How to tell if your "counselor" is a trans advocate or not??

[KaraChristine]

Hey everyone - I'm still in the beginning stages of transition - been in the midst of laser beard removal for the last several months, pretty much full time female when I'm not at work... but I'm stuck right now in a well paying job that I like but that won't allow transition (international flight attendant for military flights - they require a passport as a non-negotiable requirement and I can't get it changed without surgery obviously!).

I've been going to transgender support groups for about a year and a half - and have started one on one counseling with a counselor recommended by the tg group facilitator.

My counselor is a social worker / psychotherapist with a JD and a Master's in psychology - I like her very much as a person and she has treated many transgender women. But in the last couple of sessions she has been stressing more and more that even hormones may be several years away for me....

I understand the need to proceed cautiously with transition in order to prevent tragic regrets, etc. But I am 100% positive that I'm transgender, I've known it all my life. I'm very well adjusted in general (if a bit immodest) and earn a good income and have habitually been a source of help to others in my trans support groups. I know in my heart that I'm an excellent candidate for hormone therapy... and to tell the truth I'm 44 years old (don't spread it around!) so I also feel a bit like time is no longer my absolute best friend...

So the fear I have is that these "counseling" sessions may lead to a recommendation from the counselor that I should wait a few years - I have read extensively that a lot of therapists who specialize in gender issues see themselves as "gatekeepers" who regulate exactly who gets to transition and when. I would hate to be stigmatized with a "wait and see for several years" recommendation when I'm ready to begin hormones now - should I address it specifically with her? If I ask her if she's "anti-transition" I know that she will deny it and just advise patience... but I'm no longer a spring chicken, and I would like to at least start hormones...

I'm so close to being well-received in public as female (and to myself) - I feel like the hormones will give me the extra help I need both physically and emotionally to begin this difficult path...

Sorry about the long post but I'm genuinely a bit confused and frustrated about how to proceed. Should I just seek out a doctor / endocrinologist myself without a counselor's recommendation? Hard to know how to navigate this tough road...

Thanks for any thoughts or advice anyone might have,
Kara :D

http://www.lvtg.com/lvtg/members/photos/kara4fun_93.jpg

[Sharon]

You don't really know anything until you have a session with the counselor. And there's no reason why you can't seek the services of a second one if the first counselor isn't what you are looking for. Or even a third for that matter. :)

[Susan Loves Life]

I see my therapist once a week, and have done so for 16months now. I started on hormones 2 months ago. Here is ma thought for you that my therapist gave to me. - You are not just the patient, YOU are the therapist. I am only here to provide a safe enviroment for YOU to help YOURSELF. You are the one who decides how each session goes and I am along for the ride. I only ask questions to make you think about yourself and your true feelings. I will not, and cannot tell you what to think, do, or how to act, but I will be there to help you NOT causer harm to YOURSELF or to OTHERS.

So, I feel that first you might consider confronting your therapist about your issue with hormones and if you do not get a response that YOU feel comfortasble with, then - YES, you should consider finding another therapist.

Just my thoughts, hope all goes good for you. :)

Hugs -:):hugs::love:

[Zenith]

Thanks Sharon and Susan, that helps.

Kara, I share your concerns. I've felt too strongly for too long and fought it all my life. I don't think I can anymore. The only hold back or second guess is societal pressures against this.

I would take the time with a therapist to go over everything, but if I make the decision I am not going to want to pussyfoot around...

That's just me though...:2c:

[KaraChristine]

Thanks to everyone who's been replying and messaging me. I love how there's such an atmosphere of mutual support in these forums :D - it's genuinely appreciated.

I know that I've touched on some issues that can only be resolved between my counselor and me - I guess I was just concerned that subtle transphobia can sometimes be disguised as support (people can urge restraint with the best conscious intentions - but sometimes I think that call for restraint might be motivated by their deep-down belief that transition is a desperate and last ditch effort rather than a viable and appropriate treatment for something that is essentially a medical problem).

I think we are very vulnerable to suggestion and disappointment during the fragile transition time. As I just said in a PM reply, it's frustrating to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel after so many years of pain and confusion -- and then to be told that you still have several years walk to get there....

But for all the frustration, there are definitely tons of trans people who never even get to make it this far, so there is also a lot of gratefulness and humility that I think we need to have - it's a privilege to have come even this far.

Thanks again,
Kara :D

[GypsyKaren]

Kara, if you're not comfortable with this person for any reason, then you should go to someone else, period.

Karen Starlene :star:

[RylieCD]

You are not just the patient, YOU are the therapist. I am only here to provide a safe enviroment for YOU to help YOURSELF. You are the one who decides how each session goes and I am along for the ride. I only ask questions to make you think about yourself and your true feelings. I will not, and cannot tell you what to think, do, or how to act, but I will be there to help you NOT causer harm to YOURSELF or to OTHERS.

Yes you are your own theripist and you need to be comfortable with the professional you have hired to give you their professional opinion. I would comfront them and aske their resoning for your wait if you are sure, they may have a good reason that you have not picked up on. And yes we have heard stories of once someonetransitions they decide to go back.

My theripist has also told me to not rush and take it slow, Yes I wish I hoping for an answer,but he is not a fortune teller. His professional opinion and he indicated that the WPATH (or the email server he is on for GLBT) has also indicated that taking it slow is recommended for some.

Good luck with your theripist

[Avito]

This is crasy, find someone else or better still as you have been long enough in preperation so find someone who will actually start you off.

"But in the last couple of sessions she has been stressing more and more that even hormones may be several years away for me.... "

[Miss Tessa]

You be careful with those hormonez.


Many people DO jump the gun and end up messed up when they're actually just a crossdresser or something.