Man buddy?

[suzy cool]

I have read various threads in the MtF section where they would like a female friend to just be a friend. Someone to help them with embarrassing shopping that they can't do themselves, or to share the fun of just dressing up and so on.
I know the Transman side of things is more a Ts way of looking at it but do you need a Man buddy?

[Cai]

I like having male friends because I'm more comfortable with them. My female friends will bring up their boobs, or their periods, or sex with their boyfriends, or their shoes, or whatever, and I don't really want to talk about those things. In fact, the first 3 topics make me highly uncomfortable. While I'm also not dying to talk about sports or car care, at least the topics with guys don't make me want to hide under a rock.

Plus, guys tend to be more okay with silence and pauses in conversation. And sometimes I do just want to sit with someone and watch TV or the like.

[Abraxas]

Yeah, it's nice to have dudes around to sort of... initiate me into the club.
I've got this one friend who'll occasionally get all us guys out on the porch and pass around cigars. First time, he said to me, 'another step into manhood-- ya gotta know how to smoke a cigar.'
And we, like, pee on the side of the driveway together and stuff, haha

He also 'trains' me. He's an ex-marine, so he shows me self defence stuff, and has no problem with launching me over his shoulder or throwing me on the ground hard, which, while painful, is nice. And useful, too, considering that five year olds can beat me at arm wrestling. I'm kinda tiny.

[Wren]

I wasn't really raised as one gender or the other, I had a very open brother and sister who I picked up things from as I grew up so the "big unknown universe of the other gender", isn't really an issue overall.

I find it nice to have a second opinion on things that I buy or the way I dress anyway, just because I'm not always the most confident person, my boyfriend usually does this job, or my best friend who happens to be female.

The people I hang out with are of mixed sex and and none of them are stupid people, I get healthy opinions from all of them from time to time, but none are designated 'Man buddy'.

[sparro]

I think that this thread is making the assumption that men and women have certain traits that are inextricable from their personalities.

In other words, that men act one way, and that women act another. While it's true that men and women can be more predisposed to act a certain way, I really don't believe that gender is the sole shaper of anyone's personality.

I found during many of my own soul searches about my gender that I often think about the way I "should" be. That extends to the kind of friends I "should" have. Boys should have male friends. And they should all act together in a certain way. And we should do the kind of things that male friends do.

*shrug* All I know is that my most of my friends are girls. And they talk about their boobs as much as I talk about my dick (which happens to be more frequently then you'd expect :) (also, pardon my bluntness) ).

[ZenFrost]

I don't need a man buddy, 'cause I don't need a buddy at all. I'm quite content to remain essentially friendless.

[deja true]

Aw, Zen... that don't sound good!

But despite what you think...or what you want...and despite your curmudgeonly front...you do have friends here!

You can't make me not like you, ya big softy philosopher person! :)
----------------------------------------------

But on the subject of man friends...I seem to remember a thread from a while ago that asked if the guys might want or feel the need for male "mentor's", the way that Suzy points out that many of the girls do. And if I remember correctly, the answers were kinda the same...that the guys, for a large part, don't really feel the need.

I kinda understand that many man traits might put y'all off, just as they do us, and that maybe the point for many is to be a different sort of man. But, like Cai and Brax have mentioned, isn't there sort of a "fellowship" there that some might be drawn to?

[brylram]

But, like Cai and Brax have mentioned, isn't there sort of a "fellowship" there that some might be drawn to?

Personally I feel a "fellowship" with every man I meet, even if I'm only in contact with them briefly. I don't need to be their friend, or even like them at all, to experience that... it's just natural. I feel a comfort and familiarity with the presence of other men, but only have a need for their presence in the general vicinity of me (living nearby, passing on the street occasionally). I'd be highly uncomfortable in a world where I was the only man, or one of only a few men, because there'd be a kind of 'alone' feeling that would be unique to that situation. But having said that, I'm generally more comfortable with solitude, or one or two very close people.. and when I do feel the need to have someone around for an extended period of time, it's usually someone female. While I have a need to have other men nearby, in direct interactions I most often seek out females to offset my masculinity.

Interacting with women just feels more balanced.

EDIT: The only man I seek out interaction with is my father... and I'm fortunate enough to have him available for that.

[suzy cool]

I don't need a man buddy, 'cause I don't need a buddy at all. I'm quite content to remain essentially friendless.

Good luck with that one Zen. Lots of men are islands..but not by choice.

[dancinginthedark]

So urinating with a group of men is somehow emasculating? Sounds more like the beginning of a Larry McMurtry screenplay.

Actually it reminds me of a bunch of guys at any age who think they are not in the company of a female. Are you seriously going to try to imply that you never did this growing up or even as an adult on a night out bar hopping? :liar:

But hey the image of a bunch of trail dusty guys in dusters, boots, six shooters and cowboy hats works for me. :D

[Wendy me]

men don't pee outside ...... we are like our Harley's we mark our spot............

[Felix]

Yeah when I came out my female friends kinda didn't know what to do coz they had never been shopping with me as Felix lol!!! I found it quite hard initially to shop on my own and not have a woman around saying yeah that would look great on ya. I did go a couple of times with female friends but they always wanted to look in the womens and naturally so. I eventually got the hang of shopping alone but I would still like someone to shop with really and to say yeah that looks good on ya and stuff. It makes such a difference having someone to do that ya know? Whether it be a friend or if ya lucky a partner!!!! xx Felix :hugs:

[Poltergeist]

I'll have friends of both genders, but most of the time it's easier for me to be around guys.... girls have a tendency to expect me to be "girly", even when they know I'm transgendered. So often I feel I can relax more with guys.

But, I don't think I need someone to teach me to be male or anything like that, and I don't really think much about clothes or shopping... I guess that's more of a MtF thing. It sometimes happens that I wonder if something I'm trying to do to pass is working, and then I'll ask for an opinion... but usually I ask my mom :D

[Felix]

Hi ooops hope I didn't give the imperession that I need teaching lol :o all man here!!! I just meant I like a second opinion sometimes :D Felix

[Poltergeist]

Hi ooops hope I didn't give the imperession that I need teaching lol :o all man here!!! I just meant I like a second opinion sometimes :D Felix

Haha, don't worry Felix, like I said I ask for a second opinion too sometimes :D And my mom is great at that... I also ask her so that she feels that she's a part of my transition. You know, that she has a bit of influence and that we can still have a "connection".

[Felix]

Thats really nice Hun that ya have that thing with ya mam its so helpful to have that especially now whiles ya transitioning xx Felix :):hugs:

[Felix]

I was telling my Greek buddy how I was trying to decide on an outfit for the School Christmas dinner at the end of term. I said it's a kinda dinner dance and I never been to one. I have got a smart shirt I just got in the sales and a nice slimline tie but don't know about the rest although I have been looking at some suits that I like. He said he would come with me and help me coz I should have a suit in my closet LOL. I was really pleased and was like when I got enough money that would be ACE :) So looks like I have my man buddy to go shop with :) xx Felix :hugs:

[Punkster]

I have friends that are male, female and not sure yet lol. Too me friendship is about so much more than gender. In saying that when I am clothes shopping particularly for a suite or something special I would rather have my friend Phillipa with me, shes fantastic at helping in that department. She is a self confessed ex stepford wife lol and makes sure the suite is spot on in its fit and such like.

I gravitate to men who are more like myself, the gentlemanly softer natured guys. I always say that I am a very "GENTLE man" . I have some more "macho" type men in my life but find it harder to relate. I think this is perhaps why I like gay men and other trans men. Sorry for the stereotypes guys....its hard to describe what I mean as it is.

As for women I prefer women around me that stimulate my mind rather than be "eye candy", a term I find pretty offensive. I like women who are confident about themselves and will not allow themselves to be "second class".

I hope all this makes sense, and I apologise for the stereotyping. :o

[Felix]

Hey Punkster my friend it makes loads of sense :)
I like all sorts of people. Like I've always said and maintain its the person not the gender or sexuality that attract me. I must say though and not to be funny, my main cohort of friends are gay men and although they do have their gentle side I have seen on quite a few occasions a quite aggressive and forceful side to their natures, lol two sides to every coin and in some cases even more!!! In fact I have been in the middle of it on quite a few occasions trying to calm things down lol!!
I must admit I do seem to gravutate towards gay men and trans guys though more than to women and as far as women go I do like an empowered confident woman but one who also likes equality in every sense of the word. That would go for the guys too confident but wanting equality!!! That is so central for me!!!! Soz this is prob off topic but its kinda stirred up a few things for me :/ No second class citizen here absolutely no way :hugs: xx FELIX

[Punkster]

Oh yes Ive seen gay men get very aggressive of course, but its not quite what I mean....I think I'm talking about the gentler side of things that are still very male without the need to be macho....I'm not even sure that describes it lol....oh well!

[Felix]

I went out with My Greek mate and his man last night and we talked about my clothes for the Christmas dinner at work :) I already got the shirt and tie from a sale and he really likes that lol he's very particular about his dress ;) so the three of us talked about what I should get to go with the shirt and agreed it probably has to be dark trousers but slim line and probably a jacket as its a dinner dance and he said If I really shine my Docs up they will be fine with the outfit :) OOOOH I'm getting quite excited coz it will be my first outing in anything that comes close to a suit :) xx Felix :)

[Sebastian]

Personally, to answer the question of this thread, I am WAAAAAAAAYYYYY way way way to indecisive to do even anything remotely constructive.

So, I usually am always around people, and I have certain friends that I rely on to do certain things with. Like I can have specific guy friends who I shop with, specific friends who are girls I shop with, and then my current girlfriend always knows what looks good on me.

Not to mention I'm a total idiot when it comes to matching clothing. I simply don't understand the concept at all, and require a second opinion from my roommate before I even leave the room.

I'm also a firm believer in clothing purchases should always have a second opinion if they look good on you or not anyway.

So, I don't have a specific "man buddy," but I do have people around me all the time that help with my terrible matching skills & getting a second opinion.

[Thornton]

Hi. I'm Thornton. I'm new here, and it seems like this is a dead post, but, oh well, I Like it.

I don't think MtFs essentially NEED a "man-buddy", but I find it's nice to have one.

As for that "feeling of fellowship", with girls, I could just never feel that. No matter how nice they were, or how long they've been my friend, I've always felt somewhat estranged. With guys, I feel good, I feel connected, when they don't treat me like a female. I have a few guys in my life, who treat me as male, not just some type of lesbian, and, it's great. They'll fool around with me good-heartedly being pre-op, doing things like fiddling with their beards and saying, "you WISH you could do this!" (and I DO). But yeah, with guys that accept me, that feeling of estrangement is gone.