Phyliss
10-18-2008, 06:17 AM
Sitting here early in the morning at my laptop and what little is left of my brains begins to “wander”
The question has been asked many times of “where are you” along the “slide” “continuum” “journey” “train ride” call it what you will. Personally I don’t know exactly where I am, but I do know I’m a whole lot farther along than I used to be, sometimes it even feels like I’m going faster than I want.
Now, at present, I’m not “all dolled up” in my best finery with complete makeup, wig, etc. but rather wearing my nylon tricot Pjs, fuzzy robe and really comfortable fur lined slippers. Not a real pretty sight early in the A.M. but that’s OK with me. Oh, I’ve combed my hair and put it up in a pony tail, dabbed on a bit of lipstick ( Mary Kay Berry Kiss ) and added a pair of clip on small hoops.
From the point of view of another person, I look like a guy who is making a sad attempt and being “girly”. Well, there isn’t anybody else to see me, and what I look like right now isn’t the point.
It’s more of HOW I FEEL that really counts.
My home office is in my basement, so a few moments ago I went upstairs to the kitchen to refresh my morning coffee. Suddenly after my adventure of this past Monday ( see my post titled “not really much caring”) I’ve sorta taken on a new attitude.
Noted how I was walking as I headed for the stairs and how I ascended them, ( legs together and taking small steps ) , holding my robe so I wouldn’t trip on the steps. As I poured my coffee I noted my finger nails, ( long and shear pink acrylic overlays) and watched myself stir it. Pinky finger extended. Not trying to intentionally do this but rather automatically ( out of habit ? ) performing the action. Came back down the steps, gently and slightly turning sideways ( as if I were wearing heels ). Put my cup on the nearby table and sat down. Of course I smoothed my robe behind myself as I sat. Did this without thinking. Crossed my legs and allowed one slipper to dangle from my foot. Took a sip of my brew and noted the taste of lipstick combined with coffee. Relished the flavor.
Time was, I wouldn’t have even begun to think about the “simple things” in life, but rather would have focused on being pretty and dreaming about “going out”. I’ve been “out” a number of times and yes it’s fun, and thrilling, but for right now, I’m finding that just being able to cultivate an “ATTITUDE “ of what I think is female, is quite a nice feeling. Not every woman wears beautiful dresses all day everyday, ( would be nice ) . The real world has a way of getting in our way and normal things have to be done.
I’m finding that I can accomplish these “normal things” with a different thought process than I used to have. Example: covered my pool yesterday, had to be careful pulling on the cover so that I didn’t “break a nail” did anyhow, and had to find it for “reapplying” later. Little things in life that any other lady would face on a daily basis.
When I had sat down I automatically crossed my legs, just now to get a bit more comfortable I uncrossed them and I’m sitting with my knees together.
So many “little things” happen during the day that it becomes difficult to list them all. What I do find is, that looking at the overall picture, I’ve so changed over the past 3 or 4 years that I’m almost not the same person I used to be.
Took my wife shopping yesterday. On the way home I asked her if she enjoyed the day. One word answer, “yes”. A bit later on she said “ I like shopping with you. It’s fun”
My reply, “I told you when we first talked that you could have a girlfriend to shop with and have a good time.” She sorta agreed to the statement. Went on to note that I hadn’t bought anything for myself. To which she said “You have enough clothes, I’m tripping on all your shoes.” “But honey there’s so much cute stuff out there.” Turned to look at her and only got a small smile as an answer.
I feel so much better about myself today than I did a few years ago. No more hiding or worry about “what will others think? “ FREEDOM is a wonderful thing. Way beyond the “wrinkled” clothes in the trunk of your car or tool box in your garage shop. No more furtive “grab and go” with a dumb lie type of shopping. Most closets don’t have mirrors inside, so I wouldn’t be able to see what I look like, much less improve on those “looks”. Really happy to be ME even if I’m not “runway” beautiful. I am the best ME there is and I’m satisfied with it.
I want to here and now thank every member who has said anything , no matter how minor it might seem. I learn from every post there is. Your contributions have helped me more than you’ll ever know.
The question has been asked many times of “where are you” along the “slide” “continuum” “journey” “train ride” call it what you will. Personally I don’t know exactly where I am, but I do know I’m a whole lot farther along than I used to be, sometimes it even feels like I’m going faster than I want.
Now, at present, I’m not “all dolled up” in my best finery with complete makeup, wig, etc. but rather wearing my nylon tricot Pjs, fuzzy robe and really comfortable fur lined slippers. Not a real pretty sight early in the A.M. but that’s OK with me. Oh, I’ve combed my hair and put it up in a pony tail, dabbed on a bit of lipstick ( Mary Kay Berry Kiss ) and added a pair of clip on small hoops.
From the point of view of another person, I look like a guy who is making a sad attempt and being “girly”. Well, there isn’t anybody else to see me, and what I look like right now isn’t the point.
It’s more of HOW I FEEL that really counts.
My home office is in my basement, so a few moments ago I went upstairs to the kitchen to refresh my morning coffee. Suddenly after my adventure of this past Monday ( see my post titled “not really much caring”) I’ve sorta taken on a new attitude.
Noted how I was walking as I headed for the stairs and how I ascended them, ( legs together and taking small steps ) , holding my robe so I wouldn’t trip on the steps. As I poured my coffee I noted my finger nails, ( long and shear pink acrylic overlays) and watched myself stir it. Pinky finger extended. Not trying to intentionally do this but rather automatically ( out of habit ? ) performing the action. Came back down the steps, gently and slightly turning sideways ( as if I were wearing heels ). Put my cup on the nearby table and sat down. Of course I smoothed my robe behind myself as I sat. Did this without thinking. Crossed my legs and allowed one slipper to dangle from my foot. Took a sip of my brew and noted the taste of lipstick combined with coffee. Relished the flavor.
Time was, I wouldn’t have even begun to think about the “simple things” in life, but rather would have focused on being pretty and dreaming about “going out”. I’ve been “out” a number of times and yes it’s fun, and thrilling, but for right now, I’m finding that just being able to cultivate an “ATTITUDE “ of what I think is female, is quite a nice feeling. Not every woman wears beautiful dresses all day everyday, ( would be nice ) . The real world has a way of getting in our way and normal things have to be done.
I’m finding that I can accomplish these “normal things” with a different thought process than I used to have. Example: covered my pool yesterday, had to be careful pulling on the cover so that I didn’t “break a nail” did anyhow, and had to find it for “reapplying” later. Little things in life that any other lady would face on a daily basis.
When I had sat down I automatically crossed my legs, just now to get a bit more comfortable I uncrossed them and I’m sitting with my knees together.
So many “little things” happen during the day that it becomes difficult to list them all. What I do find is, that looking at the overall picture, I’ve so changed over the past 3 or 4 years that I’m almost not the same person I used to be.
Took my wife shopping yesterday. On the way home I asked her if she enjoyed the day. One word answer, “yes”. A bit later on she said “ I like shopping with you. It’s fun”
My reply, “I told you when we first talked that you could have a girlfriend to shop with and have a good time.” She sorta agreed to the statement. Went on to note that I hadn’t bought anything for myself. To which she said “You have enough clothes, I’m tripping on all your shoes.” “But honey there’s so much cute stuff out there.” Turned to look at her and only got a small smile as an answer.
I feel so much better about myself today than I did a few years ago. No more hiding or worry about “what will others think? “ FREEDOM is a wonderful thing. Way beyond the “wrinkled” clothes in the trunk of your car or tool box in your garage shop. No more furtive “grab and go” with a dumb lie type of shopping. Most closets don’t have mirrors inside, so I wouldn’t be able to see what I look like, much less improve on those “looks”. Really happy to be ME even if I’m not “runway” beautiful. I am the best ME there is and I’m satisfied with it.
I want to here and now thank every member who has said anything , no matter how minor it might seem. I learn from every post there is. Your contributions have helped me more than you’ll ever know.