seriously considering something

[gagirl1]

hey everyone. my gender confusion has really messed me up lately. in the last few months i don't know what to do with myself. man, woman, transgender, what am i? unfortunately, this has adversely affected my college career. the time i get to spend as a woman keeps me up to the wee hours in the morning, and i'm seriously considering taking some time off to work it all out. i'd much rather come back to school knowing who i am than figuring out who i am while in school. i don't know what to do. i'm fairly sure this will give me a chance to take a brake off of my college education, but if i don't, i will get booted out for a second time, which is almost irreversible. i'm seriously considering just working to support myself and transitioning then coming back to school after. ok, let me clarify, i'm failing because i can't go to class b/c i have makeup on. not from that day, but from the night before. And that is more often than not. i was so terrified of people seeing my fake nails that i missed almost an entire week of school. good lord, i want to curb this so i can just go to school like a normal person, but i can't. any advice would help. anything at all. thank you.

[Jamie S.]

I wish I could help, but I'm trapped in the same spot as well. Doing poorly in college, trying to find a way financially and emotionally to transition. It's hard on so many different levels. The importance people place on silly things like papers and such feels so trivial in relation to the feelings we have right now. The anxiety of work, school, and so many other things just keeps me up at night (much like now).

So if anyone has any good advice, I'd sure like to hear it too.

[gagirl1]

it makes it so hard to stay focused. i know it's my future, but i can't even imagine the future when my present is so confusing

[suzy cool]

You need a plan. Once you know what you want to achieve you can work out how and when. For example..Goal: "To fully transition by the age of 25". That can be achieved many different ways. It may not be as easy as you'd like but if you have a goal you can plan towards it. One way to achieve that goal is to put transition on hold until you finish college...THEN you can go for it when you have your education out of the way.

[gagirl1]

i see what you're saying, Suzy. i'm putting off the transition for a few very good reasons, but it's so incredibly hard. i wish i could just take a time out and come back as a woman and finish up, without all the red tape. don't think that will happen, though.

[Mollyanne]

Hi Lizzy, Maybe this will be of some help; how about combining a little of both worlds. By this I mean just shortening your nails a bit and use clear polish, using just a bit of make-up; lets say a clear lipstick or clear gloss. You could "underdress" panties, thigh highs or maybe a cami(no bra). If this is not workable & it may not be then my advice would be to seek out a GOOD gender therapist and "let it all out" Hun, I am much older(not necessarily wiser) just older "been there" You will come to the right conclusion.

:love: Mollyanne

[deja true]

Oh, Lizzy and Jamie... this is too sad!

Though young un's have much more freedom of expression these days as opposed to when i spent an excruciating number of years in college, I can still understand what you're going through.

This obviously isn't just a hobby for either of you...and it must feel like your personal worlds are in a constant state of chaos. But I can only think of two distinct options. (There must be more, but for the life of me, they're just not coming up as obvious on my radar...)

As Lizzie said, you can take the time off from school so as not to jeopardize your future standings or careers. But there are a few problems there. Without that degree or career, you'll have a very hard time making enough to survive, much less continue on a path to transition. Forced to get a lower paid job just to make a living, the chances of ever getting back to finish the degree will get slimmer and slimmer as you get caught up in the work-a-day world. Not a good option, I think.

The other option, though harder, seems best to me. While I understand that neither Georgia or Texas are the ideal places to try to be yourself, it would benefit you tremendously if you could just bite the bullet and get yourself to concentrate on your studies and get through that purgatory as quickly as possible. That degree is gonna open up a much bigger financial door for you both and make your personal plans possible. Haven't we also seen the success of several here who have been able to transition successfully on the job with the help and support of their employers? The other option sees those plans receeding into the distance.

Counselling (generally available for free at state schools) could definitely help you both. Not so much because I think either of you are wacky, but because a sympathetic counsellor, familiar with the ways of the big colleges you attend, can help you plan programs that might relieve the stresses you're finding with your class work. They might also be able to smooth a path of acceptance for you with your instructors.

I know it's hard to have to wait for what you want. But if you recognize that your future lives, lived in happiness and satisfaction, are very dependent on a little discomfort in the here and now, you'll realize for yourselves that there really is only one course to take, uncomfortable though it is...

Successful transitioned professionals are much more useful to the rest of us than more unhappy, unfulfilled people. Make us proud, my lovelies!

repect and love (for whatever your decisions are!)

deja

:<3:

[MJ]

Hi Lizzy,
i have found the students here very accepting. why can't you go and study as Lizzy ?. why put off tomorrow what you can do today!! . i only wish i were in your shoes :hugs:

[Jonelle]

if you are planning on transitioning.. then college is the perfect place to do it.. go to class with the makeup on.. you are going to want the world to see you that way eventually.. and leaving college is a bad idea.. more often than not people who leave college never get back around to it..

just a thought

[Sally24]

I have to say you are going to have to work on alot more than just figuring out who you are. You're thinking about transitioning but can't even go to class with makeup or fake fingernails on?? Come on, most of these people you will never see again. I've been out of college over 30 years and I can count on one hand the number of people I have seen since graduation.

You do realize that most counselors/doctors will require you to do the Real Life Test. You'll have to live (and work) as a woman 24/7 for a year before they'll recomend surgury. That can be tough in as much as most do not pass too well at this stage (lack of experience with movement, makeup and voice). You have to decide if you've got the strength for this type of life. If not you'll have to settle for something less; part time t-girl, closeted CD, or something else.

You need to focus on finishing this semester. If you can't reconsile both your need to be female with your need to succeed in your schooling then you'll have to find a way to put your CDing on the back burner for now.

[Jonelle]

Well Said Sally

[Tomara]

Hi Lizzy and Jamie
I agree with Deja , there should be counseling available to you both to help you better understand your feelings and to help to find a balance to enjoy your femininity and do well in school .
If you do not find the help you would like in school I would highly recommend a therapist with experience in gender issues , I have been seeing one a it has been very helpful in better understanding this part of me.
I wish you both all the best , and hope this helps in some way.
:hugs: Tomara

[Angie G]

Snap out of the pink fog hun. Get the knowing then you can get the doing How much do you think tensing will cost you do you have that kind of monry for that and sckool you best do some real thinking hun.:hugs:
Angie

[Wendy me]

having had and still do have gender issues...... and i am over twice as old as you..... i would tell you get you schooling done first ...... you never know what life is going to throw your way....... gads talk to someone at the collage that might be able to help you out ..... look you do need to know who you are ..... but if you lose the chance to get your schooling ... your going to pay down the road in life......

[Brenda79135]

You have not said what you are majoring in. Have you looked at the on-line degree programs offer? There are some wonderful schools out there offering degrees in a wide range of subjects

[PamelaTX]

Some advice from the other side of the desk:

Don't ever miss class!

So what if you show up in makeup? or long pink fingernails? Most of your fellow students are too wrapped up in their own lives to notice, and of those who do notice, nobody will care!

Your professors have seen it all and won't care what you look like or what you're wearing as long as you show up.

Pay attention in class, and try to ask at least one reasonable question in every class. When it comes to making it through the course, your professors are your best friends. Talk to them about your problems. Some of them might be able to recommend counseling services to help you with your emotional problems.

College is important. Don't let your worries about being outed mess up your life.

[flacindycd]

having had and still do have gender issues...... and i am over twice as old as you..... i would tell you get you schooling done first ...... you never know what life is going to throw your way....... gads talk to someone at the collage that might be able to help you out ..... look you do need to know who you are ..... but if you lose the chance to get your schooling ... your going to pay down the road in life......

Wendy my dear YOU ARE SSSSOOOO CORRECT ON THIS 1...

[Kayla_CD]

Colleges and Universities are the most liberal places in the world. If you can't be yourself there, you can't do it anywhere. If you leave school to figure out who you are, all you'll do is figure out you're not ready for the world yet. Take advantage of all that school has to offer you right now: counsellors, friends, LGBT groups, clubs, and dance nights. I wish I was as far along with my self-knowledge as you are when I was in uni, I kick myself when I think of what I had then and didn't take advantage of. But you have to take your femme time and move it out the middle of the night to the appropriate venues. Balance is key.

I can't say it enough: Stick with school!

I've seen a lot of people, very good friends too, that have taken a year to "find themselves" and are still working part time afraid and unsure of how to get back. That year inevitably turns into two, three, then it's lost to you.

I had difficulty with my school as well, more because of the amount of time I spent at the bar. So, I lightened my course load. I took an extra year to finish my degree. Now I have two degrees and I'm working full time at 26. Slowing down is a good idea, but don't give yourself the option of stopping.

Best of luck, and I hope to hear about your incredible successes in a couple of years.

[Nicole Erin]

Well, if you are worried about your gender -
Don't waste money on some "therapist" cause they are expensive and they don't know any more about our condition than we do. They are crooks.
YOU need to decide how you want to live your life. Don't go looking in the TS "support" forums or whatever cause all's they do is complain about who is or who isn't *really* TS. Trust me on this one.

And if you came out as who you really are, things would be easier. There would be the initial questions and stupid reactions but people would soon get over it, unless they are truely dumb-ass rednecks or imbreds, then they act shocked every time you wear a new outfit.

If you are worried about school -The sad thing about school is that it doesn't help get you a better job. People who get better jobs get them cause they have experience. I have a degree in IT and guess what I do? I work in a factory, doing mindless repetitive work that hurts my legs and back. Yes I have looked for better jobs, but there are so many IT people...

People who say "college helps get you a job" and just repeating what they have heard. I have been turned down for promotions because someone else had seniority. Why do you think mindless idiots get promotions or are the boss? Cause they have been there a while, it has nothing to do with a degree.

Almost all the people I know who are my age and have good jobs never finished their degree.
Of course the college commercials don't want you to know that, they just paint a pretty picture, trying to sell something useless. It is no different than selling anything else, they will say what you want to hear to get your money...

Look, do'nt take my word for it, but please do some research and talk to people in decent jobs and see what they have to say. I bet you most of them never finished school but they DO have seniority and experience.

F*** school. I know what I said here goes against what everyone else said but seriously, look into it, find out the facts by talking to people your age or in their late 20's early 30's. I am not saying going to school is wrong, but keep in mind it doesn't guarantee a better job, all it guarantees is that you will have a lot of student debt unless you are going on a Pell grant or otherwise for free.

If I had known that at 30 something I would be doing a job where one doesn't even need to speak English, I would have dropped out when I was 16 and partied hard.

[Annie D]

I agree with those who said STAY IN SCHOOL ! I cannot think of an environment that would be more tolerant to someone "different" than a college campus. After the third day of attending a particular class, no one will bat an eye and they will talk to you the same amount that they are talking to you now and with regular attendance your classmates may talk to you even more!

In my opinon, you won't have to go whole hog in your dressing. Good grief, wear what the other girls are wearing to class. My bet is that they are wearing jean shorts or jeans, tennis shoes or sandals, a pull over top of either a t-shirt or sweatshirt. The accessories are what is going set you apart; bracelet, rings, scarf, larger earrings, toenails polished and a purse that you can feel comfortable with. Clean shaven and light make up and a light lipstick will allow you to safely walk around campus. Stay with a group and don't walk alone because alone you can be more easily become a target, in a group, bullies are less likely to pick on you.

STAY IN SCHOOL and become the person you want to become. Good Luck!

[sherri]

Look hun, most of us who started dressing late in life wish we'd done this when we were your age. But life has its realities, one of which is that most "trannies" have very hard lives because they lack the skills to overcome the problems inherent in their choices. So it's up to your generation, and the next one, to change things for the better, and that starts with you being able to make a good living for yourself in an honorable profession as a fully outed TG. Right now you are being really myopic and it's going to cost you dearly for the rest of your life, so splash some cold water on your face, snap out of your pink fog and read on ...


i'm seriously considering just working to support myself and transitioning then coming back to school after.
Exactly how are you going to support yourself in makeup and a skirt, and cover the costs of transitioning and tuition, with no college degree? You won't even be able to get a job flipping burgers. Hey, I know, you can work the night shift at your local porn store for minimum wage! And odds are, you'll never make it back to college, so even if you manage to transition, you'll be on welfare or working the sex trade until you're too old and washed up, then you get to be a homeless person. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan.


ok, let me clarify, i'm failing because i can't go to class b/c i have makeup on. not from that day, but from the night before.
That's a BS reason if I ever heard one. Get your a** out of bed, wash off the makeup and get your butt to class. Geez, grow up.


i was so terrified of people seeing my fake nails that i missed almost an entire week of school.I will grant you that kids your age can be brutal, but they also tend to lighten up once they get used to you and begin to understand you a little bit. As long as they think you're just a sissy pervert, you're going to get hassled, but maybe if they see that you're a "legit" TG with a good head on her shoulders, serious about her education and her life, you'll make some friends and get a little acceptance and support. And if you can't find that acceptance at your school, maybe you need to think about going somewhere else.


good lord, i want to curb this so i can just go to school like a normal person, but i can't. any advice would help. anything at all. thank you.Baloney. You can do just about anything for a little while. Get this thing under control long enough to get your grades straightened out, then get serious about an intelligent approach to transitioning. The two things -- school and transitioning -- aren't necessarily going to be easy, but they don't have to be mutually exclusive. They are doable, so get smart, get some help if you need it, and get 'er done without all the excuses and self-pity. Go talk to your counsellor and your professors, tell them what's been going on, and let them help you come up with a plan.

You better get tougher, cuz you're gonna need it, kid.

[Di]

Hon everyone gave you great ideas so more or less saying the same thing as everyone else just adding I know its hard but you will be thankfull later in life Make a choice...come out and be yourself see the school counsellor, for help and get to your classes OR get some kind of BALANCE and get to your classes. I would not as you said" transitioning then coming back to school" most do not go back. Best wishes!

[Kayla_CD]

If you are worried about school -The sad thing about school is that it doesn't help get you a better job. People who get better jobs get them cause they have experience. I have a degree in IT and guess what I do? I work in a factory, doing mindless repetitive work that hurts my legs and back. Yes I have looked for better jobs, but there are so many IT people...

People who say "college helps get you a job" and just repeating what they have heard. I have been turned down for promotions because someone else had seniority. Why do you think mindless idiots get promotions or are the boss? Cause they have been there a while, it has nothing to do with a degree.

Almost all the people I know who are my age and have good jobs never finished their degree.
Of course the college commercials don't want you to know that, they just paint a pretty picture, trying to sell something useless. It is no different than selling anything else, they will say what you want to hear to get your money...

Look, do'nt take my word for it, but please do some research and talk to people in decent jobs and see what they have to say. I bet you most of them never finished school but they DO have seniority and experience.

F*** school. I know what I said here goes against what everyone else said but seriously, look into it, find out the facts by talking to people your age or in their late 20's early 30's. I am not saying going to school is wrong, but keep in mind it doesn't guarantee a better job, all it guarantees is that you will have a lot of student debt unless you are going on a Pell grant or otherwise for free.

If I had known that at 30 something I would be doing a job where one doesn't even need to speak English, I would have dropped out when I was 16 and partied hard.

I can't believe I'm reading this. :Angry3: Your one bad experience is not enough to tell someone to throw their life away and get a factory job. I got where I am by working hard and getting the appropriate education. My gf worked as a telemarketer for four years before she went back to school and got her degree, which led her to full-time with a MUCH better salary.

Get the facts? It's a fact that people with Bachelor's degrees make on average 5 to 10 thousand more a year for doing the exact same job.

Education opens so many doors for you. Why settle for minimum wage when you can reach for something you really want? And if it's been years and years of the same crap, maybe it's time for a change of pace.
:2c:

[TxKimberly]

My advice is Education first. Here is the harsh reality - transitioning costs a great deal of money. Living, eating, having a home after you transition is also expensive. If you do not have a degree, you will not be able to afford these things.
As we are talking about the rest of your life, I will also not pull this punch. Your odds of getting a well paying job as a TS are not real stellar. I'm sure there are exceptions but as a general rule, your being an "out" TS is going to make it hard enough to get the job and career you want, and if you don't have a degree, you will be making it ever so much harder.
I am not so old that I don't remember how it felt to be in your shoes. Once bit of advice that old people (people the age I am now. lol) used to give me that annoyed me, was to be patient. At your age a year seems like such a long time. At my age a year flies by so fast that it's annoying.
My point? This is a very brief but critical time in your life. The education that you do or don't get right now will have a major impact on the career options that you will have for the rest of your life. The ability to earn an income clearly decides the quality and options for the rest of your life.
Please, please, please trust an old fart just this one time. Stay in school ladies.
Don't put it off.
Don't delay it.
Don't tell yourself "I'll just get this out of the way and then go back to school."
Do what ever it takes to get your degree now. Put TG aside if you have to, or bring it to the front and start going to school Femme - do what ever you have to but STAY IN SCHOOL AND GET THAT DEGREE!



. . . If you are worried about school -The sad thing about school is that it doesn't help get you a better job. . .

. . . keep in mind it doesn't guarantee a better job . . .

MileErin has made the point that a degree does not guarantee you a good job or career. I'll grant her that point, but I think you need to flip it over and look at it the other way.

While having a degree doesn't necessarily guarantee you a job you will like, NOT having a degree is pretty much going to guarantee that you will not have the option.

[PamelaTX]

If you are worried about school -The sad thing about school is that it doesn't help get you a better job. People who get better jobs get them cause they have experience. I have a degree in IT and guess what I do? I work in a factory, doing mindless repetitive work that hurts my legs and back. Yes I have looked for better jobs, but there are so many IT people...


Well, Erin, I think you just gave up too soon. None of my former students are working in factories. Name a major corporation and I'll bet you I have at least one former student working there. I'd be willing to bet that I have at least one former student who helped design the computer you are using to post on this bulletin board, probably several. I have former students who are doctors, lawyers, professors, politicians, you name it.

Back in 1972 I got out of the army. Before joining the army I had worked at every crappy job you can imagine: factory work, construction, washing dishes, pumping gas, etc. etc. etc. But I was educated as a computer programmer, and I made up my mind that I wasn't going to settle for anything else. I was living with my parents and drawing unemployment for months. My father kept telling me that the local factory, where everyone in town worked, was hiring and paying good money. He asked me, "You like to earn money. Why don't you go work there until you find a computer job? Why do you hang around here all day sending out resumes?" My answer was "Because I'm a computer programmer, not a factory worker." I stuck to my guns, and eventually I found a programming job. It was 60 hours a week for lousy pay. The factory would have paid better for less work. But eventually I worked my way up to senior systems programmer with a very good salary. Then I quit and went back to school and got two more degrees, and ...

Well you get the point.

[Shelly Preston]

I agree with most of what has already been said

School is the first priority

You have to make everything else fit around that first

That might mean talking with counsellors and maybe even attending classes as a girl but take things one step at a time

As much as it may not seem like it you have your whole life ahead of you

good luck :hugs:

[Jaydee]

I'll add my 2 cents. Break out of the Pink Fog. MlleErin, not withstanding, a college degree opens up a lot of doors and provides a much greater probability of financial security. Let me also tell you that for most people there is a very narrow window of opportunity to get that degree. If you leave school now, you will find that life will get in your way trying to return. You will soon have financial and personal obligations that make going back to school all that much more difficult. I agree with Kimberly, it will be harder to find a job as an open TS.
Find a way to express your needs now, either by underdressing (which I did), or counseling, but don't let this opportunity slip away. Colleges are about the most accepting environments in society, and most of the other students are too wrapped up in them selves to care what you are doing or wearing, so relax about that. Please for your own sake get back in the books, there is plenty of life after college.

Jaydee

[Nicole Erin]

While having a degree doesn't necessarily guarantee you a job you will like, NOT having a degree is pretty much going to guarantee that you will not have the option.

My nephew is a high school drop out and works in an office. Of course it is the same pay that I get which is not quite minimum but pretty lousy pay nonetheless. His dad got him the job, he lucked out...

My boss who makes more than twice my pay "almost" has a 2 year degree in business. I don't know why but he never finished. He is my age.

I have a friend here in town who is 28 years old and a network administrator who had some classes in college but never finished.

My big sister makes a little more than twice what I do and dropped out of high school. She is way cool of course and has been with the company like 20 something years

So granted my nephew had a good job handed to him, that doesn't count.
The other 3 don't have any great education to speak of and are doing well.

And yes I have looked for better jobs. Quite often in fact. Typically the response I get, when asking about an interview, is this - "We have had 300 applications this week and have invited only 2 people for an interview...
Go to this careerbuilder sites and I get tons of offers for sales jobs. :brolleyes: I couldn't sell ice water in hell.

[Jamie S.]

Look hun, most of us who started dressing late in life wish we'd done this when we were your age. But life has its realities, one of which is that most "trannies" have very hard lives because they lack the skills to overcome the problems inherent in their choices. So it's up to your generation, and the next one, to change things for the better, and that starts with you being able to make a good living for yourself in an honorable profession as a fully outed TG. Right now you are being really myopic and it's going to cost you dearly for the rest of your life, so splash some cold water on your face, snap out of your pink fog and read on ...


Exactly how are you going to support yourself in makeup and a skirt, and cover the costs of transitioning and tuition, with no college degree? You won't even be able to get a job flipping burgers. Hey, I know, you can work the night shift at your local porn store for minimum wage! And odds are, you'll never make it back to college, so even if you manage to transition, you'll be on welfare or working the sex trade until you're too old and washed up, then you get to be a homeless person. Yeah, that sounds like a great plan.


That's a BS reason if I ever heard one. Get your a** out of bed, wash off the makeup and get your butt to class. Geez, grow up.

I will grant you that kids your age can be brutal, but they also tend to lighten up once they get used to you and begin to understand you a little bit. As long as they think you're just a sissy pervert, you're going to get hassled, but maybe if they see that you're a "legit" TG with a good head on her shoulders, serious about her education and her life, you'll make some friends and get a little acceptance and support. And if you can't find that acceptance at your school, maybe you need to think about going somewhere else.

Baloney. You can do just about anything for a little while. Get this thing under control long enough to get your grades straightened out, then get serious about an intelligent approach to transitioning. The two things -- school and transitioning -- aren't necessarily going to be easy, but they don't have to be mutually exclusive. They are doable, so get smart, get some help if you need it, and get 'er done without all the excuses and self-pity. Go talk to your counsellor and your professors, tell them what's been going on, and let them help you come up with a plan.

You better get tougher, cuz you're gonna need it, kid.

Most of you have been very polite and tried to be helpful with your responses in this thread, but I felt that the above was a very rude response.

I'm going through a similiar situation to what gagirl is going through and it's very difficult to pay 500 rent plus another 150 in utilities, school and a severely damaged car. Unlike some, My parents can't and don't pay these things for me (the exception being that they helped out on half of my 700 dollar car repairs) so you can imagine that all this plus food and other things gets to be very daunting. Tack onto that severe anxiety, depression, and GID and you've got yourself a winning combo of many sleepless nights (much like this one).

Things are not black and white and while college is important, it's also important to realize that simply putting our GID on the backburner is easier said than done. I've tried to the last few years and all it has done is make my life increasingly unbearable to the point of me not caring about alot things anymore. I remain in college regardless, but my performance both there and at work are lackluster at best.

My point being, yes like sucks and is unfair. I'm not trying to excuse mine or anyone else's behavior, but some of you have to realize that this isn't easy in the least. To say that we're being lazy and that we need to buck up and forgot our the silliness that is our GID for awhile is a tad condescending, even if the intention behind the statement was meant to help.

[docrobbysherry]

When I was young, and needed to make a major decision, I developed a technique that has worked for me my whole life. I took off for awhile. Usually, on a vacation far away. Away from family, friends, and everything I was comfortable with. Being surrounded with unfamiliar people, enviornments, and situations was/is VERY distracting! I was/am able to completely relax and concentrate on JUST LIVING DAY TO DAY. With no conscious thots of home, and the decisions needing to be made.
Usually, on returning home, I KNEW exactly what I wanted to do, and moved on with my life with no hesitation or regrets!
Sometimes u r too close to a situation to be able to make an unbiased decision about it. Getting away, may give u the space u need to figure out what u really want to do!

My 22 y/o daughter dropped out of the colleges we urged her to attend, twice. Because of boredom and uncertainty of what she wanted to do, I think. Two years later, she has now settled down with a fiance and just started at a design college. All by herself, she researched what she wanted to do, and where she could learn what she needed to, to accomplish her new goals.

Despite what others say, some people DO go back to school when they're more settled in their lives! After the war, I went back at age 26.
U can , too. U can do whatever u want! It's YOUR life! Don't ever forget that!:)

[Ms. Wanda]

While I see many comments here that are supportive in alot of ways....I have to add that everyones life is different, even though alot of us share the same gender issues both young and old. Your own set of circumstances require there own set of reactions, and you must first and foremost be ok inside your own body and mind before anything else will work out well.
I am 43 and just now going back to graduate school. Education is available in many ways nowdays and pigeonholeing yourself into thinking that a degree is now or never is very detrimental IMO. Sexuality in america is rapidly changing for the better, and all of us here in this slice of the giant sexuality pie need to continue to move forward in being who we are and getting to know ourselves. If you can be comfortable with who you are, and in your day to day life, then everything will come if you move in that direction. Its often hard to look beyond the blinders, to realize everything doesnt have to happen right this minute. But if you ignore who you are, you will struggle the rest of your life.

[Tracii G]

Well I have two degrees BA and BS and those two while nice never got me the job I desired.Nothing in the field payed squat still doesn't 30 years later.so I got into a trade that pays very well.
Education is very important but pick a field that you know will be lucrative in the near future.
Do stay in school and try to get some balance in life.Balance is the key here letting one part of your life rule the other is not a good thing Ive been there.
School is hard and it should be,go to class and learn. Make the CD part of you take a back burner thru the week and let it out on the weekend.
Gags if you need to talk P.M.me some time.

[LilSissyStevie]

When I was in school I would go through periods of stress and burnout where I just couldn't bring myself to write another paper about some subject that I couldn't force myself to care about. I would read a chapter in a textbook and suddenly realize I had no recollection of anything I just read. It may as well have been random words on a page. I would spend hours in futile "activity" only to realize that I had accomplished nothing. The thoughts would swirl about in my head but I could never quite grab onto any of them and it would usually end in tears of frustration. Then, whenever possible, I would drop a class rather than get a bad grade.

In order to divert my attention from having to deal with the problem, I would usually become obsessed with something non-related to my studies. Sometimes I'd become obsessed with learning a new technique on the guitar or banjo. Then I would practice every available moment until I got it right. Other times it might be crossdressing or addiction to porn. I spent my weekends, when I should have been studying, driving around Southern California hunting down recordings of music by obscure Baroque and Renaissance composers. One time I decided to memorize the entire body of extant Bach cantatas so that I could identify any cantata from hearing only part of one of its movements.LOL. I would do anything, ANYTHING to avoid writing that paper. I wonder if you might be going through something like that.

I did drop out of school, not once but twice. The first time it took me years to get back. The second time it took me a year and a half. I think it would have been better if I could have stuck it out and muddled through just to get it behind me. To be honest, my degree hasn't helped me much in my career. I rose through the ranks in my profession because people assumed I finished my degree. I finished more for self satisfaction than for necessity.

Your gender issues are most likely long-term. Chances are, just like everything else in life, they will never be completely resolved. School is short-term. It is your immediate task. Hopefully, you can do a better job than I did in getting your priorities straight. Get the immediate tasks out of the way NOW and you will have plenty of time later to deal with the long-term issues.

[TommiTN]

Having a degree in something isn't as important as having a degree in anything. You could have a degree in basket weaving and still have a better chance of landing decent employment than you would if you lack a degree. These days you almost need a bachelor's just to sweep floors. What a degree shows to a hiring manager is that you have enough focus and self discipline to get the damned thing in the first place.

[Maddie22]

Hey Gagirl and Jamie S.
I know exactly what you two are going through and more. I'm 28 and a returning college student (Undergrad) at the University of Tennessee. I started at UT when I was just 18. I couldn't handle school when I first got here. When I first started there I didn't realize how strong the feelings I had were. I was never able to put it together that I was Transgendered or a CD. I didn't do well, partied alot, was really depressed and so on. I dropped out (flunked out) and starting serving and bartending around town. I realized after years of serving and bartending that I needed to go back to school. So I went to the local Community College and got back in to UT where I am now. This is also when I have figured out that I'm a CD/Transgendered. It still is difficult to keep going through school, but you have to do it. For those people that say you don't need college, they don't know what they are talking about. I'm not saying that with a college degree you will automaticly have a great job. You need to get internships and experience and seek out the resources that the University gives you, Both professionaly and socialy.
It might be helpful to check out the Lamnda Student Union. I know here at UT they have a no outing policy. Where if you want to participate with out being outed you are able to. Also, state schools offer free counseling. I went through this last semester, and it helped a lot.
If you concentrate and focus on some sort of career, this can be a way to help you move to a more socialy liberal place where you can come out more, and have more opportunity for money.
I know how it is for the money aspect, I work 2 jobs, and go to school, pay rent, a car payment, and bills. It sucks. I worked my ass of the last two semesters raising my grades to a 3.4 THis semester hasn't been as good to me, but I'm going to pull it out and work my ass off.
The way I look at things is, I'm getting good experience at one of my jobs, I'm activly seeking and researching internships. After I graduate I know I can get a good job, where I can help pay off loans, live better than I am living now, in a city that I want to be in, where I can afford to transition (maybe not fully) to a point physicaly and be at a point emotionaly where I like to be. I know it is hard because I can not dress nearly the amoutn I'd like to right now. But I'm looking at it from a big picture point of view.
If you two want to talk to me about anything at all, feel free to. I might be 28, but really I'm just a 21 year old with 8 extra years of college expereince (and thank god I look between a 21 and 24 year old it helps me keep going)

Stay in school as hard as it is. Make a mental bet with yourself that you do have what it takes to keep going, seek help both career wise and socialy wise, take advantages of those University Resources, and have a goal for after graduation. I know its a lot easier than it sounds. The biggest thing is, DON'T flunk out. If you do need to take time off make sure you are in good academic standing, and that you can return at any time.

And feel free to ask me anything.

[Zenith]

Your education is something that can never be taken from you...most everything else...family, friends, job can be taken from you when you transition.

School is number one...going back never works out the way you think and it's twice as hard...time is on your side...if you don't have hormone blockers before puberty, then transitioning at 20-30 maybe up to early 40s has the same probability for success...

:2c:

[fluffy_kingston]

Follow your heart.

[Marjory]

Took me 13 years to finish college, had a war get in the way and my CDing didn't help. I had a good job which became better after graduating. With the degree it kept improving to a very comfortable lifestyle... I don't have to shop at payless for shoes(nothing wrong with that, I just have expensive tastes.

[gagirl1]

Tack onto that severe anxiety, depression, and GID and you've got yourself a winning combo of many sleepless nights (much like this one).



That's almost exactly what I'm going through, except with lots more debt, and no job b/c I chose a school that's got one of the highest unemployment rates in the country and is one of the poorest (I'm talking top 5 people). I'm currently going to group therapy at my school and I'm trying to get a hold of a gender therapist on campus, but she is very busy.

After reading through all those responses I can kinda see how it would be a bad idea for me to drop out and try to transition. It would just be too difficult financially. I am an engineering major at the moment, for those that asked. For me, I need the degree to get anywhere in my field. Yes, I can get the certification without a degree, but like everyone has said, the degree helps. I think I'm just gonna have to bury it down for a while. The more I think about my gender, the more confused and distracted I get. I like the weekend idea, though. Me and some friends are going to try and get a 'safe house' here for TG people that want to be themselves without fear of being harassed. I think that will help greatly, being a part of that and being able to express myself on a regular basis. Class, I'm not ready for that yet. I'm terribly self conscious and would rather hide it than risk getting bullied or being made fun of. I don't want to be seen as a freak, and that's what scares me the most. I'm not completely confident with it and I don't think people would react well at my school. Lots of ignorant frat boys. Anyways, that's my rant for the day. Thanks everyone for giving such good responses (well, almost everyone, won't name names). I gotta go read a play and write a paper now. See you ladies later.

[Zenith]

Good for YOU!!!:cheer::cheer::cheer::cheer::cheer::cheer::c heer::cheer::cheer::cheer::cheer:

[Tracii G]

Lizzy I think Becca hit on some great points she has/ is going thru it and who should know better huh?Some very wise insights.
The only one who can help you is you.
Love ya gags If you need me I'm a P.M.away.
The safe house is a good idea IMO.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I flunked out of college, in part to being trans and feeling so alone, and not being able to dress. (There were lots of other issues besides the trans, it wasn't only the trans) I regret that every day. Because if I had made it, I'd be more economically well off and able to bankroll a transition.

So focus on your education, that doesn't mean you can't explore trans stuff. College (even in georgia, maybe head to Athens or Atlanta?) is probably a good time for that. I'm reminded of that song/rhyme:

I'm a ramblin wreck from Georgia Tech, and a helluva engineer.

Once you're an engineer with a degree you'll have more options. Relocating, getting a job at a trans friendly company that sort of thing.

Veronica
Rondelle (Ron) Rogers Jr.

[gagirl1]

ok, so i'm waiting to hear from a therapist here at school. hopefully i'll have my intake done in the next week or so. i'll try to remember to keep everyone updated.

[Kayla_CD]

ok, so i'm waiting to hear from a therapist here at school. hopefully i'll have my intake done in the next week or so. i'll try to remember to keep everyone updated.

More than anything else, you thought out loud while others (myself included) argued about the merits of a university education. Now you (not us) are making the strides to get where you want to be. Way to go, hun! :hugs:

[gagirl1]

well it's just a small step. i still have a long long long way to go. but, it does feel good to get the ball rolling.

[VictoriaP]

Sweetie, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, because you are going through a very difficult time. Here is my advice: stay in school; I met a professor when I was in college 30 years ago that helped me deal with my female side, so you never know who fate will bring you to, or to you, but college is a place by nature for introspection and discovery; find a
counselor, all colleges and universities have services available for their students; lastly,
RELAX; enjoy your time in college, wear make-up, talk to your friends about this, if they reject you they were not truly friends anyway, if they seek to understand and help you understand they are true friends; wear the clothes you feel comfortable wearing. Your life
is in front of you; you are fortunate(although I am sure you do not feel so) that you can begin to live your life as your true self now. Best wishes and please let us know how you are doing from time to time.
Vicky

[Kim_Bitzflick]

Lizzie,

Here's my :2c: worth.

To sum up my long explaination below

1. Talk with a school counselor in private about your desires to transition & school.

2. Worry about what will make you happy the REST OF YOUR LIFE.

3. Take a self defense course (dressed enfemme) a lot of universities provide these for free.

Here's the long version:

I agree that the university SHOULD be a place where you can express yourself by dressing and presenting as a woman BUT I also understand the intrepidation (fear - big goons that may want to hurt you, etc.). In my opinion, half of college is about finding out who you are and 1/2 about "the piece of paper". Before you quit school, talk with the school therapist about how you could attend school & start a transition.

As for the "piece of paper", it can go both ways. There is no "one size fits all" here. You can be very successful with the paper OR very successful without it. It all depends on YOU. My brother-in-law is very successful with only 2 years of college making about $150,000 to $200,000 per year. My brother has a "piece of paper" and makes only about $60,000 per year.

That being said, I have that "piece of paper" and I'm glad I do. But remember,

It's not the paper. IT'S THE PERSON. It's not the money, it's what YOU will be happy being & doing the rest of your life. If what you want to do the rest of your life requires the piece of paper, get it NOW.

Good Luck.

P.S.
I'm an engineer working in Greenville SC. If you are anywhere close & would like to talk, send me a PM.

[Alex!]

This is a VERY serious issue, and I'm not sure what to say but want to weigh in because I can only imagine how difficult it is for you and others with similar circumstances.

I HIGHLY recommend continuing with your studies. You can shore up the CD bit quite nicely with some practice, frankly. If you are having gender identity issues, it is possible to receive help from groups on campus. Also, I disagree that therapists are crooks, as someone pointed out. Some are bad and others are good and most are in between. But if transitioning is in your future, the hormones and surgery will not take place without therapy, at least in the U.S. You can purchase hormones underground, but that is very dangerous.

Anyway, I have a graduate degree and work in the aerospace field (and believe me, school is not something I really enjoyed). I also served in the military and worked several blue collar jobs while going to school. There were many times I wondered how the hell I was going to make ends meet. Only recently has life been very good. Throughout, I did crossdress and this provided some relief, even though I was totally in the closet (though I did not CD in the military for security reasons).

Aim high. Never aim low. That's just pathetic, and you deserve better. Also, the stakes in this world are higher than in the past. You may not necessarily get a high-paying job with a degree, but you have more options. Like Kim said - it's more about the person than the degree (I know folks with degrees that are dumber than doorknobs). A degree is a special key that opens doors not available to most.

IGNORE those who discourage you from learning more, whether this is college or vocational training or whatever. Such advice is outrageous! It's a cliche, but true - knowledge is power.

[marny]

It ain't easy being green. Kermit the frog!

[PortiaHoney]

I wish I could have had all of this wonderful support (mostly) when I was going through the same situation. Some of the harsher words just show how tough some of us have done it.

I had a promising future and everybody had really high expectations of what I would end up becoming (including me). I kept my personal desires well and truly locked up but lost interest in everything. Fear kept me from being who I wanted to be. Fear of bullies, peoples opinions, getting caught out (still having traces of make-up on when you're just trying to be one of the guys), my own perception of who I was and what it was I REALLY wanted. It can all be very confusing. I just kept going in circles. Failing at school because I couldn't focus, I dropped out. I felt I couldn't be who I wanted to be so nothing else held any importance. Had a very interesting work career though doing everything from cleaning toilets to sales work. All jobs that don't require certification. In a pretty comfortable place at the moment but issues at work may mean I may be looking for another job soon. (Not gender related)

Sticking at school sounds great and the prospect of getting that all important "piece of paper" may mean better work propects, but you said you may flunk again resulting in being locked out altogether. Not a good option. Knuckling down and putting the gender issue under wraps can work but requires immense self control, especially when it always sneaks up on you when you least expect it.

It sounds like you have found yourself a good support group in your friends and seeking out help available at school. However, sometimes we feed off each others feelings and it can complicate our own views on our own situation.

Some of the ladies here have made great career's for themselves, some have had it tough. I hope for your sake that you use all of the resources available to come to a decision about who you are. Whether you decide you are TS/TG/TV/CD and you commit to fitting one description, don't be surprised if it is all fluid and changes at a moments notice. When you realise it's not about the description, but how you feel, then you can concentrate on the less important choices like career/family/etc. Of course, some of these options are not reversable, but hopefully you would know if you have made the right decision before that point.

Time off may be a good option, but sometimes it puts off the inevitable decision and you may come back to find that nothing has changed - it's just another year later. Don't just become an empty shell of no use to anyone, including yourself.

I wish you every happiness and the comfort of discovering who you really are.:hugs:

[Jennifer in CO]

ok...gotta add another 2 cents worth...thats at least a dollar or two so far on this thread right?

I went to college in 1975 straight out of HS. At that point I felt like that I knew I wanted to be a girl but wasn't sure how to do it. In that day and time GID/counseling was the ole traditional shrink to "cure" you not help you so I knew I wasn't going there (based on the stories I been able to read up to then and I didn't have money for a shrink anyway). So, my next best thought was to dress that way without being that way. Since I was in Colorado, I knew dresses and things short or revealing were out (it gets kinda nippy here in the winter). I went with "boyish" fem clothing full time. Nothing that "said" girl, but all my jeans/slacks, t-shirts, tops and shoes were girls. I grew and shaped my nails. My hair within about 8 months was touching my shoulder blades and straight but a fem cut on the bottom (but in a pony tail most of the time anyway). I used the guys restrooms (although I would use the girls when no one was around). I didn't wear makeup. In theater in HS the girls doing our makeup before the play would always tell me they didn't have to do much if anything to me...and they were always jealous of my long, up-curled eye lashes (wasted on a boy they'd lament). Now-a-days they'd call me a girlyboy or Metro-sexual but then no one really said anything to me. I met my girlfriend/wife during this time. She was confused herself that she was attracted to another woman and relieved when she found out I was a guy. That told me that even tho I had been presenting myself as a guy, the world around me thought I was a girl based on the visual signals I was sending out. In essence, I had the best of both worlds and didn't know it or should say that I had what I wanted and didn't know it. I was living my life the way I wanted to. I had transitioned and didn't know it. I really didn't change much after meeting my future wife and since "out" Lesbians were not heard of much at that time, people must of assumed ( I assume anyway...maybe not?) that I was a guy after that.

All of this said to say this...the piece of paper may or may not be important to you in your future. But if you don't' get it, you close off a whole realm of possibilities and doors that could be open for you in the future. Get the degree (or degrees). BUT...BUT... be yourself getting there. FIND yourself a comfort zone that you can present yourself as "you" to the world. If you have confidence in yourself, you could go to class dressed as a clown and become well educated AND accepted as who you are. If your wearing mascara from the night before, so what?...add some more before the lecture starts. If someone asks "are you wearing mascara" you can reply "yes...do you need to borrow some?"...or you can reply "dang-it!!! she did it again to me!!" if you really feel you need to.

Both of you (and everyone else in this situation), be yourself and be confident in who you are. FIND something about yourself to be confident in and start there if you need somewhere to start. Once you start, you'll never give up.

Jenn

[Molly Wells]

Good words, PamelaTX. My personal experience was working in a chemical plant for a number of years, watching the ones with degrees get the better and higher paying jobs. I quit, went to school and got a 2yr degree. This allowed me to earn enough to make a living. Later I returned to school through distance education and completed my Bachelors degree. This resulted in a job offer in the mid to high 5 figure range, more than doubling my salary at the time. I am currently working to complete my Masters degree. Oh, by the way, I was 55 when I completed my Bachelors. Bottom line is this, education and a good work ethic will result in better opportunities for advancement and income, even when you get older! And, it makes it much easier to enjoy and indulge in your passions!

[gagirl1]

i've got good news and bad news. bad news first: the therapist i contacted has a completely full schedule, but she is going to try and find a referral in my price range.
good news: looks like i'm going to pull it off this semester, if I don't screw up anymore. i caught a lucky break, and hopefully that will allow me to stay in school