For those with SOs that approve of their femme side

[MichelleT]

I'm pleasantly surprised to see that there are a number of CDs here with SOs that approve of their femme side.

I'm curious about how the masculine/feminine dynamics work in these relationships. Even in lesbian and gay relationships there is usually one person who is more 'manly' and one who is more 'womanly'.

So here are my questions for those of you with SOs that approve of your femme side.

1. When you are not dressed, do you tend to be more manly or more womanly than your SO, or would you say it is fairly balanced?

2. When you are dressed, does the masculine/feminine dynamic between you and your SO change?

[DemonicDaughter]

I hope you don't mind me saying this but most gay relationships don't have a more "manly" or more "womanly" individual. Just like everyone else, there is a more dominate person but not more manly/womanly. :) Many of us in that are not heterosexual dislike it when someone asks, "so who's the woman/man?" Both are. Just thought I'd clarify.

:hugs:

[Holly]

...
1. When you are not dressed, do you tend to be more manly or more womanly than your SO, or would you say it is fairly balanced?

2. When you are dressed, does the masculine/feminine dynamic between you and your SO change?

Definitely more feminine than before I accepted myself but overall, pretty balanced, I would say. I suppose that would indicate that I was "out of balance" before and honestly, that is probably true. For me, at least, because of the confusion my "gender diversity" was causing me, I tended to over-compensate. Now that I can freely embrace the woman within, there is no longer a need to prove my masculinity to myself. I still take care of what I need to as far as my wife is concerned, however.
Probably not too much. I think the reason being that the everyday dynamic between us has been changing. I have moved a little toward her natal gender and she has moved a little toward mine. I attribute this to becoming more comfortable with one another and see it as something 100% good for us. It's very nice that neither of us feel threatened by the gender of the other.
I hope this helps answer your questions.

[Danielle_cder]

1. When you are not dressed, do you tend to be more manly or more womanly than your SO, or would you say it is fairly balanced?

-Probably a balanced relationship

2. When you are dressed, does the masculine/feminine dynamic between you and your SO change?

-yes for sure I'm defiantly more submissive, probably because i feel that she is making an acception for me.

[ggtracy]

I think the key for us has been finding a balance between masculine/feminine traits all the time. Like DD said, we all have them and knowing what your partners needs are and adjusting to that yourself can be difficult in any relationship especially one with a part time CD.

I have learned that there are times when he may need/desire me to be the strong protective one regardless of his attire. he has learned to cater to my feminine side when needed even if he is dressed in femme.

what he learned right away was that the complete switching of roles when he dressed in femme was not going to work for me. what i have learned is that it is okay for me to sometimes take the more masculine role when he is dressed and it doesn't make me feel like a man anymore doing so. it just makes me feel like a good partner meeting his particular needs at that particular time.

[MichelleT]

I hope you don't mind me saying this but most gay relationships don't have a more "manly" or more "womanly" individual. Just like everyone else, there is a more dominate person but not more manly/womanly. :) Many of us in that are not heterosexual dislike it when someone asks, "so who's the woman/man?" Both are. Just thought I'd clarify.

:hugs:

OK. Dominant is fine with me. I really wasn't sure how to word this in a way that most people could relate to.

[BeckiB]

Interesting thread..but one that I think most of us have toyed with at some time.
I had taken a break from dressing the last year and a half (not planned just happened) Partly do to this. I enjoy both sides of who I am but some times we feel like we have to choose. In guy mode I am very much the mans, man..I just retired after 25 years in the military, I race motocross, ski, hunt, and love to be on my sailboat. I also love my fem side, I love to dress up and be pretty, I love to shop, have a terrible heel fetish and do makeovers on friends. I think for me or us it is both parts that make me whole. This is who I am and one without the other is not complete. My wife loves the total person and all that that comes with.

As far has who is more dominant...I am not sure that that matters which mode we are in. I think one person is going to take the lead in any relationship and that is not normally easy to change nor is change desired. We all have a comfort level and we stick to it. It is however important to realize that it is different for everyone and you must find you own.

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

When in guy mode,definitly masculine. When dressed femme, the feminine side definitly comes out. Its like having the best of both worlds and my wife doesn't mind one bit.

Felicity :)

[SexyLatexSamantha]

When dressed, I am pretty much the same person. I might be a bit more fem. But, not much. As far as the power exchange, I am definately the more dominate one while dressed. She has a submissive nature.

[MichelleT]

When in guy mode,definitly masculine. When dressed femme, the feminine side definitly comes out. Its like having the best of both worlds and my wife doesn't mind one bit.

Felicity :)

There is a concept, which makes sense to me, that a masculine/dominant person will be attracted to a feminine/submissive person and vice versa.

That would mean when you are in masculine mode your wife would be in feminine mode to be attracted to you. It also implies, that your wife would need to switch to masculine mode in order to be attracted to your feminine side.

But I guess that would only be true if you become more feminine than masculine.

[Jonianne]

I am pretty much the same either way. Although both of us are pretty independant, I tend to follow her lead in most issues. She is more particular and I am more easygoing, so I let her make most of the decisions. The last time I was dressed with her, we were on the train and she said she was going to have to "man-up" and assist me puting the luggage in the overhead rack instead of me doing it all by my self (the type of job I usually do) in my dress. So we did it together.

[Sophia de la luz]

I have moved into a gentler space overall. I'm finding outfits I can wear at anytime, and generally moving away from male clothing right now. My wife is attracted to my body and thinks the female clothing looks good. I suppose we have both moved towards each other in terms of dominance. It's the mutability I enjoy, the capacity to switch and change. Rather like partner dancing.

[Inachis]

When I am dressed it is only around the house. To answer the question.

1. Manly

2.No, the masculine vs. feminine dynamic stays the same. I am a male and therefore think like a man. She is a female and therefore thinks like a woman. I think that this may lead to some of the issues that I have on the whole subject.

[Nicole Erin]

1. When you are not dressed, do you tend to be more manly or more womanly than your SO, or would you say it is fairly balanced?

2. When you are dressed, does the masculine/feminine dynamic between you and your SO change?

1) It is balanced
2) No change, we act the same

[fluffy_kingston]

1. Balanced. I cross back and forth.

2. Yes, absolutely.

[Bev06 GG]

There is a concept, which makes sense to me, that a masculine/dominant person will be attracted to a feminine/submissive person and vice versa.

That would mean when you are in masculine mode your wife would be in feminine mode to be attracted to you. It also implies, that your wife would need to switch to masculine mode in order to be attracted to your feminine side.

But I guess that would only be true if you become more feminine than masculine.

Mmm very interesting but absolute bunkum. Sorry girls but I have to say questions like this do tend to bug me abit. I am a very supportive partner and have many CD friends. I am not masculine, I do not dominate, I am not bi curious or gay, and neither do I change roles. I just happen to have a partner who loves to cross dress. I love him so I accept what he does as being a rather unique part of his nature, one which thankfully we enjoy together. Why does there always have to be a reason for us being so accepting.
I guess this sounds a tad aggressive, sorry can't make it sound any different but I am tired of people always looking for some thing in my makeup which makes me accept something that my partner does which just happens to be unacceptable to the majority of society. CANT IT JUST BE THAT I LOVE HIM

[Sarah...]

1. When you are not dressed, do you tend to be more manly or more womanly than your SO, or would you say it is fairly balanced?

2. When you are dressed, does the masculine/feminine dynamic between you and your SO change?

1) The gender boundaries, as they are generally understood, are becoming much less distinct for us. To use easily understood terms, sometimes I'm the wife and sometimes my partner is the husband. However the more we explore our roles in our partnership the more difficult it becomes to genderise our roles and tasks. And the more we understand why that is the case. For example, I feel like I'm always backed up by a strong partner, she stands up for me when I am challenged and makes many of the decisions. Is that "manly" or "womanly"? I can't see it as either, and it doesn't seem to matter.

2) All the time!! Really. And it's precisely because of what I've said above. We seem to have the freedom to explore our personalities and manage ourselves in day to day life in such a way as that dynamic you describe is just that - dynamic. Given that we both identify as female but one of us has a body that suggests male then we have no choice but to have a mercilessly fidgetting masculine/feminine dynamic. It's really tiresome sometimes though.

Sarah...


. CANT IT JUST BE THAT I LOVE HIM

It certainly could! It seems easy enough to accept for me.

But in a logical sense, and just as an interesting philosophical exercise, does that then beg the question that those partners (of either gender) who are not accepting do therefore not love their CD partners? This seems more difficult to accept. In fact it may be that they love them just as much which is why they can't accept such an apparently radical change to their understanding of their relationship.

So if some SOs accept the CDing because they love their partners so much (entirely valid) and some SOs reject the CDing because they love their partners so much (also entirely valid) then the original question still hangs around, is there something else that causes acceptance in some and rejection in others?

BUT - although we can logically ask the question it doesn't necessarily mean there's an answer. Not one answer anyway. Bev has given one answer. I'll bet my life there are a million more equally valid ones!!

Sarah...

[Bev06 GG]

Well Sarah,
That is very interesting and thought provoking,but without hi jacking this thread I can't really answer that one so maybe another time. Does make you think though doesn't it.
Bev

[MichelleT]

Mmm very interesting but absolute bunkum. Sorry girls but I have to say questions like this do tend to bug me abit. I am a very supportive partner and have many CD friends. I am not masculine, I do not dominate, I am not bi curious or gay, and neither do I change roles.
One aspect of the concept is that a small minority of people are balanced between masculine/feminine. They probably view talk about masculine and feminine as bunkum. :)



Why does there always have to be a reason for us being so accepting.
I guess this sounds a tad aggressive, sorry can't make it sound any different but I am tired of people always looking for some thing in my makeup which makes me accept something that my partner does which just happens to be unacceptable to the majority of society. CANT IT JUST BE THAT I LOVE HIM
I don't understand what I said that gave you the impression I am trying to figure out what makes women like you accept your CD partner.

[Joanne f]

I am a very supportive partner and have many CD friends. I am not masculine, I do not dominate, I am not bi curious or gay, and neither do I change roles. I just happen to have a partner who loves to cross dress. I love him so I accept what he does as being a rather unique part of his nature, one which thankfully we enjoy together. Why does there always have to be a reason for us being so accepting.
I guess this sounds a tad aggressive, sorry can't make it sound any different but I am tired of people always looking for some thing in my makeup which makes me accept something that my partner does which just happens to be unacceptable to the majority of society. CANT IT JUST BE THAT I LOVE HIM
Ok i know i should not do this (speak for my wife) but i do know her very well and know that the above would speak for her with the added bit that i have often heard her say ( there is nothing wrong with what he does so why should i not just accept it for what is is ) and yes i have wrote this with her knowledge.


joanne :fairy2:

[cyndijane]

Was away from lifestyle (depression) but life starting to look good again not to mention my ex called about a month ago who left me because of my dressing but after being out with other men she told me that they werent sensitive to her needs,at which point I asked if she was ok with me being a cd, she told me that she was as long as it wasnt an all the time thing and she would even help me pick out clothes, so things are looking up.:)