Told my sister, but still alone!

[dianeleah]

Last night I told my older sister all about Diane! Yea! It couldn't have gone any better. She told me she would love, accept, and support me no matter who I was. She said, "you did always love to play with my dolls when you were little, lol! That's the great news!

Now the alone part. I'm a divorced middle aged man who lives in suburbia and loves it! I also have teenage children, who are very much apart of my life! They are my life! Even though I'm divorced I'm very active in their lives, and wouldn't have it any other way! I love being the suburban housewife/hubby, and living that role. But the trouble is I don't have a wife! And the women I know or whom I've met (I'm very outgoing and have no trouble meeting people) are not beating down my door to date me. On the other hand my macho/manly male friends who have been divorced are having woman practicly throw themselves at them! If you are a divorced manly man in my world and have a Harley the middle aged divorced woman will be fighting at the PTA meeting over you! I told my sister that I would love to find a wonderful women who likes the suburban lifestyle, and who would accept and love me as Diane! My sister said that should be easy to find! Well not so, I told her. She said there a lot of women out there who would love and accept me because I'm a great person. She said I'm cute, smart, fun to be around, funny, and a plus is that I like to cook, clean, and do things woman like to do (shop, dress up, watch chic flicks,....). I agree (ok, maybe not the cute part, I think she had to say that because she's my sister!) She says that woman like girly/feminine guys! I haven't found that to be true.

So here's my questions. Those of you who are in a relationship with a caring and supporting SO, did your SO know about your dressing before? And were they accepting? Or were you in a committed relationship when they found out, and your SO said "I love you no matter who you are or what clothes you wear."

If you are alone like me. Are you having trouble meeting woman to date (not just be friends with) who accept your cd'ing? If you are not having trouble where are you meeting these woman? Do any of you live in the suburbs and like that lifestyle? Maybe the real question is are there any single suburban women out there who would date a cd'er?

I told my sister that I have no hope of finding a woman who will love and accept me as Diane! Hence, I feel I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life! What has been your expirences?

[MJ]

If you are alone like me. Are you having trouble meeting woman to date (not just be friends with) who accept your cd'ing? If you are not having trouble where are you meeting these woman? Do any of you live in the suburbs and like that lifestyle? Maybe the real question is are there any single suburban women out there who would date a cd'er?

I told my sister that I have no hope of finding a woman who will love and accept me as Diane! Hence, I feel I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life! What has been your expirences?

i am alone like you .. this dating thing scares the crap out of me. so fear keeps me away from finding anyone but it's more than that as i am full time and you have to take in to consideration her family and what could happen to her as well why should she suffer because of me ?. so i just don't know..single is good i guess

[Deborah Jane]

Since splitting from, then get divorced from my wife i,ve dated several women.
Before things got too intimate between any of them i,ve asked them a few subtle questions just to find out where they stand regarding being with people like us, without actually letting them know i,m a c/der.
So far no luck!!

I,m pretty much resigned now to staying single and possibly moving further with being my girl self more often, possibly even eventually going full time as theres no real reason why i shouldn,t anymore!

[tonya2]

Join the crowd, I too am single, a little older and live in an area where there lots of single gg's, but here you have to have lots of $, a new Benz and
a house on the beach before they will even talk to you. Even the Cougars around here want it all, or your nothing. Been single for about 10 years and figure thats the way its going to be for the duration. Actually I'm planning on moving to Mexico in three years and finding a nice condo on the beach and calling it a day. If I meet someone on the way who can accept me for who I am, that would be great, but not losing any sleep over it anymore, been there done that. Hang in there, it sounds like your young enough to still be able to meet someone you can connect with. Just keep putting yourself out
there where you have exposure, that was one of my mistakes, not being out there enough.my:2c:worth.

Tonya:)

[Gisele]

I am happy and sad for you. Happy for you and your sister.

I can understand just how you feel. My other half had no idea about Beth. We dated for a short time and I had to spring it on her. I knew she would be with me for ever. I didn't want to play the hiding game with her.

I told her when we were lying in bed about on our 7th date. She took it very well. I had purged most of my fem things when we met. You know thought she would bring me out of it.LOL yea, right...There is no going back to full male again. So, I started very slow at first and just kept going full steam.

She is 100% supportive of me. She even told me if I wanted breast implants she would love them.:o I don't think I will got that far but one never knows.

We shop and girl talk all of the time. I am in girl mode at all times at home and on the weekends. My job is about the only time I am in guy mode.

We have been with eachother for 7 yrs now.

You will find someone that really loves you for you. I have met many GG's in real life that would just love for their man to be like me. Most of Jenns (GF) friends know about Beth. They are all totaly cool with it too.

I had no idea there were so many GG's out there that would love to have one of us! The more I got out the more I found out.

Just keep looking and one day you will find your pot of gold.

All my best to you, Beth:hugs:

[AKAMichelle]

I have had 2 girlfriends since my separation in the spring. I met both of these women online. I let both of them know me for me before I introduced them to Michelle. The first one found about my crossdressing and accepted but never met Michelle. The second one goes out with Michelle all the time. We have a standing date night each week on Sunday with Michelle. She sees Michelle probably as much as she sees me in male mode now. Michelle even met her mother as Michelle a week ago. Her mother has no idea that Michelle is a guy. I give credit to her age and eyesight for that one. :D

I feel very fortunate since I have only met 2 women in the last couple of months and both accepted. I think a lot of us make too much of our crossdressing acceptance. There appear to be a lot of women who accept crossdressers. I think the biggest problem with wives not accepting is the trust issue because we hide it from them. When it is out in the open, acceptance seems to be easier to obtain.

The best advice that I can give you to get the Eye of the Tiger. See your prey and go for it. Just like old times you will strike out a lot, but it only takes one success to make the journey worth while. So quit worrying about if the women will accept and go have some fun. If you find someone who might mean something to you, then tell them. In my opinion the earlier the better. That way they get a chance to find out why you like chik flicks and girly things. You will become their friend on an equal playing field and you will be much happier.

Now get off this forum and go out there. :devil:

[MJ]

If you find someone who might mean something to you, then tell them. In my opinion the earlier the better. That way they get a chance to find out why you like chik flicks and girly things. You will become their friend on an equal playing field and you will be much happier.

Now get off this forum and go out there. :devil:

i would rather have a sex change without anaisthēsia thank you

[Jilmac]

Hey Diane, I live in a suburb of Milwaukee and didn't have any trouble finding caring women after my wife died. I came out to both shortly after meeting them and neither one has run off to parts unknown yet. One it a platonic friend and the other is my new SO and we are extremely happy when ever we're together. When I told my SO of my crossdressing she joined the forum and is now an active member.

Keep trying girl and listen to your sister, she seems like a very wise person. You didn't mention if you came out to your kids. If they are as much a part of your life as you say, and they don't know about Diane, thet will be some difficulty to overcome. Hang in there and hopefully fate will play in your favor.

[KathrynTX]

I have been with my SO for eight months now. I told her about Kat early on, and she's been very supportive of me. She even bought me a lingiere laundry bag to wash my pantyhose! :D

Supportive women are out there, it's incumbent on you to seek them out. It's not easy, but the ultimate reward is worth it.

[ggtracy]

I met my SO on an online dating site. He was listed as male seeking female but his profile picture was femme. I was instantly intrigued and drawn to his confidence. He was so open and honest with me that I remember falling in love almost immediately.

he says he had met other GG's this way too but none that he really clicked with. so just be yourself and others will be drawn to you. good luck.

[Jodi]

I have been living alone for 8 years, and have never been happier. I have dated several women, but have not found anyone that I would want to share my life with on a permanent basis. I don't need a woman in my life to give me fulfillment. I am totally independent and don't need anyone or want anyone to wait on me. I have a number of gg friends, and injoy their friendship. I want nothing more than their friendship.

My experience on the dating scene has not been really positive. So many women out their are carrying so much baggage. So many appear to be looking to be kept by someone.

Therefore; I am extremely happy with who I am today and with my living alone.

Jodi

[Nicole Erin]

If you are a divorced manly man in my world and have a Harley the middle aged divorced woman will be fighting at the PTA meeting over you! I told my sister that I would love to find a wonderful women who likes the suburban lifestyle, and who would accept and love me as Diane! My sister said that should be easy to find!

Well a middle aged divorced woman is not really a catch as most guys want something younger and prettier, so I can't imagine the middle age women being picky about who they would date. That is probably why your sis said it should be easy.
MAybe your approach is not working for you.

[mykhelee]

I have been with only one SO who was accepting of my cd'ing. Then she ended up pushing things too far and we split up over it.

My first and second wives were in the don't ask don't tell club. I am with Deborah Jane..so far I have not been able to find a woman who can accept all of me.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

I signed up for true.com and started a profile to see if I could meet some women. Like you I have found that if your a manly man and a jerk, middle aged women seem to flock to you. Kimberly is neither a manly man or a jerk, far from it. True.com is expensive to sign up with and I haven't signed up officially yet, but I created a profile. The initial profile did not mention anything about crossdressing and I got maybe 1-3 flirt alerts or responses a day.

When I revealed to my children this past month that I crossdress, I decided to update my profile on true.com to say that I am a crossdresser and included pictures of myself dressed. Since that day I get 8-10 flirt alerts everyday from women saying they like my profile and want to contact me. I'm thinking of joining for a month or so to see if I can make contact with some of them. This may be a way for you to find someone agreeable to the real you. :battingeyelashes:

[goofus]

I let both of them know me for me before I introduced them to Michelle.

Good going there, Michelle! Always a good idea to let 'em know you're a great guy before you introduce 'em to your crossdressing proclivities...Unless of course you *meet* someone while out dressed...Although I've met a few women while out dressed, it never has led to a relationship thus far...

[goofus]

I met my SO on an online dating site. He was listed as male seeking female but his profile picture was femme. I was instantly intrigued and drawn to his confidence. He was so open and honest with me that I remember falling in love almost immediately.

he says he had met other GG's this way too but none that he really clicked with. so just be yourself and others will be drawn to you. good luck.

First of all Tracy I love your avatar :)
Secondly, what a great story! I never thought of trying that on an online dating site...

[Ballerina]

I was on and off with my GF for 4 years. We are currently on our third and final try. I never told her about my other side because I was still in the denial stages and was afraid of everything. After our last break up, I finally opened up to myself and decided to tell whomever I was with about my urges. We ended up deciding to get back together, and before we had given each other the final "OK", I had told her about me wanting to dress. She was weary and a little dumbfounded by it, but she was soon OK with it all. She hasn't seen me dressed (purged when she moved in before our first break up), and she still a little iffy with the idea, but I know that whatever I chose, she will more than likely support (or will create a great comprimise to that benifits us both).

[Melissa73]

hey, add me to the club!!! i too am single, and live alone. ANd hte few women i dated knew nothing of my dressing. (After i met the last), i actually purged my clothes so she wouldnt accidentally discover them.

But for me, i know how u feel. I would like to find a nice lady, who would love to have me in their life.

[femw/i]

Hi, I am in the process of telling my young sister about my cd. I know that she will be very accepting. It is something that I need to do. As for being alone?
Yes I am alone but, lately I have been telling some women friends that I like to cd. I find that women are more accepting.

I too would like to find someone that will love me for me and appreciate my other side.
I am at the point I don't want to waste time telling someone I am a cd. I am always guestioning, should I or shouldn't I?

So I been thinking of a new approach, hi my name is so in so, would you like to go for a cup of coffee and by the way I like to crossdress!

[vivianann]

I am single also, I do go out in public as Vivian alot and I meet alot of women who are intriged by what I do made really close friends, nothing more, I have met a few women who were attracted to crossdressers, but were afraid to get into a relationship with one for fear of what family and friends would think, so they get cold feet about getting into a relatioship with a crossdresser, :sad: I understand how they feel because it is the same fear that we all experience about our own crossdressing. There are women out there who like this side of us, however to find one you need to get out in public crossdressed too so they see you, and you must show confidence, because women are attracted to confidence no matter how you are dressed. if you are too shy about going out in public dressed then you need to meet women the old fashion way, and wait til you find one who is totally head over heals for you, then you can tell her. I know it is easier said than done, but it could happen. I too hope to find a woman who will accept Vivian also, however I want a woman who is truelly in love with me and I be truelly in love with her, now that is the hard part to overcome IMHO. You are young so take your time.

[renee k]

I have been living alone for 8 years, and have never been happier. I have dated several women, but have not found anyone that I would want to share my life with on a permanent basis. I don't need a woman in my life to give me fulfillment. I am totally independent and don't need anyone or want anyone to wait on me. I have a number of gg friends, and injoy their friendship. I want nothing more than their friendship.

My experience on the dating scene has not been really positive. So many women out their are carrying so much baggage. So many appear to be looking to be kept by someone.

Therefore; I am extremely happy with who I am today and with my living alone.

Jodi

Hi All,

I'm with Jodi on this one. I've been divorced for 16 years now and couldn't be happier! I've been a couple of relationships along the way and they didn't go anywhere. I'm happy right where I'm at in my life.

Huggs, Renee

[Satrana]

I think the best advice is to project yourself as a person first and as a CD second. Find a woman who is interested in your personality not just finding a woman who accepts CDing. Women are drawn to men who are genuine and self-confident. That is why women flock to men on Harleys - the motorbike is a symbol of character and self-confidence. In this case it is a masculine symbol but the idea is the same. Don't be meek but project yourself and women will be interested in finding out more about you.

[Crystal Alberta]

I've seen a few posts on this thread from girls who are divorced, and love being single, but I haven't yet seen this view expressed by anyone who has never been married. Maybe I'm the odd girl out, but I'm in my 20s, have never been married, and have no particular desire to change that, at least not in the immediate future. I like living alone, and I like being single. I have far fewer obligations, and I am free to do what I want, when I want. I really think that our culture places far too much emphasis on being in a relationship. There is a tendency (which I do think is slowly diminishing) to regard single people as objects of pity, as though our lives are somehow incomplete. I don't buy into this. In fact, I believe many people who are in relationships simply because it is expected would be happier on their own.

That said, I think it is a personal decision. Being in a relationship is not for everyone, but neither is being single. We are all different, and there is nothing wrong either way. I do believe that there are women out there even for girls like us. I told the last girl I went out with quite early on about my CDing, and she was extremely supportive. When we both decided to go our separate ways, it had absolutely nothing to do with my CDing, and we parted on good terms. So don't give up hope!

[Tasha McIntyre]

My wife knew early on when we were dating that I had a 'thing' for girly clothes, but only recently did I come clean with the whole truth. I should have been up front from the start. She's quite understanding and accepting, but certainly not ecstatic about me wandering around the house in my denim mini skirt, or little black dress.

So to answer your question Diane, I was in a committed relationship when I spilled the beans, and my wife loves me no matter what I wear (as long as I don't alert the neighbors!)

[Toni_Lynn]

Prior to meeting my wife, I never told anyone I dated about me upfront. I was too filled with fear and wracked with guilt. It wasn't until after the relationships had ended that I told them, almost as a sympathy ploy.

After I got divorced from my first wife, the wicked witch of the west spelled with a B, I decided, in perfect Bacharach/ David style, to never fall in love again. While life on my own was grand, thank God, that the desire to love and be loved was stronger. I do recall however that whe I first met my wife, I beat myself up for a day a) for being so cruel as to inflict myself on a girl, and b) by saying why would any girl want a worthless faggot crossdresser like me. The last bit is of course total BS cause I'm not gay, and hold no prejudices against gay folk.

I spent 10 years writing CD fiction about the type of girl I'd want in my life. It was as if I had thrown my wishes and prayers to the gods via my stories. BTW - they are about girls who CD as guys. Well, then it happened, I met my wife, told her about me and my fantasies, and well, you can guess who wears the panties and who wears the jockey y-fronts when we are having 'fun' :)

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Alicia_lynn419]

Like so many others, I am alone, divorced and living in the suburbs of Atlanta. I have many girl friends who know about and support Allie, but I'm still waiting to meet the one who will LOVE Allie, (as well as her male counterpart). I keep telling myself, as does everyone else.. it takes time and faith.... so I wait and wait and wait.....

[Sam44]

I met my wife on eHarmony and told her about my crossdressing (which was only underdressing at the time) on our third or fourth date. It didn't cause any problems and a week or so later she gave me a nightie that had belonged to her grandmother.

I don't want to imply that things are perfect: as I've progressed with more and more explicitly feminine outerwear we've had to have the expected talks about how far things may go... But we're still quite happy and I think it's very clear that being upfront (but not "in your face") about crossdressing is the way to go.

[Hali]

I will always say this.............. when ever a Cd is going into a relationship his/her potential SO must be notified about CDing............things as little as saying you like lip-stick and eye-makeup so much sometimes you feel like wearing some, or that you feel it'll be kool for men to wear makeup etc and see how it goes from there (how your SO will react), this little clues can give your SO an idea of who you are.

The dating experts in many of their articles/publications mention that its in the early stages in a relationship (during bonding or bonding stages) that you have the opportunity to send little clues about some sides of you that might not be easily acceptable by your potential SO so that they can form a mental picture of what to expect from you right from the on-set, but do it not to send the potential SO away, cos life is always give and take.

[Katy Dee]

Hi Dianeleah.
I am glad you told your sister. A problem shared is a problem halved. I am a GG and have a wonderul partner who cross dresses most of the time. I decide to tell my three sisters as I wanted to be open about it. They were ALL very intrigued and accepting. They are all married and have been for many years, so this was a bit out of the ordinary for them. However what I am saying is that there are many women out there that will surley accept you as you are. My only advice to you is do tell the new lady as soon as you can as deception will only pull you apart. Good luck in the future.
Hugs :)
Katy Dee

[Joy Carter]

I have been talking to a single middle aged GG, who is a nurse, on line. It's been just as friends mind you, as I'm married and she knows that. She was telling me of her up coming halloween party and some of her friends. She describes her self as accepting off all, regardless of who they are. She said her closest male friend is a CD, that she values this relationship because of his sensitivity and the respect he show es her. I was invited to the party, but a hundred miles was just to far.

[briannad]

I live in the Atlanta suburbs, been divorced eight years now. I have dated a few women over that time but none that I felt confident to share my desires with. I do have two ex girlfriends that know, one is very supportive (now married to someone else) and the other is still in a state of shock two years later. I am resigned to being alone but still holding out hope that I will find someone who accepts and cherishes Alyssa.

[Rita D]

I was married to my wife for 7 years when I told her; but I had been in denial about myself for a very long time.
My CD tendencies first showed themselves in my fascination with slips. For a very long time that's all I ever wore when I dressed- eventually panties, nylons, shoes etc. were added, and finally I had to admit to myself it was more than a "slip fetish". When I realized the truth, I had to tell my wife because it was the only secret we had between us. She did not take it well- she had been somewhat sheltered growing up and had no idea what this meant- was I gay, she wanted to know...
To make a long story short, I tried to find books for us to share (remember I had alot to learn myself). She didn't want to see me as Rita for a long time, then one Sunday afternoon she asked if I would dress so she could see.... I think in some ways it was a relief to her that I didn't look like Ernest Borgnine in a dress- she told me I looked like my sister and we hugged, cried and talked until the kids woke up.
Since that time we've come a long way- She doesn't usually participate; but gives me the freedom to be Rita whether it's at home or going out w/ other TG people. I think she wishes it wasn't there; but she knows it's not going away and she still loves me. She has bought me perfume, lingerie and clothes as gifts over the years and always asks my opinion on her makeup and clothes (something she never did BEFORE she knew).
We will be married 31 years this winter- and despite the fact that I was scared out of my mind the day I told her- I would do it all again...
You want a woman who is going to love you for you- be honest with her before you get married- if she runs, she's not the right one for you...

Hugs-

Rita D

[sometimes_miss]

For me, I think the biggest problem is that I don't know anyone who accepts it (other than some people online, who I've never actually met). At work the subject will come up every so often, and the women there, without hesitation, all seem to see us as perverts and/or clowns. If a customer comes in with anything effeminate about him, he becomes the joke of the day. I don't want to be the joke of the day. I spent most of my childhood as the odd kid out, and don't [I]ever[I] want to re-live that experience. So for now, I remain dateless, as I have for the past 10 years since my divorce. And while I do appreciate the peace and quiet, it gets really, really lonely sitting here, trying to feel pretty. It was hard enough to ask someone out, and just dealing with rejection. Facing ridicule as well pretty much kills the idea entirely.

[Paula UK]

ive been with my wife for 6 years now having only got married 6 months back.

i told her about paula very soon after first getting together and im sooo glad i did. shes not only accepting of paula but actually encourages her. she arranges shopping trips, she buys her gifts and does her makeup etc. quite frankly her participation ha so enhanced my own enjoyment of Paula. i couldnt contemplate having to return to the closet.

some time ago i posted something my wife wrote about 4 years ago. its very close to my heart.if you want to read it you can find it here (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17235).

paula xx

[KATIE TV]

If you are a divorced manly man in my world and have a Harley the middle aged divorced woman will be fighting at the PTA meeting over you!

Funny you should mention a Harley, I used the fact that I rode one in my addvert in a local paper to find a lady, "Harley rider 56yr old seeks open minded lady to help with his feminin side" I got lots of reply's all of them OK with my cross dressing, I have been with "J" now for over 2yrs (we live together) and see loves "Katie" for who she is, and we still ride the Harley! so maybe you should buy one, Only jokeing, There are lots of GGs out there who would give anything to have a man who is careing and likes shoping, cleaning etc. "J" keeps on saying "how lucky she is too have found me" and most of her friends agree and wish they found me first. You have so much to offer and I am shure, given time you will meet the right lady for you. Love, Katie,X

[sometimes_miss]

Interesting idea, Katie. I started riding a motorcycle for the fun, but found that lots of women liked to ride. Now, let me check up on the prices of Harleys..........before selling my Yahaha.

[monique01]

I decided that the best policy on new women in my life after a divorce was to be upfront as soon as possible after meeting them. I knew that I couldn't keep it a secret and didn't want to be hiding it all the time. I found that my present wife accepted it good and the woman I dated before her accepted it real good and in fact said she revealed to me that she liked fem men. So, guess I would recommend that we all be upfront as I think they can or will handle it better then finding out later and then feel you were lying and then feel betrayed.

[Sam44]

For me, I think the biggest problem is that I don't know anyone who accepts it (other than some people online, who I've never actually met). At work the subject will come up every so often, and the women there, without hesitation, all seem to see us as perverts and/or clowns. If a customer comes in with anything effeminate about him, he becomes the joke of the day. I don't want to be the joke of the day. I spent most of my childhood as the odd kid out, and don't [I]ever[I] want to re-live that experience. So for now, I remain dateless, as I have for the past 10 years since my divorce. And while I do appreciate the peace and quiet, it gets really, really lonely sitting here, trying to feel pretty. It was hard enough to ask someone out, and just dealing with rejection. Facing ridicule as well pretty much kills the idea entirely.

Your feeling echo those of my wife, she's always been big around and has taken lots of taunting in her life. She's also worked in retail and has heard the comments about customers after they've gone and doesn't want to hear them about her (or me.) I too was taunted for being the odd fellow most of my life but I don't see things the same way as my wife. As I've met people while dressed as a woman (but with a beard) most are accepting face to face and I don't really care if they laugh after I'm gone. They'll find something else to laugh about if it weren't me and hence there's no reason to take it personally.

As to dating, eHarmony worked for us. It matched us up with people who were appropriate to our tastes and got us over the hump of asking people out... I don't mean to oversell it, it's still quite easy to take people's rejections personally, but if they aren't right for you, they aren't right for you.