Young Children

[bbybluestang]

HI all

I just want to know how you do you deal with young children when dressed?

I have a 3 year old daughter and she thinks it is great seeing dressed as a girl but the wife thinks it is not a good idea for her to see me dressed.

Just looking for advice:2c:

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

i was wearing pantyhose LONG b4 my son came to be,,i didnt hide it from him,,,only thing he had to say when he was younger is he didnt like to see me fully dressed as a female,,,,
my neices and nephew all know and seen me in pantyhose,,,,,they dont think any less of me...

[almisami]

It's better that she grows up knowing than the explanation you'll have to give her if she sees you in her teens.

[serinalynn]

Let the child see you dressed when she is really young, so when she is older she will know it's common occurance that you dress that way. You dressed a a woman is just the way you are.

[Carroll]

My 6 year old daughter and my 9 year old son see me dressed all the time. My wife and I have be praised by parents, the children's counselors, one of our workers at the department of social services, and by child protective services for how we are raising our children. They will both grow up with, hopefully, much more open and tolerant minds

[Nicole Erin]

Well if the kids are young and aware of it, they grow up not thinking anything of it. You see, kids [people] must be taught how to be prejudice, close minded, and all that. If they learn that people are just people early on, they don't grow up with hatred, fear, prejudice..


My wife and I have be praised by parents, the children's counselors,

have be praised by parents? WHAT were you trying to write, that looks really akward...
And since when does D.O.S.S. or child welfare praise ANY parent? I thought they were ther only to bust parent's chops....

[Miss Tessa]

Jesus!! That's Eff'd up! I think they need to grow up and let their minds develope and educate so they can understand.


A 3 year old and 6 year old doesn't know what "gender dysphoria" is.

That's wild.
But then again. I'm TS.

[Carroll]

praised as parents...LOL' and not every DSS agancy is out to get you...mostly :)

[victoriamwilliams1]

I dressed in front of my child until she was 3, now she never knew it was me and she sees photos of "The Lady who watched her when she was a baby" :eek: thats what she says now and she is almost 6! I dressed in front of my sister too when he was a baby up to the same age as my child is now but 20+ years later she does not remember.

I am in the closet with my family as well.

[Ballerina]

I don't know... I don't think I will when I have a kid... Kids can be quite the talkative ones, and if they say the wrong things around the wrong people, it can pose quite a problem, IMO...

[bbybluestang]

I don't know... I don't think I will when I have a kid... Kids can be quite the talkative ones, and if they say the wrong things around the wrong people, it can pose quite a problem, IMO...

This is the problem I am worried about she is a little chatter box

[Kimmie]

Little kids likely do not appreciate the taboo element of being a CD, and tend to be honest about everything and say whatever comes to their mind.

Bottom line: Would you trust a 3 year old with a secret?

[koolaidkid99]

remember, parents are the childrens first roll models. I agree with Miss Tessa adding that you shouldn't see this as a normal thing to raise your children with. Too confusing on a developing mind.

[mykhelee]

While my adult daughters and a few close friends know I would like to be the one to spread the news, so to speak. I was out shopping for garments with my daughter , for myself. My nearly 4 yr. old gd asked who I was buying them for, she was told, a close friend. When we arrived home she told her Aunt I bought some girl clothes for a friend, luckily she already knows.

Being open and honest with your children is always the best idea, as long as you don't mind them telling others. When small children are told to keep secrets it can lead to bad situations. My daughters all told me as adults, after I came out to them that they had figured out my secret long before I told them. They were raised to accept people for who they were so they did not freak out. If you raise your daughter to have an open mind, she will have one.

Good luck to you.

[Tasha McIntyre]

The rule in our household is not in front of the kids whilst they are young. I understand what people are saying in regards to letting children be exposed to our girly side, but I'd rather not have the kids go the school and talk about daddy's dresses.

We are generally very understanding and accepting in this forum, but many members of the wider community are not, and kids especially can be cruel. I'd hate for my kids to be teased and segregated at school because their dad dresses like a girl.

When they are old enough, i.e. they have an adult enough mind to judge and evaulate effectively, then I don't see a problem. Just my :2c:

I also appreciate everyone is different, and I truly commend those that have total exposure to their family and the wider community - you have courage that I do not.

[Angie G]

There is nothing really worng with dressing so why hide it from her. She may find out someday this way she will know it's who you are and have an onen mind about it.:hugs:
Angie

[obsessedwithpantyhose]

There is nothing really worng with dressing so why hide it from her. She may find out someday this way she will know it's who you are and have an onen mind about it.:hugs:
Angie


"nothing wrong with dressing"

OMG did you EVER hit the nail on the head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[VtVicky]

Don't do it! Your job as a parent is to provide a safe, nurturing environment within which your child can grow. Injecting your own issues into a child's immature mind is unfair to the child. I'm sure you can teach your child to be accepting and nonjudgemental without adding parental gender confusion into the mix.

[bimini1]

I remember dresing around my lil sister when I was 10-11 and she was 6-7. When I told her about the Cding during my "great coming out" about 1999, she said she did not even remember it.
That same year I did my first Triess meeting at a hotel accompanied by my then girlfriend/now wife and one of her biggest concerns when we went out to the lounge was that children might be present, she wanted me to stay out of their sight. Said it would be too confusing for them.

I have CD friends who feel just as strongly about it as you do VtVicky. They say kids have enough to figure out and this should not be one of their issues at all.

[lovescrossdressers]

WOW! This really caught my eye. I have a 2 year old son, and I plan on having a C/D wife (His father was a C/D) I will keep it away from him, it will be hard being the only time my wife will beable to dress is at night or when he is not home .I like what Vivky said I feel as a parent of a young son that it is my duty to teach him to grow up to be a real man ..Now if he decides to become a c/d I will be there for him every step of the way.But I never want to feel like I taught him to be a c/d because thats all he saw as a child if he should become one.....Life is hard enough just living it normally everyday..........

[Carroll]

OK, first you don't tell your kids its a secret. You simply tell them it is a private family thing that shouldn't be repeated. Yes there is a risk the kids will still say something, which you must be ready for. Neither of mine have said anything at all.



Don't do it! Your job as a parent is to provide a safe, nurturing environment within which your child can grow. Injecting your own issues into a child's immature mind is unfair to the child. I'm sure you can teach your child to be accepting and nonjudgmental without adding parental gender confusion into the mix.

I completely disagree. You can provide a safe, nurturing environment and cross-dress. I am not "injecting" my kids with gender confusion issues, because I have no confusion issues, I know who I am and my kids are learning to be who they are. How many times has somebody here told us how their kids reacted when told later in life? I don't have to worry about my kids rejecting me, nor an other cross dresser they come in contact with because they will grow up knowing that the world of boys and girls is not a black and white, that there are gray areas around they need not fear. Everybody here wants to be accepted for who they are, but are not willing to open the eyes of the young ones before someone else gets to them.

[Carin]

Some comments posted in this thread, bother me:
"Secrets"
"Too confusing on a developing mind"
"they have an adult enough mind to judge and evaluate effectively"
"adding parental gender confusion into the mix"
"kids have enough to figure out and this should not be one of their issues at all"

We want to be respected as people. We want our children to be respectful. Yet, we hesitate to show them respect through honesty. Children are not confused by seeing their dad's feminine side. They are confused by our hiding it. Children are not judgemental. 'Parental gender confusion' is confusing to adults because we were denied the opportunity to explore this as we grew up.

All too often parents "Protect their children from the world" until they are teenagers, and then wonder why their teenagers - who do not listen any more because teenagers believe that they are invincible - are having difficulty with the world. As a parent our job is to prepare our children for the world, one step at a time. Parenting starts when they are born, and I am not talking about changing diapers. We teach tolerance, acceptance, fairness, values far better by showing rather than by lecturing. Lectures just do not work. "Do as I say, not as I do" is the biggest lie that children have to deal with.

I do not recommend the 'shock treatment' of suddenly seeing dad in a skirt. But a child who sees his/her dad putting on a little makeup will likely ask dad why he is doing that. The discussion that ensues is where parenting happens. Some guys do wear makeup, some guys do like to be a bit feminine. Tell them. Don't hide it. This is the TRUTH, this is reality. They WILL tell you what they think about it. Don't push too hard. Listen to them. Take your cues from them because they are talking at their level. Respect their ability to accept their parents as they are - human. Be the parent you want them to respect. The androgynous or feminine jeans or top becomes normal. In fact, children do not talk much about what is normal. They talk about secrets and games. They will talk about the women's underwear they found in dad's drawer, if it is a secret. If it is not a secret it has no playground value.

One of my daughters - at 15 - concocted a horrific story when she found some of my stuff. We had to tell her the real truth. Her response to the truth was that "Her parents were cool" (teen-speak for human as opposed to pretentiously perfect).

How many of us wished that this subject was not taboo when you were young. How many of us went through years of trauma, broken relationships, etc, because this was not a acceptable to our peers and adults of the time. Why do we want to perpetuate this intolerance.

I think the reality is that we are afraid to tell our children because we do not completely accept this ourselves.

[Clara]

Good post, Carin. I have a very girly 4-year old daughter. I'm not around her fully dressed as a woman. But recently we started playing 'beauty salon'. I let her paint my nails, put glitter on my face, gloss on my lips, style my hair. She loves it and she doesn't thing there is anything wrong or weird about it.

[Jilmac]

You may think it's ok now when your daughter is only three, but think ahead to when she's ten or fifteen. Girls that age have enough questions about themselves, and might be put off by seeing you en femme. Listen to your wife, when the time is right you'll know it.:2c:

[Sally2005]

Here's what I'm thinking...

Keep it simple for the kids...tell them it is practice for a costume party, halloween or something. That way they can see you dressed sometimes and it is not a secret. If their friends find out and they feel the need to explain it there is a ready script they can use that is consistant and makes some sense.

For this to work, you have to feel no shame, be open to using the same story for anyone who asks to protect your kids reputation. I think this could be a good middle ground since there is nothing complicated to explain until they are older and by then it will be old news. Hiding is a problem because it can be a shock to them when they find out and being fully out could be pretty hard for them if anyone tells them it is wrong.

Of course, you might have to suck up the occasional joke about it from your kids.

[lovemydaddy]

being that i am the child of a cross dresser, i thought i'd share my thoughts on this.

i think the most important lesson i ever learned from my parents is that people different, but they're still PEOPLE. every single person in this world, whether they're male, female, gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, black, white, asian, hispanic, homeless, rich, mentally challenged, gifted, or SOME MIXTURE of what ever label they express themselves, they're are still people. that underneath all the baggage on top, under the clothes, under the color, under everything, everyone has a soul, and we should ALL be treated as people. but we all know that acceptance is much easier preached than practiced. and my parent's definitely led by example from day one. they never judged ANYONE, and accepted EVERYONE as people.

so when my dad did tell me about his dressing, even though it was a little shocking, i didn't see a problem, because he's still my dad, whether he's in a skirt and heels, or jeans and vans. i'm not embarrassed by it. yes, it can be awkward to explain it to friends, and there are certain friends i choose not to share it with, because many people dont understand. BUT, acceptance is contagious. and i have found more people that because i'm comfortable with it, my friends are too. and i feel that if parents teach their children acceptance in general, when the time is right for your family to share, it will be SO much easier for the children.

[Eve_WA]

...but when did he tell you? From the sounds of it, you were of an age that you could comprehend and understand. Im not sure that applies to a 3yo. just my opinion.

[Sophia de la luz]

We have two kids, one turning three in two weeks, the other six years old. Recently I've gotten rid of all my male clothing, and I often wear skirts etc. around the house in the evening or all weekend. I asked both of them at separate times if they minded me wearing womens' clothing. To quote the six year old, "I don't care what you wear." The youngest of course is still deeply in total acceptance.
This is something I think about on a daily basis. Perhaps no one size fits all answer is available.
For our family, people showing up, telling the truth, coming from love and giving up expectations is the core foundation of the family. So, hiding wouldn't really make sense. Our kids are homeschooled, so no worries about them being abused about it at public school.
I think it is important that children have role models, but expecting the parents to provide 100% of that modelling is perhaps not realistic. Perhaps it is ok for the parents to be who they are, feed their kids, house them, offer them fundamentals in self care and how to build sound relationships, and then trust that the kids will find their way in life.

I think it would be obvious if the dressing in womens' clothes was a big deal and damaging to the child. And if it's not, then no worries, it's only clothing.

[DTelia]

HI all

I just want to know how you do you deal with young children when dressed?

I have a 3 year old daughter and she thinks it is great seeing dressed as a girl but the wife thinks it is not a good idea for her to see me dressed.

Just looking for advice:2c:

My two cents is avoid this. Do not make life more difficult and challenging for your children. They need a dad, period.

[Jamie001]

Yes, but why does it matter what Dad is wearing?


My two cents is avoid this. Do not make life more difficult and challenging for your children. They need a dad, period.

[DTelia]

Yes, but why does it matter what Dad is wearing?

Just my opinion. I'm one of those who keeps this between the Mrs. and me.

[Glenda]

Is this the biggest dilemma we face? Crossdressers want to be accepted by others and dream of a day when we can dress as we like without any negative repurcussions. How can we expect acceptance from others if we feel what we are doing is wrong? When I was a child, many of my friends thought it was wrong to be friends with blacks, or catholics, or gays. Girls were not allowed to wear pants to school. My parents and grandparents taught me to accept everyone. The world has changed a lot since then. John Kennedy was the first Catholic elected to be president. That was a big deal. Civil rights divided our nation and caused a horrible uproar in our schools. It is very likely that we will have our first black president next year. The courts have ruled that a gay couple can raise children.

I can't believe how prejudiced so many of us are against ourselves. Do we crossdress because we think it is wrong and we want to rebel and "be bad?" Should you tell your children and grandchildren that it is wrong for girls to play with trucks or for boys to play with dolls?

It is a personal decision, but I don't want my grandchildren to grow up thinking that crossdressing is wrong. I would much rather they know that Grandpa Glen loves them and accepts them regardless of what they do. They love and accept me too.

[Angel.Marie76]

I have a 10yr old son, and, well, I was just talking to my SO tonight about 'getting ready' for the club this week while he was still awake, as it would give me more time to get everything just right. He's not seen me dress at all, but having my SO staying with me lately has allowed some of my clothing to be scattered about without the 'Dad, why are there lady's clothes all around??' ;-)

ANYway, seriously, I figured that, considering it is the Halloween season and all, that the excuse of 'Dad's dressing up for a party...' [But as a woman though???] 'Well, daddy wanted to surprise everybody....' {Granted, I'll be dressing as a Cleopatra/Nefertiti with full dress, headress, stockings and boots< with makeup of course} I know I'm just postulating possible conversations, but reality is, it could be a one time occurance that would give me a chance to open a dialog with him.. I already have long hair down below my middle back that he says his stepfather constantly makes fun of me for (which I shunt fairly quickly anyway), so, the reality of, perhaps, him beginning to find out that I would actually like to wander around the house in a skirt just because I like to wear them and there's nothing wrong with it might give him more complicated thoughts to deal with...

Yes, I'm nervous about it, but it seems like the best chance to just come about things open-handedly..

Course, this is just my perspective, and open to C&C and interpretation.

[khloey]

I do dress around my nieces and nephews,most of them are very comfortable around me as my en femme side.My nieces say I do look beautiful

[Rachel Welsley]

Well I have my daughter on the weekends which is both a blessing & a curse. it means I can dress however I want during the week & dress en drab on the weekends which doesn't bother me. it also means that if I dressed en femme, her mom would definitely find out and I'd get more than an earful. Her mom has an idea that I CD but isn't 100% sure so for now, I'll just keep everything like it is. no need to rock the boat when it's moving at a good clip

[Hali]

I think children are really vulnerable, they need to be handled with caution.

I started my CDing cos my sister use to dress me up as a child, whether her acts contributed to me being a CD or nt ( i guess it did in my own opinion) is left to be established, she might nt know the implications then and now...........am a CD now, do i want to be a CD? is it Ok to be a CD? If you ask me i will say its nt easy being a CD in an intolerant society or even in the tolerant society....the confusion, anxiety, fear etc.
The best person to answer the question whether children should be exposed to Cding at an early age or not, should be a gender friendly child psychologist (government approved or of high reputation), not an ordianry CD that might be biase in judgement (like me and you).....cos some of us are nt happy beign who we are..........some of us would want their lives without CDing.

[Angie G]

When my kids wore that age my wife didn't even know. Now my wife know but the kids still don't. They have seen my dress on Halloween and that's it.:hugs:
Angie

[Genifer Teal]

I don't know... I don't think I will when I have a kid... Kids can be quite the talkative ones, and if they say the wrong things around the wrong people, it can pose quite a problem, IMO...

Young kids can be like tape recorders. They repeat everything they hear. This may present a problem. Other than that, all families are differetn. It's your house and your set of rules. No matter how crazy or different, you can still bring up a well rounded child.

Have you ever seen one of those "wife swap" shows? They find some very unique families. CDing is nothing compare to some of them.

Gen

[Angel.Marie76]

Well I have my daughter on the weekends which is both a blessing & a curse. it means I can dress however I want during the week & dress en drab on the weekends which doesn't bother me. it also means that if I dressed en femme, her mom would definitely find out and I'd get more than an earful. Her mom has an idea that I CD but isn't 100% sure so for now, I'll just keep everything like it is. no need to rock the boat when it's moving at a good clip

You nailed it right on the head for me here.. his mother knew that I had tendancies to CD here and there, but it was never exposed to anyone. I'm sure that, while she might be /reasonable/ at first, I am afraid that it might give her more ammunition to complicate my life further...

[Angel.Marie76]

I realize that this looks like a double-post, but some circumstances have changed since I wrote last. (this is long, but important for those comparative experiences)

My time with Halloween didn't go all that smooth with my son, as I tried to really be honest, interested in his feelings, and respectful / intelligent about my conversation with him about some not-so-mainstream ideals. He had kept pestering me to see my costume, and as in preparation for this (or so as he thought) I had shaved off all my facial hair. He's seen me do it before, but it seems to bug him a little each time I have done it. (for the record, I would like to / plan to at this time to stay clean shaven)

So, finally I showed him my costume. His jaw dropped, and he just looked at me, surprised (if you can imagine a little guy brushing his teeth, freezing in place mouth hung open - little kid rabies) and just said 'WHY??!?! A Girl?? Daaaaaaad, why do you wanna dress up like a girl??' and so on for a few minutes. I explained to him that on Halloween, people can dress up any way they like and no one can (generally) make fun of them.. so it gives you the chance to be anything you want! So he never saw me dressed up, but just knew there was something amiss.

The day of Hallows (which was a holiday for him and I from work/school), I had already told my SO that, simply put, I wanted to be a woman, whatever that meant to me, but that was my 'costume' if you will. So, I wore a long dark skirt in the morning with a simple top after I walked out of the shower, hung out with my son (he didn't say anything yet), and then as the day went on a I put on a pair of tight jeans, a form fitting long sleeve shirt and a sheer button down top over it, stocking feet. No makeup, no bra (I'm flat). He became remarkably upset.

I talked with him for quite some time, about people's personal choices, feelings, looks, and what is right or wrong, etc. etal. Reinforcing even the concept of just a one-time occurrence of an outing, asking him some questions like 'Would you rather go trick or treating with someone who looks like your father, or someone that might look like your mother... Well, his response was unequivocally a male figure, and began to cry. Parents know when to put an end to things, and believe me, after a few minutes more of trying to just be honest and open with him, it was just killing me. I got to a point where I told him, fine, I wouldn't step outside even mutedly so as a woman, and he calmed down. Embarrassment apparently was a key factor. I changed tops, continued to wear the jeans and heard nothing more for some time.

Yesterday though, he chimed up again, this time targetly so at my choice of clothing and shoes. I had been getting ready in the bedroom with my SO, and was sitting there, same jeans, actually metro-male sweater top, but I had put on my nice heeled ankle boots, which were mostly hidden by the bootcut legs, but the shaped toe and 3.5+" heels can't be missed. With my legs crossed like a good lady I sat there on the edge of the bed, talking to my SO, and heard 'DAD! Why do you look like that??!?! But those are hiheeled boots! I told you I didn't want to go around with someone that looks like a GIRL. Ever since you shaved your beard you've been wearing tight jeans and other girly clothing and it's embarrassing me!' :-(

Well, the boots came off, the rest of the clothing stayed (I wonder if he saw the lines from the sport tank spaghetti stop I was wearing under the sweater?) on for a trip to the mall, some shopping, and (heh) a trip through LazerStorm for a 1/2 hour.. so I was Dad mostly, doing fun things, and not caring how I looked or if he cared or not. We had fun, but in the end I still don't know how he might really feel inside. I plan to go to a support meeting this week, where I plan to dress similarly (but I'm wearing the boots d@mn it) if not more so, but I'll probably have to hide it all from him to get out the door without hassle.

If anything, I'm just expressing my experiences, but in the end I hope to build a foundation with my son that hopefully will be either supporting or 'invisible' to the outside world for him - though perhaps not at home. The outside world may at some point pick up on Angel overall faster than he might, or he may just not want to come to terms with it.. either way, I only hope that he doesn't hate me for it.

Best of luck to all those with children.