it to her to give her time to catch up to you. But you cannot do this until you tell her how crucial CDing is to you. She needs to understand you cannot make it go away just because she doesn't like it, and you are not willing to live a life of repressing urges or lying to her about it when you can't repress.

If after your talk, she is still unwilling to open her mind or at least begin to educate herself (with your help), then I would seriously think about how equal your relationship is with her, and if this is what you want in a partnership.

I wish you both the very best outcome possible!
:hugs:

[Celeste]

I think if you desire freedom and communication in a relationship ,you make it a priority from the beginning.Definitely do not go behind her back ,I would break up though, considering you're more like a puppet and she has the strings.Remember people who love each other trust each other even when they are out.If you choose to stay together I wouldn't let the control issue's take a foothold.

[stevie b]

There are some issues here and there has been good advice. Don't take things too quickly. I feel yourgirl friends need a lot of time to get to grips with the CDing, took my wife many many years, now she is very supportive and encouraging. I was prepared to wait because our relationship was great and were deeply in love. Ha dI pushed it we would of broken up. Now that's me we are all very different. Please be sure your new friend is sincere before you put your relationship at risk.
I strongly believe that being open is the best policy, secrets can be difficult to hide.
Please be careful.
xx